Post Race!

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff. -- Mariah Carey

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them
unsafe. -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the
school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David
Steele to the post. --Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington,
Rhode Island

The problem with some people is that when
they aren't drunk, they're sober.

--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be
drunk to spend time with his fools.

--Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to
keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemingway

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the
temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

--Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

--Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to
pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure,
hooking up with fat, hairy girls.

-- Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even
have the decency to thank her.

--W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I
gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of
life, so get wasted all of the time and have the
time of your life.

-- Michelle Mastrolacasa

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?

--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to
heaven!

-- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have
a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some
kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but
at the very least you need a beer.

--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out
of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

--Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while
drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in
the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you
that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

--Dave Barry