Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
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Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Okay...your turn!
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It's not pretty being easy.
One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in.
He was good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the
following Sunday.
"9:30 okay?"
"Fine," George said, "but I may be a few minutes late."
The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that, he played
left-handed and beat them. They agreed to meet the following Sunday morning.
George was eager to come, but again, mentioned that he might be a few minutes
late. The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he
played right-handed and beat them again.
"You on for next Sunday, George?" one of the foursome asked.
"Sure," George replied, "but I might be a few..."
Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute... You always say you might
be late, but you're always right on time, and you always win, left-handed
*or* right-handed."
"Well," George replied, rather sheepishly, "that's true, but see, I'm
superstitious. If my wife is sleeping on her right, when I wake up, I play
right handed. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left handed."
"What if she's lying on her back?"
George said, "That's when I'm late."
The reason that sex is so popular is that it's centrally located.
Get your bytes from our backend!
-- Britton Lee
Sodomy is a pain in the ass.
small, adj.:
Is it in yet?
Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
-- Mae West
spinster, n.:
A bachelor's wife.
A hunter saved a native boy from a boa constrictor. In gratitude, the boy gave
the hunter a magic gorilla *****. The lad said the ***** would do anything you
told it to do until you told it to do something else. When the hunter returned
home to England, he put the magic gorilla ***** on the mantle along with some
of his other trophies. His wife thought it quaint and his story charming. But
soon, the hunter went a-safariing again. He was away for months. One evening,
the woman eyed the MGP carefully and whispered, "Gorilla *****, **** me."
Whereupon the thing jumped off the mantle and began to bang her with great
thoroughness and ferocity. For the first twenty minutes it was pure heaven,
but after the next few minutes it became fatiguing, and she said, "Stop it,
Gorilla *****," but it didn't. After a bit more she was screaming "Stop!
Stop!" at the thing and trying to pull it out of her smoking hole. But nothing
worked. Finally, the butler bursts into the room, summoned by her screams.
"Saunders, help me please!"
"But what is it, Madame?"
"It's a Magic Gorilla *****!"
"Gorilla *****, my ass!! ... AAAaaeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii!!!!!!"
We've all heard about the woman who married a Field Service engineer but
divorced him after one day because he'd done nothing on their wedding night
but promise to have it up in 15 minutes. What few people realize is that the
poor man was in the bathroom all night, masturbating furiously, muttering
"I just don't understand, it passes all the diagnostics!"