Bush Humor Anyone?

George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to
spend his first
night in the White House, but something very strange
happened. On the
very first night, he was awakened by George
Washington's ghost. Bush
asked the ghost, "President Washington, what is the
best thing I could
do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,"
advised
Washington.

With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still
couldn't sleep
well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of
Thomas Jefferson moved
through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing
I could do to
help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,"
Jefferson answered.
Bush still couldn't sleep well, and much later he saw
another ghostly
figure moving in the shadows.

It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the
country?" Bush
asked.

Lincoln replied, "Go see a play."

http://www.cunninghamstrikes.com

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush, Jr.

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a
mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 12/6/93

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good
judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr. to Sam Donaldson,


"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
...George W. Bush, Jr.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is
oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/22/98

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 11/30/96

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not
occur."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

:rolleyes:

:) :) :) :)

BREAKING NEWS

A Zimbabwean politician was quoted as saying that children should study the US election event closely because it shows that election fraud is not only a third world phenomenon. To illustrate the point, he made the following comments:

1. Imagine that we read of an election occurring anywhere in the third world in which the self-declared winner was the son of the former prime minister and that former prime minister was himself the former head of that nation's secret police (the CIA).

2. Imagine that the self-declared winner lost the popular vote but won based on some old colonial holdover from the nation's pre-democracy past(the electoral college).

3. Imagine that the self-declared winner's "victory" turned on disputed votes cast in a province governed by his brother!

4. Imagine that the poorly drafted ballots of one district, a district heavily favouring the self-declared winner's opponent, led thousands of voters to vote for the wrong candidate.

5. Imagine that members of that nation's most despised caste, fearing for their lives/livelihoods, turned out in record numbers to vote in near-universal opposition to the self-declared winner's candidacy.

6. Imagine that hundreds of members of that most-despised caste were intercepted on their way to the polls by state police operating under the authority of the self-declared winner's brother.

7. Imagine that six million people voted in the disputed province and that the self-declared winner's "lead" was only 327 votes. Fewer, certainly, than the vote counting machines' margin of error.

8. Imagine that the self-declared winner and his political party opposed a more careful by-hand inspection and re-counting of the ballots in the disputed province or in its most hotly disputed district.

9. Imagine that the self-declared winner, himself a governor of a major province, had the worst human rights record of any province in his nation and actually led the nation in executions.

10. Imagine that a major campaign promise of the self-declared winner was to appoint like-minded human rights violators to lifetime positions on the high court of that nation.

None of us would deem such an election to be representative of anything other than the self-declared winner's will-to-power. All of us, I imagine, would wearily turn the page thinking that it was another sad tale of pitiful pre or anti-democracy peoples in some third world struggle.

Quote:

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Originally posted by barrk
"We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

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Surely he didn't really say that. Even he knows where Europe is......right??????

Supposedly they are all true quotes.......scary isn't it?

Bill Gates son turned 7 and Dad decide to do something nice for the young fella.

So he took his son to a department store, and said

"Son you can have anything you want. Anything at all. As long as it's not a competitors product"

Young Gates thought for a moment and replied.
"What i would really like would be a mickey mouse outfit."

Bill thought this odd, but decide if his son wanted one he would get him one....so later that day...











Waity for it...............
















...he went out and brought the Bush Administration.

he he :D :D

Quote:

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he went out and brought the Bush Administration

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hehehe!

Read my Sig....




:D

Quote:

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scary isn't it?

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Well you know what those americans are like...IQ's of penuts :D

Yes.......each and every last one of us....just like all you Brits have bad teeth and don't bathe often enough :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally posted by barrk
Yes.......each and every last one of us....just like all you Brits have bad teeth and don't bathe often enough :rolleyes:

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Please don't mention the B-A-T-H-E word, it send a shudder down my spine just thinking about it... I had one last year for gods sake!!

SD

:D ;)

As for the bad teeth, I reckon it's because of all these '9 out of 10 dentists recommend colgate' adverts.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but about the only people who directly benefit from people not using a good toothpaste are dentists..... and we're meant to believe their recommendations?

;)

SD

Good point! I never thought of it that way but it's quite a thought when you think about it don't you think so?

Ohh, that made my head hurt!

Yip.

It's a bit like "9 out of 10 top dog breeders use pedigree chum".

Sounds good until you realise that Pedigree Chum sponsor all of the major dog shows, and almost all of the prizes consist of (amongst other things) a years supply of Pedigree Chum!

mmmmmm So 10% of them won't use even though is free to them.

It makes my dogs fart.

SD

Damn, I'll never brush again !! :rolleyes:

I'd just like to know how the guy got voted for in the first place by 1/2 of America, was it humour value. If so, can we expect some cock-ups like that from the current president ? [no intended reference to Clinton there...]

All that proves is that 49% (not 1/2) of the American population can't tell their heads from their asses.....probably like 49% of the Brits have bad teeth and dogs that fart when they eat pedigree!

The 51% of us who didn't vote for the village idiot will just have to deal with him by using bad humor and bagging on him whenever possible........

btw I think Clinton did a lot of positive things during his terms....they were just overshadowed by the other nonsense.


To come to a conclusion......
Not all Americans are idiots....not all Brits are *******s.

I'm only playing, no offence intended ! :D

None taken...may have sounded a bit too harsh as my head exploded about twenty minutes ago and my eyeballs are a lovely shade of red:rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally posted by barrk
Yes.......each and every last one of us....just like all you Brits have bad teeth

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Damn Mike Myers. Giving all of us a bad name:(

"Three in Four Americans constitute 75% of the
American population."

Quote:

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Originally posted by barrk
Yes.......each and every last one of us....just like all you Brits have bad teeth and don't bathe often enough :rolleyes:

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You're noticed that as well. Suppose it keeps the water bills down.

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Originally posted by Jethro
You're noticed that as well. Suppose it keeps the water bills down.

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Well actually hardly any households have metered water. Most of it is done by estimate (no. of people, previous consumption etc).

and comedy central has already made a sitcom about him..his wife..and all of his antics in the white house..

check it out http://comedycentral.com/bush/

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

http://forums.vb-world.net/attachmen...&postid=323461

:D

Yay... 4 more years of Bush Humor. :)

America is screwed!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:







:sick:

Quote:

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Originally posted by Active
"Four Americans constitute 75% of the
American population."

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By weight alone. :D

Think not of gaining Bushisms, rather losing potential Kerryisms.

Nah that doesn't work either.

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America is screwed!

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You mean the world is screwed!

Quote:

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Originally posted by lokespas
You mean the world is screwed!

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Don't put words in my mouth. :ehh:

Its worth checking This Link for classic bushisms

"At this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly outta Ronald Reagan Airport. "
"Laura and I will thank them from the bottom of my heart. "
"When you have your own money, it means you've got more money to spend. "
"The benefits of helping somebody is beneficial."
"We're in for a long struggle, and I think Texans understand that. And so do Americans. "
"Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of 'Hop on Pop'. "
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here. " :ehh:
"And one of the things we've got to make sure that we do is anything. "
"We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end. "
"Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. " :confused:
"I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war."
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well. "
"You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. "
"No, I know all the war rhetoric, but it's all aimed at achieving peace. "
"My mom often used to say, "The trouble with W" -- although she didn't put that to words. "
"In 1994, there were 67 schools in Texas that were rated 'exemplorary' according to our own tests. "
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right. "
"Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease. "
"I understand small business growth. I was one. "

And the all time classic....
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream"

Quote:

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Originally posted by seismicweasel
"I understand small business growth. I was one. "

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:lol: :lol: :lol: I nearly wee'd myself when I read that.

Quote:

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Originally posted by seismicweasel

"In 1994, there were 67 schools in Texas that were rated 'exemplorary' according to our own tests. "

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***, gotta love this guy, funny as hell, too bad hes also a madman.