This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, & made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read, too).
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
> >In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
> >to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
> >questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
> >new
> >products that best meet your needs and desires.
> >
> >1.
> >[_] Mr.
> >[_] Mrs.
> >[_] Ms.
> >[_] Miss
> >[_] Lt.
> >[_] Gen.
> >[_] Comrade
> >[_] Classified
> >[_] Other
> >
> >First Name: .....................................................
> >Initial: ........
> >Last Name......................................................
> >Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
> >Code Name: ......................................................
> >Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
> >2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
> >[_] F-14 Tomcat
> >[_] F-15 Eagle
> >[_] F-16 Falcon
> >[_] F-117A Stealth
> >[_] Classified
> >
> >3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /......./......
> >4. Serial Number:...............................................
> >5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
> >[_] Received as gift / aid package
> >[_] Catalogue / showroom
> >[_] Independent armsbroker
> >[_] Mail order
> >[_] Discount store
> >[_] Government surplus
> >[_] Classified
> >
> >6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell
> >Douglas product you have just purchased:
> >[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
> >[_] Store display
> >[_] Espionage
> >[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
> >[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
> >[_] Was attacked by one
> >
> >7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
> >decision
> >to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
> >[_] Style / appearance
> >[_] Speed / maneuverability
> >[_] Price / value
> >[_] Comfort / convenience
> >[_] Kickback / bribe
> >[_] Recommended by salesperson
> >[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
> >[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
> >[_] Backroom politics
> >[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
> >
> >8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
> >[_] North America> [_] Iraq
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Aircraft carrier
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Europe
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Africa
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Asia / Far East
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Misc. Third World countries
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Classified
> >[_] Iraq
> >
> >9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
> >purchase
> >in the near future:
> >[_] Color TV
> >[_] VCR
> >[_] ICBM
> >[_] Killer Satellite
> >[_] CD Player
> >[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
> >[_] Space Shuttle
> >[_] Home Computer
> >[_] Nuclear Weapon
> >
> >10. How would you describe yourself, check all that apply
> >[_] Communist / Socialist
> >[_] Terrorist
> >[_] Crazed
> >[_] Neutral
> >[_] Democratic
> >[_] Dictatorship
> >[_] Corrupt
> >[_] Primitive / Tribal
> >
> >11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
> >[_] Deficit spending
> >[_] Cash
> >[_] Suitcases of cocaine
> >[_] Oil revenues
> >[_] Personal check
> >[_] Credit card
> >[_] Ransom money
> >[_] Traveler's check
> >
> >12. Your occupation:
> >[_] Homemaker
> >[_] Sales / marketing
> >[_] Revolutionary
> >[_] Clerical
> >[_] Mercenary
> >[_] Tyrant
> >[_] Middle management
> >[_] Eccentric billionaire
> >[_] Defense Minister / General
> >[_] Retired
> >[_] Student
> >
> >13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
> >interests an activities in which you & your spouse enjoy participating
> >on a
> >regular basis:
> >[_] Golf
> >[_] Boating / sailing
> >[_] Sabotage
> >[_] Running / jogging
> >[_] Propaganda / misinformation
> >[_] Destabilization / overthrow
> >[_] Gardening
> >[_] Crafts
> >[_] Black market / smuggling
> >[_] Collectibles / collections
> >[_] Watching sports on TV
> >[_] Wines
> >[_] Interrogation / torture
> >[_] Household pets
> >[_] Crushing rebellions
> >[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
> >[_] Fashion clothing
> >[_] Border disputes
> >[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
> >
> >Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
> >answers
> >will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve
> >you
> >better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
> >special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
> >mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will
> >be
> >registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
> >Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
> >McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department Military, Aerospace
> >Division.
> >IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
> >addressee(s) named above & may contain information that is
> >confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
> >with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
> >beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
> >distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either
> >explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
> >pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct
> >context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have
> >any legal or grammatical use & may be ignored. No animals
> >were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie
> >next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of
> >you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified
> >to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this
> >warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from
> >Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around
> >yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls
> >you and your pets. If you have received this email in error,
> >please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in a
> >warm oven for 40 minutes >>
