Quote:
Notice Of Revocation of Independence
To the Citizens of the United States of America.
In the light of your failure to elect a president of
the USA and thus to govern yourselves we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, common wealth and
other territories. Expect Utah, which she does not
fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 98.85% of you who have until now been unaware
that there is a world outside your borders) Will
appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next
year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Depencancy
the following rules are introduced with immediate
effect:
1, You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium" Check
the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed on just
how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally
you should raise you vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven
words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2, There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf.
3, You should learn to distinguish the English and
Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.
4, Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as the good guys.
5, You should relearn your original national anthem,
“God Save the Queen”, but only after fully carrying
out task one. We would not want you to get confused
and give up half way through.
6, You should stop playing American "football". There
is only one kind of football. What you refer to as
American "football" is not a very good game. The 1.15%
of you who are aware that there is a world outside
your borders may have noticed that no one else plays
"American" football. You will be no longer be allowed
to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the
girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
enough will in time be allowed to play rugby (which is
similar to America "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full
Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get
together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You
must no longer refer to over all winners on a game
played only by US teams as "World Champions".
7, You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
Nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85%
of you who were not aware that there is a world
outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is
French for "sh*t".
8, July the 4th is no longer a public holiday.
November 8th will be a new National Holiday, but only
in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9, All American cars are hereby banned. There are crap
and it is for your own good. When we show you German
cars, you will understand what we mean.
10, Please tell us who killed JFK. Its been driving us
crazy.
Thank you for you cooperation.
