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SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s
she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy,
nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a
guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they
always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket
wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this
count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would
wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia
Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.
First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would
all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of
the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck
season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already
be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have
transportation problems because he would inevitably get
lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to
stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
-Men can’t pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to
be seen with all those elves.
-Men don’t answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described,
even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful
of jelly.”
Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s
wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit
their ability to pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a
commitment.
can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are
men:
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking
ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone
screening test.
But not St. Nick.
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Actually I live with a guy who wears velvet as much as he possibly can. He even managed to find an entire crushed velvet suit to go to the annual ball in :) (And no he's not into interior design or hairdressing or anything like that)
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So sorry to hear that!
Please, don't tell me your roommate is Austin Powers?
Our wonderful television programmers showed Austin Powers on Thanksgiving Day...the commercial referred to it as Shaggsgiving. How tacky is that? That's a bigger travesty than the whole election farce if you ask me!
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The Austin Powers series are very horrible, very very horrible.... they make me want to puke..
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Yep! I totally agree with you on this one Dennis.
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*Chuckle* I guess it's a cetain kind of humour :)
Oh and I just realised that, after claiming to be a spelling/grammar pedant on one thread the other day, I ended a sentence in that last post with a preposition. Oops. I shall be eternally ashamed for my lingual travesty.
