TERRORIZE YOUR TELEMARKETER
1. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you
want to
know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I am so glad you asked,
because
no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
When
they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
2. If the caller says he's John Doe from XYZ Company, ask him to
spell
his name. Then ask him to spell the company name. Then ask where
it's
located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the
company for as long as necessary.
3. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
Judy
and I'm with iVillage.com..." You: Wait for a second and with a real
husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
4. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how
have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
terror
as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
5. Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is
most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.
6. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you couldn't just give
your
credit card number to a complete stranger.
7. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it's a telemarketer, set
the
receiver down, scream "Oh my God!" and hang up.
8. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if
they
will give you their home phone number so you can call them back.
When
the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home
number,
you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home,
right?"
The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Hang
up.
9. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
10. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask if they would please hold.
Put
them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
11. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon. How's your momma?"
12. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write down
every
word !
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