Things you'll never hear from an IT professional

"Sure, I'll set you up with administrator rights."

"That function? It just produces a beep."

"Sorry, I can't work late tonight. I've got a date."

"This needs more tables."

Admin to programmer: "You know anything about computers, 'cos I know sweet f*** all."

They never say that but you just know it.

- "Sure I can fix this right now"

- "I have my tools with me."

- "Yes you have enough liscenses"

- "I'll put this as a low priority callout" (what they say and what they do are often only casually acquainted)

"Looks like I wrote some really bad code there... tee hee."

"Good morning Tech Support, hope I can be of assistance"

"Too much 'ha ha', pretty soon 'boo hoo'"

"Calm down, I can understand your frustration."

Programmer: "Sure, I can create you an application without any requirements...<tap><tap>...done!"

Requestor: "What is it?"

Programmer: "It's a form."

Requestor: "What's it do?"

Programmer: "Exactly what you wanted!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mendhak

"Looks like I wrote some really bad code there... tee hee."

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:lol: :lol:

"I'm only using this language/paradigm/method to pad my CV - it isn't appropriate to the task in hand at all"

"I can do everything through code"

I can do that update on site. It seems so trivial, that there'll be no charge.

"Do you mind! I'm getting busy with your wife"

"In the middle of working out the problems of a project... at home"

IT Professional:"Hold IT!!! I think its time!"

Another ITP:"For What?"

IT Professional:"For Days Of Our Lives... Be back Later!!!"



I miss the old days... way back when. *sigh*

I'll have to ask management for permission.

That is user error.

rtfm:D

"Anyone can get into our system, because its a piece of crap"

"I don't know sh;t!"

I know your job better than you do. You think you're good. I know I'm better. Of course I can run your company, guvnor. I wrote the software you will do it my way.

"I have a girlfriend"

"I have an interesting and varied life"

"Oh no, not another trade junket. I hate travelling."

"I enjoy socialising."

"Wow, cool, there's an OS2 convention in town!"

"I wish they'd stop increasing my hardware budget, I'm finding it difficult to spend."

"Urgh beer... can't stand the stuff"

"No! I think that increasing my salary inline with market rates is a terrible idea!"

"Oh i lost my contacts in my msn" :D

"Exactly why would I need a company car, mobile and an expense account?"

"Nah. Never heard of 'em. Microsoft?"

"Where do I sign up for Assertivity training?"

"That uh function you say? What's it called, SendToPrinter? Hmmm, I have absolutely no idea what it does."

"I specifically choose long and difficult class names just to annoy the debug team."

"Debugged? Yup" the doc cleared the clap last week with antibiotics"

"String Stream? I thought the river was kinda full for this time of year"

"Unicode is useless. What's the point in having a character set with only one character"

"A runtime error occured? Darn, your computer is infected by a virus."