Tomatoes scream when you slice them.

This is a little long :-( but I think it illustrates perfectly how far down the tubes we've gone!


CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwaanza at this time. Happy now?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the rest rooms. Did I miss anything?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to
do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the
band's breaks. Okay???


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress
up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or
family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes.. But you know, they have feelings,
too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!


FROM: Teri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

ha ha

Did you really think that was funny??? I thought it was just a funny way to illustrate just how bad things have become!!!!

By the way....can I still get some OJ from Arbiter's fridge?

hmm sorry there was just ONE section that i found funny
something that kinda included me in it

no oj from his fridge
he seems to not like the idea
want me to give you some from my fridge?

Okay...you're right. It is funny in a sick sort of way. Thanks for the offer of the OJ. I'm already at lunch right now so I'll take you up on it later.

No, no...

Feel free to raid my fridge. It's what it's there for.

Remember that fruit punch...

That is soooooo true :(

(in reply to the original post)


when I was in elementary school, we couldn't have a christmass party because of a ****ing jew who was offended by it......

wholy ****!!
I have nothing against jews, but why ruin OUR fun...?


that pissed me off so much.... I didn't really care about the christmass party... but it just pissed me off that because of one ****ing jew in the whole class, we couldn't have a ****ing christmass party!!!!

:mad:

like i said before, i have nothing against jewish people... just that particular one....
and that same person is in my ****ing high school :mad:

take a moment and think about "what if you were that jew"
how would you feel?
if everyone left you and you were a loner?

as a muslim, i would definately be offended of my company threw a xmas party, but not a islam party event as well when time came for it

either make EVERYONE happy or make none happy
think about it


ARBITER
ok ok man
i promise IF i do come over i will bring some fruit punch

I forgot to mention this earlier... but they did offer to throw a 50/50 party.......

chanuka/christmass... I don't know how they were going to plan on pulling it off, but the ****ing jew didn't agree to it...

like I said before i have nothing against jews in particular... just this one.

and the party wasn't the only reason.....

and the party wasn't going to be very christmass related... it was just going to be some food, and some drinks, and stuff...... but they were calling it a christmass party, so thats why we couldn't have it :mad:

sucks to be you i guess :)
but employers were stupid enough to call it Xmas party
if they just said called it PARTY
no one would complain

Yeah... thats the problem....

they call it a christmass party, to get everybody's holiday spirit roaring..... but unfortunatly, there are more holidays then christmass.......

:rolleyes:

And although some religions do not celebrate christmass, if they beleive in Jesus Christ, I don't think it would matter,
why complain about a fat man in a red suit *thinks back to the days when I wore red* when the main purpose is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ...