EuroEnglish is reaching up.
To all those loving Her Majesty's language, as it is spoken in Brussels:
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded hat
English spelling had some room for improvement and has ccepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish
(Euro for short). In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft
'c'.
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,
the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful,
and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords
kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
