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Dunno what made me think of this old one, but anyway....
Jewish Mama's on the beach with her 2 toddler boys. One gets knocked by a wave and starts to get pulled out of the shallows. she runs over to the lifeguard and yells "Help! Help! My son- the lawyer, not the dentist- this one's the dentist- is getting pulled out to sea!"
Groan.....
Three young lads called Manners, Shlit and FluckYou were playing on top of a wall. Shlit fell off the wall backwards and Manners went over to help him. Just then a copper happenned along and asked the remaining lad his name...
"FluckYou", came the reply as the lad beamed proudly....
Startled the copper raged "Where's your manners!?"...
"Behind the wall picking up Shlit".....
JOKE DEPOT
Quote:
Top 10 reasons COMPILERS must be female
=======================================
10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Small talk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild.
Quote:
New Computer Viruses
Ellen Degeneres virus.............
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC
Monica Lewinsky virus..............
Sucks all the memory out of your computer
Titanic virus......................
Makes your whole computer go down
Disney virus......................
Everything in the computer goes Goofy
Mike Tyson virus................
Quits after one byte
Prozac virus.......................
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care
Sharon Stone virus.................
Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
Lorena Bobbit virus..................
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
Tim Allen virus.........................
Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact
Woody Allen virus.................
Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
Saddam Hussein virus..............
Won't let you into any of your programs
Tonya Harding virus...............
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
George Michaels virus..............
Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup
Joey Buttafuoco virus..............
Only attacks minor files
X-files virus..............................
All your Icons start shape shifting
Spice Girl virus.........................
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop
Ronald Reagan virus................
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus...........
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
Sonny Bono virus......................
Just when you get surfing the web,a firewall appears out of no where
Martha Stewart virus...............
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little
doilies to be displayed on your desktop
AT&T virus..............................
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting
MCI virus...............................
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus.............
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back