I've seen alot of funny ones, but i can't remember a dang one of em. heh.
BTW doesnt HAVE to be funny can be political as well.
Would like to hear your favorites :D
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I've seen alot of funny ones, but i can't remember a dang one of em. heh.
BTW doesnt HAVE to be funny can be political as well.
Would like to hear your favorites :D
You WIN! :D It should say "These Colors Don't Run" under it and it would be perfect! :D
I like the one about Irishmen now living in London being FAT BASTARDS.
Now THAT was funny. :D :D
Jesus loves you
Everyone else thinks your a ******.
Actually, underneath I think it saysQuote:
Originally posted by Arc
You WIN! :D It should say "These Colors Don't Run" under it and it would be perfect! :D
"* Terms and Conditions Apply"
/rises for bait, and swallow it hook, line and sinker...Quote:
Originally posted by JPicasso
I like the one about Irishmen now living in London being FAT BASTARDS.
Now THAT was funny. :D :D
Hey, I thought I heard you mother/sister calling....
DANG!
I fell into the MegaM trap didn't I?
well.
I still think you're a FAT BASTARD. :D
"Look at the traffic ahead of you instead of this bumper sticker, you ****"
Lions and Tigers are quite dangerous,
But a Little ***** never hurt anyone.
MY OTHER CARS IS A PIECE OF **** TOO
I still miss my ex-wife but my aim is improving.
Remember that pic someone posted a while back, of the blonde with big 'bumpers' in a T-shirt that said "I wish these were brains!"
its on allfunnypictures.comQuote:
Originally posted by Jim Brown
Remember that pic someone posted a while back, of the blonde with big 'bumpers' in a T-shirt that said "I wish these were brains!"
http://www.vbforums.com/attachment.p...postid=1008663
I don't :)Quote:
I wish these were brains
or better yet, visible.Quote:
I wish these were brains
I just wish she knew how to wear a bra.
I wish she didnt know how to put on a shirt
Quote:
My other ride's your sister
Honk if you do everything you're told.
If you can read this, you're too close
I saw 'my other toy has tits' on the reg. plate of a Ducati the other day :cool:
I was always partial to "I don't stop"
:)
Best reg plate...
http://www.vbforums.com/attachment.p...postid=1009039
Quote:
If you can read this, then I can slam on my brakes and sue you
Quote:
To save time, lets just agree that I know everything.
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap
Giving money and power to a government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys
Politicians, like diapers, should be changed often. And for the same reason.
Zero to ***** in 3.5 seconds.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas!
Done something stupid? Let us blame a big company and make them pay us lots of money. We'll even give you some of it! - Trial Lawyers Association.
One-tequila, two tequila, three keteela, floor.
Rock is dead! Long live paper and scissors!
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Positive thinking is 90% mental.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****
If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some things are just better rich.
It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho all your life.
No, I haven't met Mr Right. But, I have met Mr Cheap, Mr Rude and Mr Cocky.
Please talk to my face, my breasts can't hear you.
If it has testicles or tires, it's gonna give you problems.
You can't make someone love you, but, you can stalk them and hope for the best.
You're as young as you feel, but never as important.
Life is pain, and anyone who tries to tell you different is trying to sell you something.
Follow your dreams! (Except that one where you're in school in your underwear)
I mock you with my monkey pants. (Ok, it's not that funny, but the pic on it was)
It's not my fault! The monkey tricked me!
I didn't do it! You can prove it! You didn't see me! The sheep are lying!
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
well this isnt a bumper sticker but one time I saw a picture of a FLorida licence place saying:
if you dont get it, think mirrors ;)Quote:
3M TA3
-Emo
I have a friend in Victoria BC with
Quote:
COP 911
I saw one that said "I'd Rather Be Driving Your Daughter"
Haha, i actually busted out laughing when i read this one "If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?":D That's going in my Sig.
I saw a license plate with:
Quote:
RSUP 48
how's my driving?
call 1-800-EAT-5H1T
Honk if you want to see my Finger!
On the back of a "Royal Flush Plumbers" van
Quote:
Your **** is my bread and butter
On the back of the Queen's car:Quote:
Actually, I do own the road.
So did I :D:D:DQuote:
Originally posted by Arc
Haha, i actually busted out laughing when i read this one "If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?":D That's going in my Sig.
Quote:
EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Hmm, looks like the gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
"Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy"
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid onfusion/overcomplication)
LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
If we aren't supposed to eat amimals, why are they made with meat?
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.
WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
I fish! Therefore, I lie.
Nuke the Whales.
I swerve for cats.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
(They were screaming "Stop reading that insanely long bumper
sticker and watch the road!!!")
Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
Did you check if your horn works?
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
CLINTON HAPPENS.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day... (tomorrow ain't looking good either).
Men are idiots and I married their king.
National Atheist's Day April 1
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
i souport publik edekasion
All generalizations are false.
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
IRS: We have got what it takes to take what you have got.
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
No matter where you go, you're there.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
It's been Monday all week.
Gravity always gets me down.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
I'm back by popular demand.
CAUTION! I drive like you do!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Quote:
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
My karma ran over your dogma.
I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
HANG-UP & DRIVE
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Oh Jeez, lighten up Jim.
No, I didn't make these up and never said that I did, notice the the title of the thread isWhats your problem? I'm sorry if I'm filling up the thread, I just thought people could do with a laugh, they amused me.Quote:
Funniest Bumper Sticker you've ever seen.
If you really want to know where they came from, try http://www.internetbumperstickers.com it's good for those, you can submit your own, one or two of mine got on there a while ago, can't remember the name of the other site, but that one was pretty good too.
Here's a bunch that I downloaded for a quote of the day feature. Some are duplicates of what has already been posted. Too many for one post.
========================
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-profit organization.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A modern pioneer is a man who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
Money isn't everything... there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
------------------------------------------------
Steven Wright one-liners
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand
"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?"
Robin Williams
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."
Christopher Case
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
Bob Ettinger
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
Ellen DeGeneres
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money."
Kevin Meaney
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
Jake Johansen
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett
"I have such poor vision I can date anybody."
Garry Shandling
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
Rita Rudner
"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me."
Bobcat Goldthwait
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
A. Whitney Brown
"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget."
Michael McShane
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"
Jon Stewart
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
Warren Hutcherson
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
Jack Mayberry
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they're always locking three."
Elayne Boosler
"I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself."
Judy Tenuta
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
Steven Wright
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
Conan O'Brien
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other."
Rita Rudner
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
Winston Spear
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman."
Bruce Baum
"Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player."
Marsha Warfield
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals: we aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners."
Jeff Stilson
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
Ron Richards