Marriage

You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be

miserable, or get married and wish you were dead." W.W. Renwick

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with

friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other person

has, you wish you had ordered that.

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you

wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied,

"Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was

a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and

didn't notice."

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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband

wanted"..Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same

>thing:

"You can have mine."

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The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said,

"I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you

want from me, sympathy?"

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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge

than to let her keep him.

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest

cheat in Europe.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost

to get married?"And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still

paying."

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Young Son: Is it true Dad, thatin some parts of Africaa man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every

country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."

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A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband

a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him?" asked the

friend.The woman replied, "A billionaire."

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A

Second Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to

every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through

life thinking they had no faults at all.

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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to

go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

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During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well,

if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire

the maid."

The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn

how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."

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Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage

is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around

>the

house.Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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According to the latest surveys, when making love, most

married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.

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Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

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My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two

girlfriends.

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How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get

your laundry done for free.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to

forget it once.

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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing

your parachute.

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy:"You're

lucky, mine's still alive."

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the

street with a bald head and a beer gut,and still think they are

beautiful.

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Why is your dick better than a credit card?

1.Once spent it recharges itself.

2.It is accepted worldwide.

3.You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the

same.

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What is the closest thing to a woman's period? Your SALARY...

It comes once a month,lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't

come, you are F****D!!!

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