Crap Joke Corner

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the bloody cleaner!"

:) :)

http://www.rinkworks.com/jokes/

The Bachelor Diet
Monday

Breakfast - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste
while brushing your teeth
Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers". Those little
hamburgers that used to cost a dime, but now cost sixty five cents.
Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have
her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox
Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner.
Don't eat the coleslaw.


Tuesday

Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw
Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in
and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out
swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.



Wednesday

Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's
Lunch - Rolaids and a coke
Dinner - Drop in at a married friend's house and beg for scraps



Thursday

Breakfast - Order out for pizza
Lunch - Your secretary is out sick. Check Mondays gutbomber sack for
leftovers.
Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly. When you get hungry ask
the bartender for olives.



Friday

Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the
styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's
better for you.
Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
Dinner - Well-done steak, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the
asparagus. Nobody really likes asparagus.



Saturday

Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto
Dinner - Well done steak, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat
the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging
basket.


Sunday

Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Don't eat Lunch.
Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting
your old room.

Trust Katie to be straight in here in the crap jokes!

Here's one. My brother's been telling this to my certain knowledge for at least 30 years...

Guy goes into a cafe. Asks the waiter for a cup of coffee with no cream. Waiter goes "Sorry sir, we're out of cream. You'll have to have it without milk."

My son's got this book, "3001 (sh*t) jokes for kids", so youse better come up with somthing. Also, Mrs Barr's gonna get you..

Here's one, probably only make sense to Brits:

Q: What's a Policeman's address?

A: 999, Letsby Avenue

And I'm sure there are worse ones, so get to it!

Or how about the Pope's telephone number:

Vat69

(I tried the number, but he wasn't there. They said he was taking his dogma for a walk.)

I like asparagus. I just hate the way it makes my pee stink.

Been a while Jim, ID, Barrk & Filburt. Welcome back :)

I'm so short, I have to get on a chair to wipe my nose!

Quote:

---

Originally posted by axion_sa
Been a while Jim, ID, Barrk & Filburt. Welcome back :)

---

But this is an ancient post. I encountered it in the course of a serach for something else.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Spooner
But this is an ancient post. I encountered it in the course of a serach for something else.

---

Oh f***. Rather embarassing :p

Q: Whats the difference between you wife and your job after 5 years?
A: The job still sucks.....

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: You can roast beef.

Q: What'd the skeleton say to the bartender?
A: Gimme a beer and a mop.

Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
A: Damn

2 birds sitting on a Perch. One bird says, 'I hate the smell of fish!'

I'm having flashbacks! :eek:

Sorry had to do this cause I love it so much :D

A janitor is cleaning the aquarium section of a zoo when one of the fish try to jump out and attack him. He hits the fish with his broom to defend himself and kills the fish.

he then thinks he's going to get the sack if someone finds out. He then thinks ahh the lions will eat anything. He takes the fish and throws it in the lion pen and they eat it.

The next night he is cleaning the chimp enclosure and gets attacked by a chimp. Again he protecks himslef with his broom and ends up killing the chimp. Again he then thinks he's going to get the sack if someone finds out. He takes the chimp and throws it in the lion pen and they eat it.

The next night he is cleaning out the bee hives and starts getting attacked by the bees. To stop them stinging him he hits them with his broom and stamps on them. Again he thinks he's going to get the sack if someone finds out so he takes the bees and throws it in the lion pen and they eat it.

The next day a new lion is brought to the lion enclosure and is chatting with the other lions. I been waiting to come here for ages, whats the food like?

Great one of the lions said the last few days we've had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees