How do you eat cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I give up. I can't find my quote.

If anyone finds it, please let me know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One has to keep in mind that the world could be overrun by gerbils at any point in time.  In fact, I would go hide underground right now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I filling out a form?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Soooo nice to smell that teen spirit once again. In the early '90's was pursuing a graduate degree in archaeology (!) at Urbana-Champaign when my comp-sci roommates introduced me to some fun stuff happening on north campus: elm, talk, gopher, NCSA Mosaic, and the CAVE. Wound up spending all my time in the NeXT labs and watching my academic career mummify. Hocked a pickup and borrowed money from the folks to by a NeXT Turbo Cube with a NeXTdimension color/video card, and pulled an Eric Clapton -- I locked myself in my apt for several months and taught myself some UNIX, networking, RenderMan, and graphic design. Joined with some guys who ran the "Onion" franchise in Champaign and helped launch "MELVIN", one of the first Web 'zines, back in '94. It's been a long strange trip since then (several smoking craters, too many moves, a marriage that died, etc.), so for the last couple of years I've been on hiatus working as an eco-tour guide, swimming-pool designer and Deliverator of radioactive drugs. Can't wait to get me a new dual-processor PowerMac running Jaguar, some new 3D software and head off into the blue again.  Soon, soon...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like windows,

I have no cred.

But eventually it crashes

So I know I'll get to bed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hamsters unite!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Now get in the kitchen and make me some PIE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I need a guy so bad... 

Does anyone know where I can get one???? "



Come down to Georgia Tech, where every single one of my friends are male except for my roommate.  



Remember, down here the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More surrealism. Bicycle vendetta. Fish machines.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it must be a ZOO in here cuz I see me a monKAY!!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are we going, and what's with this damn 

handbasket?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek Rocks my Lame Ass
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital.  The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. 'You don't have to tell me,' I said. 'I'm off the team, aren't I?' 'Well,' said Coach, 'you were never really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.' It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something was brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quote: "Will you marry me?"



Whoever posted this, YES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schwing!



I invented pants.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I didn't escape. They gave me a day pass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I do think Sinatra would win a fist fight with Elvis, and rightly so...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hello world
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eat more pasta. :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am an alien cow



blip - blip - blip
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HELP!!! My girlfriend is addicted to the fortune pages!! She always goes to the site and looks at the fortunes for hours! I need anti-fortune mojo. I've been thinking of bribing the monkeys with cheese to come help me, since my army of flying monkeys left to pursue the super llama. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You ever wonder what happened to that hampster dance hampster?

My theory is he became the head of Hewlett Packard, and eventually turned the company from garbage to total Crap. Either that or he was taken by the CIA and used for covert missions overseas, and perhaps the war on terrorism depends solely on the hampster...if only we'd used penguins...and maybe I should get more sleep. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll never see my quote, will I?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have done it!!! i have provided for your viewing pleasure all of the posts that are any good that ive come across so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





"Un-shrink you?!?! Well that would require some sort of a REbigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and snort, mmmm-hay. Ahhhh, but not at you oh holiest of g-ds, with the wrathfulness and the vengence and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey it hurts" - Professor Frink 



men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it. 

Fnord!!!!! 



FNORD!!!! 







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs. 



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the 

Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee. 



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming. 

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain. 

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten. 



Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted. 

Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry. 

Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots. 

Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm. 



Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients. 

Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on. 

Fnord is where the buses hide at night. 

Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book. 



Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason. 

Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam. 

Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe. 

Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages. 





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees. 

Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats. 





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in Fnord's navel. 



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs. 

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica. 

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders. 

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer. 



Fnord is the echo of silence. 

Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life. 

Fnord is the sales tax on happiness. 

Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence. 



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long. 

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent. 



Fnord is the donut hole. 

Fnord is the whole donut. 



Fnord is an annoying series of email messages. 

Fnord is the color only blind people can see. 



Fnord is the serial number on a box of 

cereal. 



Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy. 

Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428. 

Fnord is the yin without yang. 

Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk. 



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses. 

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf. 



Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline. 

Fnord never sleeps. 

Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale. 



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave. 



Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen. 



Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads. 

Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly. 

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella. 



Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner. 



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero. 

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point. 





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back. 

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games. 

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska. 



Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father". 

Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe. 

Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor. 

Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket. 

Fnord invented the green hubcap. 

Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough. 



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars. 

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once. 







I cannot escape them 

No matter how I try 

They wait for me everywhere 

I cannot pass them by. 



Driving down the street 

I see "Jesus Is Lord" 

And then immediately after 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



Innocuous sayings and parables 

And on the evening news 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 

And suddenly I'm confused 



I sit alone in my room 

And I'm feeling rather bored 

I turn on the tube and guess what 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you" 

That's what I've heard the wisemen say 

But I can't get away from those beasties 

There's just no #^(%ing way. 



"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 



 Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear  

Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect. 

sometimes they let me out of the coldroom at work..... I like the pretty lights..... 

My livelihood depend on the stupidity of others. Talk about job security... 

Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry." 

Look, up in the ether... 

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster, 

more powerful than a cracker's underarms, 

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound, 

it's T H I N K G E E K ! 

"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..." 



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC) 

An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce all the works of shakespeare instantly. They will also produce everything by John Steinbeck, Arthur Miller, and Henry Michener. And if they're modern typewriters, they will also produce the code for Windows98. In addition, subsets of those monkeys containing an infinite number will spontaneously combust, contract Ebola, and create a black hole. 



-E2 infinite monkeys node 

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes... 

Users are like bacteria - each one causes a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies. 

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 

I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge! 

I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 

If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house? 

DARN IT. 

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes. 



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?" 

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage. I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory. I told him I'd look into 

it. I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative. 



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go. 

You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck. The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!" 

--HaStA-}- 

It has been theorized that an infinite number of monkeys banging on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the written works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this is not true." ~Kurt Vonnegut 

Why do people insist that one hand can't clap? Really, it's not that difficult. You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm! See, watch.. oh, wait you can't watch... Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's... maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping... What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1? Stupid school is costing me my paycheck. Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer?? That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek. Then I could say I know jen. I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place". that would make me a jen-a-holic. Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune. 



"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead 



You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over? 

I think modern science should graft 

functional wings on a pig, simply so no 

one can ever use that stupid saying 

again. 

Your page makes me scream BLICK-A-BLAOW!!!!! My co-workers are looking at me funny ...Where's my stapler...? 

Richard hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and peered upward into the surrounding gloom. Too many little agonies to remember of that fateful night so long ago. To the boyscout he had been, and the man he now was, only preparation mattered. A defibrulator in one hand and a live chicken in the other he put one foot on the bottom stair and made his way up. Now they would all pay! 

&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI. &gt;&gt;&gt; 







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene. bettsy being my cactus.... 



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!! 

%0 



We are Gates of Borg... Prepare to be assimilated... Resistance is futile... No Linux... I said resistance is futile... No Linux NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 



"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect." 



Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart 

threw a sword at you



Hi. I'm the guy who made the post about how everyone posts about pies. I've got more information, people tend to talk a lot of cheese and monkeys too...what is it with pies, cheese, and monkeys? Is it some sort of conspiracy? Are the monkeys gonna take over the world with cheese pies? I'm scared....I need to stop drinking so much Jolt. You know what else I found? I can't stop thinking when I drink a lot of caffeine. It's like a runaway train full of donkeys and nuclear waste. When it crashes there's gonna be one big !^(%ing mutated donkey. Hey, wow, the sun is coming up... 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them. 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB 

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT 

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB 

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT 



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH 

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL 

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS 

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA 



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA 

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT 

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC 

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA 



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO 

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT 

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH 

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH 



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA 

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC 

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O 

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 

(c/o Praeluceo) 



Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? 

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. 

Try to take over the world! 



Brain: Here we are, Pinky--at the dawn of time! 

Pinky: Narf, Brain. Wake me at the noon of time. 

-- When Mice Ruled the Earth 



Pinky: Narf! 

Pinky: Poit! 

Pinky: Zort! 

Pinky: Gat! 



Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob. 

Pinky: You have no idea. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Pinky: Hmmm... let me think... 

Brain: Don't hurt yourself, Pinky. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Brain: Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed. 

-- Jockey for Position 



Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. 

And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has 

brought us an even more powerful tool. Do 

you know what that is? 

Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band? 

-- Battle for the Planet 





Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured 

during this mission, remember you are Gunther 

Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to 

Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. 

Can you repeat that? 

Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can. 

-- Where Rodents Dare 



Pinky: Egad! You astound me, Brain! 

Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky. 

-- Win Big 



Brain: I am not devoid of humour. 

-- Win Big 



I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ? 



AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] 

No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice. 

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one. 

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart 

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it.... 

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there... 



Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident' 

'Strangers Have the Best Candy' 

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched' 

'Some Kittens Can Fly!' 

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion' 

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups' 

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face' 

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?' 

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her' 

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!' 

'All Dogs Go to Hell' 

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking' 

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It' 

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia' 

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?' 

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?' 

'Bi-Curious George' 

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry' 

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver' 

'You Are Different and That's Bad' 

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 



"Software exists to solve yuor problems. We exist to make the problems." 

-- Microsoft 



Brain: You thinking what I'm thinking? 



Pinky: Yes, Brain, but where are we going to get pants that big? 



Can you help me untangle my slinky? I want to watch it go down the stairs again. Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket. 



"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." 



-Albert Einstein- 



Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey see doo, monkey doo doo. Monkey see sea, monkey drown. Monkey see sea monkey, monkey chew on sea monkey. 



You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 

Heh, the monkey king hit me with his arrow. How amazing. Guess what? i've got a boat - and it FLOATS. I bet I could have a boat full of monkeys. Maybe a barrel of them on my boat that floats. So would my boat be as fun as a floating barrel of monkeys? 



i've had to much caffeene and no sleep... this damned monkey wont quit talking either. 



Bah, watch me and my windows machine. Look at me. Love me. Yes, i am finding a need to defend my choice of OS for some reason, i don''t mind microsoft. Microsoft makes me happy. 



bleh, shoot me. 



caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping. 



If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds.... 



Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with clubs. Pretty 

standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there... 



The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm. 



I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not worthy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We need more *nix chicks!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Moon is much smaller than the Earth;

then again, it is much, much farther away...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's not funny, my pants are on fire!! "



What are you talking about? That's friggin' hilarious!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYB For the Flash Impaired

--------------------------

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining



*explosion*



What happen??



Someone set us up the bomb!



We get signal!



What!!



Main screen turn on!



It's you!!



How are you gentlemen



All your base are belong to us



What you say!!



You have no chance to survive make your time



Ha ha ha...



[insert slideshow of pictures here]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I said you had a beautiful body, ouch, stop hitting me
||||||||||##########||||||||||
shablam.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ambiguity is the devil's tetherball
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi!  My name is Peepers, I can comb my own hair.  I like to scratch things.  I like honey.  It is sweet and delicious.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I could walk around in the rain and 

not get wet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really like the Thundercats. In my own little world, I imagine that Lion-O is a complete self righteous jerk, and that everyone hates Panthro.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very nice. Do you get many rants here anyway?



By the way, ever wonder what the difference between a fat chihuahua and a large hairless cat is?



If you ever have you are SICK!



Tell 'em Cold_Fu$!0n sent'cha...Wherever you go, just do that...then ignore the weird looks.  You get used to them after a while, trust me...



Hey cubicle boy, get back in your hooooole!



Is it baaaad if you spend half an hour on the random quotes pages?  My F5 key is wearing out...



Ever try to teach someone to use a mouse on through using an overhead projector?  "Now click here...Why are you holding your mouse in the air?  No, click on YOUR screen, not the wall!"



It's good to be the king...



Why does Dracula get all the bad rap?  Lawyers are revered for the same damn stuff...



If I ever work at a bank I'll put some beet juice in a jar on the table and tell everyone it's turnip blood...See how fast the get their loans back in...



Ever have a roommate ask why the little orange light on the monitor stays on all night?



Aarree yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ssnniiffff  tthhee  hhyyppeerr--ccaaffiieennaatteedd ccaannddyyyyyyyyyy????

Hhooww mmaannyy  aarree  yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ttaakkee  aatt  aa ttiimmee???


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A Hacker, a Coder, and a Sys Admin walk into a bar.  The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some geeky joke?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two penguins walk into a bar.



The first says to the second, "Pass the soap"



The second says,  "I'M NOT A RADIO!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Several attacks on the main Monkey planet have caused them to revolt and scramble into a frenzied state of war.



The cows will be worried.



Worry about the cows.



They are the wildcard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I Like food
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can you help me untangle my slinky?  I want to watch it go down the stairs again.  Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i read in here that it's physically impossible to lick your own elbow. however, i tried, and succeeded. so it's either a false statement, or i can do impossible things.



please tell me it's a false statement, before i go and try jumping off a building or something thinking i am a superhero.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be looking at porn. But instead, I just keep hitting F5. There is something terribly wrong here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oh o!  my '' key does't work!  oh the humaity!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver



Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow... MEOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On A Scale Of One To Five This Place Is A

Wang-Tastic Five!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should have a dating section, the chicks in your customer pics are nifty...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If think geek were a monkey, it would be a very clean and intelligent one. Not those smelly ones that rarely bath and show little if any intelligence, rather, it would be clean, cordial, and rarely--if ever--throw its own feces.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
im as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'm not dead yet...... I think i'll go for a walk..... I feel happy... I feel happy... I feel... *DONK*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I was going to get married today I would do my gift registry right here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
should i adlib or follow the script?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love you guys will you all marry me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quote: "Never trust a man who can count to 1023 on his fingers"



Umm... whoever posted this, does this mean I shouldn't trust myself ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
CowboyNeal
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no life, I have seen my own quote...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The two major things to come out of Berkeley are BSD and LSD.  We don't believe this is a coincidence."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give free shipping and 95% discounts to anybody named Dan who lives in Canada.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek is the best

Web site on the Internet

It should be revered.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
(Pi)r^(2)? No, Pie Are Round!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Confucicus say, "Shut  the hell up before I smack you on the head with a ball point hammer."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't trust chipmunks. They're evil. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I made a stupid comment here yesterday.  If anyone sees my stupid comment, please disregard it.  Thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a pet monkey, his name is Robert.  Beware of Bobby, for he flings poo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{ I've been looking at these comments for an hour or so, and I've noticed the prevalent theme is monkeys and/or pie. }}}



Great observation. Now would you like some pie?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now my geeky friends think I'm the coolest guy in our little corner of the high school.  The only problem about that corner is the fact that I make it smell bad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site makes me want to dance like a monkey.  A happy monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwheet? That's the default comment? That's just ludicrous!!! I think it should read more along the lines of -"ThinkGeek kicks ass, and thanks to scheduled caffeine deliverys,and telecommunication to 'work' I no longer have to deal with real people. And when I do, I can just take out the railgun and blow them up.



Ok, mabye I had just a weee too much caffeine. Is that possible? *shrugs*



Now, were where we? Oh yes, the rail gun...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that there are so many fabulous creatures on this earth, and not one of them is a PURPLE NINJA MUDGET named George?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My parents wouldn't cosine for me so I threw a temper-tangent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In ThinkGeek we trust.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your stuff is so cool I'm being forced to turn to a life of crime to fund my T-shirt collection.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
needs more fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love you thinkeek.. I really dooo... 

and when Im hungry.. I'd eat you too... 

and when I thursty.. I'd drink your dew...

Just to be you... my thinkgeeky poo...





WE LOVE YOU THINKGEEK...

&lt;place rabid cheering here..&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cool Site.  I like the obvious absence of lawyers.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My graphing calculator just winked at me. Should I wink back?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please Dad - do we have to hear the story of Snow White's OSI model and its seven layers again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time a friend broke my Bawls bottle: I beat him up.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK - i still can't see any of my fortune messages, i reckon you guys block all fortune posts from my proxy! i reall want to see some of my work up there!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! i broke my f5 key! oh the humanity! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On the 8th day, god went to Thinkgeek.com for a new t-shirt.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Young lady!  In this house, we will obey the laws of thermodynamics!!!

     ---H. Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
on my desk: 



two monitors, one lamp, 2 speakers, empty coke can, empty coffee can, cds lying without cases, empty cd cases, a telephone, scanner, 4-5 books, pens, my cell phone, pieces of paper with all kinds of stuff written on it -- none of which makes sense as I wrote it days ago -- cd rack.



Under my desk:



open cases, loads of wires, base woofer.



across my desk:



co-workers desk, very neat, he's gay.



looking out the room:

desk... monitor.... all I can see.



looking out the window:

...it's raining.. (make "whoa" sound like Neo).



Thank you for reading. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello.  My name is Senior Carl, and I'm a caffeine junkie.  It all started one bright Monday morning in my dimly lit cube.  I was surfing the internet, because I had no dumb users to attend to, and then BAM!  IT hit me.  I went to thinkgeek.com and ordered their caffiene sampler.  The sweet goodness that came in that peanut filled box made my heart overflow with joy and pound till three am because i couldn't sleep.  Since that day my bank account has been empty and I havn't slept.  Not one wink. Thank you thinkgeek!! I will never forget the long blissful braindead nights coding, fragging, and popping the sweet candy of the gods.  Long live the GEEK GODS!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a gift horse to water, but an early bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 2:00 AM... Do you know where Grampa is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
icky icky poo ding zap
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i run in circles on a daily basis.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sometimes...in the morning...when I haven't slept...the computers talk to me, they say "good morning dave", so I say to myself, "That g**D**N Hal's awake!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa's got a mullet!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'll only press F5 one more time...  i swear
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Bawls taste good


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ): [uphill both ways!]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cheese.



Somebody on the random thoughts put this: It does not make sense. 

Chewbacca was a 6 foot tall wookie, and he lived on Endor with a bunch of 2 foot ewoks. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit. 



YOU IDIOT! Chewbacca never lived on Endor..when will you people learn?!



BTW-My friends and I are making a computer that will be nothing but cheese! Cheese monitor, cheese motherboard....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Awesome site.  Pipe all comments to the contrary to /dev/null/
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys run a great shop, I've been ordering from you ever since your opening, and your shirts are always top notch geek style :D Good show. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once I thought I was a variable.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sanity is entirely overrated.

:wq!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The problem with America is stupidity.  I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for it or anything, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would the world be like without ThinkGeek.... I shudder at the thought.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I just direct deposit my paycheck with ThinkGeek?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Windows has detected a mouse movement... please restart your computer so changes can take effect
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AZERTY


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Stormys, Come here, and bring your Pinata Bats! 

On the way over, Over!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site makes John Romero your bitch.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like pennies
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Confucius say: Too many penguin mint give you big headache.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I have a monkey, his name is george! I am a 2 foot midget with a learning disorder named skippy!"

You named your learning disorder skippy?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where in the rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl -w



use strict;

use Your::Mastercard;



if ($me eq "poor") { &you_buy_from_wishlist; }



sub you_buy_from_wishlist {



	my $your_bank_account;

	my $my_loot;

	my $thinkgeek_funds;

	

	$your_bank_account -= priceof($my_loot);

	$thinkgeek_funds += priceof($my_loot) - costof($my_loot);



	&make_my_day;



}



sub make_my_day {



	$ME = 'happy';

	return "smile";



}


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's Thanksgiving... I'm full of turkey and pumpkin pie... pressing F5 over and over again... do I know how to have fun or what??
||||||||||##########||||||||||


have nothing inteligent to say.



so why am i saying THIS ?




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can only stare in awe of the ammount of caffeine you stock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys rock. Don't change a thing. Actually, there is one thing. Can you guys perfect how to download a t-shirt?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cheese.



Somebody on the random thoughts put this: It does not make sense. 

Chewbacca was a 6 foot tall wookie, and he lived on Endor with a bunch of 2 foot ewoks. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit. 



YOU IDIOT! Chewbacca never lived on Endor..when will you people learn?!



BTW-My friends and I are making a computer that will be nothing but cheese! Cheese monitor, cheese motherboard....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
All I wann know is why this site is so damn cool!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ph33r my lack of b33r!  Oh wait.  There it is...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haggis: It's not just for breakfast any more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my reason for getting a job... to earn money to blow it here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I pretty? Tell me I'm pretty.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce all the works of shakespeare instantly. They will also produce everything by John Steinbeck, Arthur Miller, and Henry Michener. And if they're modern typewriters, they will also produce the code for Windows98. In addition, subsets of those monkeys containing an infinite number will spontaneously combust, contract Ebola, and create a black hole.



-E2 infinite monkeys node
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mmmmmmmm..unprocessed fish sticks.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity is a lot like this ... only longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A very good assimilation of quality goods.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this button d-

Segmentation fault



# _


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I once asked a punk with multi-colored hair if he was my cousin.  You see, my uncle once screwed a peacock.  Pissed him off.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. " 

---- 

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years. (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year) 

----

At todays(2004-07-02 iso) rate at 14.99 per t-shirt(generic only, about 95, scientifically 100 as one tend to use only the nearest decade,) increasing the number of bawls to 16 a day, which suggest 1 for each standard issue waking hour. One could buy the t-shirts (1499 approx) and 35673.49 cases of bawls(at 27.99). That is 856163.77 bottles of bawls. At the mentioned rate it would last for 53510.24 days, or 146.51 years. That should keep 2,093 friends nice and jittery for 70 years. A year here is calculated to be 365.2425 days not counting leap seconds, and the slowing rotation of the planet tellus.



Someone may want to check my math.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Snazzy.



Fruity.



Tasty.



Fizzy.



Fantabulous!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Muahahaha! ThinkGeek owns my soul. Where do I send my firstborn?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know who you are.



Follow the white rabbit
||||||||||##########||||||||||
give us some skin baby!



flash, that is.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get even, I get odder.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like chicken,

i like liver,

meow mix, meow mix,

please deliver
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are two things i hate...



Those intolerant of other peoples cultures

and

The Dutch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Will you marry me?



please?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's like a humour site, only you can buy stuff, all from the privacy of your own Konqueror window!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Way cool.  Just how much can a person drool in ten minutes?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is pretty, like a pony.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?"



First they coat the pan with Teflon, then they put it in an oven and let it bake. They usually do this a total of three times.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
-Is the internet down ?

-I want you to put the internet on this disk for me (that's really pushing pkzip's limits)

-Do you sell computers (in a computer shop, surrounded in pc's)



- the notwork is down again



- 8 is source of all answers (the girl on switch desk is very helpful)





- Random recolations from previous jobs


||||||||||##########||||||||||
For every geek that is rich, there are 5,000 

stupid people that helped him become it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please can u remove fortune.shtml ? PLEASE!!!!!! OH GODD !! PLEASE.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS COMING FOR ME ...bye
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i remapped my f5 key to my spacebar, now i can accomplish two things at once, search for my fortune and slam my head on keyboard, did i mention that I have a big head??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i wear pants and they cover my butt
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

Think Geek till it MHz.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heart you ThinkGeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Some people are like slinkies.  Generally useless, but you still can't help but chuckle when you see one of them tumbling down the stairs."



-- Me after a particularly frustrating tech-support call.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I plan to register here when I get married...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have socks on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately 2 billion 

children (persons under 18) in the 

world. However, since Santa does not 

visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, 

Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist 

religions, this reduces the workload on 

Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 

378 million (according to the Population 

Reference Bureau). At an average 

(census) rate of 3.5 children per 

household, that comes to 108 million 

homes, presuming that there is at least 

one good child in each.



II. Santa has about 31 hours of 

Christmas to work with, thanks to the 

different time zones and rotation of 

the earth, assuming he travels east to 

west (which seems logical). This works 

out to 967.7 visits per second. This 

is to say that for each Christian 

household with at least one good child, 

Santa has around 1/1000th of a second 

to park the sleigh, jump out, go down 

the chimney, fill the stockings, 

distribute the remaining presents 

under the tree, eat whatever snacks have 

been left for him, get back up the 

chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move 

on to the next house. (That's why it's 

really pointless to stay up and wait 

for him....)



Assuming that each of these 108 million 

stops is evenly distributed around the 

earth (which, of course, we know to be 

false, but will accept for the purposes 

of our calculations), we are now talking 

about 0.78 miles per household; a total 

trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting 

bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's 

sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 

3000 times the speed of sound. For the 

purposes of comparison, the fastest 

man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space 

probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per 

second, and a conventional reindeer can 

run (at best) 15 miles per hour.



III. The payload of the sleigh adds 

another interesting element. Assuming 

that each child has nothing more than 

a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), 

the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand 

tons, not counting Santa himself. On 

land, a conventional reindeer can pull 

nothing more than 300 pounds. Even 

granted that "flying" reindeer could 

pull ten times the normal amount, the 

job can't be done with eight or nine 

of them; Santa would need 360,000 of 

them. This increases the payload, not 

counting the sleigh itself, another 

54,000 tons, or roughly seven times 

the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the 

ship, not the monarch).



IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles 

per second creates enormous air 

resistance; this would heat up the 

reindeer in the same fasion as a 

spacecraft re-entering the earth's 

atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer 

would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules 

of energy per second each. In short, 

they would burst into flames almost 

instantaneously, exposing the reindeer 

behind them and causing deafening 

sonic booms in their wake. The entire 

reindeer team would be vaporized within 

4.2 thousandths of a second, or right 

about the time Santa reaches the fifth 

house on his trip. Not that it matters, 

however, since Santa, as a result of 

accelerating from a dead stop to 650 

miles per second in .001 seconds, would 

be subjected to centrifugal forces of 

17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which 

seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned 

to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 

pound of force, instantly crushing his 

bones and organs and reducing him to a 

quivering blob of pink goo.



V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's 

dead now.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Charles: "You know that hole, the one you put pie in?"

Gabe:    "You mean my pie-hole. Yeah."

Charles: "Shut it!"



http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=200 0-06-23&res=l
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of

emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork

involved when your house lands on a witch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, after the monkeys escaped from the lab... all we had to do was wait till nightfall, then follow their glow in the dark radioactive poo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your page makes me scream BLICK-A-BLAOW!!!!! My co-workers are looking at me funny ...Where's my stapler...?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Frog Blast the Vent Core!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you guys have some sort of evil filter that prevents sending quotes to the IP they originated from? Hmm.. that can't be, I'm a half hour into reading on a computer at school, and I haven't seen any of my own. Do you guys have some sort of evil filter that prevents sending quotes to the person they originated from no matter where they are? And if so, please give me the AI underlying it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An unstoppable force of excellence!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who flung poo?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When live gives you urine make urinade.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I Like to frighten small children
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If swimming is so good for your figure, then how the hell do you explain whales?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who needs Pine or Mutt when I can just grep the mail spool instead?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.' You've got to understand the nature of the regime we're dealing with."

 

              -President George W. Bush, the LEADER OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD
||||||||||##########||||||||||
when will you geeks start selling Viagra?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's all fun and games until a rampaging robot destrys half of your city. . . yeah Josh and Krystyn!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;Schweet. 

&gt;

&gt;  &lt;Poster wrote&gt; 

&gt;

&gt;  "So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing

&gt;  yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be

&gt;  your quote, it would be mine." 

&gt;

&gt;  Hmmm, never thought of it that way.So the next time you see one of my quotes will you let me know? Just want to make sure they are

&gt;  making it. And I'll do the same for you when I see one of your quotes. not sure about the whole switching thing. this could actually be

&gt;  you responding to your own quote if we did that. 



Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

addresses...

But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You found +2 Gloves of Haste!

Now hit that F5 two times faster!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have this monkey for you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some day I will drink milk, and be bigger than you...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Several attacks on the main Monkey planet have caused them to revolt and scramble into a frenzied state of war.



The cows will be worried.



Worry about the cows.



They are the wildcard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smells like pickles.



Dill pickles.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ): [uphill both ways!]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your merchandise is

Greatly enjoyed and admired

Customers are pleased.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; How do I get a date?? Give me the source code please.



Sure:

#!/usr/bin/perl -w

# Get a date. More specifically, get today's date. Not copyrighted.

# Quixotic Raindrop Software

use strict;



use Time::localtime;



my ($time, $day, $month, $year);



$time = localtime;



($day, $month, $year) = ($time-&gt;mday, $time-&gt;mon, $time-&gt;year);



print("Today is $day $month $year\n");



# END



no need to thank me. It's mostly ripped straight out of the Perl Cookbook.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whilst thinking about larger issues, I tried to find the exact location of ThinkGeek. I soon arrived at the conclusion that it sits atop a giant tortoise. This led naturally to the ponderment of where that tortoise sits. Luckily, before such philosophy could turn dangerous, a bengal tiger came and ate the tortoise. The moral of the story? Uh ... green's my favourite colour?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I see," said the blind mand as he pissed into the wind, "It is all comming back to me."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's lots of fun to play tricks on kids.  Like this one time, I told my nephew we were going to disneyland, so we got in the car, but instead of going to disneyland, I drove him to an old broken-down warehouse.  "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke...

I started to drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting dark...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
me brain ouches!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Zbiddleploorp
||||||||||##########||||||||||
##ATTN##

THE PEOPLE HOSTING THIS SITE ARE MACHINES.

THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR POSTS.

YOU ARE NOTHING, ANOTHER FEW BYTES OF DATA SLOWING DOWN THE NEXT PERSONS QUOTE.

YOU WILL NEVER READ YOUR OWN POST.

IN YEARS TO COME PEOPLE WILL STUMBLE ACROSS IT AND LAUGH AT YOU.

I FOUND YOURS. YOU WINDOZE FREAK.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Me and my mother likes to drink tea together every sunday afternoon. Yes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clearly you guys kick all the ass, yes, that's right, alllllllllllllll the ass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
all my base are belong to you ;&gt; 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
yom yom yom.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not corrupt, I'm morally flexible
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dropped my computer on my foot ! That Megahurtz !
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
SPOOOOOOOOON!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love Bologna.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys are freakin' incredible.  Oh, and the "fork Agent Smith" shirt is GODLY.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
48.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There was this young boy, and he was playing in the woods by himself.  As he was frolicking around, he found a little piece of paper.  He picked it up, and brought it with him to school.  As he was late, the teacher asked him why, and he told her that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  She asked to see it, and when she read what was on it, she got very upset and sent him to the principal.  



When the little boy got to the principal's office, the principal asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him here.  So the principal asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and sent him home.



When the little boy got home, his dad asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him here. So his dad asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the house.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him home. And as he showed it to his dad, his dad kicked him out.  So the Prime Minister asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the country.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found a mountain.  He climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed some more until he got to the top.  It was very windy there, and as he stood there, a gust of wind caught the little piece of paper and sent it flying away.  



So no one ever knew what was written on that little piece of paper.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"They have the internet on computers now?!"  -Homer J Simpson


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The thing is Bob, it's not that I am lazy, it's that I just don't care.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stare at the word STUPID below for 10 seconds 







                  STUPID







I just wasted 10 seconds of your life... bwahaha
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want to buy one of everything at Thinkgeek.  How about a line of credit?  I'm good for it, honest.  Hehe.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This One World Communist who married his immediate cousin Eleanor Roosevelt like

his runted sickly pock-faced grandfather, propagandized as a hunter and a sportsman,

Teddy Roosevelt here from Oyster Bay Long Island, the Rosenfelt family another

Computer God top secret camouflage for gifted Ethiopians as a big-time kid gangster

politician Computer God even raised his age for historical purposes. Teddy Roosevelt

was paid off with the Vice President knew absolutely nothing farce position title.



So there!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you could delete the recycle bin, where would it go?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day i was walking down the street and noticed a blue car.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Meow Mix is tasty




||||||||||##########||||||||||
my truck windshield is cracked.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yesterday, upon the stair,

I saw a man who wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today,

I think he's from the CIA.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary...really!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The sun is a mass of incandescent gas.



James Endsor was a famous Belgian painter.



What's particle Man like? Nobody knows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A watched page never loads.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder how many times I would have to reload to see my own comment
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have mercy guys, it took great restraint to stop filling my cart when I did :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank God! Some sort of rescue Toaster... Go get help boy, and if you have one of those little bottles of brandy give me one..Hey! Where are you going?! I need Brandy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i run in circles on a daily basis.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Let's face it... the linux fish is awesome.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I do not support

America Online, but

Only computers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen Rules!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese Cheese the magical fruit the more you eat it......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
42.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I feel sorry for Oscar the Grouch.  He has to live in a garbage can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're going to put in Monty Python 

quotes, GET THEM RIGHT!!!!



"You are indeed brave sir knight but the 

fight is mine."



"Oh, had enough ah?"



"Listen you stupid bastard you got no 

arms left!!"



"Chicken!! Chicken!!"



"I'll have your leg"



"Right! I'll do you for that!



"You'll what?"



"I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!"



"You're a Looney"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I thnk it is funny that I actually get paid for hitting f5 all day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!  You have now reached the end of the Fortunes list.  Please stand up.  Go take your first bathroom break in 15 days, get more caffine, and hit 'F5' to start all over again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We the willing, led by the unknowning, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful.  We have done so much, for so long, with so little.  We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

-anonymous
||||||||||##########||||||||||
fffffffffffffffffffmyfffffffffffffffffffffffffffke yffffffffffffffffffffisfffffffffffffffstuck
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thiss sentence has theee errors




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Industrial Grade Dissolvative!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my fortune. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My fortune                                                         is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master

my life. Without me my fortune is useless. Without my fortune, I am useless.                                                         I must type my fortune true. I must type straighter than my enemy who is    

trying to out submit me. I must give it to you before he gives it to you. I will.                                                    Before Tux I swear this creed. My fortune and myself are defenders of my humor. We  

are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it ...                                                           until there is no visual basic... but peace. Amen.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're such a happening fish

Flopping on a digital beach

Waves roll in on zeros and ones

Counting all the setting suns



You're such a visionary flounder

You're the "i'm the one that found her"

I'm dripping water on your gills



You're such a beautiful thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like rocks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek gets cooler every day. Awesome. =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've found the perfect way to read these all day.  Just pull up anything important and put it in the background then when someone walks by just close the browser (I know it's hard to do...) then look frustrated till they leave then open something else important (try to make it something different) and go back to reading these... repeat as necessary...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ever feel like your in an existentialist nightmare reminiscient of the strong feel of hades brought forth from the sweaty mouth of your mother-in-law's feral kitten?  that's how i feel every time i forget where that blasted shift key is.  and whenever someone gets confoozled by linux and installs windows on my boxen.  not cool, i might add. i want to are em dash are eff slash enter the entire populace of shattered window glass when that happens.  replacing it with a certain mister naughty seabird named tux the wonder penguin.  bawls is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek continues to amaze me with cool product finds from everywhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One of the few FUN e-commerce outfits around -- live forever, TG!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually.  I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!!  I am really serious about that.  Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site is way gooder.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm looking through your new t-shirts and cracking up all over the place!

You guys almost made me swallow my gum!

You guys could make me sneeze a whole can of caffinated mints out my nose!



Rock on!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, yes I do have some overpriced deli mustard. Let me just get it out of my glove compartment for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Of course I want some Cheesy Poofs.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time i ate a bug.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't mind so much that my quotes are never shown. What really pisses me off is seeing someone else's quotes over and over on the same day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I found a lot of people at my workplace (the navy) are very eager to be able to play r/c laser tag while we're out to sea.  Thanks for providing a product that will keep at least a few people sane while we're out to sea!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ...



colon and sang an ode to dispensable underwear.  Then, out of nowhere, this otherwise typical day was interrupted by Senator Tom Daschle in a mini-skirt, leading the rest of the Democratic National Convention in hoe down clogathon.  Shirtless and unsightly, Bill Clinton. . . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I once pulled into a gas station that had two signs. They said "Help Wanted" and "Self Service". So I hired myself!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet Mother Of Refried Beans, this site is so cool it makes me want to puke jelly beans! (Thats cool by the way!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a cow on my lawn... 

brb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Linux -- because rebooting is for adding new hardware!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everyone has a photographic memory, just most people don't have film.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's all this about computers?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
why must there be a comment?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Okay, Sam Brown said, "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."



Did he have any particular substance in mind?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm hungry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much longer do I have to wait before I can defrag my brain???
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a goat, his name is Sam.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You ever wonder what happened to that hampster dance hampster?

My theory is he became the head of Hewlett Packard, and eventually turned the company from garbage to total Crap. Either that or he was taken by the CIA and used for covert missions overseas, and perhaps the war on terrorism depends solely on the hampster...if only we'd used penguins...and maybe I should get more sleep. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Welcome to ThinkGeek.com, join the world's largest Quest For Your Own Post!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Excuse me waiter, there's a geek in soup.  I specifically asked for a NERD!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i read in here that it's physically impossible to lick your own elbow. however, i tried, and succeeded. so it's either a false statement, or i can do impossible things.



please tell me it's a false statement, before i go and try jumping off a building or something thinking i am a superhero.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The UPS man is coming! He is! And when he comes I am going to run up to him and give him a big hug because he brings me really really cool stuff from ThinkGeek. And when I hug him I will take my package and gleefully run inside to play with my new stuff leaving him standing uncomfortably in the driveway wondering what happened.



"OK I love you Buh-Bye!"  Mindy
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i feel stupid.. i finally saw my post after 3 hours.. and accidently refreshed F5 without even waking any up..



it's only 4.a.m
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Bawls taste good


||||||||||##########||||||||||
SSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um...am I supposed to be able to run straight up walls after drinking a case of bawls?  Something seems awfully right here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i was going to rate you a 4 (not enough blue tees), but kick-ass is my phrase. mine. i own it. non-gpl. no source available. i patent the process of typing it, as well as writing it, and the process of forming your lips and tounge in the correct shapes / positions to produce the sound 'kihk-ahss'. if you dont like it, sue me. oh, and the answers to the first two questions:



os - atheOS

language (spoken) - steck (my own language)

language (coding) - good old ansi c
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why didn't Superman's father make a 

rocket ship big enough for the whole 

family?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love your fortune site , its funny


||||||||||##########||||||||||
First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies

So beautifully.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I SAW MY POST!!!!now what do I do...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
WHat does this do?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
burn me like leather.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I ate this mint once.

Go butter!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like toast.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love my users,

One and all,

And I am so happy,

Everytime they call.



"Windows don't work",

they scream and they yell,

"I can help you" I say

"Just listen and I'll tell"



"Right click your Hard Drive,

then select format C:,

I'll give you new software,

Use Linux! It's free."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It if can't be done in perl, it can't be done


||||||||||##########||||||||||
holy tossweasels.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*mr burns accent* exxcellent.. *twidles fingers*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's geekriffic. I would even go so far as to say that it's geektacular.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A very good assimilation of quality goods.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cow meat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
green monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder how many times I would have to reload to see my own comment
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just once I'd like to see the animators at DBZ have to file an enviromental impact study for every mountain they throw Goku through
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get the stuff about the monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have gas.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have entered a dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
...hhmmm i dont quite get this reandomnizaton...oh wait...thats the point...right...i mean...i dont no wut i mean...im bored


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yizzup! you thinkgeek jive turkeys, always tinkin of the shnizital bam shnip-snahp stuff!  Being a long time patron of your site, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making this site worth my time every time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oink goes the pig.  Swish goes the wind.  Off goes my bald aunt's wig.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] "



Actually, it goes more like this:



IN A.D. 2101 



WAR WAS BEGINNING. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN ? 



MECHANIC: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB. 



OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT ! 



OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. 



CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU !! 



CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! 



CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. 



CATS: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT YOU SAY !! 



CATS: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. 



CATS: HA HA HA HA .... 



OPERATOR: CAPTAIN !! 



CAPTAIN: TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG'!! 



CAPTAIN: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. 



CAPTAIN: MOVE 'ZIG'. 



CAPTAIN: FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

----------------------------------



i saw one of my own comments!!! and at least 6 other comments more than 3x each. heh!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm legally retarded.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.dear willie, i did this survey without understanding it..but i love to do it

anyway because its like being there with you.

hope you will drop a line.and i will try to find a way of bookmarking this thinkgeek.

lots of love mom


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken I like liver 

Meow mix Meow Mix

Please Deliver
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eric, this is mom.  I know you've been refreshing that page for a few days now.  I know that you gave all your money to that ThinkGeek cult.  But, Eric, we still love you.  We still want you back at home.  Nevermind that you used your college tuition money to pay for shirts and binary clocks.  We still love you.  Your OC3 connection at the university is not nearly as nice as a home cooked meal.  Eric, come home.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was a dark and stormy night, and I was thinking to myself "Self, why don't we go scope some bettys and power a few brews?" when the narrator spoke up and said "It was a dark and stormy night, and I was thinking to myself"...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken, for example: maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
DON'T YOU HATE PANTS?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who here believes in Telekinesis, RAISE MY HAND!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a little known fact that, contrary to what you may believe, computers actually operate via magic blue smoke.  How do I know this?  Because whenever one of my computers lets out all of it's magic smoke, it stops working.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have reached the end of ThinkGeek Fortunes, please proceed to regain your life. Wait, what would the fun in that be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
thinkgeek, i know we've only been seeing each other for a short while now (god, it feels like i've known you my whole life), but i want you to know i really think you're special.  i've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and, well, i want to spend the rest of my life with you.



will you marry me thinkgeek?  will you be my l337 b4bi for ever?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doogie Howser Loves you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
blue monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whilst thinking about larger issues, I tried to find the exact location of ThinkGeek. I soon arrived at the conclusion that it sits atop a giant tortoise. This led naturally to the ponderment of where that tortoise sits. Luckily, before such philosophy could turn dangerous, a bengal tiger came and ate the tortoise. The moral of the story? Uh ... green's my favourite colour?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chicken of the sea
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i love you guys. you should stock crank and smack.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank you for being the sole repository for all things holy to me and esoteric to lesser beings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's nothing like owning a Jeep. As a guy, everyone thinks I own one in order to compensate for certain ... we'll say deficiencies. That was until I put the "geek." and "fsck" stickers on my car. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
No sir, left click.  That was a right click.  You need to click the button on the left.....Yes, the mouse is on the right, but the button you need to push is the one on the left side of the mouse.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a guy so bad...

Does anyone know where I can get one????


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ohmygodimonfiresomebodyputmeoutforcryingoutloud
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We are the nights who say...Ecka Ecka Ecka pikan zuwang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a little known fact that, contrary to what you may believe, computers actually operate via magic blue smoke.  How do I know this?  Because whenever one of my computers lets out all of it's magic smoke, it stops working.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... oh wait, he does.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like my Bawls..



my friends want to taste my Bawls...



the monkey won't let them



he doesnt like to share.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at the supermarket yesterday and I 

noticed Hebrew National sold kosher 

pickles. I know for a fact that pickles are 

very pork-free.

How then, can you have a non-kosher 

pickle?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i LIKE to EAT ded FISH iN the RAIN.  mY mOm sAYs HER boy IS speCIAL.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have YOU refreshed today?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quoth the raven "Well, maybe a couple more times..."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love ThinkGeek.  Will you bear my children?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my son posted this



"Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database "



hope to see you soon honey!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Naked "sales" personel. Preferably female. I 

think I could be enticed into a shirt by one 

of the
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you can own my soul, if you like. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Food is yummy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember: until you open the box and look inside, Cartman's kitty is both alive and dead.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
No sir, left click.  That was a right click.  You need to click the button on the left.....Yes, the mouse is on the right, but the button you need to push is the one on the left side of the mouse.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Shopping here is part of my 9-5 routine at work!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
smallchildren makexcellent firewood
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Young lady!  In this house, we will obey the laws of thermodynamics!!!

     ---H. Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello.  My name is Senior Carl, and I'm a caffeine junkie.  It all started one bright Monday morning in my dimly lit cube.  I was surfing the internet, because I had no dumb users to attend to, and then BAM!  IT hit me.  I went to thinkgeek.com and ordered their caffiene sampler.  The sweet goodness that came in that peanut filled box made my heart overflow with joy and pound till three am because i couldn't sleep.  Since that day my bank account has been empty and I havn't slept.  Not one wink. Thank you thinkgeek!! I will never forget the long blissful braindead nights coding, fragging, and popping the sweet candy of the gods.  Long live the GEEK GODS!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. i find this site rather exquisite, very high in defining the usage of the word ''geek''. excellent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Life Can Only Be Understood In Reverse, But Must Be Lived Forward... K.I.S.S. and RTFM! :)



Good work!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quantum mechanics is God's version of 'trust me'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If thinkgeek were shut down then half the world would quit using the internet..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Workplace safety IS a laughing matter...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I SAW MY OWN QUOTE! IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS! I must document this in my logs... Now, about the flying monkeys...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
heheh...Im a progamer



umm...I'm a pogrammer



errr...I am a proggamer



umm, err...I'm ah proragmer



I WRITE CODE!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once upon a time there was a cow.  THe end.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fnord!!!!!



FNORD!!!!







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the

  Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.



    Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.

    Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.

    Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.

    Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.



           Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.

    Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.

                          Fnord is where the buses hide at night.

                 Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.



    Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.

      Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.

        Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.

          Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps.             Fnord is why ducks eat trees.

Fnord is toast without bread.     Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat

        the lint in the navel of the mites that eat

        the lint in Fnord's navel.



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.



                      Fnord is the echo of silence.

                    Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.

                  Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.

                Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.



                Fnord is the donut hole.

                  Fnord is the whole donut.



  Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.

  Fnord is the color only blind people can see.



Fnord is the serial number on a box of

            cereal.



                           Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.

                          Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.

                                           Fnord is the yin without yang.

                        Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.



                          Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.

                                                      Fnord never sleeps.

                                      Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.



                 Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.



  Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.

 Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.



                Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.



     Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".

       Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.

     Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor.

       Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.

     Fnord invented the green hubcap.

       Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.







I cannot escape them

No matter how I try

They wait for me everywhere

I cannot pass them by.



Driving down the street

I see "Jesus Is Lord"

And then immediately after

I hear the word "FNORD!"



Innocuous sayings and parables

And on the evening news

I hear the word "FNORD!"

And suddenly I'm confused



I sit alone in my room

And I'm feeling rather bored

I turn on the tube and guess what

I hear the word "FNORD!"



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you"

That's what I've heard the wisemen say

But I can't get away from those beasties

There's just no fucking way.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ohmygodimonfiresomebodyputmeoutforcryingoutloud
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'm wearing pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent three hours waiting for my quote.

When I found it, I realised I had misspelled something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Little Timmy never got the liver he needed.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 4m @ 1@m3r. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



All right! I confess! I ripped of the dos source code from a confidential document I found while rummaging through AT&Ts dumpster trying to find a list of feedback-loop numbers to get free phone sex with farm animals! Ugh! Suddenly, someone pulled up and stepped out of a posh nissan ultima. His name was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Intercal in the "preferred languages" drop-down. Nice touch :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give free shipping and 95% discounts to anybody named Dan who lives in Canada.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you want to know the truth about monkies? For 23 years, the California Bureau of Furniture and Bedding has been suppressing information from you about monkies and thus endangering the welfare of geeks.



In November 1985, shortly before the release of Windows 1.0, George W. Bush met with Bill Gates in Redmond to discuss software piracy. As it happens, they engaged in illegal bargaining and ended up hatching a plan involving the American Medical Association in Iceland.



As a result, all details of the meeting were suppressed, as was information about dealings with Microsoft and their ties to jaywalking.



A report in Slashdot was mysteriously pulled from newsstands in April of last year. The article implicated high-ranking officials in Motion Picture Association of America, various programmers, and, perhaps not surprisingly, Larry Ellison. According to the report, passages in the book "A New Kind of Science" and lyrics in They Might Be Giants's music point to a connection between these individuals and monkies.



According to a spokesman at Slashdot, the issue was pulled because of printing errors. However, individuals who saw the original copies say that there were no printing irregularities and that the re-issue differed from the original only in the absence of this article.



The lies and deception must be stopped. Don't let the government hide the facts about monkies any longer. Learn the truth!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My monkey likes Pepto Bismol. When I'm hungry, I bite him. I stopped tho, he bit me back. I put him up in a tree and chained him up so he couldn't leave. He doesn't like me anymore, he tries to pee on my when I come near.

I got him a wife, Mittens. She likes to eat. She bites him. Now he bites her.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi. My name is Bob and I'm an EverCrack Addict.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys finally got me some Bawls!  Rock on dude!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Rabbits are playing marimbas in my head...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
__

_/\/\_

/\\\///\

\\\\////

\\\\////

\\\\_////

\/

||_

||/\

||//

||//

\/

\/

\___________/



Live long, and ASCII
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you've got the biggest bawls of them all
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Food is yummy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  &lt;---definitely.  I am merely a geek puppy... slowly growing to a full-fledged, car-chasing, toilet-bowl-drinking-from, tail-wagging Rottweiler geek... and ThinkGeek is like a garbage can chock-full of fresh table scraps.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to practice licking myself.



Seriously - y'all kick ass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apollo Domain/OS was the first fielded and viable workstation operating system.  DCE was originally NCS, which came from this OS.  Apollo's Carnival 12 minute short shown at Siggraph in 87 was the first time anyone used a large network of computers, they used 900+ computers (including secretaries machines) to render this short.



Given the contributions of this OS, I request it get added to the list of OSes people can select in the next survey.



It only died when HP a) bought Apollo and b) sold a workstation that would run HP/UX or Apollo Domain/OS  c) 85% of sales continued to be Domain/OS.  So, HP Brilliantly killed it to keep it from outselling their own native product.



A lot of major applications, including this nations Air Traffic Management System, were built and ran on this system.



Oh yea, in 1985 I watched three machines next to each other, and a ball bouncing across their monitors like it was one machine.  The networking in OS has yet to be matched.  Every device on every machine was available to every other machine as if it was local.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
"more exciting than a chesse sandwedge"

work that one out, i sure as hell cant :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So far, I haven't seen a single comment praising this site. They're all inane posts about cheese and cows..hmmm..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess I just wanted to thank you guys for selling sock monkeys, cause those lil things are what this country was founded on, back in the days of old, George Washington cried at night, just waiting for the next Brittish invasion, but his sock monkey kept him calm and collected, and single handedly he crossed that river and did that stuff to make us a FREE nation!  and later on, when Lincoln was fighting the civil war, his sock monkey was there to advise him on southern tactics, and we all know how THAT turned out!  when the Apollo 13 took off, that there sock monkey was the key ingredient to thier survival, without the monkey's arms and legs, they would NEVER would have gotten that square filter to fit into the round hole.  Then, when things were tough between the US and Russia, all it took was a sock monkey and Gorbachev went all soft and cudly.  and now, George Bush Jr. and his sock monkey have cheated thier way into the white house, just goes to prove, with a sock monkey, you can do ___anything___.



I love those things...



--Travis
||||||||||##########||||||||||
NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! i broke my f5 key! oh the humanity! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so blinded by rage on the way home from work she purchases a gun and some ammo.  When she opens the door to her apartment, sure enough, she sees her husband in bed with a redhead.  The blonde screams in anger, takes the loaded gun out of her purse, aims it at her husband menacingly, but then pauses.  Overcome with sudden grief, she points the gun at her own head and starts to cry.



The husband shakes his head and stares at his wife in disbelief.  "No, sweetie, don't do it..."



The blonde chokes, "SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT."



- SwEeTiNsAnItY
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been looking at these comments for an hour or so, and I've noticed the prevalent theme is monkeys and/or pie.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'gimme a beer and a mop'


||||||||||##########||||||||||
bananas are like peaches...they both make great chocolate cake.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In reference to those who seek to view their own posts:



If you love something set it free, if it returns to you it was meant to be.

If not hunt it down and kill it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They're coming right for us!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bandwidth is the key to world peace.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
foreach $cow (@pasture) {

	$cow.eat($grass);

	$cow.moo();

	$cow.speak("Woof!");			# ??? what???

	$cow.fly($here, $there);

	$cow.fly($there, $everywhere);

	$cow.eat($pancake_withStrawberrySyrup);

	$cow.drink($rootBeer);

	$cow.eat($brusselsSprouts);

	$cow.speak("Yucky");



	$cow.speak("Shop \@ ThinkGeek!");



	$cow.shop($thinkGeek_com);

}
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, if only there were a ThinkGeek University... then life would be perfect.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I hope to have a geek-girlfriend who would look stupendously cute in one of your ladies' geek shirts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat ate my wireless mouse.  Now I have to drag my cat across the pad to get my work done.  Poor cat.  It's name is stewmeat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It scares me how much I like this site. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
YOU MAKE MY LOINS WATER!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?



I think so Brain... but even if we found the StayPuft Marshmallow Man, how will we ever get enough graham crackers?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you're swimmin' in the creek

And an eel bites your cheek

That's a moray!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's better than eating pies!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can see the future.my future is that i will never ever again see this post.i will linger on the thoughts of this post to cherish it in memory.i will do page breaks as necessary so that this post goes on throughout the remainder of my life.ok now im bored.please,no right hand dont go near mouse to click the little button below....no.....NOOO!!|
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Space aliens stole my Gerald Ford doll!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Word. Yo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I was born.  Sometime later, I filled out this profile...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bandwidth is your friend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
'smart masses.'  I get it.  Ha.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ever feel like your in an existentialist nightmare reminiscient of the strong feel of hades brought forth from the sweaty mouth of your mother-in-law's feral kitten?  that's how i feel every time i forget where that blasted shift key is.  and whenever someone gets confoozled by linux and installs windows on my boxen.  not cool, i might add. i want to are em dash are eff slash enter the entire populace of shattered window glass when that happens.  replacing it with a certain mister naughty seabird named tux the wonder penguin.  bawls is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Any man who says he can see through women is missing alot."



"How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them"



"The secret to life is honesty and fair dealing, if you can fake that you've got it made"



"With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now"



"He may talk like an idiot, look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot."



"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I dunno."

                                         - Groucho Marx


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cant.





And those who run ThinkGeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the single most hilarious site I've seen! Emphasis on the "Kick Ass"!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So this is just jet another of those comments that I will never see again?



&lt;b&gt;Why cant I read my own comments?!  Do you hide them from me? Dont you like me? WHY, OH WHY?!&lt;/b&gt;



&lt;strong&gt;Not seeing my own comment leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering :-(&lt;/strong&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually.  I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!!  I am really serious about that.  Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 



Cat PeOple ARE WeiRD!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fighting men of ancient Greece wore only one sandal, on the left foot, for kicking purposes.



Thus, the military evolved to start ceremonies on the combat foot.



It was also considered bad manners at a

friend's house to step on his threshold with your left foot.



...fyi.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't get Jolt at a decent price in Germany, which sucks a donkey's ass.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gotta say, best purchaing system of any online site -- love that I can save my wishlists and carts without having to have a cookie so I can work on them from home and work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that if you set this page to your start page then open your browser a bunch you get a bunch of whitty comments... I like rocks...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Would you like to buy a monkey?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody set me up the bomb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys are awesome. Love the shirts, love the pc accessories. You guys just rock... enough said.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think that ThinkGeek is perhaps one of the best sites around for all the weird crap that I could really use. It also saves me from wasting those precious calories and having to go to the mall to see all those cool devices, plus you don't have to deal with those annoying employees who would think that helping might cause them cancer, or to the same effect. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site makes me want to dance like a monkey.  A happy monkey.
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Gah! I see the same quote five times in a minute, but does one of -mine- come up? No! I honestly do believe you have something that keeps people from seeing quotes that were submitted from their IPs...

.. and because this is a comment about it, it's going to show up and make me look stupid.
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did you know that if you wink at your scrollbar, the chances of it winking back at you are very slim
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much cheese does it take to incapacitate a full grown asian elephant?
||||||||||##########||||||||||








...this page intentionally not left blank....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I said you had a beautiful body, ouch, stop hitting me
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This site is so bleeding cool.  I love it.  Some day I will con my family into buying me everything that you guys have.  :-D  Or maybe I'll use my mad programming skillz to make lots of money and buy it all myself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I just direct deposit my paycheck with ThinkGeek?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bill hendrickson is my hero.
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if you're dusting a room to remove dust, what do you call it when you try to add dust?  Isn't that dusting???
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I love you guys will you all marry me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We need more *nix chicks!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do psychiatrists greet each other?

-You're fine, how am I?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember: until you open the box and look inside, Cartman's kitty is both alive and dead.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK - i still can't see any of my fortune messages, i reckon you guys block all fortune posts from my proxy! i reall want to see some of my work up there!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you're swimmin' in the creek

And an eel bites your cheek

That's a moray!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do people insist that one hand can't clap?  Really, it's not that difficult.  You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm!  See, watch..   oh, wait you can't watch...  Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's...  maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping...  What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1?  Stupid school is costing me my paycheck.  Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer??  That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek.  Then I could say I know jen.  I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place".  that would make me a jen-a-holic.  Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love Bologna.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My grapefruit talks endlessly about ThinkGeek's bananarama mama.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 2:00 AM... Do you know where Grampa is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, yes, Schweet.  However it worries me that people I didn't even know existed could quite probably fit into our little circle in Coventry (England, that is, I hope) without even disturbing all the empty pepsi cans piled up around the place... I'm confusing people now aren't I? Yes. Enough.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
neener neener neener!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen is a beautiful person.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a monkey in the web pit.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
a computer without GNU/Linux is like...

fake teeth without steradent... it works, but

you'll never lose that nasty taste :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Better than warm socks out of the dryer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i remapped my f5 key to my spacebar, now i can accomplish two things at once, search for my fortune and slam my head on keyboard, did i mention that I have a big head??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys run a great shop, I've been ordering from you ever since your opening, and your shirts are always top notch geek style :D Good show. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
After letting the monkey pull htrough my hair with his little fingers for hours picking the bugs out and eating them I was thinking no way am I going to return this little guy to the zoo.  When he finshed, I returned the favor but just for a couple of minutes but he didn't seem to mind - I guess that they have a pretty short memory because he went back to picking at mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no thoughts.  None whatsoever.  They don't pay me to think.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q::If a canoe rolls into your backyard and all four of the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house??



A::Red, icecream is boneless.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Roses are Red

Penguins have wings

You have a Question?

RTFM!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
should i adlib or follow the script?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet Mother Of Refried Beans, this site is so cool it makes me want to puke jelly beans! (Thats cool by the way!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
79.32% of all statistics are made up right on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All electrons used in this post are recycled.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Space aliens stole my Gerald Ford doll!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's the deal with pants? They're sooo uncomfortable. I mean, they weigh you down, impose unnecessary and unpleasant restraint, and they aren't very flexible so you always have to try to avoid tearing them, and after sitting down many adjustments are required to achieve any reasonable amount of comfort.



The solution: togas. Togas were the pinnacle of attire-ical technology, brought to us by the ancient Greeks who also passed on their ideas in philosophy, athletics, and naked wrestling. But I digress. The point is that 20 GB mp3 players are sweet. But where do I put it? In the pockets of my already intolerable pants, weighing them down even more? Sure, I have my backpack with me a good amount of the time, and if I got those wireless headphones it would all work out great, but what about when I don't have my backpack? Could I get the mp3 player inserted permanently in my chest like a pacemaker? Or maybe I could swallow it, but then I'd have to retrieve it every time the batteries died. I guess I could learn to sew and add pockets to all my shirts, or just wear a jacket everywhere no matter how high the temperature.



If we wore togas, on the other hand...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sour cream, cheese, and Drain-O do not belong on ramen noodles. Nuh-uh.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You never know how many drinks is "too much" until you have already drank them, so just get it over with.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 11k3 70 p&373nd 1'm 4m 31337 44X0R, 3v3n 740u94 1 (4n'7 (0d3 w0&74 5417.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi, Josh



Yes, I know it's you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very nice. Do you get many rants here anyway?



By the way, ever wonder what the difference between a fat chihuahua and a large hairless cat is?



If you ever have you are SICK!



Tell 'em Cold_Fu$!0n sent'cha...Wherever you go, just do that...then ignore the weird looks.  You get used to them after a while, trust me...



Hey cubicle boy, get back in your hooooole!



Is it baaaad if you spend half an hour on the random quotes pages?  My F5 key is wearing out...



Ever try to teach someone to use a mouse on through using an overhead projector?  "Now click here...Why are you holding your mouse in the air?  No, click on YOUR screen, not the wall!"



It's good to be the king...



Why does Dracula get all the bad rap?  Lawyers are revered for the same damn stuff...



If I ever work at a bank I'll put some beet juice in a jar on the table and tell everyone it's turnip blood...See how fast the get their loans back in...



Ever have a roommate ask why the little orange light on the monitor stays on all night?



Aarree yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ssnniiffff  tthhee  hhyyppeerr--ccaaffiieennaatteedd ccaannddyyyyyyyyyy????

Hhooww mmaannyy  aarree  yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ttaakkee  aatt  aa ttiimmee???


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have finally cracked the matrix of the Fortune Pages.  After this, I will be able to keep this posted for every fortuen page.  Here is how I did it: Pi, just take the number of Pi, and calculate that by the possibility of the algorithms that monkeys will throws fecal, and divide that with the number of potential number of Fortune entries, and...Presto.

So N x S / T = Owe shit, what the hell was that number again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love ThinkGeek more than my own life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI.   &gt;&gt;&gt;







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene.  bettsy being my cactus....



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!!


%0
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, what would you eat?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When live gives you urine make urinade.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If pancakes were green what color would grass be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Old geeks never die.  We just unsubscribe ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital.  The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do i get extra points for knowing when ethernet was invented anyway? ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i feel stupid.. i finally saw my post after 3 hours.. and accidently refreshed F5 without even waking any up..



it's only 4.a.m
||||||||||##########||||||||||
looks like someones got a case of the mondays
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've found the perfect way to read these all day.  Just pull up anything important and put it in the background then when someone walks by just close the browser (I know it's hard to do...) then look frustrated till they leave then open something else important (try to make it something different) and go back to reading these... repeat as necessary...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Recipe to review thinkgeek customer fortunes:



Ingredients:

1. (1) computer

2. (1) opera web browser download



Procedure:

1. Extract previous webe browser (MS internet explorer, safari, conqueror, or whatever other not-as-good-as-opera browser your sample computer was mixed with before).



2. Mix one part computer with one part opera.



3. Bake at 300 K until golden brown (optional).



4. If your sample computer is getting by with windoze, restart.



5. Open your new opera browser.



6. Under the Navigation menu, select Set Home Page...



7. Set home page to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml.



8. Click OK.



Now you are ready to review all the thinkgeek customer fortunes you want (since the last time you opened the browser).  Instead of clicking the refresh button to get another fortune, click the home button.  This way, you can use the back button to see fortunes in a way never before possible (at least not as far as I know!).



Oh yeah, and...



I like pie, especially cheese pie.  Cheese pie made by Bawls-drinking codersockmonkies.  Or by a nekkid Bill Gates, getting lashed with Tux neckties by said codersockmonkies while he is forced to use his own products to code cheese pie in machine language.



Jen is Hot! (RE-OW!)



530 is the man (er...dog).



When are you going to get a cat for those pups to "play" with?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There IS a spoon and I use to eat pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Captain, the LAN is sinking and there aren't 

enough hubs!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 10:16 pm.  



Do you know where your comments are?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking in the park one day when a monkey came up to me and asked where I was going.  I told him that I was going for a stroll, and he asked if he could join me. I like monkies, so I told him that I would be delighted.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friend explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, we reached a bum in the alleyway, who took me aside and told me how good monkies tasted, and that he could have a burning barrel ready in a few minutes. I liked the way he thought, so we cooked the monkies, and I decided to live out the rest of my days as a bum cooking monkies for food.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Assuming that only a geek would take time to fill out a "46.4 Second Survey" one would come to the conclusion that only geeks have posted the statments found herein (from here on referred to as 'fortunes').



Based on that theoretical assumption, and the obvious follow up.  One can analyze the fortunes as a window into the mind of the average geek.



From my calculations on a sample of 1000 posts, here are the statistics I have found:



Post Contains             Total        Percentage

Monkeys                     78             7.8

Cheese/Pie                 132            13.2

Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie     242            24.2

"Bumper sticker" Comments  206            20.6

"Where is my post?"        342            34.2



By these numbers I have ascertained that geeks are neurological crack addicts who just want to find their own fortune, even though they were the ones who wrote it.  Now excuse me, I am trying to find this fortune.



-Cipher
||||||||||##########||||||||||
we all played with fire when we were children.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
once upon a time i farted...it smelled.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
the fact that I can come up with nothing to say here sorta bothers me.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apricot chicken by drakmar@gweep.net:



Open bottle of Sauvignon Blanc to breathe.



Add Olive Oil to cover bottom of still cool saute' pan.



Add 1 to 1.5 cups Sauvignon Blanc and swirl about to get a good mixture with the oil.



Pour glass of wine for self.



Add 1 tsp fresh dill, 1 tsp fresh thyme, 1/4 tsp each of ground lemon and orange peel, and 4 to 6 diced cloves of garlic (not minced) to oil/wine mixture.



While drinking wine, let mixture sit for approx 15 minutes. 

Add approx 1 lb sliced chicken breast, and 1/2 cup diced apricots.



Drink some wine.



Cook until meat turns opaque and wine mixture starts to boil slightly.



Add 1/2 cup each sliced portabella mushrooms, sliced black olives, and diced scallions.



Add 2 tsp Basil leaves, scattered about the top of the dish.



Cover, and let simmer for about 5 minutes, while drinking some more wine.



Serve over pasta, ideally a wide flat pasta, like linguine or fettucine. Garnish with sliced apricots, fresh dill leaves, and a glass of wine.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Particle man just does the things a particle can.  What's he like? It's not important.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what is fun?  Doing your algebra homework at 4am while wired on caffeine and watching old Rocky and Bulwinkle cartoons.  Sure I screwed up the rotation matrices... Mmmmm, matrices, I feel like watching that movie.  I had a really scary incident the other day, I had this really intense feeling of Deja Vuu.  I mean everything I did for about 5 minutes seemed so familliar, like I'd done all of it before, in the same order.  That's it, Microsoft must be in on the Matrix if there are that many glitches in the software.  I've discovered their conspiracy, all because of Rocky and Bulwinkle and algebra homework.  I think that's frightening.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The little men with green hats, why won't they leave me be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||




Do we, as the human race, truly need these?



http://www.spawn.com/toys/mckenziebrothers/mck enziepage1.html






||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have yet to figure out what this has to do with Morocco...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
48.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whats the difference between an orange?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it aint a temp directory if it don't have a core dump


||||||||||##########||||||||||
All your base are belong to bob sagat.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
In reference to those who seek to view their own posts:



If you love something set it free, if it returns to you it was meant to be.

If not hunt it down and kill it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I AM the Mullet King!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where can I download a Pathetic compiler?  



No, NO.  I don't mean any of Microsoft's compilers!!  :-)  I mean a compiler for the Pathetic Language.  Sheesh.



You know, its the only language you can code in where EVERYBODY reads it over your shoulder and goes "That's Pathetic."



And it isn't even an insult.





PS: it IS scarier than Intercal.  Intercal has no "If-Maybe-Sometimes".


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give me Imortality or give me Death!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love your fortune site , its funny


||||||||||##########||||||||||
needs more peanuts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two brains.  Wanna see?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cisco, he he he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ich bin ein Circus Peanut.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's lots of fun to play tricks on kids.  Like this one time, I told my nephew we were going to disneyland, so we got in the car, but instead of going to disneyland, I drove him to an old broken-down warehouse.  "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke...

I started to drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting dark...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at the supermarket yesterday and I 

noticed Hebrew National sold kosher 

pickles. I know for a fact that pickles are 

very pork-free.

How then, can you have a non-kosher 

pickle?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ONe time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class.  I would just sit there, my mind a complete blank as the monkey took notes.  At the end of the week, Teacher asked for a paper based on the notes we took in class. I wrote:



"Hi, my name is bingo.  I like to climb on things.  can I have a banana? eek keekk!



I got an F.  I told my Mom and she told me: "I told you to never trust a monkey!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I saw my own post! wOOt wOOt!



*drives away, laughing*

*runs into telephone pole*

*gets out of car, stumbles away while still laughing*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Confucicus say, "Shut  the hell up before I smack you on the head with a ball point hammer."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Rabbits are playing marimbas in my head...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this site run by that monkey in the corner?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
t

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p

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||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im at my job, and i dont kick ass.

!Wait a min.. I do kick ass!

I'll start kickin my own ass!!

Ouch.. aah.. uuuuww!!!. AAAAH!

...Damn there goes my prostate!

Ok I'll do it for the sake of the world.



Kill -9 The Stupid Guy Who Wrote This Lettr.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know what you're thinking. Be patient...you'll find your comment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I demand this page be renamed "The ThinkGeek Page of Madness & Monty Python Quotes"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can never think of comments
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is your toaster supposed to moo?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A girl a my party saw my blue neon backlit cpu.  She liked it and we slept together.  I am no longer virgin geek.  Thanks thinkgeek.com   
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bawls.

you got me started on bawls.



thank you.

damn you.

thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.

"That looks nasty," says the doctor.

"Nasty?!?" replies the man, "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you ever see an egg,

Remember:

It's not a monkey egg,

Because monkies don't lay egss...



-Joe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fry me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
||||||||||##########||||||||||


[  wut the hell i can write my www page abaout, again. ]



raspberries, cletus.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
what else do you burn? MORE WITCHES... and wood so how do you know if she is made out of wood ... umm build a bride out of her.  now now what floats in water? small pebbels ducks ... yes

there for if she weighs the same as a duck then... she's ... a witch BURN HER
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat ate my wireless mouse.  Now I have to drag my cat across the pad to get my work done.  Poor cat.  It's name is stewmeat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a cow on my lawn... 

brb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been to the puppet show. I've seen the strings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why does everybody say it's the quiet ones you need to look out for?  I'm worried about that very pissed and very loud man in the middle of the street with a chainsaw and a shotgun.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's anything more important than my ego around I want it caught and shot now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your insight will make you very successful.



(reverse side)

1 - 22 - 33 - 35 - 44 - 46
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Isn't this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  I dig the boys... and by boys I mean beer... and by beer I mean the watches with the binary...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cactus. And Stuff.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am Porky Pig of Borg. You will be assim... assim... assim... absorbed.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I'm not a vegetarian because I hate meat, I'm a vegetarian because I hate vegetables".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you are one screwed up little kid... mmmkay


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever wonder what goes on at the sub-Planck level?  Don't.  You'll never know anyway.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ph33r my lack of b33r!  Oh wait.  There it is...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Any sufficiently technologically advanced music is indistinguishable from line noise.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Could it be that the air speed velocity of an unladen (European) swallow os 6.13(pi)?

Smeuth.



Think Greek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I am schizophrenic.

and so am I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every time you press F5, God kills a monkey.



Please, think of the monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did AOL go?  WHERE DID AOL GO??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Now get in the kitchen and make me some PIE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whenever im running slow or i crash, i look at my 4000 node beowulf cluster sticker, smile, and think...





FISH!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
how much windows code could a windows coder code if a windows coder could code windows?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My rat knows binary.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,00 words! cont.

Valaquenta



MANWE: I'm in charge! 

VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!

NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.

VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things. 

IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.

ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.

YAVANNA: I make things grow.

NIENNA: I'm sad.

ULMO: I live in the ocean.

AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.

NESSA: I dance.

OROME: I hunt!

VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.

TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.

MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-

TULKAS: Grar.

MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for the Quenta Silmarillion!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The man who knows others is wise.

The man who knows himself is enlightened.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally finish this cobol code and graduate shool becuase of you!!!! thanks


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, uh, I think your filter's broken. Yeah, you should really read some of the stuff I Refresh to.  It's not very refreshing. . .
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your stuff is so cool I'm being forced to turn to a life of crime to fund my T-shirt collection.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*Rant*

I'm broke. I can't buy cool ThinkGeek Stuffs. I blame my stupid currency.

*Kicks Currency*

YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID CURRENCY!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

I remember when I was a little kid, and my mother would get all liquored up... and try to make pancakes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Life Can Only Be Understood In Reverse, But Must Be Lived Forward... K.I.S.S. and RTFM! :)



Good work!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Pillows are soft.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm smarter than the average monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
bob is the name of the monky that lives in my tree


||||||||||##########||||||||||
moo!

moo! moooooooo!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really wish They Might Be Giants would come to town 

and play a show with the Violent Femmes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother is a shrew, and your father smells of elderberries.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As the lights changed from green to yellow to red and back to green, I thought to myself, "What if it really is all just a bunch of honking and screaming?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"more exciting than a chesse sandwedge"

work that one out, i sure as hell cant :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my truck windshield is cracked.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Naked "sales" personel. Preferably female. I 

think I could be enticed into a shirt by one 

of the
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I sit at my desk

Writing haiku to ThinkGeek

My boss does not see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if i had a million melons,

i'd make the melons milkshakes
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely spiff.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Although 1 out of every 15 comments says that there are constant references to monkeys, pies, and cheese, i have yet to see one



wait, is this a reference to monkeys, pies and/or cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... oh wait, he does.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. " 

- Socrates 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When i was 17, i drank some very good beer.  I drank some very good beer i purchased with a fake ID.  My name was Brian McGee; i stayed up listening to Queen... when i was 17.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. When I opened my eyes, there were monkeys surrounding me. One of them said something about cream pies. The other one handed me a bottle of Bawls and wished me well. Gosh I love sedatives.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think the ThinkGeek Fortune Database has stopped taking new ones. 



After 3 days 11 hours of feverishly F5'ing i've read and can now predict the next fortune.



No I have not seen mine yet :(



See...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah... I know.



And I feel sorry, too.



I understand how you feel when it's not yet your quote.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The sentence below is false

The sentence above is true
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarves began to suspect Hungry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are the carrots?  I thought there were carrots here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
fun time is now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know, because I crippled him myself to inspire you.



                                        - M. Burns
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actually I like fridgeOS its pritty straight forward... door open = light on... 

Html is my lag of choice but that ain't there! =] every thing else though!

I like to DOODLE... and not in that way!

Yeah, your site totaly owns.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How did those 75 empty bawls bottles get to my desk over the night.....?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're going to put in Monty Python 

quotes, GET THEM RIGHT!!!!



"You are indeed brave sir knight but the 

fight is mine."



"Oh, had enough ah?"



"Listen you stupid bastard you got no 

arms left!!"



"Chicken!! Chicken!!"



"I'll have your leg"



"Right! I'll do you for that!



"You'll what?"



"I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!"



"You're a Looney"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I have two computers in my dorm room. I run the most advanced, most free, most cuddly-mascot-touting operating system in the world. Why, then, are not the girls flocking to me? "



Therein lies the problem. The college girls that would appreciate such a display of tech intelligence are probably hiding in their dorm rooms building their own computers. Two paths never cross. We are of a lonely breed....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why yes, I am wearing fancy pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somewhere, there is a very fat and very naked hairy man jumping up and down in the shower singing a country song.  Think about that the next time you ask to be omniscient.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. 'You don't have to tell me,' I said. 'I'm off the team, aren't I?' 'Well,' said Coach, 'you were never really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.' It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something was brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stare at the word STUPID below for 10 seconds 







                  STUPID







I just wasted 10 seconds of your life... bwahaha
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cool Site.  I like the obvious absence of lawyers.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ever notice how the word "packet" can easily be replaced with "poop"?



packet loss?

packet filtering?

packet dump?

packet sniffer?

dropped packets?



ever notice that the amount an NT freak hates Linux is inversly proportional to the amount they know about it?



ever notice those guys that don't wash their hands in the bathroom?  



I do...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quantum mechanics is God's version of 'trust me'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
christ on a cracker, I just looked at the clock-- I've been sitting here refreshing this goddamned page for a little over 3 hours...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have my money, now give me back my infra-red remote puppy-monkey cheese.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have this monkey for you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than sitting on a water fountain in a shopping mall.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very good page. The items are spectacular. I never thought one could get all this stuff in one single place. It's almost like being in Heaven, but with computer stuff there :P 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fiery ninja doom.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bill Gates doesn't like pie....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo.  As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T!  You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs".  Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption.  The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Let's face it... the linux fish is awesome.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's the deal with grapenuts?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A true utopia for all that is geek...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a comment, you 

a) havent read before

b) have written yourselfe 

or c) wanted to enjoy just a little bit longer



but the moment you realized this, you had already 

clicked "refresh"?

And then clicked "back" to get back to it?



Thats how I got to this box. DOH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
killall -9 everyone and let root@localhost sort em out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
umm....yes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
................where are the cheese muffins I was promised Bob?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What really annoys me is seeing the same comment with a difference of only five minutes. Please add new comments (like this one).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thanks to all your stupid postings, during 

the few times I sleep 

I keep having dreams of Monkeys taking 

over the world with cheese pies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We want a shrubbery!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The sun is a mass of incandescent gas.



James Endsor was a famous Belgian painter.



What's particle Man like? Nobody knows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh MY GOD!! whatever you do!.... don't look down..... there is a HUGE spider on your leg!... AHH! don't move!.... it's moving.... whoa.. that's the biggest spider i've ever seen!.... steady... steady....*SMACK!!!* ewwwwww....... 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bob, you know BOB. It all started when he looked at himself in the mirror one day and said "You know what Bob, Im not going to take any more of you crap". This lead him to stop all his high and mighty slacking and start out on a mysterious voyage that...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I feel sorry for Oscar the Grouch.  He has to live in a garbage can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jon, a guy who appreciates Korean food and doesn't get gas.  That's a keeper.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
They really shouldn't let us surf these sites at work.... I can shop all night =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It has been theorized that an infinite number of monkeys banging on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the written works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this is not true." ~Kurt Vonnegut
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I no longer fear hell, for I have had a Micro$oft Audit.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
random monkey slop orange peels and rotten ice


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other day when i was having a paranoia attack some one called me crazy, So i told him "hey i may be crazy, but it isnt my problem, your the one who has to worry...."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[asdf]: i have a problem i cant ping anything besides 127.0.0.1 whats wrong?



---

this person should be shot with a nerf gun
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;From my calculations on a sample of 1000 posts, here are the statistics I have found: 

&lt;&lt;

&lt;&lt;Post Contains Total Percentage 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys 78 7.8 

&lt;&lt;Cheese/Pie 132 13.2 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie 242 24.2 

&lt;&lt;"Bumper sticker" Comments 206 20.6 

&lt;&lt;"Where is my post?" 342 34.2 



If 24.2% of fortunes contain both Monkeys AND cheese/pie, wouldn't at least that many contain monkeys (he stated 7.8%), or at least that many contain Cheese/pie (where he stated only 13.2%) this must be some weird sample of posts where 11.0% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Cheese/Pie) (which is a contradiction [you know the opposite of a tautology]) and 15.4% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Monkeys) (also a contradiction).



Just being the logic police like I always am.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What is this box? Ah yes, the box... the box 

simply labelled 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

... Does this require me to input my effort 

into writing a 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

? Am I to do one of each, or must I do all? 

What if I want to do some of them? But, 

this box... I type... I am typing, this is cool. I 

can type, very cool... I like to type... I can 

type fast... My hand is getting tired... *click*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love my users,

One and all,

And I am so happy,

Everytime they call.



"Windows don't work",

they scream and they yell,

"I can help you" I say

"Just listen and I'll tell"



"Right click your Hard Drive,

then select format C:,

I'll give you new software,

Use Linux! It's free."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't 

point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? 



--raf
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OH my god.... There is apple sauce in my ears.  Debug... Debug... AH HA HA .... Jo from the Facts of life is one hot chick... Debug... Debug...  I love ELLEN,  She is a stone cold grove BABY... Debug... Debug...  I cant belive its not butter. Its so firm... Debug... Debug... 10 packets transmited, but does any one care?



 - Rant O-Matic version 1.0 - 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,

A Being darkly wise, and rudely great:

With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,

With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,

He hangs between; in doubt to act, or rest,

In doubt to deem himself a God, or Beast,

In doubt his mind or body to prefer;

Born but to die, and reasoning but to err.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was here...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice.

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one.

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it....

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there...







Help me. Please?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For the beans!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
                                    Green Beans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 





My cat's breath smells like cat food ... 



Amazing... what will they think of next?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[root@targa /root]# who is god?

targa.unreal!root     pts/1    Oct 12 15:42
||||||||||##########||||||||||
After reading these things for so long, I can tell you exactly about most of them...



50% - Something to do with CHEESE

25% - "Timmy" or something related

10% - Science Fiction related

10% - Other

05% - Comments relating to "Bawls."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

Think Geek till it MHz.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
before I let you have it you have to beg.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Penguines slide on their bellies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bananas are like peaches...they both make great chocolate cake.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Colleen is hot.  Why did the Tagi Alliance vote her off?  WHY?  ANSWER ME!!!!



Oh, nice site you've got here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monkeys should be purple



The voices told me so



and your stuff is cool



they said that too, and I agree
||||||||||##########||||||||||
That's a bloody good job you fellows are doing here :D


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I asked for a quantity discount. ThinkGeek gave it to me. Cool. Thanks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh shit, tha Brady Bunch is on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood

  screws, can make a child look like a deer." 



  That's a Kurt Cobain quote! 



  Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are. "



You idiot, that was Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quote: "Never trust a man who can count to 1023 on his fingers"



Umm... whoever posted this, does this mean I shouldn't trust myself ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I may be crazy... but at least it keeps me from going insane
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All Your Caffeine Are Belong To Us

(Someone Set Us Up The Bawls!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I enjoy a bowl of cereal while typing. Often.



LLtP!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wang-a-Licious


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would just like to say that on behalf of the bologna eaters of America Coca Cola is the greatest drink ever...  Ok I'm done being insane


||||||||||##########||||||||||
why must there be a comment?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that no matter how many quotes i submit, none of them ever get posted.  i just want to see my quote.  hey, wait, this one got posted! YES!  this is so cool, i got my quote posted.  you are reading my quote!  that means that it got posted! YES!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK, I GOT POSTED ON THINKGEEK.COM!!!!! IVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE!!!! wait a sec, they never post my quotes, that means that you arent reading this right now because it wasn't posted... ... ... CRAP!!! i knew it wouldnt get posted, but i submitted it anyways.  DO'H!!! IM SO STUPID, I SUBMITTED A QUOTE EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW IT WOULDN'T GET POSTED!!!!   *slams head visciously on desk multiple times* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *(goes unconcious and falls on floor)* *thud*



time passes...



some more time passes...



even more time passes...



geez, wake up already...



even more time passes...



*wakes up*



"I hate you think geek.  even though i am madly in love with your fortune page, i hate you.



-deadsaxy1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On A Scale Of One To Five This Place Is A

Wang-Tastic Five!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ... 



...medulla oblongata. This caused his toes to twitch, in turn pressing the button marked "launch". Suddenly, half way around the world, an albatross dressed as Martha Stewart looked to the sky to see...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HELP!!! My girlfriend is addicted to the fortune pages!! She always goes to the site and looks at the fortunes for hours! I need anti-fortune mojo. I've been thinking of bribing the monkeys with cheese to come help me, since my army of flying monkeys left to pursue the super llama. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no cheese


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Wang.  At seeing the site of Bill Gates' wang the flock of monkey fled to a sewer which they used to escape the maniac.  But to the dismay of the monkeys the sewer was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I'll never see my quote, will I?"



No, but I will.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Properly pronounced,

the word 'haiku' consists

of three syllables.



Please keep this in mind

when composing haiku

that use 'haiku'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I came here with a paycheck, I left with a debt.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hey...that's a taco stand
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYE CAPPIE
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my 417th message and counting.... when will I see one of these!!!!!!???????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm hungry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
best...site...ever!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate......

He realized that he could not have put on the garter belt and panty hose himself,because they were black...very unfashionable to where black at this time of year,and he was all about fashion.At this point he was questioning if he were even awake at that moment-"Perhaps this is all a dream, and I never got out of bed wrote any Japanese poetry,pondered the universe,or put on a pair of overalls and a straw hat......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals? 



If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, 

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, 

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, 

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! 



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, 

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, 

And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, 

Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! 



You can't say this? What a shame sir! 

We'll find you another game sir. 



If the label on the cable on the table at your house, 

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, 

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, 

That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss 

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, 

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 

'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! 



When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, 

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, 

Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens.  But she got hit by a car.  Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious as to why he chose it.  Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once I thought I was a variable.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
As long I can make people do my work I'm happy - Dilbert's way of life I guess :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
/. is one of the very few who very likely is justified in Taunting Happy Fun Ball.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
magna! (icelandic for schweet)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Go internet, go!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



As i endeavor to compile

to ThinkGeeks site i set my dial,

with rants and raves so truly schweet

i often know i cant compete.



Yet nonetheless i must consider 

a parting chance to deliver,

some limrick bade of lusty prOn

as my compile goes on and on.



And yet in jest and monkeys stride

i hasten my ditty to reside,

on thinkgeeks server to append

my damn compile has crashed again.....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. " 

---- 

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years. (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year) 

----

At todays(2004-07-02 iso) rate at 14.99 per t-shirt(generic only, about 95, scientifically 100 as one tend to use only the nearest decade,) increasing the number of bawls to 16 a day, which suggest 1 for each standard issue waking hour. One could buy the t-shirts (1499 approx) and 35673.49 cases of bawls(at 27.99). That is 856163.77 bottles of bawls. At the mentioned rate it would last for 53510.24 days, or 146.51 years. That should keep 2,093 friends nice and jittery for 70 years. A year here is calculated to be 365.2425 days not counting leap seconds, and the slowing rotation of the planet tellus.



Someone may want to check my math.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I need a guy so bad... 

Does anyone know where I can get one???? "



Come down to Georgia Tech, where every single one of my friends are male except for my roommate.  



Remember, down here the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Change NOTHING!



it's all TOO PERFECT NOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
monkeys are funny


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Goats!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." 



-- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hoverboards.  Sell hoverboards.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I Love Audrey Eiffler!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Best site I've ever seen. Keep up the great work1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; beer and conputers DO mix!



I figured this out long ago.  You just need a blender big enough.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...



No, I was wondering the same thing than I saw the little ads at the bottom of the page and felt good and as soon as i get some money i intend to buy something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :  Copy and paste this and add on to this story :)  Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fantastic service - ordered Monday and took delivery on Wednesday morning at 9am. There are not many companies that can do that from the states to Europe!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PURPLE!!! If i was a wombat could i have some cheese? KILL EM ALL! WOOHOO RANDOM QUOTES! I LIKE YOUR CAFFEINE PILLS! I THINK U NEED TO SELL BEER IN YOUR MUGS ;P I WANT A COOKIE! I DONT HAVE ANY COOKIES :-( COOKIES R COOL. COOKIE. COOKIE. I AM THE COOKIE MONSTER! THE MOTHER OF ALL COOKIES, THE ONE AND ONLY COOKIE! COOKIE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beans, beans good for your heart

the more you eat, the more your fart

the more you fart, the better you feel

so eat your beans at every meal!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I find it offensive that I was not given the option to finish my sentence with "Natalie Portman".



Thank you.



:)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you want cool stuff ? check out ThinkGeek ! i like those really kewl t-shirts, they are all 1337. some time in the future i will buy the 'you are dumb' code shirt. and i am sure my teacher will ask me (he is 1337, oh yes he is), and i will stand there smiling and honestly say 'you are dumb'. and there will be much fun and laughther. ... i like this guy ... anyone else ever seen a teacher who voluntaritly plays victim in a good Q3 fraggin' ? we saw him and we will worship him for his lifetime and longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whip me, beat me, call me SYSADMIN!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yesterday, upon the stair,

I saw a man who wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today,

I think he's from the CIA.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff for smart masses

ThinkGeek is so sweet it kicks

Serious asses



&lt;it's a haiku&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
RATS CANT BURP
||||||||||##########||||||||||
me brain ouches!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hear this...

My school blocked thinkgeek.com because of "Electrical Commerce"

So i bitched out my principal and now i havta have a confrence with her later this week.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek continues to amaze me with cool product finds from everywhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I drankf thiarty fouir ciups of cofeefe to praewss F5 conatuinuaousyly for sevaeneteen ghiours strahght ina hopea ot seee mya ownnz poasting....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You see, my concern here is, if I call Mr. Lambert and tell him I've got a 35 year old Chartered Accountant here who wishes to become a lion tamer, his first question to me is not going to be 'Does he have his own hat?'"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages:



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote

(refresh for another)

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!



----



We had a cat named boots once. So THERE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is the Mutt's Nuts (safe version of a common phrase over here), especially after adding Megatokyo's l33t offerings
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Rimmer, you're a smeg-head!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doctors say to stay healthy and young you should drink eight glasses of water a day.









The good news, beer is mostly water.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want you to help me test a theory of mine...



1. Stare at this for 30 seconds.

2. Laugh REALLY loud

3. Comment on how funny I am



That is all
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is what you see when you look at a new lay-out:



Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.



And this is what graphic designers see when they look at your code:



Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;sigh&lt; OS/2 had a window of opportunity

for about two years around '94-'96 when

another 10% of effort on IBM's part would

have transformed it from interesting to 

compelling, but THOSE BOZOS couldn't market

eternal life if it came with a winning

lottery ticket.  &gt;sigh&lt;






||||||||||##########||||||||||
"  I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must

  love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight.

  You see pixels. Sad but true."



I hate that guy
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a goat, his name is Sam.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
*mr burns accent* exxcellent.. *twidles fingers*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are all about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block. They pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. She claims she can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free too.



They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Oh, wait a minute, I see your problem..."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jazzin' shizzle on this sizite!



(No, I don't really talk like that. Usually.)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i would have wrote a comment but i don't know

how to use this thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Look at the size of that boy's heed... I'm not kidin', it's like an orange on a toothpick!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at ur LAN last weekend it was phat.  I decided to order a neat equalizer that I saw on jon's PC.  the 3 LCD display was very excellent too :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's in a site? A w00t by any other word would sound as l33t. So ThinkGeek would, were it not ThinkGeek called, retain that sweet perfection which it owes without that title.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

Akallabeth



VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!

EDAIN: Cool!

VALAR: Don't come looking for us.

EDAIN: Okay.

ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!

NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!

GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.

NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?

GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!

NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3

NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?

ELVES: You're human?

NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?

VALAR: No.

NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.

ELVES: Fine.

ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.

NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.

ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?

ELVES: No.

TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?

GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.

AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.

TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!

AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!

SAURON: Okay.

AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.

SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.

AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .

ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!

SAURON: *makes chicken noises*

AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!

ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.

AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!

VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*

AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!

ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!

NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!

NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.

SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?

ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?

NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One upon a time, there lived a geek...



&lt;&lt; insert your life here &gt;&gt;



... lived happily ever after.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so blinded by rage on the way home from work she purchases a gun and some ammo.  When she opens the door to her apartment, sure enough, she sees her husband in bed with a redhead.  The blonde screams in anger, takes the loaded gun out of her purse, aims it at her husband menacingly, but then pauses.  Overcome with sudden grief, she points the gun at her own head and starts to cry.



The husband shakes his head and stares at his wife in disbelief.  "No, sweetie, don't do it..."



The blonde chokes, "SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT."



- SwEeTiNsAnItY
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yizzup! you thinkgeek jive turkeys, always tinkin of the shnizital bam shnip-snahp stuff!  Being a long time patron of your site, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making this site worth my time every time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity...is like hitting F5 looking for your own post
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys make me feel like I belong somewhere. Thanks.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?"



First they coat the pan with Teflon, then they put it in an oven and let it bake. They usually do this a total of three times.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's green and not very heavy, what is it?



Light-green
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat named Dog, a dog named Cat, and a monkey named George...

i need some bawls, caffeine deficiency.... the twitch will stop after a little while.... really, it will...... 







must









have













caffeine


||||||||||##########||||||||||
puppies are cute. they like to wiggle and lick you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a geek salsa dance while eating Doritoes? Neither have I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok so i found a way to stop refreshing this page!  step 1: order something.  Step 2:  Get a tracking number and plug it in to UPS tracker.  Step 3: Refresh their page
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

My wife's a geek, what are you stuck with?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! i broke my f5 key! oh the humanity! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys are great.  I can't believe how great my life is.



I am a geek.

I have a girlfriend.

She wears ThinkGeek "I love my Geek" shirts.



What could be more awesome than that?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;One time I thought I was a variable.



But then I changed my mind.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're such a happening fish

Flopping on a digital beach

Waves roll in on zeros and ones

Counting all the setting suns



You're such a visionary flounder

You're the "i'm the one that found her"

I'm dripping water on your gills



You're such a beautiful thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like stuff. stuff is good. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I *DEPEND* ON THINKGEEK! I AM *DEFINED* BY

THINKGEEK!



YOU.... ARE... MY...PEOPLE....!



Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Kirk loves Quark


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Always remember: Pillage BEFORE you burn.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's all fun and games until a rampaging robot destrys half of your city. . . yeah Josh and Krystyn!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you know where your towel is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think my F5 key broke.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, so throw darts at me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I finally found my live long and ASCII post... after days and serval comments, i found one... YES!.  problem is it's doesn't look right, i goofed in my choice of characters... life happens: ARCADE.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need to start working. Though the thought of caffeinated soap bothers me. So deeply, in fact, that I cannot sleep.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have to go.  We've got cows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oops. my 46.6 seconds are up. sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much code coudl a winDOSE acooder edi code if wa winfow coder coulb ao.... forget it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not worthy to visit this site....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Say hi to Cisco for me :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Real programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured

programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-

trained.  They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise

clear desks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen Von sounded hot on the phone!#$!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The &lt;geek&gt;&lt;/geek&gt; t-shirt got my a girlfriend. Thinkgeek rules!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Abandon hope all ye who refresh here
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{This sentance is not.}}}



Would you mind explaining what a 'sentance' is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was a little odd.



There was a miget in a clown suit with a video camera.  This signified my contempt for the media.  He would dance and scurry about, while I was held in down by a dominatrix chimp in pleather.  I think this was left over from an orgasmic Tarzan vision.  All the while, Jill (Sweets) laid naked across my desk reading a home improvement manual. Occasionally touching herself when reading the word nail.  Chewbacca loomed in tha doorway.  Glaring and chanting Pilon's mantra ... or the theme from StarBlazers.... I'm not sure since I can't stop thinking...



I am convinced, however, that LSD has a very limited use when coding ad 3 a.m.



--HaStA-}-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally smell the Java!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sorry, time up.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cake or Death?????



Cake Please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's not funny, my pants are on fire!! "



What are you talking about? That's friggin' hilarious!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
the site reminds me of life many years 

ago, just after the year 0 (1970 for you?),

when everything was fresh and new, 

you were happy if you could share your

code with a friend, and 640 kB was a lot

(the CDC 7600, as i vaguely recall, had

that much). but the world accelerated by,

and i certainly missed the fun in later

years. now? all this silly stuff makes me

feel young and vibrant again, just like

listening to oldies stations. why does that

old music make you young? asks my son?

that's why!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ah ha! Yes! This is nearly as exciting as that time I lit the bald man's hair on fire!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My entire Christmas list next year will be stuff from this site. Very cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red meat isnt bad for you, 



Fuzzy blue meat is bad for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am a frog. 

A frog of war. 



Bing!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me!  &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer).  I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety).  At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When it Rains, it Snows.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a guy so bad...

Does anyone know where I can get one????


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really hate Visual Basic.

Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one will ever need more than 64K of knowledge.  Everything else is already somebody else's intellectual property.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My name's billy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i am color deaf......i cant hear the colors red or green....but blue still sounds the coolest


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am sequestered in corporatedom. You helped me regain my faith in the spirit of geeks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coo coo cachoo, I am the Walrus.



and



I've got blisters on my fingers.



What's up with the monkey comments?  Stupid Humans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Glad I found you!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep my bawls a-comin!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
not bad for americans.... :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ehh  i had a strizoke in my brizain, so i can't move all good
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't ya jsut hate it when your about to fall asleep and you wonder to yourself...Did I set the alarm?  No....you know if you check to make sure it is set you will find that it is, and of course.  have a hell of a time trying to get back to sleep...On the other than, if you et lazy and do not check.  The alarm will not be set, and you will sleep in for that very important first day of work the next day.  I HATE THAT!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he used to dress up like a girl bunny?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmy!!!

Timaaaahooohaaaa!

Timmm aaa!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm about to make like konqueror and crash.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Awesome site, I love it all. Way too many cool things here. I want to bathe forever in caffinated soap.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
4 is a very interesting number.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always think that I've bought a lot from you guys, and then I see the "action shots" and realize that some people have way more money and free time than I...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lack of Canadian flags on your front page tells me you don't like Canadians and I resent that.  Also, why is the Account icon (i) when it could be a Canadian flag?  See the bias I'm talking about?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some mittens named Cat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Soooo nice to smell that teen spirit once again. In the early '90's was pursuing a graduate degree in archaeology (!) at Urbana-Champaign when my comp-sci roommates introduced me to some fun stuff happening on north campus: elm, talk, gopher, NCSA Mosaic, and the CAVE. Wound up spending all my time in the NeXT labs and watching my academic career mummify. Hocked a pickup and borrowed money from the folks to by a NeXT Turbo Cube with a NeXTdimension color/video card, and pulled an Eric Clapton -- I locked myself in my apt for several months and taught myself some UNIX, networking, RenderMan, and graphic design. Joined with some guys who ran the "Onion" franchise in Champaign and helped launch "MELVIN", one of the first Web 'zines, back in '94. It's been a long strange trip since then (several smoking craters, too many moves, a marriage that died, etc.), so for the last couple of years I've been on hiatus working as an eco-tour guide, swimming-pool designer and Deliverator of radioactive drugs. Can't wait to get me a new dual-processor PowerMac running Jaguar, some new 3D software and head off into the blue again.  Soon, soon...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much longer do I have to wait before I can defrag my brain???
||||||||||##########||||||||||
on my desk: 



two monitors, one lamp, 2 speakers, empty coke can, empty coffee can, cds lying without cases, empty cd cases, a telephone, scanner, 4-5 books, pens, my cell phone, pieces of paper with all kinds of stuff written on it -- none of which makes sense as I wrote it days ago -- cd rack.



Under my desk:



open cases, loads of wires, base woofer.



across my desk:



co-workers desk, very neat, he's gay.



looking out the room:

desk... monitor.... all I can see.



looking out the window:

...it's raining.. (make "whoa" sound like Neo).



Thank you for reading. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like toast.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no spoon.



Only fork.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like the hot chicks that send in pix of themselves wearing your stuff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it's now 5 am--ive been pressing F5 for the past 3 hours--i keep randomly falling asle  bgreBU,h8i-gn...see what i mean, now my head hurts :(
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a Sheep and you're a Ewe

Doo-doo doo, doo-doo doo

You're a Ewe and I'm a Sheep

Dee-dee dee-dee dee



Sheeps and Ewes, don't go "moo"

Moo-moo moo, moo-moo moo

Sheeps and Ewes go "baa-baa"

Baa

  Baa

    Baa



;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I ever see this message, I swear I'm taking a screenshot of it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would Brian Boitano do?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

-Groucho Marx
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I was born.  Sometime later, I filled out this profile...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?



I think so Brain... but even if we found the StayPuft Marshmallow Man, how will we ever get enough graham crackers?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The multiple voices inside my head are having a conversation, unfortunatly, I wasn't invited...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know how in the Matrix movies all the little people still plugged in are never relevant to anything, and the main characters just consider them moving obstacles to be pushed aside? I feel the same way.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheesewheels just hit a mid 80's Chevy...... Tonk!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um, yeah. I'm hoping the shirt I ordered will get me laid in the near future.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
LOGIC "Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines." 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i run in circles on a daily basis.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you guys rock.  i love you humor and everything about you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I strangely drawn back to this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I visited your office the other week...Cisco attacked me.  I have seen the holy land...and all that it has to offer.  (Too bad it sucks my cash like a bunch of semi-drunk desperados with a raging lust for justice).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Happiness is ours,

You report your problem gone:

Resolution found.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
He's old he cant here you and your spossed to slow down for speed bumps and why do you suddenly brake drive 4 feet only to brake agian
||||||||||##########||||||||||
nothing's better on chopped steak than A1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Bawls taste good


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Late one night in the middle of the day

Two dead men came out to play

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

If you dont believe this lie is true

Ask the blind man, He saw it too
||||||||||##########||||||||||
a) i am tired

b) i am hungry

c) people are waaaay preoccupied with monkeys

d) i wanna see a pic of Jen (someone said she was hot)... one of post-pubescent jen

e) i wanna see a pic of jon's setup (someone said it was hot)

f) r337

g) shweeet

f) i think that was supposed to be h)

i) i like lists
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two penguins walk into a bar.



The first says to the second, "Pass the soap"



The second says,  "I'M NOT A RADIO!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have found my purpose in life. I am to domesticate zebras.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who shot who in the what now?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?




































































































































||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said...



All right! I confess! I ripped of the dos source code from a confidential document I found while rummaging through AT&Ts dumpster trying to find a list of feedback-loop numbers to get free phone sex with farm animals! Ugh! Suddenly, someone pulled up and stepped out of a posh nissan ultima. His name was...



Stephen Hawking, immediately upon his departure from his nissan ultima, Bill forks up $100,000,000 dollars in an attempt to buy his intelligence however is muddled by Hawkings rambling of quantum mechanics and the anatomy of black holes while a flock of seaguls seize all of gates $100,000,000 and drop it in......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
3 great virtues of a programmer;

laziness, impatience, hubris

		--Larry Wall
||||||||||##########||||||||||
please help....my curser is at the right side of the screen but the mouse is at the far left of the mouse pat...i need tech support
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; Am I pretty? Tell me I'm pretty. 



if (female) printf("You are pretty");

else printf("You are lonely");
||||||||||##########||||||||||
F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep it up F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5.  Ahhhh. caffeine induced mind control.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that 7/5 of all people don't understand fractions?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you know that five fourths of the world don't know fractions?

I "- || * ( E |)" my floppy drive.

Ducttape can cure warts. (See footnote kind of below)

Ni!

Ecky ecky ecky pikang zoop boing and zowy...

Only slightly higher to get the two level effect with a little path running down the middle.

Did you know that if you post here and quickly reload yours comes up?



:Footnote kind of space starts here.

To cure warts:

1)Put small piece of ducttape on the wart.

2)At the end of the week, take off ducttape, clean wart, and repeat steps 1 & 2 until it goes away

3)Anything posted here may or may not be true.

4) ("Sentence_5" && "Sentence_6") == 0, 1 || 0?

5) 1 = 1

5) 5 = 5

6) 9 = 6

19) How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen? True or false??!??!?!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just one more cubicle wall to steal, and I'll be sealed in. No longer will the users be able to find me!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If everyone had antlers it would be.......inconvenient.
||||||||||##########||||||||||


have nothing inteligent to say.



so why am i saying THIS ?




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen Rules!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?" "Now. You're looking at now. Everything that happens now, is happening now." "Go back to then!" "When?" "Now!" "Now?" "Now!" "I can't!" "Why?!" "We missed it." "When?" "Just now." "When will then be now?" "Soon!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello.  My name is Senior Carl, and I'm a caffeine junkie.  It all started one bright Monday morning in my dimly lit cube.  I was surfing the internet, because I had no dumb users to attend to, and then BAM!  IT hit me.  I went to thinkgeek.com and ordered their caffiene sampler.  The sweet goodness that came in that peanut filled box made my heart overflow with joy and pound till three am because i couldn't sleep.  Since that day my bank account has been empty and I havn't slept.  Not one wink. Thank you thinkgeek!! I will never forget the long blissful braindead nights coding, fragging, and popping the sweet candy of the gods.  Long live the GEEK GODS!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i think i'm in love
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
[System message] 

You have reached the end of the quote database. 



now go to sleep. 



***



I'm afraid this is quite impossible. For you see, it is only 10:58 and Trigun doesn't comes on until 1:00. Seeing as the world automatically ends if I don't get my nightly dose of Vash and all his sweet sweet bishieness, I cannot comply with your request. Because you don't want the world to end, now do you?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should sell guns. And explosives. Oh wait, the whole 'illegal' thing. The police would probably say "Hey, you guys" or something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've got mail, YAY!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The antelope are yelling at you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A poem:



Finding a quarter under the couch is good.

Finding a scorpion under the couch isn't.



Thankyou.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why would I pay $20 to go to a strip club when I can be ignored by real women at any coffee shop for a mere $3 to $5 depending on whether I get a muffin. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I thnk it is funny that I actually get paid for hitting f5 all day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch out for the squirls:  they'll make you work in their nut mines!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not worthy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I could walk around in the rain and 

not get wet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like mittens....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your customer service is most excellant. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's nothing like owning a Jeep. As a guy, everyone thinks I own one in order to compensate for certain ... we'll say deficiencies. That was until I put the "geek." and "fsck" stickers on my car. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sorry but this is just another fortune you'll have to read before you get to yours 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a rooster laid an egg on Jen and no one was around to hear it, what is the Matrix?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND MY QUOTE!! I AM FREE... I AM FREEEEE....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok. First it was the caffeine, now I'm addicted to your Fortune page. . . .I made it my home page.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
tastes like chicken. mmmm chicken...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Guinness is good for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you ever take swings at the open air just in case there's someone invisible there watching?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I give up. I can't find my quote.

If anyone finds it, please let me know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||






{{{ I guess I am not a Geek, I don't understand over  of this page!! Somebody help me, I know nothing about my computer! }}}





well, knowing at least one of the members of the extended ASCII set is certainly a start...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't change a thing. As Largo from "MEGATOKYO" would say "I ph34r the l33tn355 of ThinkGeek"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
sklorp
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's only one thing missing... computer humor. I have included a humorous yet logical equation below to get you started. It is entitled Proof That Girls Are Evil. Sorry that my keyboard does not include the square root symbol, but I have abbreviated where appropriate.



Girls cost time and money, therefore

GIRL = TIME x MONEY



Time costs money, so

TIME = MONEY

GIRL = MONEY x MONEY



Everyone knows that money is the root of all evil, therefore

MONEY = sq. root of EVIL

GIRL = sq. root of EVIL x 2 = EVIL

GIRL = EVIL
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where in the rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stephen Hawking turns me on. Is that normal?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's edu-funtastical!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
%&gt;what_girls_say.mp3 &gt; /dev/null


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Fat Ass.  My horse is named Useless and I had a dog named Joe.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please can u remove fortune.shtml ? PLEASE!!!!!! OH GODD !! PLEASE.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS COMING FOR ME ...bye
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heart you ThinkGeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Immortality is when you get quoted by a 

'fortune' program!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The cow sez "BAA!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
But there's nothing marked with an asterisk... oh, I see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My car is powered by pickle farts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one who now personally knows their UPS guy?  He stops by at least 1 time a week bearing gifts of Bawls, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week bringing me my geek clothing and toys.  His name is Roger, and he is now hooked on Bawls as well.  God bless ThinkGeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give free shipping and 95% discounts to anybody named Dan who lives in Canada.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I SAW MY OWN QUOTE! IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS! I must document this in my logs... Now, about the flying monkeys...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; &gt; Isn't this a stupid question? 

&gt; Isn't this a stupid answer? 

No, it was another stupid question. This is the stupid answer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Geeks will inhreit the earth, but they will only have read access
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never trust a man who can count to 1023 on his fingers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"We are the keepers of the sacred words 'Ni,' 'Peng,' and 'Nee-wom'!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For every geek that is rich, there are 5,000 

stupid people that helped him become it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch


||||||||||##########||||||||||
fun time is now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
First Post!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want that ... and that ... and that ... and two of those, and ...oh, a case of those, and ... oo! caffeinated soap! I'll take a bar of that, and a pair of those ... and another pair of those for my sister ... and ... OOH, MEGATOKYO STUFF! ^_^



*seven hours and a couple of hundred purchases later*



... huh? What do you mean, my credit card's maxed out?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a squirrel
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When life gives you lemons, the ferret bites your tongue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eggs are Chicken Seeds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bawls.

you got me started on bawls.



thank you.

damn you.

thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hello world
||||||||||##########||||||||||
MOMMY I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am so cold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Old geeks never die.  We just unsubscribe ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I read one more 'Java=slow' comment on

Slashdot, I'm going to beat someone senseless

with my reusable PunishmentStick class.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Great site. Keep it up. You've got some great things here that every geek should want. Why, I'm a grayhaired, grandma music teacher, and I sure want a bunch of stuff you sell!



Good luck!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dostoyevsky pie
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sometimes I worry about Particle Man.  What if he is in my glass of milk?  How would I know?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



You guys are very funny and I enjoy your warped sense of humor. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
....i just renamed my F5 key to "refresh fortune"...thank you!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, if only there were a ThinkGeek University... then life would be perfect.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cool Site.  I like the obvious absence of lawyers.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother was a Hampster and your father smells of Elderberries.  The Black Knight ALWAYS truimphs.  Supreme executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll rochambeau you for it!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please, let me keep some of my money.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"My wife's a geek. What are you stuck with?"



A restraining order.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why, when I was your age...oh wait, I'm not your age yet.  Sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
98 Degrees, N*Sync, and Backstreet Boys.  Reason enough for human cloning to be outlawed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some many BAWLS on my desk, people make fun of my blue BAWLS. Schweet!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
needs more fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some day I will drink milk, and be bigger than you...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What if there were no such thing as a hypothetical question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my father alwase used to tell me "son now take the dead donkey out of your mouth before you talk to your mother"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Seriously, I love each and every one of you guys. Thanks for the great stuff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been reading these fortunes for so long that my ass has become one with the chair.  While I figure out how to seperate my butt from my seat I think I'll read just a few more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
domokun
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fighting men of ancient Greece wore only one sandal, on the left foot, for kicking purposes.



Thus, the military evolved to start ceremonies on the combat foot.



It was also considered bad manners at a

friend's house to step on his threshold with your left foot.



...fyi.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're momma sews socks that smell.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I hope to have a geek-girlfriend who would look stupendously cute in one of your ladies' geek shirts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Simpsons quote&gt;

Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain...? 

&lt;/Simpsons quote&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't forget that pizza boxes are an excellent source of cheese
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek is my only friend!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Prepositions are bad to end sentences with.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet!! I need powdered caffiene for my Purple Monkey Dishwasher.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do psychiatrists greet each other?

-You're fine, how am I?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You see, my concern here is, if I call Mr. Lambert and tell him I've got a 35 year old Chartered Accountant here who wishes to become a lion tamer, his first question to me is not going to be 'Does he have his own hat?'"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now the monkeys cannot bite me......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wisdom is easy:



1) Think of something truly stupid.



2) Say the opposite.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Friend help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
um, like, you know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
3 great virtues of a programmer;

laziness, impatience, hubris

		--Larry Wall
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"These things are going into fortune right?"



No. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Archimedes used powerful beams of light to fight the Romans." -Tee in Quest of the Delta Knights
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like gold fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have too much money and I don't know what to do with it.  Thanks for giving me an outlet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I LIKE WAFFLES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I never should have eaten that hot dog.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do not tap on glass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cowboy Neal in a can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cow meat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'gimme a beer and a mop'


||||||||||##########||||||||||
hammers hehehe hammers
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every 33 feet of salt water increases the pressure by another 14.7 psi (sea level) thereby compressing it by 1/2.  So a belch released at 330 feet would be large enough to capsize a boat by the time it got to the surface.  That sounds like fun.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I ever see this message, I swear I'm taking a screenshot of it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pie...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what is fun?  Doing your algebra homework at 4am while wired on caffeine and watching old Rocky and Bulwinkle cartoons.  Sure I screwed up the rotation matrices... Mmmmm, matrices, I feel like watching that movie.  I had a really scary incident the other day, I had this really intense feeling of Deja Vuu.  I mean everything I did for about 5 minutes seemed so familliar, like I'd done all of it before, in the same order.  That's it, Microsoft must be in on the Matrix if there are that many glitches in the software.  I've discovered their conspiracy, all because of Rocky and Bulwinkle and algebra homework.  I think that's frightening.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
wow--another chance to write something i'll never see again . . .
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 5.50 a.m.... Do you know where your stack pointer is ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages:



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote

(refresh for another)

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!



----



We had a cat named boots once. So THERE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
At school. In programming class. Bored. Where's my beer milkshake? WHERE IS IT!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hmmm~



need more tildes



and mabey some sort of space traveling monkey powered blimp





~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
These things are going into fortune right?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One of the few FUN e-commerce outfits around -- live forever, TG!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much cheese does it take to incapacitate a full grown asian elephant?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fish is, like, the best that ever got to me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site makes John Romero your bitch.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman

A: autoexec.bat"



nah, that's /etc/mail/sendmail.cf.  damn rewrite rules.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you've got the biggest bawls of them all
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"more exciting than a chesse sandwedge"

work that one out, i sure as hell cant :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are not a beautiful and uniqe snowflake,

you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smells like pickles.



Dill pickles.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank you for being the sole repository for all things holy to me and esoteric to lesser beings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking in the park one day when a monkey came up to me and asked where I was going.  I told him that I was going for a stroll, and he asked if he could join me. I like monkies, so I told him that I would be delighted.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friend explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, we reached a bum in the alleyway, who took me aside and told me how good monkies tasted, and that he could have a burning barrel ready in a few minutes. I liked the way he thought, so we cooked the monkies, and I decided to live out the rest of my days as a bum cooking monkies for food.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My pizza isn't here yet :(


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a thought, but I lost it somewhere...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"LOGIC 'Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.

  Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines.'"



I now embark on a lifelong quest for a ham sandwich.



Send mustard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff for smart masses

ThinkGeek is so sweet it kicks

Serious asses



&lt;it's a haiku&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I just direct deposit my paycheck with ThinkGeek?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; How do I get a date?? Give me the source code please.



Sure:

#!/usr/bin/perl -w

# Get a date. More specifically, get today's date. Not copyrighted.

# Quixotic Raindrop Software

use strict;



use Time::localtime;



my ($time, $day, $month, $year);



$time = localtime;



($day, $month, $year) = ($time-&gt;mday, $time-&gt;mon, $time-&gt;year);



print("Today is $day $month $year\n");



# END



no need to thank me. It's mostly ripped straight out of the Perl Cookbook.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gamera's really neat,

Gamera's filled with turtle meat,

We all love you Gamera!



Sandy Frank tried to kill me with a fork lift you know.



Good night,

TV's Frank
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!  You have now reached the end of the Fortunes list.  Please stand up.  Go take your first bathroom break in 15 days, get more caffine, and hit 'F5' to start all over again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This sentance is false.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a little teapot, but I am not short nor am I a spout.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wasn't there something that I meant to do before I opened this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actually I like fridgeOS its pritty straight forward... door open = light on... 

Html is my lag of choice but that ain't there! =] every thing else though!

I like to DOODLE... and not in that way!

Yeah, your site totaly owns.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, has anyone seen a life? I lost mine in here....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now the monkeys cannot bite me......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When it Rains, it Snows.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Disco!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dvorak kyehboardes aredf fun!!!  Youf shoulf make fjeirts  about then,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On my UNIX, the superuser isn't "root" but "Cthulhu"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's anything more important than my ego around I want it caught and shot now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
when will you geeks start selling Viagra?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now... how do i contact the Geek_God that placed his personal ad on here for his Geek Godess? ( yes, I qualify as the Godess he seeks... ) &lt;grinz&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was here...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is it normal if your psychiatrist cries after every session?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
the turtle lies on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun. You're not helping. Why aren't you helping, Leon?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like Monkeys

Yes I do

I like Monkeys

and so do you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it wasn't me.  i swear.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
give us some skin baby!



flash, that is.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
...and so I said, thats what I named MY glow worm.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oxymorons:

Military Intelligence

Mircosoft Works
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now my geeky friends think I'm the coolest guy in our little corner of the high school.  The only problem about that corner is the fact that I make it smell bad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There was this young boy, and he was playing in the woods by himself.  As he was frolicking around, he found a little piece of paper.  He picked it up, and brought it with him to school.  As he was late, the teacher asked him why, and he told her that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  She asked to see it, and when she read what was on it, she got very upset and sent him to the principal.  



When the little boy got to the principal's office, the principal asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him here.  So the principal asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and sent him home.



When the little boy got home, his dad asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him here. So his dad asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the house.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him home. And as he showed it to his dad, his dad kicked him out.  So the Prime Minister asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the country.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found a mountain.  He climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed some more until he got to the top.  It was very windy there, and as he stood there, a gust of wind caught the little piece of paper and sent it flying away.  



So no one ever knew what was written on that little piece of paper.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One has to keep in mind that the world could be overrun by gerbils at any point in time.  In fact, I would go hide underground right now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hmmm~



need more tildes



and mabey some sort of space traveling monkey powered blimp





~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HE IS NOT!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYE CAPPIE
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give free shipping and 95% discounts to anybody named Dan who lives in Canada.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
smallchildren makexcellent firewood
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, if only there were a ThinkGeek University... then life would be perfect.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm legally retarded.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I visited your office the other week...Cisco attacked me.  I have seen the holy land...and all that it has to offer.  (Too bad it sucks my cash like a bunch of semi-drunk desperados with a raging lust for justice).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
GO BANANA ! Don't you hate pants ! DOH...ummm beer oppps wrong place. good stuff here 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  Also, perhaps give an order number once something is purchased.  Then a UPS tracking number so we don't have to call you, rather the people at UPS who loose our products : - )


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you go the poles this year, do a write-in for Castro as president and see what happens.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From Actual Kung Fu Movie Subtitles, Part I:





"I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way."



"Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep."



"Gun wounds again?"



"Same old rules: no eyes, no groin."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ducks have no thumbs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I filling out a form?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Properly pronounced,

the word 'haiku' consists

of three syllables.



Please keep this in mind

when composing haiku

that use 'haiku'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
past the green hills, over the canyon, farther beyond the mountains, across the river, and thru the pacific.  thats how my thinkgeek reached me.  its bits and bytes populated my screen with so many colors and dreams.  toys of pure wonder these things are?  and ours they will be.  and behold!  a far superior thing this is.  a sock monkey so grand!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent so long hitting F5 that when my quote actually came up, I had forgotten I had written it until I was a few clicks past. This is known as irony. NO IT ISN'T *English teachers beats me with baseball bat*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



"READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE! 





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT!"



-ewwww....someone's really in lala land 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two computers in my dorm room. I run the most advanced, most free, most cuddly-mascot-touting operating system in the world.  Why, then, are not the girls flocking to me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my father alwase used to tell me "son now take the dead donkey out of your mouth before you talk to your mother"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"They have the internet on computers now?!"  -Homer J Simpson


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know your sad when the funniest you see are on the ThinkGeek fortune page.  Like this:



"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman 

A: autoexec.bat"



Thanks to whoever posted it, it made my day(s).


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Shave the whales!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Young lady!  In this house, we will obey the laws of thermodynamics!!!

     ---H. Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.... 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
wow--another chance to write something i'll never see again . . .
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

The Quenta Silmarillion



VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!

MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*

VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*

MELKOR: Hu hu hu.

VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!

YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?

MELKOR: Want shiny.

VALAR: Nope. 

MELKOR: Why not?

VALAR: Because you're a jerk.

ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!

MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.

ELVES: AUGH!

UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.

MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.

FEANOR: I've made more shiny!

VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?

FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!

VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.

MELKOR: Got the shinies!

UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!

MELKOR: You can't have 'em.

UNGOLIANT: Grar.

MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*

FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!

MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*

BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!

THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!

BEREN: Worth a shot.

LUTHIEN: La la la

MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*

BEREN: Got your shiny!

MORGOTH: you JERK! I stole those fair and square!

CARCHAROTH: Grar.

BEREN: Ow!

THINGOL: Got the shiny?

BEREN: 's in my hand.

THINGOL: And?

BEREN: Hand's not here.

THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.

CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!

BEREN: *dies*

LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.

MANDOS: ... oh all right.

LUTHIEN: *returns to life*

BEREN: *returns to life*

LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!

FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*

LUTHIEN: *dies again*

BEREN: *dies again*

DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!

FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!

DIOR: *dies*

ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*

FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.

EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!

VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*

EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!

MORGOTH: Eek!

VALAR: Got your shinies!

MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!

VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).

MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!

MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*

MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*

VALAR: Well... um... okay.



Coming coon... keep refreshing for the Akallabeth!
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Have you guys seen my monkey?  If you have, please don't lick it.  He tastes like chocolate.
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F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep it up F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5.  Ahhhh. caffeine induced mind control.
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There was this young boy, and he was playing in the woods by himself.  As he was frolicking around, he found a little piece of paper.  He picked it up, and brought it with him to school.  As he was late, the teacher asked him why, and he told her that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  She asked to see it, and when she read what was on it, she got very upset and sent him to the principal.  



When the little boy got to the principal's office, the principal asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him here.  So the principal asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and sent him home.



When the little boy got home, his dad asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him here. So his dad asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the house.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him home. And as he showed it to his dad, his dad kicked him out.  So the Prime Minister asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the country.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found a mountain.  He climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed some more until he got to the top.  It was very windy there, and as he stood there, a gust of wind caught the little piece of paper and sent it flying away.  



So no one ever knew what was written on that little piece of paper.
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looks like someones got a case of the mondays
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Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:



Chocolate Chip Cookies:



Ingredients:



532.35 cm3 gluten

4.9 cm3 NaHCO3

4.9 cm3 refined halite

236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11

177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11

4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao

236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)



To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.



Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time.  Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air.  The monkey scratched his ...
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I luv seals!
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It's lots of fun to play tricks on kids.  Like this one time, I told my nephew we were going to disneyland, so we got in the car, but instead of going to disneyland, I drove him to an old broken-down warehouse.  "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke...

I started to drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting dark...
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One day I was born.  Sometime later, I filled out this profile...
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This sentence cannot be proved.
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Excuse me waiter, there's a geek in soup.  I specifically asked for a NERD!
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Your sight is like a donkey kicking me in the nuts, painful yet oddly pleasurable.
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&gt; Yes I did; I did try to lick my elbow and no, i couldnt do it!



Dude, you have to KEEP YOUR ARM STRAIGHT!  Otherwise,

you'll end up biting your nose.



Booskie.
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Schweet!! I need powdered caffiene for my Purple Monkey Dishwasher.


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Damn you! Damn you and your ever-so-addictive merchandise!
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The other people

Who are writing haiku here

Are very skillful.
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So far, I haven't seen a single comment praising this site. They're all inane posts about cheese and cows..hmmm..
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Watch out for the squirls:  they'll make you work in their nut mines!
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The Silmarillion - in 1,00 words! cont.

Valaquenta



MANWE: I'm in charge! 

VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!

NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.

VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things. 

IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.

ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.

YAVANNA: I make things grow.

NIENNA: I'm sad.

ULMO: I live in the ocean.

AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.

NESSA: I dance.

OROME: I hunt!

VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.

TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.

MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-

TULKAS: Grar.

MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for the Quenta Silmarillion!
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Beer is like beer.

You need it.
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Who flung poo?
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i'd love you more, but you'd file charges.
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fun time is now!
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ooooh!!! Magic Monkeys!
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                                    Green Beans.
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1 4m @ 1@m3r. :-)
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&lt;&lt;From my calculations on a sample of 1000 posts, here are the statistics I have found: 

&lt;&lt;

&lt;&lt;Post Contains Total Percentage 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys 78 7.8 

&lt;&lt;Cheese/Pie 132 13.2 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie 242 24.2 

&lt;&lt;"Bumper sticker" Comments 206 20.6 

&lt;&lt;"Where is my post?" 342 34.2 



If 24.2% of fortunes contain both Monkeys AND cheese/pie, wouldn't at least that many contain monkeys (he stated 7.8%), or at least that many contain Cheese/pie (where he stated only 13.2%) this must be some weird sample of posts where 11.0% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Cheese/Pie) (which is a contradiction [you know the opposite of a tautology]) and 15.4% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Monkeys) (also a contradiction).



Just being the logic police like I always am.
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Sometimes I like to wear my bedsheets as a toga.
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String comes in many yummy and exciting flavors, like cheese...... and string.
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Good site, love the combination of humor and all the things that make my life liveable. Asides from the enourmous quantity of bawls I mooch out of my friend's kitchens and the cute little newbie clothes I buy for my nieces and nephews, I think You people have a winning site with nothing but geeky goodness in every byte
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Seriously, I love each and every one of you guys. Thanks for the great stuff.
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe.  In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels.  He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day.  This caused him to further contemplate...
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Schweet. Befunge is the second greatest thing in the world, the first being Think Geek, which is tied for first with food and water. How come there aren't any pick up lines for internet users, well, at least not any largely published stuff like, what's a girl like you doing in a chat room like this. Or how about You can point and click my mouse any day. I dunno... I'll just go back to my befunge
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If a tree falls in a forest, and it lands on Bill Gates, who wouldn't celebrate?
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Murpetudinously effragant, don't you think?


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Your stuff is so cool I'm being forced to turn to a life of crime to fund my T-shirt collection.
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A wise man once said, "There are no wise men, you fool! Leave me alone."
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From one of TheSpark.com's tests:



   Does Canada suck or what?

   a) Yes     b) Yeah




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For Sale:  Oceanfront beach property in Hazelton, North Dakota.  13 acres.  $200 or best offer.  Call for details.  
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Yeah, so throw darts at me.
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where's the Tom Waits merchandise?
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I've always had a fear of clowns and I never knew why,

perhaps it was because when I was eight I went to the circus with my dad and a clown killed and ate him.
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1 11k3 70 p&373nd 1'm 4m 31337 44X0R, 3v3n 740u94 1 (4n'7 (0d3 w0&74 5417.
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The most dangerous animal in the world is not a lion or a bear,

it's an elephant with a shark attached to its back,

trampeling and eating everything it sees.
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This is my 417th message and counting.... when will I see one of these!!!!!!???????
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i like my Bawls..



my friends want to taste my Bawls...



the monkey won't let them



he doesnt like to share.
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Schweet. This is the most amazing site I ever seen :D



Damn .. I hope I soon will get some money so I can buy things here - YOU'RE THE GREATEST :D
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Ever notice how in the early epoisodes of Scooby Doo, when the mystery Machine opened, smoke rolled out towards the top of the van?
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Fish is, like, the best that ever got to me...
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In Space nobody cares if you want waffels ...
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Zbiddleploorp
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Jen Von sounded hot on the phone!#$!
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Do not eat yellow snow.


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I HAVE A BELLY BUTTON!


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Code Red was not my fault.



Or was it?
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"Do you have the internet?"



"Yes, I have a hardcopy of it in my pocket."
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lizards rock all ass.


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Some rube wrote:



"Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured 

programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- 

trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise 

clear desks."



I hate neckties and my desk looks like a friggin' bomb hit it, yet I

love structured programming because it cuts my development time and

results in easily maintained code. Monolithic programming is for

immature dullards with a Freudian view of self-discipline.
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OK, I am feeling very excluded here. What's the deal with the monkeys? Am I missing something? I feel as if I've been shunned from some obviously extremely powerful and elite society.
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I have found my purpose in life. I am to domesticate zebras.
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I look all around my work here and all I can see are those people who come in and out everyday like they have something special to do. Me? I just work here. I move my mouse around and click at things on the screen. If I do it a lot and have odd looks on my face then they think I am working hard. Little do they know.
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I'm a Sheep and you're a Ewe

Doo-doo doo, doo-doo doo

You're a Ewe and I'm a Sheep

Dee-dee dee-dee dee



Sheeps and Ewes, don't go "moo"

Moo-moo moo, moo-moo moo

Sheeps and Ewes go "baa-baa"

Baa

  Baa

    Baa



;)
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This is what you see when you look at a new lay-out:



Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.



And this is what graphic designers see when they look at your code:



Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.


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have you noticed that monkeys are the only animal crackers that have pants. what if the hippo wanted pants? and does the monkey say to the hippo "i mock you with my monkey pants". and do monkeys speak with french accents
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ... 



...medulla oblongata. This caused his toes to twitch, in turn pressing the button marked "launch". Suddenly, half way around the world, an albatross dressed as Martha Stewart looked to the sky to see...
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Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."



That's a Kurt Cobain quote!



Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are.




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Where did that damn lab monkey go....
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ThinkGeek simply rocks.
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"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. "

----

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years.  (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year)


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"Some people are like slinkies.  Generally useless, but you still can't help but chuckle when you see one of them tumbling down the stairs."



-- Me after a particularly frustrating tech-support call.
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I love you thinkgeek
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i don't have a cat.
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PURPLE!!! If i was a wombat could i have some cheese? KILL EM ALL! WOOHOO RANDOM QUOTES! I LIKE YOUR CAFFEINE PILLS! I THINK U NEED TO SELL BEER IN YOUR MUGS ;P I WANT A COOKIE! I DONT HAVE ANY COOKIES :-( COOKIES R COOL. COOKIE. COOKIE. I AM THE COOKIE MONSTER! THE MOTHER OF ALL COOKIES, THE ONE AND ONLY COOKIE! COOKIE!


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After 12 long years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something I'll never forget, "No hablo englas."
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Beans, beans good for your heart

the more you eat, the more your fart

the more you fart, the better you feel

so eat your beans at every meal!
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One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Am I the only one who now personally knows their UPS guy?  He stops by at least 1 time a week bearing gifts of Bawls, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week bringing me my geek clothing and toys.  His name is Roger, and he is now hooked on Bawls as well.  God bless ThinkGeek.com
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This is my fortune. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My fortune                                                         is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master

my life. Without me my fortune is useless. Without my fortune, I am useless.                                                         I must type my fortune true. I must type straighter than my enemy who is    

trying to out submit me. I must give it to you before he gives it to you. I will.                                                    Before Tux I swear this creed. My fortune and myself are defenders of my humor. We  

are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it ...                                                           until there is no visual basic... but peace. Amen.


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i like ponies.
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The fact that this site exists scares me.



The fact that I visit it and have ordered things from it scares me far more.
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I'm not going to wear cheese pants anymore, because I'm sick of you people laughing at me.  

You hear?

I'm sick of it.
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Memory error in your favor.  Collect 512MB.




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You ever wonder what happened to that hampster dance hampster?

My theory is he became the head of Hewlett Packard, and eventually turned the company from garbage to total Crap. Either that or he was taken by the CIA and used for covert missions overseas, and perhaps the war on terrorism depends solely on the hampster...if only we'd used penguins...and maybe I should get more sleep. 
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well, u r a bunch of great guys - and therefore i'll award you the cool webpage of the year 2001 award (snip it out below)



and please make a dr. evil t-shirt (u know the badass from austin powers).



that guy kicks ass (charming!)







***********************************

cool webpage of the year 2001 award

***********************************


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hmmm.... how often do i have to refresh until i get my own comment?
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"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
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Wait! I ordered a cheese burger.


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I have a pet monkey, his name is Robert.  Beware of Bobby, for he flings poo.
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once upon a time i farted...it smelled.
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1337... KEWL

&lt;|**** |&gt; 4/5 starzzz
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



The great Tali-baba. The code monkey, upon realising this, pulled out his nine, and capped the menace to society. He then went on his merry way and went back to searching out the reason that all traffic was stopped. He no sooner rounded the corner than...
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THINKGEEK FOR PRESIDENT!!!
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital. The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed... 



an AMD Athlon CPU that wasn't being overclocked! Such a crime could no be allowed to continue, so he felt the need to right the injustice. After it exploded, however, he assumed...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mrs. Marston,

you chunkey monkey,

Mrs. Marston,

the chunkey monkey 

-about my math teacher (to music)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!  I just saw my own comment!  SCREW ALL OF YOU!  I'm OUTTA here!  [drives away yelling "woop woop woop"]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
domokun
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it ain't broke fix it till it is...then add duct tape.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love cheese.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i feel stupid.. i finally saw my post after 3 hours.. and accidently refreshed F5 without even waking any up..



it's only 4.a.m
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is that really supposed to go there?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love you thinkeek.. I really dooo... 

and when Im hungry.. I'd eat you too... 

and when I thursty.. I'd drink your dew...

Just to be you... my thinkgeeky poo...





WE LOVE YOU THINKGEEK...

&lt;place rabid cheering here..&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They said I was crazy when I built a beach house in western Nevada.



Give it a couple thousand years, I'll show them!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ummm... can I have the phone numbers of all the customers who bought codegirl shirts...  unless the name on the credit card sounds like a big football-playing boyfriend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Pressing F5 key

Watching all the fortunes scroll

Too much time laughing




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why can't I have wings?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Go internet, go!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey you guys should sell :cuecats, oh wait, 

they're free and fun to play with.  Free 

bar-code scanners. All I need is a store, and 

products, and money, and friends, and a life, 

and a 4 gig processor, and wings, and magic 

monkey powers, and a girlfriend.  Like I said, 

you guys should sale girl friends, oh wait, I 

mean bar-code scanners.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"These things are going into fortune right?"



No. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hi, we're korn..my names johnathon.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
icky icky poo ding zap
||||||||||##########||||||||||
more pudding....where did i leave my keys....have i got enough milk for tomorrow.....oh god i forgot to call my sister......where's that number...is that the time....phew ive missed thetraffic..wonder if ill get my expenses
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Many unix references make me feel like a windows looser.  I learned windows stuff to get a job and now look at me.  I'm a total sell-out.  Only Bill loves me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I hate Lucky Charms. Marshmellows are 

NOT supposed to crunch.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have to go.  We've got cows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 

Sam sausage like sizzling squirrills.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."

		-- Donald Knuth


||||||||||##########||||||||||
fffffffffffffffffffmyfffffffffffffffffffffffffffke yffffffffffffffffffffisfffffffffffffffstuck
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I ever see this message, I swear I'm taking a screenshot of it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
all your porn are belong to cha0tic
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not worthy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fish 1: Do you think we'll ever get out of this bowl?

Fish 2: Oh my God! A talking fish!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't mind so much that my quotes are never shown. What really pisses me off is seeing someone else's quotes over and over on the same day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know, because I crippled him myself to inspire you.



                                        - M. Burns
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Porn or more thinkgeek?  Porn or more thinkgeek?

(flips coin)

Damn.  Mmkay, let's go 2 outta 3...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYE CAPPIE
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When someone asks you to pick a number, don't be boring...

Choose 823543.142857 recurring (which just 'happens' to be 7^7 + 1/7)

When they get annoyed and place constraints on your choice (i.e. Less than 10), pick NEGATIVE 823543.142857 recurring

When they FINALLY say to pick a number between 1 and 10, simply respond "PI"



One last comment, this survey EXCEEDED the 46.4 second constraint... Dammit
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you &gt;have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

&gt;instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes &gt;from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

&gt;addresses... 

&gt;But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the &gt;universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-) 



seen it.. now go to bed




||||||||||##########||||||||||
If goats had wings, what would monkeys look like?



or



What would a chair look like if our legs bent the other way?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One a these days.... i'll find my own quote.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm ashamed, ThinkGeek has gone 5 Minutes without the word Monkey being metioned!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Wang.  At seeing the site of Bill Gates' wang the flock of monkey fled to a sewer which they used to escape the maniac.  But to the dismay of the monkeys the sewer was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely emptying my bank account into yours was a pleasure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The celery stalks at midnight.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
foreach $cow (@pasture) {

	$cow.eat($grass);

	$cow.moo();

	$cow.speak("Woof!");			# ??? what???

	$cow.fly($here, $there);

	$cow.fly($there, $everywhere);

	$cow.eat($pancake_withStrawberrySyrup);

	$cow.drink($rootBeer);

	$cow.eat($brusselsSprouts);

	$cow.speak("Yucky");



	$cow.speak("Shop \@ ThinkGeek!");



	$cow.shop($thinkGeek_com);

}
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need to start working. Though the thought of caffeinated soap bothers me. So deeply, in fact, that I cannot sleep.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My smarties don't have the answer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
watch out for the burrito aliens.  their magical nacho salsa spaceships are on the loose.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can only stare in awe of the ammount of caffeine you stock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I Love Audrey Eiffler!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Towels may be harmful when swallowed in large quantities
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 10:16 pm.  



Do you know where your comments are?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The only place on the net that promises 

cool bawls. That's gotta count for 

something.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If James Bond was a gamer would his 1337 nickname be 00T ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
79.32% of all statistics are made up right on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive

  power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can't expect to

  wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart 

  threw a sword at you! "



I demand a recount.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just want to say thank you.  I found a home.  Yay.

No, really, this site is the coolest.  Nowhere else can I find such a combination of crazy gadgets, witty repartee, and rampant infestation of caffeine.  Except maybe Peterman's house.  Oh well.

Keep up the good geekiness!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember me? You tore my wings off when you were a child. Now I'm going to lay eggs in your nose.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who's Peer & why did he reset my connection?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



EEEEEKKKK EEEEKK!!!  ::flings poo:: AHHHHHHHH EEEEKKKK ::again with the poo flinging::...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sometimes...in the morning...when I haven't slept...the computers talk to me, they say "good morning dave", so I say to myself, "That g**D**N Hal's awake!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would the world be like without ThinkGeek.... I shudder at the thought.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I made a stupid comment here yesterday.  If anyone sees my stupid comment, please disregard it.  Thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Interesting site!  I came shopping for my kids, and found a lot I'd like for myself!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Charles: "You know that hole, the one you put pie in?"

Gabe:    "You mean my pie-hole. Yeah."

Charles: "Shut it!"



http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=200 0-06-23&res=l
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I had a nice quote I would put it here ---&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I saw my own post! wOOt wOOt!



*drives away, laughing*

*runs into telephone pole*

*gets out of car, stumbles away while still laughing*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a newbie Thinkgeeker...here I sit hitting

F5 over, and over, and...when I'm supposed to

be uploading photos and words to Ebay for my son's

auction! 

It's 12:25 A.M. and I haven't even eaten dinner

yet because of these anonymous, outrageous, stupid

(a great deal of which are copied onto my clipboard for further analysis) posts!

Well, when the boy asks where his auction is,

I'm sending him here!!!

Well, all this cheese talk made me hungry...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Recently, I wrote a program to capture 

the random fortunes. After running it 

for the whole weekend, I decided I 

needed to add some code to make it 

strip out duplicates (I hereby grant 

that bastard with the cat named mittens

the most likely to come up - that 

fortune comprised 23% of the fortunes 

amassed...). So, I spent a few weeks, 

and now the program is perfect. 

Unfortunately, after the first two 

days of running, I now only get one 

new fortune a day. On the plus side, 

I've seen ALL of my quotes! So there! 

Neener neener neener!



I'd post the code, but then everyone

would have their own fortune stealer,

and I would cease to be the coolest...

I am too. Shut up.



- LineNoiz
||||||||||##########||||||||||
and bingo was his name-o
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Late at night when I think I've lost all hope in humanity, once again ThinkGeek comes through and totally restores it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What is the sound of one cheek farting?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can't beat FreshMeat!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dog chow tastes like bad mud.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have mercy guys, it took great restraint to stop filling my cart when I did :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Great. I only go to work to buy more of your stuff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my faith in the ThinkGeek fortune database has been restored...



...I JUST SAW ONE OF MY OWN MESSAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am SOOOOOO pleased.



A quick PS to all other 'posters' who haven't seen their messages - "DON'T give up, your time will come!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I came, i drank bawls, i never slept. Thank you Thinkgeek. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's Thanksgiving... I'm full of turkey and pumpkin pie... pressing F5 over and over again... do I know how to have fun or what??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek gets cooler every day. Awesome. =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that there are so many fabulous creatures on this earth, and not one of them is a PURPLE NINJA MUDGET named George?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you remember when Ethernet was invented, there's a good chance Time Life publishes a collection of songs you grew up with...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)  

 

"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...  

 

while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...  

 

why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...  

 

cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...  

 

..."ive got a 6-pack of bawls here and i know how to use it!!!" the man had never heard of bawls and ordered the monkey once again to part with his strange attire, so the monkey opened all 6 of the bottles and drank them in one gulp, the bawls traveled through his system and directly into his brain stem. and then...  

 

he called forth a demon like no other. The demon was no standard demon, for the demonic features were not visible upon this demon. This demon was sporting large, undemonic dental fixtures that constantly rearranged themselves. The strange man wondered out loud, why is the demon wearing undemon dental fixtures, when demons don't need them? The demon answered I am the evil demon of dentistry that sucks the usage of quotations in sentences. The demon finished its sentence quickly, as the large and atroscious fixtures rearranged themselves in its left nostril. The demon laughed and told the stranger Say good bye to your nitrogen bases! and as the demon said this, the undemonic dental fixtures attracted a lightning bolt that was passing by. The demon died, the monkey sighed, the story was over, and everyone else got a pretty cat.  



... named mittens!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For every geek that is rich, there are 5,000 

stupid people that helped him become it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if humans do "the robot," do robots do "the human?"  hahahaha, GOD thats RICH




||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you had a million monkeys sitting at a million sewing machines, would they eventually make me a pair of pants that fit?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My favorite OS at the moment is pre-OSX Mac, since it neglects to conform to many time-honored paradigms, thus confusing most IT workers.  As I learn more, then go back to Mac methods, they seem more and more strange to ME as well.  Also, many IT folk haven't looked at those systems since the Reagan administration, and thus border on thinking that Macs still use ProDos.  These misunderstandings give a certain security advantage, not in the manner of etc/hosts.deny or 000 perms but in the manner of "PLAGUE!  RUN!  HEAD FOR THE HILLS!! IT'S THAT BOZOID THING WITHOUT THE CLI!!  NO RLOGIN!  DIFFERENT PORTS!  A SCRIPTING LANGUAGE RIGHT OUT OF BRANDO'S HEP CAT TALK IN 'THE WILD ONE'!  HAAAAALLLLLP!!!!!!".  One diagnoses problems not straightforwardly, but as a doctor questions a patient as to where it hurts, with the patient occasionally answering "Thursday".  I love OS9.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You show me a problem that can't be fixed with more sauce... and I'll show you a problem that dosen't need fixing.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can you help me build a teleportation device?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ONe time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class.  I would just sit there, my mind a complete blank as the monkey took notes.  At the end of the week, Teacher asked for a paper based on the notes we took in class. I wrote:



"Hi, my name is bingo.  I like to climb on things.  can I have a banana? eek keekk!



I got an F.  I told my Mom and she told me: "I told you to never trust a monkey!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Kirk loves Quark


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no spoon.



Only fork.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm twice as strong as a man half my size!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was like that when I got here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmeh!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1.  Get money.

2.  Buy ThinkGeek stuff!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just because i have a short attention span doesn't mean that i...... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It if can't be done in perl, it can't be done


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



"READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE! 





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT!"



-ewwww....someone's really in lala land 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...



No, I was wondering the same thing than I saw the little ads at the bottom of the page and felt good and as soon as i get some money i intend to buy something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two brains.  Wanna see?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I asked for a margarita and they brought me a pina colada. and i said NO SALT! NO SALT! and they put salt on it!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
nothing's better on chopped steak than A1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i saw my quote after just pushing f5 3 times



this of course does not count the hours i put into this yesterday
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek kicks so much ass, it's immeasurable!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bob, you know BOB. It all started when he looked at himself in the mirror one day and said "You know what Bob, Im not going to take any more of you crap". This lead him to stop all his high and mighty slacking and start out on a mysterious voyage that... 



led to many depraved sexual escapades with a woman named Paula.  Sadly, she ended up being his cousin, which is what eventually drove him to begin his life of crime.  Paula, however, is now vacationing with BOB's first victim, the code monkey in...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well this one time...at band camp...we were making up fortunes for ThinkGeek...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heart you ThinkGeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The voices in my head play james bond music whenever i look at the gadgets page.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well it's fifty cups of coffee and you know its on...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
GO BANANA ! Don't you hate pants ! DOH...ummm beer oppps wrong place. good stuff here 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hamburger is just like a bun with meat!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stephen Hawking turns me on. Is that normal?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The monkey attaches to the three-phase power socket with a fork. fnord.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those who disagree should righfully be beaten 

unmercifully about the face and neck by 14 

brazillian midgets wielding ears of cor
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Geeks will inhreit the earth, but they will only have read access
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{This sentance is not.}}}



Would you mind explaining what a 'sentance' is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DON'T!! ITS A TRAP!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is the best damn geek site out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We the willing, led by the unknowning, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful.  We have done so much, for so long, with so little.  We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

-anonymous
||||||||||##########||||||||||
mekalekahimekahideyho
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fry me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the government has no knowledge of aliens,

then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the

Code of Federal Regulations, implemented

on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens

to have any contact with extraterrestrials or

their vehicles?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder how many times I would have to reload to see my own comment
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Elvis is everywhere, man.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give me a C!

Give me an A!

Give me an F!

Give me another F!

Give me an E!

Give me am I!

Give me an N!

Give me an E!



What does it spell?



THINKGEEK!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Look mom, I'm on the internet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



&lt;UnknownPoster&gt; 



"DONT YOU JUST HATE PANTS" 





---well yes now that you mention it I do hate pants and i think we should all boycott wearing pants to work tomorrow.thank you unknown poster. 



?did anyone do this besides me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody set me up the bomb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



All right! I confess! I ripped of the dos source code from a confidential document I found while rummaging through AT&Ts dumpster trying to find a list of feedback-loop numbers to get free phone sex with farm animals! Ugh! Suddenly, someone pulled up and stepped out of a posh nissan ultima. His name was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whurd to your respective mothers!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need one of everything for myself... I mean, my fiance!  Yeah, my.... OK there is no fiance.  I need one of everything for me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
BUY THE GREEN LASER POINTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



This is not and ad and I dont give a DAMN how much it costs, just buy it NOW!!!!



As I type this im firing a green laser out my window and on to a cloud, and I can see the green beam all the way up into the sky. It is the coolest thing Ive EVER seen.



BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would never drink coffee unless I was alone or with someone


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mary and Dave had never met. They were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
best...site...ever!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My name is Mittens.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
who stole bob doles peanut butter?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should sell goats.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are two things i hate...



Those intolerant of other peoples cultures

and

The Dutch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i remapped my f5 key to my spacebar, now i can accomplish two things at once, search for my fortune and slam my head on keyboard, did i mention that I have a big head??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In a world of pie...  I think I'd be orange.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who here believes in Telekinesis, RAISE MY HAND!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dr. Schambaugh,of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. 



His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist: 



1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 



2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true... Thus, hell is exothermic. 



[The student, Tim Graham, got the only A] 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ):
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl -w



use strict;

use Your::Mastercard;



if ($me eq "poor") { &you_buy_from_wishlist; }



sub you_buy_from_wishlist {



	my $your_bank_account;

	my $my_loot;

	my $thinkgeek_funds;

	

	$your_bank_account -= priceof($my_loot);

	$thinkgeek_funds += priceof($my_loot) - costof($my_loot);



	&make_my_day;



}



sub make_my_day {



	$ME = 'happy';

	return "smile";



}


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Snazzy.



Fruity.



Tasty.



Fizzy.



Fantabulous!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"&gt;Schweet. 

&gt; 

&gt; &lt;Poster wrote&gt; 

&gt; 

&gt; "So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing 

&gt; yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be 

&gt; your quote, it would be mine." 

&gt; 

&gt; Hmmm, never thought of it that way.So the next time you see one of my quotes will you let me know? Just want to make sure they are 

&gt; making it. And I'll do the same for you when I see one of your quotes. not sure about the whole switching thing. this could actually be 

&gt; you responding to your own quote if we did that. 



Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

addresses... 

But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-) "





I have seen your qoutes and responses - several times in fact.  But where the hell are my quotes? Maybe I should insert something so weird or offensive that I'm bound to get a response.  ya know, if i don't get a REAl job soon, I'm going to have to start producing computer porn (mmm...naked motherboards and processors) to make money so I can indulge in all the sexy geek wear.  damn you thinkgeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm offended by your attempts to not offend me


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do we call martinis dry?  If you pour it on your pants they get wet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have a very dangerous site...to my checking account that is :p
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I LIKE WAFFLES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmy!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no problem that cannot be sloved with the sutable application of high explosives.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the whole world was as unserious as you crazy goons it would be a much nicer place to live!



By the way, it took me 47.9 seconds to answer this survey, not 46.4 as you promised!  I think the error might be attributable to me not being able to remember when I was born.  You should definitely fix this mistake.  Send beer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Get some powdered caffene. Allows you to put pure caffene in your pancake mix, cake mix, magic brownies mix, or to make a super saturated cup of water (altough you might have to desaturate it a bit to fill the rest of the ionic bonds with sugar,) spike some punch, or scarf down with a spoon. You need powered caffene, find some, make it, just get some.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet Mother Of Refried Beans, this site is so cool it makes me want to puke jelly beans! (Thats cool by the way!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Answer to "If a canoe rolls into your backyard and loses all four wheels, then how many pancakes does it take to fill up a cat house? "



27, but only 15 on Sundays
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Never underestimate the bandwith of my volvo-stationcar full of tapes hulring down the freeway!" 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Norton came to see me but there weren't any raisins.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know your sad when the funniest you see are on the ThinkGeek fortune page.  Like this:



"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman 

A: autoexec.bat"



Thanks to whoever posted it, it made my day(s).


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cowboy Neal in a can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gamera's really neat,

Gamera's filled with turtle meat,

We all love you Gamera!



Sandy Frank tried to kill me with a fork lift you know.



Good night,

TV's Frank
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much longer do I have to wait before I can defrag my brain???
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your kid is an honor student at Harvard? Whats so great about that? My kids an honor student at the Klingon Warrior Acadamy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Woll she turned me into a newt! I got better...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a thought, but I lost it somewhere...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
what else do you burn? MORE WITCHES... and wood so how do you know if she is made out of wood ... umm build a bride out of her.  now now what floats in water? small pebbels ducks ... yes

there for if she weighs the same as a duck then... she's ... a witch BURN HER
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Before you criticize a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That 

 way, you are a mile away from him. And you've got his shoes."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whats the difference between an orange?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Enbiggens is a perfectly cromulant word.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, why the hell do some of you go around refreshing for hours till you find your own comment? What's the point? I mean, you already know what your comment says - you wrote it after all. Instead, refresh to read everyone else's comments. The ones you haven't read yet. (:



With the exception that if you have amnesia, then it's probably alright to refresh for your own comment since you forgot what it said. Assuming you didn't forget what you posted. Or forget the URL of ThinkGeek. Or forget how the hell to turn your computer on again ..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen is a beautiful person.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know who you are.



Follow the white rabbit
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More surrealism. Bicycle vendetta. Fish machines.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set.



Anyone feel like checking my math for me?

I should get back to work..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bad spellers of the world untie!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch the ninjas!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am loved by all women
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Star Wars Episode II:

- The Random Premise

- Yes, You Heard Me Right, I Said Attack Of The Clones

- The Empire Falls Asleep

- There's No Hope

- I'm Just To Darn Rich To Care Anymore

- I Wipe My Ass With Your Money
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Super, thanks for asking!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Harriet, the cattle are smoking again...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
yibble yibble yibble
||||||||||##########||||||||||




23 hrs 28 min of F5. 



Whew!!  I finally saw one of submissions!!!



Im a published writer, yippppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!



Do you guys submit these to the Pulitzer committee???






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hold your towels high in the air with pride.



-RIP Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me!  &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer).  I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety).  At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
question from an actual version of Trivial Pursuit;



What country lies directly above the United States on the world map?

  answer:  Canada.



wtf?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What if there were no rhetorical questions?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek is the only thing that's better than being naked.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice.

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one.

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it....

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there...







Help me. Please?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bzzzt.... Monkey Stain, Monkey Stain... this is Crusty Porpus.  We have lost contact with Wet Squirrel. Please copy. Repreat, we have lost contact with wet Squirrel.  Crusty Porpus is out..... bzzzt.
||||||||||##########||||||||||


&gt;If I was going to get married today I would do my gift registry right here! 



That's a sure cure for that "Weddin' fever" the little lady gets from time to time. 



Trust me. It works. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet - what is this? hm...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quote: "Will you marry me?"



Whoever posted this, YES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smells like pickles.



Dill pickles.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who is this, really? Am I on Candid Camera?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q.  How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  



A.  A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely spiff.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Peachy...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
WTG, Including DEC/Compaq/HP's OpenVMS in there. Much better than *anything*...



At least to some of us :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like chicken,

i like liver,

meow mix, meow mix,

please deliver
||||||||||##########||||||||||
caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If you ever find yourself on the side of the Majority, it's time to pause and reflect." -Mark Twain
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Isn't this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I could make love to this site, I would.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some unrefined script kiddie fashioned the following rant:



&gt;Real programmers disdain structured programming. 

&gt;Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were 

&gt;prematurely toilet-trained. 

&gt;They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise 

&gt;clear desks.



The sad realm you are trapped in is practically depressing.  Much like the many stereotypes of this world, yours is based on your own deficiencies in trying to achieve something you see so many do.  Label them with neckties and sanitary manners and youve got a way of justifying your own flaws to produce comprehensible code.



When not beating on little script kiddies like yourself during my relaxation hours, I work as a software engineer for one of the largest and most respectable software companies in the world (no, not the United Gates of America), yet my workdays are void of neckties or lining up pencils on my desk.  In fact, I hate to and rarely ever dress up, and my desk has surely mutated into some kind of life form by now with all the garbage on it (mostly ordered from ThinkGeek I might add).  



Yet even though my choice of wardrobe is purposely less sophisticated than many of my colleagues and my office may resemble a nuclear wasteland at times, my code is always clear, concise, structured, and efficient.  My code is organized not because I was trained that way, or because I was told to program in such a manner, or because my success depends on it.  My code is that way because I want it to be.  



I am not compulsive or neurotic, but a composed and levelheaded young individual, proud of my career and enthusiastic about the electronic revolution taking place during my lifetime.  My code is my mark on that revolution, and I want it to be a shining reflection of who I am as a programmer as well as hacker.  It is my forte, my choice of expression.  



Speaking of expression, perhaps your biggest downfall is not realizing what programming really is.  You only need to look up the phrase Art Form in a dictionary to realize that programming is as much of an art form as writing a poem or composing a song.  It is an unconventional form or medium in which impulses may be expressed.  



Your uncultured impulses might be to write your code in an unconventional manner, which is fine by me.  But to label those who do not follow your practices as not being real programmers denies them their basic right of expression.  And that is why you are an unrefined script kiddie trapped in a world of yet another way of stereotyping people.  I hope one day you will broaden your horizons.



Or I can just broaden them for you if you dare and give me your IP address so that I can share with you one of my well-structured code samples in a compiled stealth-penetration format that will flush out your system faster than you could ever put a necktie on ... if you knew how to, that is.  I assure you that after Im done with your machine, your perception regarding real programmers will be dramatically changed, and I most certainly assure you that this message board will not be getting comments from you any time soon.  Chew on that for a little bit.



Oh yeah, almost forgot.  Being that every fortune post is apparently required to have the reserved keywords included, here they go in no particular order:  monkeys, pies, bawls, cheese, caffeine, more bawls, and some cat named Mittens.



--SaintDK10
||||||||||##########||||||||||
People are the #1 reason why I work with computers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it's all fine and good until we stumble upon pictures of you guys. you know, kinda creeps us out.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you could delete the recycle bin, where would it go?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chown.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





The amount of cafine in your wearhouse, will proboly create some form of super cafine mutant, that will kill all coffee drinkers.



Have a nice day

Forrest
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's better to be blunt than ambiguous.  Or maybe not.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Linux -- because rebooting is for adding new hardware!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
unlike other counter strike players, its not the lag that makes me suck, its my lack of depth perception.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You need more clothes... more crap I can wear to insult the people I work with without their knowledge.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Drunk?  You ain't drunk till you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth. (tm)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess what I am saying is that assless chaps, no shirt, flip flops, and a Reagan mask isn't really what I would call "business casual".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that no matter how many quotes i submit, none of them ever get posted.  i just want to see my quote.  hey, wait, this one got posted! YES!  this is so cool, i got my quote posted.  you are reading my quote!  that means that it got posted! YES!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK, I GOT POSTED ON THINKGEEK.COM!!!!! IVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE!!!! wait a sec, they never post my quotes, that means that you arent reading this right now because it wasn't posted... ... ... CRAP!!! i knew it wouldnt get posted, but i submitted it anyways.  DO'H!!! IM SO STUPID, I SUBMITTED A QUOTE EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW IT WOULDN'T GET POSTED!!!!   *slams head visciously on desk multiple times* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *(goes unconcious and falls on floor)* *thud*



time passes...



some more time passes...



even more time passes...



geez, wake up already...



even more time passes...



*wakes up*



"I hate you think geek.  even though i am madly in love with your fortune page, i hate you.



-deadsaxy1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Shopping here is part of my 9-5 routine at work!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
'If it jams force it, if it breaks it needed fixing anyway.'
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it wasn't me.  i swear.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hurry up!  Climb into this bag before the yaks get here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's nothing like owning a Jeep. As a guy, everyone thinks I own one in order to compensate for certain ... we'll say deficiencies. That was until I put the "geek." and "fsck" stickers on my car. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moo.  Moo, moo moo moo moooooooo.



Moo moo moo mooooo moo moo moo moooo moo moo moooo moo, mooo moo mooo moo moo moo mooooo moo moo moooo moo moo moooo.  Mooooo, moo, moooo moo moo; moo moooo moo moo moo.



Moo, moooo, moo moo moo moo.



Moo!



Moo moo moo.  Moo Moo Moo!  Mooooooooo...



Moo moo moooo mooo moo mooo... moooooooooo-oo.



oom.



-Moo
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like stuff. stuff is good. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a monkey once. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Space aliens stole my Gerald Ford doll!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
whered i put my pants this time

oh well i wont need them for at least a 

couple days


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really wish They Might Be Giants would come to town 

and play a show with the Violent Femmes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't forget that pizza boxes are an excellent source of cheese
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some may say I'm insane.



That's what the alarm clock said, and we 

all know what happened to HIM.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The little men with green hats, why won't they leave me be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; // This is a comment. 

&gt; /* This is a comment. */ 

&gt; &lt;!-- This is a comment --&gt; 

&gt; # This is a comment. 

&gt; 

&gt; Have I provided enough comments? 



Nope. You forgot: 

{ this is a comment } 

-- this is a comment 

and 

' this is a comment 



(Pascal, AppleScript, and BASIC [FutureBASIC, VisualBASIC, and OracleBASIC, at least] for those of you who don't grok them outright).



---



You forgot &lt;dtml-comment&gt;this is a comment&lt;/dtml-comment&gt; (Zope - more info at http://www.zope.org)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek stomps my ass with lemon-fresh goodness.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys finally got me some Bawls!  Rock on dude!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I could eat two sugars at once, would that make me ambidextrose?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moo-cow, moo-cow, silly as he is:

Styling and shrieking and throwing a tiz:

Must've been the guv-ner who threw him a 

bone:

But...

:little do we know where that bone came 

from.

Do we?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 5.50 a.m.... Do you know where your stack pointer is ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
""Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour. " 



Yeah, what the hell is up with that?! Is there some thing that makes it so we can't see our own? Is ThinkGeek trying to drive us NUTS?! WHERE ARE MINE?!?! ARGH!



It's a conspiracy, meaning that Microsoft must be in on this!!! ThinkGeek is a traitor!!! Burn them all! Well... it's that or we're just extremely unlucky. Wasabi? Chickens? Mittens!

Eat peanut butter.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
'smart masses.'  I get it.  Ha.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl ROCKS!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There appears to be a free bond on the carbon atom at the rightmost vertex of the representation of everyone's favorite alkaloid on a certain shirt and mug.

I just thought I'd like to point that out.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thoughtful answers require up to 57 seconds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys own simply put



I bow before you for you are root
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another)



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!"



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek is my only friend!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wow! I cant belive it. If your reading this, it must be posted. I'm soo happy. (oh, and nice website)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now if I could only remember which is the Self Destruct button... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate......

He realized that he could not have put on the garter belt and panty hose himself,because they were black...very unfashionable to where black at this time of year,and he was all about fashion.At this point he was questioning if he were even awake at that moment-"Perhaps this is all a dream, and I never got out of bed wrote any Japanese poetry,pondered the universe,or put on a pair of overalls and a straw hat......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The devil is in my pants and he wants to say hello.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You see, my concern here is, if I call Mr. Lambert and tell him I've got a 35 year old Chartered Accountant here who wishes to become a lion tamer, his first question to me is not going to be 'Does he have his own hat?'"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DARN IT.  

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes.



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?"

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage.  I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory.  I told him I'd look into 

it.  I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative.



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
__

_/\/\_

/\\\///\

\\\\////

\\\\////

\\\\_////

\/

||_

||/\

||//

||//

\/

\/

\___________/



Live long, and ASCII
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dare you (yes, YOU) to refresh this page.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't fix that, its a load bearing problem.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff for smart masses

ThinkGeek is so sweet it kicks

Serious asses



&lt;it's a haiku&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two Muffins are in the oven



One muffin says to another "Is it getting hot in here?"



The other muffin says to the first "Ahhhh A Talking Muffin!!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smooth like blue velvet.

Sweet and sour,like a tangerine.

Fresh like a box,of crispy creams.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did AOL go?  WHERE DID AOL GO??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



..."ive got a 6-pack of bawls here and i know how to use it!!!" the man had never heard of bawls and ordered the monkey once again to part with his strange attire, so the monkey opened all 6 of the bottles and drank them in one gulp, the bawls traveled through his system and directly into his brain stem. and then... 



he called forth a demon like no other. The demon was no standard demon, for the demonic features were not visible upon this demon. This demon was sporting large, undemonic dental fixtures that constantly rearranged themselves. The strange man wondered out loud, why is the demon wearing undemon dental fixtures, when demons don't need them? The demon answered I am the evil demon of dentistry that sucks the usage of quotations in sentences. The demon finished its sentence quickly, as the large and atroscious fixtures rearranged themselves in its left nostril. The demon laughed and told the stranger Say good bye to your nitrogen bases! and as the demon said this, the undemonic dental fixtures attracted a lightning bolt that was passing by. The demon died, the monkey sighed, the story was over, and everyone else got a pretty cat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Become a religion...=)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haikus:



Microsoft,

I asked you question,

No answer.



Frag all day,

You will lose quite often,

Make your time.



This Haiku

Dislikes you too, but

Never says it.



Mister Frodo

Travels with Samwise

To Perils.



I like lights,

They glow like my cat,

Poor Elmo.



L33t g4m3rs

Fr4gg y0u w1th pl34sur3,

Say g00dby3!



One haiku,

Two haiku, three, four,

Five haiku.

               -ComaToast74
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I enjoy a bowl of cereal while typing. Often.



LLtP!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My monkey is red.

Wax the red monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DON'T YOU HATE PANTS?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you make my penguin flip!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The world is not #000000 and #ffffff.... it's more of a mottled #cccccc.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In the valley of the jolly ho ho ho green giants!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm hungry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I didn't escape. They gave me a day pass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I were a monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I plan to register here when I get married...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
zat vat yours does?  mine doesn't vork den, eetz broken

cause yours is a drool-band
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek continues to amaze me with cool product finds from everywhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oxymorons:

Military Intelligence

Mircosoft Works
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
one quarter mile away from sorak garden now that is schweet! eat your heart out hoser
||||||||||##########||||||||||
are you sure it's not a cup holder?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll:

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard?

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern!

_________________________________

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-)

---------------------------------------------- 

In Reply:

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =)

---------------------------------------------- 

Do you really think they'd let us be free? they'd rather watch us squirm in agony, laughing at our misfortune, those cruel cruel laughs... they're coming back to haunt me again... they won't stop, please make them stop, please? and bla bla *stuff* *more paronoied stuff* "MOO!"



Btw, i vote for 2.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
General protection fault at 0347d2f. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et A Beer?

Error: hit ant user to contiune.

Smash head on keyboard to continue
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An image is worth a thousand strings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I AM THINKGEEK. ALL WILL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So a newspaper is having a pun contest. A guy sends in 10 puns in hope that atleast 1 whould get printed, but no-pun-in-ten-did.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like gold fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q:What's the sound of one hand clapping?



A:'cl'.  the other hand makes the 'ap'.







&lt;&lt;{S}&gt;&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A short while ago, I saw the quote:

"DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Then I saw it three more times.... So I hope that by now whoever posted this has seen some of his quotes, because I know for sure that I have


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'm wearing pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're such a happening fish

Flopping on a digital beach

Waves roll in on zeros and ones

Counting all the setting suns



You're such a visionary flounder

You're the "i'm the one that found her"

I'm dripping water on your gills



You're such a beautiful thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



&lt;Poster wrote&gt;



"So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine."



Hmmm, never thought of it that way.So the next time you see one of my quotes will you let me know? Just want to make sure they are making it. And I'll do the same for you when I see one of your quotes. not sure about the whole switching thing. this could actually be you responding to your own quote if we did that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
someday me hopes two makeing the mesiges with the worstest spellings and gramer ever...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Know whats funny? That guy who posted about getting Monty Python quotes right, and then got his wrong. If you haven't seen it yet, see footnote.











Yes you have.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jesus Saves....He Passes to Mosses.....Mosses shoots...HE SCORES!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Picky people pick peter pan peanut butter it's the peanut butter picky people pick.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this tofurkey?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Barnacles are a Scandinavian delicacy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Curse you and your horribly addicting merchandise.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hoverboards.  Sell hoverboards.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is helping me break out of the geek closet.  I'm here, I'm a dork, get used to it!

;)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll rochambeau you for it!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was here...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch out for the sea monkeys.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A simple formula for you!



Caffeine = A 

-Caffeine = B



Where A is good and B is bad!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a cucumber

I'm a cucumber

I cant remember the rest of the song

...



Dance Break
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sys Admin note.



On my firewall I have blocked access to the IP that Think Geek resides on due to the fortunes page. Not because of the bandwidth, but because I have replaces 25 keyboards so far where the F5 key has ceased to function.



(Except for my machine teehee)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
At home I have a brick wall in my living room. I covered it with wall paper with pictures of bricks on it, just so I would be the only one that knew. I tell visitors to touch it, it feels real.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Windows has detected a mouse movement... please restart your computer so changes can take effect
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother is a shrew, and your father smells of elderberries.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish my girlfriend understood ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im at my job, and i dont kick ass.

!Wait a min.. I do kick ass!

I'll start kickin my own ass!!

Ouch.. aah.. uuuuww!!!. AAAAH!

...Damn there goes my prostate!

Ok I'll do it for the sake of the world.



Kill -9 The Stupid Guy Who Wrote This Lettr.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My private technician just downloaded the internut on to my new computer. Its an ease machine, with some powerful mhz..right now im listening to a compact disk and watching a video cassette tape on my video player. I feel real tekno savee


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Spammy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
panda are nice animals


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have come to the conclusion that, yes, thinkgeek does indeed check over their messages, and yes, they are canadian. The aboot says it all....or is that just me...somebody who has slept in the past few days please judge this.

So, you wanna see what people say aboot us, eh? 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are the carrots?  I thought there were carrots here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm on my palm on the jon... i'm out of bum wipe... pls help!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Frog Blast the Vent Core!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If thinkgeek were shut down then half the world would quit using the internet..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys touch me in a deep part of my soul useally only reserverd for code red
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a cat his name is 5.

I want to get another little Kitty and name it script.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As the lights changed from green to yellow to red and back to green, I thought to myself, "What if it really is all just a bunch of honking and screaming?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital. The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed... 



The Bastard Operator from Hell and his PFY assistant walking down the lane, drinking of a strange alcoholic substance and armed with palm pilots. the primate knew he had no chance against such evil beings and he...



Suddenly realized he could totally 0wnz something like PalmOS, so full of holes yet sure of their obscurity.  He fired up his own Palm, which he had flashed linux onto earlier that day, and proceeded to...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like ice cream.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The apocryphal acronym you thought you knew!

My Secret Damned Obtuse System?

Master's Serenity Demands Obsequious

	Servitude?

Malarky Sucks Dinero Outta' Society?

Malefactor Stiffs Dummies On Software?

Monopoly Survives Democracy's Obligatory

	Stupidity?

Macintosh is a system. Windows is a shell.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





I love Jen. ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ambiguity is the devil's tetherball
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dispair: a proxy that has cached /fortune.shtml
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ninja.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a labotomy.  Do they have Quickie-Labotomy stores?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...



The great Tali-baba. The code monkey, upon realising this, pulled out his nine, and capped the menace to society. He then went on his merry way and went back to searching out the reason that all traffic was stopped. He no sooner rounded the corner than...



he and his fuzzy compatriots noticed the foulest of stenches. It assailed their oversensitive noses, compelling each of them, in turn, to make a vomitus sacrifice to Ralph the God of Foul Smells and Overintoxication. Overcoming their temporary malady, the code monkey and his sidekicks Foo and Bar trudged on, the garter belts and high heels proving to be no problem for the heroes. The sweat drenched their fur, matting it in places no fur should ever be matted. Code monkey halted their advance momentarily so he could do a quick GPS location check. It could't be far, now. The enemy only holds so many factories in Trenton, he remembered. Re-establishing his bearings, code monkey and foo and bar relaunched their expedition. Approaching the warehouse doors, they ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My hand kinda smells like poop. I'm a genius.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh MY GOD!! whatever you do!.... don't look down..... there is a HUGE spider on your leg!... AHH! don't move!.... it's moving.... whoa.. that's the biggest spider i've ever seen!.... steady... steady....*SMACK!!!* ewwwwww....... 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
In reply to----

"When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarves began to suspect Hungry. "



---

Yeah, espeacially after he changed his name to Full.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking down the street and the wheel fell of my canoe, so I got back on my bike and walked home where I found an elaphant, I asked the lion how many elaphants a banana could eat and the elaphant told me lions dont each marshmello's. Got A-C-I-D?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um, yeah. I'm hoping the shirt I ordered will get me laid in the near future.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK, now press the clear button on the microwave. No, that's the window. Press the button that says "clear".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site makes me want to dance like a monkey.  A happy monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For modem updates

I am content to direct but,

Please, for which modem?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
schwing!



[would you like to touch my monkey?]


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys are the greatest.  I'm loving the gadgets, including the RC rovers.  I'm saving up to get some!  You're also my official caffeine source.  If you guys ever went away, I don't know what I'd do!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I give up. I can't find my quote.

If anyone finds it, please let me know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haggis: It's not just for breakfast any more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monkey see, monkey do.  Monkey see doo, monkey doo doo.  Monkey see sea, monkey drown.  Monkey see sea monkey, monkey chew on sea monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Its 5 am, i have a calculus test in less than 8 hours.

WTF am i sitting here rubbing table syrup allover my body and looking at thinkgeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pimp the phatty chicken ice, monkies throw shit.



the end of my story


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The world is going to hell, and I'm driving the bus.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actually I like fridgeOS its pritty straight forward... door open = light on... 

Html is my lag of choice but that ain't there! =] every thing else though!

I like to DOODLE... and not in that way!

Yeah, your site totaly owns.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually.  I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!!  I am really serious about that.  Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I frag that, mom?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

-Groucho Marx
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A Customer Fortune Haiku



Submit one survey

Refresh for enlightenment

I want more doughnuts
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Sure, hit F5 again. And just think, this is 15 seconds of your life that you will never get back again."



I'm on a Full T-1.  It's only about 2...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Got pha?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1000000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000000 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 111111 bottles of beer on the wall.



-Ich
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you want to know the truth about monkies? For 23 years, the California Bureau of Furniture and Bedding has been suppressing information from you about monkies and thus endangering the welfare of geeks.



In November 1985, shortly before the release of Windows 1.0, George W. Bush met with Bill Gates in Redmond to discuss software piracy. As it happens, they engaged in illegal bargaining and ended up hatching a plan involving the American Medical Association in Iceland.



As a result, all details of the meeting were suppressed, as was information about dealings with Microsoft and their ties to jaywalking.



A report in Slashdot was mysteriously pulled from newsstands in April of last year. The article implicated high-ranking officials in Motion Picture Association of America, various programmers, and, perhaps not surprisingly, Larry Ellison. According to the report, passages in the book "A New Kind of Science" and lyrics in They Might Be Giants's music point to a connection between these individuals and monkies.



According to a spokesman at Slashdot, the issue was pulled because of printing errors. However, individuals who saw the original copies say that there were no printing irregularities and that the re-issue differed from the original only in the absence of this article.



The lies and deception must be stopped. Don't let the government hide the facts about monkies any longer. Learn the truth!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know who you are



Follow the white monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So you see, Lone Star, Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
j00 guys there, your the guys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime



Proof: If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true



The proof exists; you're reading it now.



From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital.  The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bedevere: And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.



King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.



Bedevere: Oh, certainly, sir.in the system! 




||||||||||##########||||||||||
A girl a my party saw my blue neon backlit cpu.  She liked it and we slept together.  I am no longer virgin geek.  Thanks thinkgeek.com   
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time i ate a bug.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Several attacks on the main Monkey planet have caused them to revolt and scramble into a frenzied state of war.



The cows will be worried.



Worry about the cows.



They are the wildcard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stop refreshing this page and get a life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PI=3.



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2107119457 3002438801 7661503527 0862602537 8817975194

7806101371 5004489917 2100222013 3501310601 6391541589

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9149419394 0608572486 3968836903 2655643642 1664425760

7914710869 9843157337 4964883529 2769328220 7629472823



8153740996 1545598798 2598910937 1712621828 3025848112

3890119682 2142945766 7580718653 8065064870 2613389282

2994972574 5303328389 6381843944 7707794022 8435988341

0035838542 3897354243 9564755568 4095224844 5541392394

1000162076 9363684677 6413017819 6593799715 5746854194

6334893748 4391297423 9143365936 0410035234 3777065888

6778113949 8616478747 1407932638 5873862473 2889645643

5987746676 3847946650 4074111825 6583788784 5485814896

2961273998 4134427260 8606187245 5452360643 1537101127

4680977870 4464094758 2803487697 5894832824 1239292960

5829486191 9667091895 8089833201 2103184303 4012849511

6203534280 1441276172 8583024355 9830032042 0245120728

7253558119 5840149180 9692533950 7577840006 7465526031

4461670508 2768277222 3534191102 6341631571 4740612385

0425845988 4199076112 8725805911 3935689601 4316682831

7632356732 5417073420 8173322304 6298799280 4908514094

7903688786 8789493054 6955703072 6190095020 7643349335

9106024545 0864536289 3545686295 8531315337 1838682656

1786227363 7169757741 8302398600 6591481616 4049449650

1173213138 9574706208 8474802365 3710311508 9842799275



4426853277 9743113951 4357417221 9759799359 6852522857

4526379628 9612691572 3579866205 7340837576 6873884266

4059909935 0500081337 5432454635 9675048442 3528487470

1443545419 5762584735 6421619813 4073468541 1176688311

8654489377 6979566517 2796623267 1481033864 3913751865

9467300244 3450054499 5399742372 3287124948 3470604406

3471606325 8306498297 9551010954 1836235030 3094530973

3583446283 9476304775 6450150085 0757894954 8931393944

8992161255 2559770143 6858943585 8775263796 2559708167

7643800125 4365023714 1278346792 6101995585 2247172201

7772370041 7808419423 9487254068 0155603599 8390548985

7235467456 4239058585 0216719031 3952629445 5439131663

1345308939 0620467843 8778505423 9390524731 3620129476

9187497519 1011472315 2893267725 3391814660 7300089027

7689631148 1090220972 4520759167 2970078505 8071718638

1054967973 1001678708 5069420709 2232908070 3832634534

5203802786 0990556900 1341371823 6837099194 9516489600

7550493412 6787643674 6384902063 9640197666 8559233565

4639138363 1857456981 4719621084 1080961884 6054560390

3845534372 9141446513 4749407848 8442377217 5154334260



3066988317 6833100113 3108690421 9390310801 4378433415

1370924353 0136776310 8491351615 6422698475 0743032971

6746964066 6531527035 3254671126 6752246055 1199581831

9637637076 1799191920 3579582007 5956053023 4626775794

3936307463 0569010801 1494271410 0939136913 8107258137

8135789400 5599500183 5425118417 2136055727 5221035268

0373572652 7922417373 6057511278 8721819084 4900617801

3889710770 8229310027 9766593583 8758


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fortune is like a potato chip...  you can't have just one.



*reload*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How many times do I have to tell you!? MONKEYS are the ones who walk; CHEESE is yellow! *sigh*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We need more *nix chicks!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I had one photon light for every idiot I passed on the street this world would be a brighter place.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's green and not very heavy, what is it?



Light-green
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wisdom is easy:



1) Think of something truly stupid.



2) Say the opposite.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everything I say is always correct...

Except for that statement.



Don't believe everything you read in a comment

Especially this one.



This comment is false:

   true -or- false?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
asdf...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I drink coffee,

I do not write Haiku,

I hate Haiku.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
not bad for americans.... :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
hammers hehehe hammers
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house?}}}



You say, "a cow and a half and a calf and a half..." How are this mysterious "half-cow" and "half-calf" divided into halves? Lengthwise? Either way, it doesn't seem plausible that half a cow could eat anything, let alone be alive for more than several minutes. And how do you determine when a bale of hay is half a bale of hay? Is there some standard for measuring bales of hay that is kept from the general public? And who is this general public? Is it different from the public? Is it some war veteran, "General Public"?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doctors say to stay healthy and young you should drink eight glasses of water a day.









The good news, beer is mostly water.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is a message with a poin do what it says:

Hop up and down like a monkey

moo like a cow

click f5 in hopes you will see part 2 of theis message.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two days ago, I was with a gorgeous female friend of mine.  We both had

our laptops up and running and I was showing her digital photos of a

party we had both been at.  She wanted to have copies of some of the

photos, but we didn't have any interconnection between the two laptops.

So I said, hey, look at this, and pulled my key chain that holds by Targus Go-Anywhere USB Drive out of my pocket, pulled off the cover, and said

"128 megabytes of non-volatile storage".  She immediately gave me a big smile,

said "Oh, you're so wonderful!", threw herself into my arms, and kissed

me.  I swear that this is a true story.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



By way of chance I have calculated the current size of the ThinkGeek random-generated comment database.Given that I have made a total of 10 quotes to ThinkGeek, and it takes me on average 42 refreshes to see at least oneof these quotes, the present size is approximately 10.5 GB. do i win a t-shirt?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the SUN shines over the JAVA BEANS, I'm happy to have a PERL CAMEL with his APACHEE to find my COOKIES... aaaah... caffeine is beautiful... aaaah...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Any man who says he can see through women is missing alot."



"How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them"



"The secret to life is honesty and fair dealing, if you can fake that you've got it made"



"With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now"



"He may talk like an idiot, look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot."



"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I dunno."

                                         - Groucho Marx


||||||||||##########||||||||||
As I sit here, broken Hearted

I just realize, someone farted.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bill hendrickson is my hero.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever wonder what goes on at the sub-Planck level?  Don't.  You'll never know anyway.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SELECT * FROM sites WHERE cool = "yes"

1 result returned: www.thinkgeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.I am thinking of buying the zero-point generator but does it really work? Does this work like the Joe cell that i have read about that harnesses a force called Orgone to make it run? Can you explain how you "activate it", if it really works i'll buy 5 to start but I need more proof.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My mom couldn't design a better site!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What a bunch of weridos you folks are.  I love it.  Keep it up!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Udderly Mooving
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; Isn't this a stupid question?

Isn't this a stupid answer?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Homer, stop eating yourself!"

"Aww, but Marge, I'm so fluffy and tasty!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I must frag to live

Where is the caffiene in here?

I am the LAN Queen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always felt sorry for Oscar the Grouch, he had to live in a trashcan.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would just like to say that on behalf of the bologna eaters of America Coca Cola is the greatest drink ever...  Ok I'm done being insane


||||||||||##########||||||||||
And if, if they take my stapler, I will, I will set this building on fire.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like toast.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My graphing calculator just winked at me. Should I wink back?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My car is powered by pickle farts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I found a lot of people at my workplace (the navy) are very eager to be able to play r/c laser tag while we're out to sea.  Thanks for providing a product that will keep at least a few people sane while we're out to sea!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank God! Some sort of rescue Toaster... Go get help boy, and if you have one of those little bottles of brandy give me one..Hey! Where are you going?! I need Brandy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's anything more important than my ego around I want it caught and shot now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
...i did nothing, Michael, and it was everything i dreamed it could be!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just one more cubicle wall to steal, and I'll be sealed in. No longer will the users be able to find me!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... oh wait, he does.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages:



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote

(refresh for another)

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!



----



We had a cat named boots once. So THERE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
mmmm pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ALL YOUR FEEDBACK ARE BELONG TO US


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's all this about computers?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mesa jar jar binks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Okay I'm hooked on 'Bawls'.  Is there a 12-step program in can follow? :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
tachyon emissions
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"DAD DAD! WE'VE DONE SOMETHING HORRIBLE!"



"Did you wreck the car?"



"No..."



"Did you raise the dead?"



"YES!"



"But the car's ok?"



::nods::



"ok then"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are feed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My first mod attempt (nine years ago): My parents had a mac plus. There was a berry tree in our front yard. I put the berries in the 3.5" drive of the mac plus. I got in trouble. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
this is a conspiricy...bill gates must run this web site...i swear you never see your own post.i bet you guys made all the posts already in there and the ones we make just get dumped, just so you can laugh at us, as we cycle through. then again not many of us people have that less of a life, HELL NO we don't have a life, you knew we were gonna cycle through again and again looking for our own YOU KNEW! YOU STILL KNOW! you and the monkies...or maybe...you didn't know..or you want us to think you don't know but you really do.......monkeys....psssh...ahhh weres my caffine
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The makings of "The Breakfast of Champions" (title formerly held by Wheaties(r))



1. 6 Pack of some sort of Caffinated/Carbonated drink (preferrably Jolt)



2. The biggest bag of Vinegar and Salt Potato Chips you can find...



3. Whatever you pull out of the candy dish on the desk of the hottie sitting at the reception desk...



enjoy :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like squirrels.  They're fidgety and they have small hands.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
yom yom yom.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dude,  my mom says if I want to be a 

lesbian, I gotta lick a lot of carpet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One upon a time, there lived a geek...



&lt;&lt; insert your life here &gt;&gt;



... lived happily ever after.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think the phrase "Don't drink and derive" is freekin' hillarious.  But maybe that's just because I'm drunk.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
congrats, you guys are the reason I still have a job... and want a better paying one!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My parents wouldn't cosine for me so I threw a temper-tangent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"No, I'm sorry, the answer is one."



"What?"



"If I have 6 oranges, and I take away 5, how many do I have left?"



"One"



"Oh, you think time flows that way."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i ve got an idea. somebody copy my message and post it and i'll copy yours and post it ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We want a shrubbery!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i am color deaf......i cant hear the colors red or green....but blue still sounds the coolest


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Avoid LANeuryisms, get lots of fiber


||||||||||##########||||||||||






{{{ I guess I am not a Geek, I don't understand over  of this page!! Somebody help me, I know nothing about my computer! }}}





well, knowing at least one of the members of the extended ASCII set is certainly a start...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Uber-Schweet. In fact so unthinkably uber-schweet that it is almost incomprehensible  to the human mind. You may think the cube-goodies or watches or gadgets or the new speakers and t-shirts are uber-schweet, but this is not even half as uber-schweet as ThinkGeek on the whole is. Uber-schweet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek helps me embrace my inner geek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no cheese


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One guy sais to another at a party,  "so why do they call u sinor sexypants?"  The other guy replys      

well... i am whering my sexy pants"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heh heh heh...I'm not fat...I'm festively plump!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)  

 

"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...  

 

while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...  

 

why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...  

 

cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...  

 

himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...  

 

Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...  

 

Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said...  

 

All right! I confess! I ripped of the dos source code from a confidential document I found while rummaging through AT&Ts dumpster trying to find a list of feedback-loop numbers to get free phone sex with farm animals! Ugh! Suddenly, someone pulled up and stepped out of a posh nissan ultima. His name was...  



"Bonzo Jaguar," he said. He heaved his foot onto the curb. He was a man of fastidious girth, with a Flock of Seagulls haircut. The ultima's other door opened, and that's where I stepped into the story. My name's Fent, Maximillian Fent, and I'm Bonzo's "sidekick", although I usually do most of the work. We were sent up on a lead about Bill Gates making the confession of a lifetime. Questions poured down like the rain. Who was this monkey? Why had he been threatened at gunpoint? Who was that mysterious masked man... and why was the monkey wearing that stupid lingerie? I took out my notepad and the tape recorder and shoved Bonzo out of the way, eager to get to business, when...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
C code. C code run. Run, code, run ... PLEASE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fruit flies like an apple
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ive been clicking refresh for an hour to find my comment
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red meat isnt bad for you, 



Fuzzy blue meat is bad for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's like a humour site, only you can buy stuff, all from the privacy of your own Konqueror window!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the chocolate please. :o)

My cat's name is Mittens, and I have another cat too, but I'm not going to tell you his name....BOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everything looks like noodles in here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
wut the hell i can write my www page abaout, again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be looking at porn. But instead, I just keep hitting F5. There is something terribly wrong here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Industrial Grade Dissolvative!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I HAVE A BELLY BUTTON!!"



HOLY CRAP!  SO DO I!!!!!!1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
deodorant... what a godsend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In response to all the people looking for their own comments:

Is it possible that the good people at thinkgeek check out these comments before allowing them to be posted?  Otherwise, what would stop me from offending every gender and color out there, and then posting a link to my own site?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been looking at these comments for an hour or so, and I've noticed the prevalent theme is monkeys and/or pie.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A moose once bit my sister.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh shit, tha Brady Bunch is on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi!  My name is Peepers, I can comb my own hair.  I like to scratch things.  I like honey.  It is sweet and delicious.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
one time..when I was all alone...i decided that i would cover my entire body with fudge icing and dance around outside with a pair of angel wings on.  that is all.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm moving so fast that I'm starting to slow down. Thank you SkyRocket.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[Haiku, mine]



Writing a poem

   In seventeen syllables

    Is very diffi




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have finally cracked the matrix of the Fortune Pages.  After this, I will be able to keep this posted for every fortuen page.  Here is how I did it: Pi, just take the number of Pi, and calculate that by the possibility of the algorithms that monkeys will throws fecal, and divide that with the number of potential number of Fortune entries, and...Presto.

So N x S / T = Owe shit, what the hell was that number again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 



Cat PeOple ARE WeiRD! 



---



Ok. I had to add more to this 'cuz it's fun like that. My dog isn't named Mittens but I can give her an alternate personality and call it Mittens. Although, seriously I prefer gloves.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember: until you open the box and look inside, Cartman's kitty is both alive and dead.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep on being the best shop out there :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know life is good when the only thing you have to worry about is whether or not you have pants on.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a cow on my lawn... 

brb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.

"That looks nasty," says the doctor.

"Nasty?!?" replies the man, "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Broke my hand on a pineapple.  Didn't even care.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have reached the end of ThinkGeek Fortunes, please proceed to regain your life. Wait, what would the fun in that be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
random monkey slop orange peels and rotten ice


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a quote.

Then I saw the flying monkeys.

They saw me.

They attacked me.

The flying monkeys stole my quote.

Now all I have is this story.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lets see if I can make the fortune page.



Dont take life so seriously it is not permanent!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wasn't there something that I meant to do before I opened this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A man bursts into his house and shouts to his wife, "I just one a million dollars! Pack your bags!"

She asks, "Cold weather or warm?"

He says, "I don't care, just be out of the house by noon."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You'd think that setting this fortune page as my home page would be a good idea.   I mean -- every now and then, opening a browser window rewards you with a witty quote, right?



That was before I started hitting refresh 20 billion times while I'm supposed to be studying for my calculus exam.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
monkeys are funny


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek, it kicks the llama's ass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
cootchie cootchie coo!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've gone nucking futz!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are all truly and completely mad!  I love you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys need more pr0n.  Yeah... definately more pr0n.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would Brian Boitano do?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My rat knows binary.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I'll never see my quote, will I?"



No, but I will.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh my, everything here is rad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't change a thing. As Largo from "MEGATOKYO" would say "I ph34r the l33tn355 of ThinkGeek"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I used to think I hated everything. Now I realize, I just hate everything except this. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On my UNIX, the superuser isn't "root" but "Cthulhu"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very cool sight overall, great selection, attitude, and commentary
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I become rich I will buy two cars.  One will look exactly like the Spy Hunter Car.  I will put loud speakers on it and whenever I'm driving around it will play the Spy Hunter theme song.



My other car will be an old Buick (boat) which I will put a small mast on.  I will then attach a pirate flag and terrorize Drive thru's and many suburban neighborhoods.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your t-shirts are great!  Popular, too...  I had one stolen recently.  :-(


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not corrupt, I'm morally flexible
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did I leave my Pants?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thiss sentence has theee errors




||||||||||##########||||||||||
James T. Kirk wipes his ass with the Prime  Directive in yet another episode...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very......interesting.......site.  I am glad to see someone finally cater to the *geeks* of society.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my reason for getting a job... to earn money to blow it here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman

A: autoexec.bat"



nah, that's /etc/mail/sendmail.cf.  damn rewrite rules.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
blue monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

Think Geek till it MHz.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever farted and accidentally crapped yourself?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know what you're thinking, and you're absolutely correct.....you will NEVER see your own comment.......believe me, I know....I've been there...I AM there.....I WILL REMAIN there...FOREVER....I lost my mind so long ago, I couldn't even begin to retrace my steps to tell you where I last had it....If I EVER had it to begin with....I gotta post this, then go back to refreshing.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if I had a dog, I'd name him Jesus.  That way when religious people came to my door and asked me if I had Jesus in my heart I could reply, "No, I've got him chained to the back fence."



B-Side
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a monkey in the web pit.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wallace and Gromit say the moon is made out of cheese...I sure hope so...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep this way.

Don't change a Byte, Ops, a bit!

hehehe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am so cold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Since there THINKGEEK scal only goes up to 5, i cannot even say how well this site is, as well as the company. at least an 11!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach it the lotus position.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "Form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form."' One should not think that these are two separate things . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can deny that I'm the coolest, but you're only hurting yourself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. 



-----------------------------------

Tried that.  Doesn't work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ithinkineedanewkeyboard
||||||||||##########||||||||||
First Post!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's the deal with grapenuts?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I left the case off my computer.I went to work. My cat liked my warm computer.He pissed in it. Both are dead.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love ThinkGeek more than my own life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give me Imortality or give me Death!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some many BAWLS on my desk, people make fun of my blue BAWLS. Schweet!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I get a little money, I spend it at ThinkGeek.com. If there is any left over, I buy food and pay the rent.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It does not make sense.

Chewbacca was a 6 foot tall wookie, and he lived on Endor with a bunch of 2 foot ewoks. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a pain in all the diodes down my left side.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every time I talk god steals my pants, I think it's a conspiracy, mainly between God and my trousers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You want your Jeopardy music? I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR JEOPARDY MUSIC!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm about to make like konqueror and crash.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, Im Mathster, who are you?

if these are really seen by other beings, lets start listing aliases so we know the others out there...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
               __________

              /          \

             /            \

            /  &lt;o&gt;    &lt;o&gt;  \

           /                \

          /    &lt;=======&gt;     \

          \                  /

           \                /

            \              /

             \            /

              |           |

              |           |

             /             \

           //    _______    \\

          //    /        \   \\

         //    /          \   \\

        //    /            \   \\

       //    /              \   \\

==========================================

Yes... and yes...

(for those interested, the questions are:

1. That's supposed to be an ASCII drawing

of Tux, right?

2. You know it sux, right?

)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So this guy goes to a pet store in Silicon Valley and he needs to get a monkey. He goes up to the sales rep. and asks if he could have a look at their monkeys. So the rep. takes him over to these three cages, goes over to the first one, and inside is a little light brown monkey hopping around making monkey noises.



So the guy goes, "How much is it for this monkey?", to which the rep. replies, $1000. He questions the rep as to why it's so much and the rep. says that this particular monkey is capable of programming in Perl.



Guy moves on to the next cage, similar monkey to the first one, "How much for this monkey?". "That's 2000 dollars, because this monkey can program in Perl, and C++."



The guy decides that this is just way too steep, moves on to the third cage to see if he has any luck over there. Once again, similar monkey, but this time when asked the price, it's $10,000. "Well what can this monkey do?". And the rep. replies, "You know, I haven't seen it do anything but it claims to be a consultant."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apricot chicken by drakmar@gweep.net:



Open bottle of Sauvignon Blanc to breathe.



Add Olive Oil to cover bottom of still cool saute' pan.



Add 1 to 1.5 cups Sauvignon Blanc and swirl about to get a good mixture with the oil.



Pour glass of wine for self.



Add 1 tsp fresh dill, 1 tsp fresh thyme, 1/4 tsp each of ground lemon and orange peel, and 4 to 6 diced cloves of garlic (not minced) to oil/wine mixture.



While drinking wine, let mixture sit for approx 15 minutes. 

Add approx 1 lb sliced chicken breast, and 1/2 cup diced apricots.



Drink some wine.



Cook until meat turns opaque and wine mixture starts to boil slightly.



Add 1/2 cup each sliced portabella mushrooms, sliced black olives, and diced scallions.



Add 2 tsp Basil leaves, scattered about the top of the dish.



Cover, and let simmer for about 5 minutes, while drinking some more wine.



Serve over pasta, ideally a wide flat pasta, like linguine or fettucine. Garnish with sliced apricots, fresh dill leaves, and a glass of wine.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I strangely drawn back to this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They're coming right for us!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like windows,

I have no cred.

But eventually it crashes

So I know I'll get to bed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi. My name is Bob and I'm an EverCrack Addict.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you are one screwed up little kid... mmmkay


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whip me, beat me, call me SYSADMIN!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Friend help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
After reading these things for so long, I can tell you exactly about most of them...



50% - Something to do with CHEESE

25% - "Timmy" or something related

10% - Science Fiction related

10% - Other

05% - Comments relating to "Bawls."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do I see "Killer Monkeys" flash in some of your banner ads?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I cant believe I have such a low life that I have been sitting here reading these comments for the past 3 hours...oh well, might as well keep going...it cant get much worse than 3 hours.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We are Gates of Borg...  Prepare to be assimilated...  Resistance is futile... No Linux...  I said resistance is futile...  No Linux NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you sold cheese on this site - I would do all my shopping here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What the heck's a TPS report?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like rocks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want my quote to be shown. Maybe I have to be witty. Wouldn't that be discrimination?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
// This is a comment.

/* This is a comment. */

&lt;!-- This is a comment --&gt;

# This is a comment.



Have I provided enough comments?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Assuming that only a geek would take time to fill out a "46.4 Second Survey" one would come to the conclusion that only geeks have posted the statments found herein (from here on referred to as 'fortunes').



Based on that theoretical assumption, and the obvious follow up.  One can analyze the fortunes as a window into the mind of the average geek.



From my calculations on a sample of 1000 posts, here are the statistics I have found:



Post Contains             Total        Percentage

Monkeys                     78             7.8

Cheese/Pie                 132            13.2

Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie     242            24.2

"Bumper sticker" Comments  206            20.6

"Where is my post?"        342            34.2



By these numbers I have ascertained that geeks are neurological crack addicts who just want to find their own fortune, even though they were the ones who wrote it.  Now excuse me, I am trying to find this fortune.



-Cipher
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"You know something? I AM a rocket man. 



Be Bop a Lo La."



The Red Elvises rule! However, since Avi left the band, I have found them lacking.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You run a badass operation.



Oh, and BeOS is cool too.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
That's a bloody good job you fellows are doing here :D


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a mistake to think that any problem can be solved by a sack of unpeeled potatos. Now, a sack of potatos with a peeler inside has _possibilities_.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
did you know that if you wink at your scrollbar, the chances of it winking back at you are very slim
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fantastic service - ordered Monday and took delivery on Wednesday morning at 9am. There are not many companies that can do that from the states to Europe!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love ThinkGeek.  Will you bear my children?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
this is my comment. it sits here, waiting for someone to read it. oh, wait, you're reading it? gasp! golly! gee-willikers! well, that's enough of that then.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
me -  knock knock

you - uh whos there?

me -  horsp

you - horsp who? 

me -  haha!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, yes I do have some overpriced deli mustard. Let me just get it out of my glove compartment for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you guys have some sort of evil filter that prevents sending quotes to the IP they originated from? Hmm.. that can't be, I'm a half hour into reading on a computer at school, and I haven't seen any of my own. Do you guys have some sort of evil filter that prevents sending quotes to the person they originated from no matter where they are? And if so, please give me the AI underlying it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If everyone had antlers it would be.......inconvenient.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Wachowski brothers should have tried to get John Cusack to play Neo, instead of that moron Keanu. If Keanu wants to do a movie, I would DEFINITELY go see Bill and Ted 3.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very good page. The items are spectacular. I never thought one could get all this stuff in one single place. It's almost like being in Heaven, but with computer stuff there :P 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"We've secretly switched the dilithium crystals in the Enterprise warp core with new Folger's Crystals... let's watch what happens."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
3 great virtues of a programmer;

laziness, impatience, hubris

		--Larry Wall
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When live gives you urine make urinade.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
why is this typwriter glowing?



and where does the damned paper come out?





I may have to open it up to get at it....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dude. i think the bootstrap loader has your leg. try not to move. ill get this POST over here and bit it to death. damn boot strap loaders
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you guys rock.  i love you humor and everything about you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Caffeinization: The process of mutating into a caffeine-based life form.  Symptoms include: Belief that one can lift anything; increased reflex speeds; an odd sense of weightlessness/disorientation; headache/vomiting when your braincells have not been immersed in the proper amounts of caffeine.  Treatment: Unresearched.  Who would want it?  Likely cause: High levels of exposure to ThinkGeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this button d-

Segmentation fault



# _


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A idea that I live by.



"If it ain't broke, overclock it."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."



	-Albert Einstein-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

  --Homer Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really like mascarpone cheese...Like more than what might be considered "healthy." That is all.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Real programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured

programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-

trained.  They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise

clear desks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do people insist that one hand can't clap?  Really, it's not that difficult.  You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm!  See, watch..   oh, wait you can't watch...  Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's...  maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping...  What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1?  Stupid school is costing me my paycheck.  Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer??  That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek.  Then I could say I know jen.  I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place".  that would make me a jen-a-holic.  Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Elvis shot JFK.

That and you can get more with a king word & a 2x4 than with just a kind word
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other than...

the Bard, greatest of all writers! Distain rolled from his neck to his brow. "Script Kiddies" coders, hackers...I paved the trail... I wrote political parodies, I wrote some fine code...finer than...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't trust chipmunks. They're evil. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this site run by that monkey in the corner?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese Cheese the magical fruit the more you eat it......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Take that, subspace!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just know there is a duck somewhere..  

..watching me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HELP!!! My girlfriend is addicted to the fortune pages!! She always goes to the site and looks at the fortunes for hours! I need anti-fortune mojo. I've been thinking of bribing the monkeys with cheese to come help me, since my army of flying monkeys left to pursue the super llama. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally smell the Java!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights, but only when they're

green.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'gimme a beer and a mop'


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



OK, I feel I must give some more detail on my OS choice:



My favorite OS is FreeBSD.  It's free, and it's BSD.  What more do you want?  Seriously, when I was first learning this whole UNIX and Internet thing, I cut my teeth on a BSD system, and that's where I consider my roots to be.  Plus FreeBSD is a darn slick OS, VERY fast (still has the edge over Linux in LARGE server applications, imho), and you can rebuild EVERYTHING with just one command (source, and binaries).  Plus it has a really neat "ports" system.



I also love and use Linux.  My favorite Linux distro is Mandrake.  It just installs like that *snaps finger*.  Preconfigures itself nicely, and it is actually easy to use... I even set up my parents with it!!



And yes, I do use Windows.  I'm not really much of a MS basher... I subscribe to the more enlightened philosophy of "There is a place for all OS's in the universe, because someone will find it useful"  I admit that Windows does have its uses, one of them being game playing (ahh, I am addicted to quite a few games.. hehe).  I generally don't "advocate" this or "bash" that (i.e. I don't get into that "Mac vs. PC" nonsense either).



Your site is way cool!!  Keep the yummy delicious goodness coming!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity is a lot like this ... only longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yesterday, upon the stair,

I saw a man who wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today,

I think he's from the CIA.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some day I will drink milk, and be bigger than you...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, for years my nickname has been Kowgod. Now, I know there are lots of Kowgod's out there, but man, I mean, I AM the Kowgod. And so anyway, I have existed peacefully as the Kowgod living separately from these other so-called Kowgod's, but now our realms of existence are colliding. And what's worse, the term "kowgod" seems to have something to do with hard-core pot smoking.



Man, why can't I just be the Kowgod? The Goatking and I are gonna have to wage war...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
do not crumple, fold instead.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two computers in my dorm room. I run the most advanced, most free, most cuddly-mascot-touting operating system in the world.  Why, then, are not the girls flocking to me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent three hours waiting for my quote.

When I found it, I realised I had misspelled something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can you help me untangle my slinky?  I want to watch it go down the stairs again.  Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what? Neither do I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my hamster is biting my foot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dear ThinkGeek.com T-shirt,

  My friend is just using you, please come back to me. Remember those good times we had at the Lan party? Or how about the time a spilt my beer on you, that was funny wasn't it! I miss you so much.

              Love Always,

                  Jake
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember the lamas!  Bring back the lamas!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. How about shipping some of the cooler stuff (IBM 6GB MP3 Player) over the pond to the UK. Granted we've just invented electricity and we still wash in rivers but we're entitled to portable mp3 :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ...



colon and sang an ode to dispensable underwear.  Then, out of nowhere, this otherwise typical day was interrupted by Senator Tom Daschle in a mini-skirt, leading the rest of the Democratic National Convention in hoe down clogathon.  Shirtless and unsightly, Bill Clinton. . . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are totally my kind of guys, Computer Geek!! I wuv you. 

Happy Holidays from a totally sexy Texas babe.

~~Amanda~~~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dare you to hit refresh again!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at the supermarket yesterday and I 

noticed Hebrew National sold kosher 

pickles. I know for a fact that pickles are 

very pork-free.

How then, can you have a non-kosher 

pickle?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Creators of this temple should be knighted!  Working in the IT field really takes its toll (ha) on you...when I visited this site I felt at home and could relate to many of item on the site.  KEEP up the GOOD work!  



Glo_B
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should have a dating section, the chicks in your customer pics are nifty...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I ate this mint once.

Go butter!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
At last, a site for people who can answer the query, "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did I leave the kitchen stove on?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The think geek fortunes page arouses me terribly, which is bad, because I have a meeting to go to...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My operat~1 system does unders~1 long file-n~1, does yours?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it aint broke ... give me a crack at it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
give us some skin baby!



flash, that is.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
My pizza isn't here yet :(


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're doing things right.  Whatever it is you're doing, KEEP DOING IT.  If you can get even better, I'll be your slave.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's this girl I really like.  I think I'll ask her to marry me.  It worked when I was 4.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Tastes like chicken
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why does everybody say it's the quiet ones you need to look out for?  I'm worried about that very pissed and very loud man in the middle of the street with a chainsaw and a shotgun.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I agree wholeheartedly with the last post.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's edu-funtastical!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I haven't lost my mind...it's backed up on disk somewhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ykcowrebbaJ



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT'

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT'

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA

(c/o Praeluceo)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I was payed with ThinkGeek.com gif certificates!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am awesome at writing palindromes sem ordnil apgnit irwt a emo sewam ai!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oh?  you're reading this?! thank god!  please, in the name of all that is good and holy leave now!  don't get sucked in, PLEASE!  I've been here for 6 HOURS, refreshing and refreshing, and I STILL haven't seen a SINGLE one of MY quotes!  AHH!  leave now while you still can!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where have you been all my life!?!?!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Love the site.   Could wander in here for hours, but i have just burned my chili!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, where'd my ass go. Oh there it is.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"At last, a site for people who can answer the query, "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" "



African or European?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You never get a second chance to make a bad first impression.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lack of Canadian flags on your front page tells me you don't like Canadians and I resent that.  Also, why is the Account icon (i) when it could be a Canadian flag?  See the bias I'm talking about?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please god let me finish my project on time and not get stiffed by my employer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't write Haiku.

Something about syllables.

I don't understand.



/TB
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The wheels on the bus go round and round.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The blue monkeyfish lives in the portal near Greenwold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he used to dress up like a girl bunny?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heerrreee fortune fortune... I know you're in there, you can't hide from ME!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ranters typically understand half of what they say and half of what they say is typically half-right.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the single most hilarious site I've seen! Emphasis on the "Kick Ass"!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, uh, I think your filter's broken. Yeah, you should really read some of the stuff I Refresh to.  It's not very refreshing. . .
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Poster wrote&gt;



"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.' You've got to understand the nature of the regime we're dealing with." 



-President George W. Bush, the LEADER OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD 



&lt;/&gt;





when that stray nuke goes off in your backyard, you just let us know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than sitting on a water fountain in a shopping mall.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other day, I was in the elevator with one other person, and I couldn't help but think that if one of us farted, we would both know who did it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have refreshed from 9 to 5 - Two days running! I dont know why I even want to see my post! I just know I have to. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE and i'm going to cry now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Bawls taste good


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect."



Anonymous


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello Kitty has no mouth.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some extremely distressing news. We've just run out of wine. What are you going to do about it?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where's the Fish?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have yet to figure out what this has to do with Morocco...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my son posted this



"Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database "



hope to see you soon honey!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get the stuff about the monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother was a Hampster and your father smells of Elderberries.  The Black Knight ALWAYS truimphs.  Supreme executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the salt please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
maybe my fax machine should not be making coffee.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mud is just wet dirt!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's not funny, my pants are on fire!! "



What are you talking about? That's friggin' hilarious!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am an alien cow



blip - blip - blip
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you can't laugh at something, you're not taking it seriously enough.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A word of advice when traveling abroad: don't get a haircut when you don't speak the same language as the person with the scissors.  



Thank god I've got my Tux cap!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why has Thinkgeek forced me to join their fortune cult..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a comment, you 

a) havent read before

b) have written yourselfe 

or c) wanted to enjoy just a little bit longer



but the moment you realized this, you had already 

clicked "refresh"?

And then clicked "back" to get back to it?



Thats how I got to this box. DOH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
'smart masses' i don't get it!



pls someone explain - just post it to fortune i sit here all day, i'm on my 00001001th F5 key:)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Fat Ass.  My horse is named Useless and I had a dog named Joe.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was lost and had only the steel I had to cut me forward.  I am a little boy speaking as a man and wearing a suit that squeezes on the parts that make me forget that I am a little boy and I am not moving as I would like to be.  I am standing still and the heavens are wheeling about me, and the moisture and the atmosphere polarize, so that the colors are always changing.  And my sense of time is so acute, that I can hear it: I will be free.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
the motivational posters here in corporate hell have been modified, HR is pissed...



...mission accomplished





thanks guys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my dog's name is nugget, now that is a bit more original than Mittens OR Meep. so *pokes tongue and makes farty noise like small child*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
thank you...thank you so very much...without you, my life would have no meaning.  i love you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thw owls are not what they seem.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As long I can make people do my work I'm happy - Dilbert's way of life I guess :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want all the monkeys.



I want them all nicely organized and lined up in tiny little boxes.



I also want a steamroller.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
42.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The two major things to come out of Berkeley are BSD and LSD.  We don't believe this is a coincidence."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I was Yasunori Mitsuda or Nobuo Uematsu, I would keep a sampler with me at all times and play music when I see fit. Say if the toaster wasn't working, I would start playing boss music. And when I fixed it, and I devoured the tasty bagel that I so desired, I would play victory music.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like the products, very original ideas. :-D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
STOP REFRESHING THE PAGE! YOU'RE GIVING THE GERBILS A HEART ATTACK!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Programming is simply the act of applying logic to creativity.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your system is wiped.

This was your 'good idea',

I am not involved.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heh, the monkey king hit me with his arrow.  How amazing.  Guess what?  i've got a boat - and it FLOATS.  I bet I could have a boat full of monkeys.  Maybe a barrel of them on my boad that floats.  So would my boat be as fun as a floating barrel of monkeys?



i've had to much caffeene and no sleep...  this damned monkey wont quit talking either.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Best site I've ever seen. Keep up the great work1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[asdf]: i have a problem i cant ping anything besides 127.0.0.1 whats wrong?



---

this person should be shot with a nerf gun
||||||||||##########||||||||||
~When the Monkeys take over the world, I'll put in a good word for you guys.

   ~|proc|meminfo


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I will code for sex.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If only i had telekinetic powers...then my finger wouldn't get so tired of pushing f5...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're going to put in Monty Python 

quotes, GET THEM RIGHT!!!!



"You are indeed brave sir knight but the 

fight is mine."



"Oh, had enough ah?"



"Listen you stupid bastard you got no 

arms left!!"



"Chicken!! Chicken!!"



"I'll have your leg"



"Right! I'll do you for that!



"You'll what?"



"I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!"



"You're a Looney"
||||||||||##########||||||||||




beer and conputers DO mix!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
But there's nothing marked with an asterisk... oh, I see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lemurs are sexy. You should pimp out lemurs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Help!  I've fallen and my coffee cup is out of reach!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
is this a rhetorical question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quack quack quack...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once upon a time there was a cow.  THe end.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i had a really great quote thought up



then i hit f5

then i hit it again

and again...

and again...

and again...







































and again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have entered a dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
the site reminds me of life many years 

ago, just after the year 0 (1970 for you?),

when everything was fresh and new, 

you were happy if you could share your

code with a friend, and 640 kB was a lot

(the CDC 7600, as i vaguely recall, had

that much). but the world accelerated by,

and i certainly missed the fun in later

years. now? all this silly stuff makes me

feel young and vibrant again, just like

listening to oldies stations. why does that

old music make you young? asks my son?

that's why!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I understand that

You are angry with me, but

Warranties have bounds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cant.





And those who run ThinkGeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What part of /sbin/ifconfig eth0|grep 'inet'|awk -F' ' '{print $2}'|sed -e s/add

r:// dont you understand?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My VISA is going to be very happy but my bank account is not... ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals? 



If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, 

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, 

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, 

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! 



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, 

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, 

And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, 

Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! 



You can't say this? What a shame sir! 

We'll find you another game sir. 



If the label on the cable on the table at your house, 

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, 

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, 

That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss 

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, 

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 

'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! 



When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, 

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, 

Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You never know how many drinks is "too much" until you have already drank them, so just get it over with.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It doesn't matter if I've eaten Taco bell or not, wearing boxers soaked in rocket fuel is a bad idea. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A poem:



Finding a quarter under the couch is good.

Finding a scorpion under the couch isn't.



Thankyou.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello. I'm seeking volunteers to join my crusade to get Java's NullPointerException renamed to SomebodySetUsUpTheNullException. Please, please help. Thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An unstoppable force of excellence!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have YOU refreshed today?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at ur LAN last weekend it was phat.  I decided to order a neat equalizer that I saw on jon's PC.  the 3 LCD display was very excellent too :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the best site on the net. All bandwidth in the world should be dedicated to thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Meep.  Now, that's a little more unique than Mittens, eh?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*glances left and right*

 

*doesn't see anyone else*

 

*motions for you to approach*

 

*whispers in your ear*

 

Guess what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw my own quote...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you ever see an egg,

Remember:

It's not a monkey egg,

Because monkies don't lay egss...



-Joe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My blongana has a first name its T&gt;H&gt;I&gt;N&gt;K my blongana has a second name it G&gt;E&gt;E&gt;E&gt;K



WTF??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll never see my quote, will I?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Windows calls your chip

A Pentium Two because

It knows no better.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ): [uphill both ways!]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bob, you know BOB. It all started when he looked at himself in the mirror one day and said "You know what Bob, Im not going to take any more of you crap". This lead him to stop all his high and mighty slacking and start out on a mysterious voyage that...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So there I was.  Naked.  In a refrigerator.  Smoking a cigarette.  With a potroast on my knees.  That's when it got REALLY weird.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood 

screws, can make a child look like a deer." 



That's a Kurt Cobain quote! 



Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are. " 



You idiot, that was Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live. 



--

Why would Jack Handy post on here?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Job Application 

This is an actual job application submitted to a fast-food restaurant. 

NAME: Greg B 

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. 

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. 

EDUCATION: Yes. 

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility. 

SALARY: Less than I'm worth. 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. 

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was lousy. 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. 

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. 

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. 

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire. 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. 

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. 

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It should be noted at this juncture in time that ThinkGeek is r0x0r. It should also be noted that if you're sitting here hitting F5 all day instead of working, you will soon be fired. Have a nice day.
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I spent too much time on the internet again, mainly this site. I will be late for work again.



Every time I go to work I'm late, so usually I pause, look at my watch, look at their clock on the wall, look at my watch again, frown, pretend to adjust the time on my watch, and then smile brightly at the person behind the desk.



Because of you, somebody at my office will get a bright smile today.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; I don't even butter my toast, I consider that cooking !



Technically, spreading butter on toast is not cooking. The act of turning bread slices into toast, however, is. Since you've already cooked, spread the fscking butter on the fscking toast already!
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a pie flew in my eye o no im gonna die all becouse of that evil pie...
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Those responsible for the sacking of those responsible for the titles have been sacked...
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Although 1 out of every 15 comments says that there are constant references to monkeys, pies, and cheese, i have yet to see one



wait, is this a reference to monkeys, pies and/or cheese?
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I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please let me know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"LOGIC 'Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.

  Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines.'"



I now embark on a lifelong quest for a ham sandwich.



Send mustard.
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#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
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Down with whitey!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once bananas reach the point where they're too ripe to eat, they become perfect for banana bread.  I think it's the banana's way of extending its usefulness to society.
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What's in a site? A w00t by any other word would sound as l33t. So ThinkGeek would, were it not ThinkGeek called, retain that sweet perfection which it owes without that title.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Honest, I don't want to marry Jen just for the schweet dealer discounts on Bawls...
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Reeeeeeefreeeshhhhhh aaahaahhahhhhhhhh.

I cant stop yet. just gotta find my quote and i'll stop, promise.



there's monkeys here and sea monkeys and fish and cheese and someone that proposed and someone that accepted and lots of bad spelling and lots of refreshing.... and F5 is my favorite key now...



back too it then...here goes... f5
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If it jams force it, If it breaks it needed replacement anyway.......


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Still looking for my damn quote!!!



9,997 refreshes

9,998 refreshes

9.999 refreshes



AND STILL HUNTING!!!!!!!! (The scary though is that I am being paid to do this!)
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I should limit my visits to this site... I need all my money to feed myself for the rest of the semester. Using it on cool stuff would be fun until my current food supply runs out.
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Within the time that it will take you to read this sentence, approximately 4,272 children will have died as a result of inoperable brain diseases caused by the Backstreet Boys. As chilling as statistics like these are, what is even more chilling (cold, even) is the fact that it continues as you read this. Just think, this sentence is even longer. Now the 4,272 children have died, and 4,272 more have followed them in their ghastly sugar-pop deaths. Carelessly, I typed a third (and fourth) sentence, even using parenthesis (()) to extend my linguistic menagerie into more ostentatious levels of grandeur and pomp. Those last few words alone probably killed a few hundred kids outright! And it keeps on... vapid maxi-singles, one after another until their are kids literally dying in the streets, clutching at their little pink headphones, crying as they scream: "Oh, I think Donny has the cutest ---AACKKKK!!", and then they fall over, dead as a doornail. The culprits? Blame "Teen Beat" and "Oprah". These despicable purveyors of sanitized sonic manipulation have taken their trashy two-step to new lows, sinking ever further into the PITS OF ETERNAL DAMNNATION AND STINK as they parade the nauseating flesh of NSYNC and 98 Degrees across the dial. Often, this is without regard for children watching the televison at that very moment, blissfully unaware that their brains have been snatched by the demons of pop and cast into the flamingly hedonistic pseudo-garden that is HELL! "Can they be stopped," you ask? "Probably not," I remark offhandedly. "Why the HELL not," you reply? A valid question, one deserving of a valid answer. Unfortunately, at this time, there is no valid answer. It is during times like these that we have to move away from validity and seek our answers in the realm of COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE. It is only by clutching at the proverbial straws of hope that we will realize our logical planning must come to an end, and that we will have to take up the art of desperate degrading action. It is only through these vehicles that we will become free of the aural garbage that has been foisted upon the delicate intellects of our precious offspring. Are you with me? 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; &gt; Isn't this a stupid question? 

&gt; Isn't this a stupid answer? 

No, it was another stupid question. This is the stupid answer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give a man Code and fix him for the day, teach a man Code and then be prepared to fix him for a lifetime.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was a dark and stormy night, and I was thinking to myself "Self, why don't we go scope some bettys and power a few brews?" when the narrator spoke up and said "It was a dark and stormy night, and I was thinking to myself"...
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I love your fortune site , its funny


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eggsalad!


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For years, people have told me frog legs taste like chicken, and I've believed them.  I just tasted frog the other day, and I must say it does not taste like chicken.



They must be improving the matrix.  That explains all of my recent deja vu.
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WHERE'S MY FREAKING QUOTE?????
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Chicken of the sea
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mama mia, that's a spicy meatball.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Trains can't swim. Even if they think they can.
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What if you went back in time and killed a dinosaur and ate it and it tasted like chicken? Would that mean that chicken tastes like dinosaur? and I hear people taste like chicken so does that mean we taste like dinosaur? But that would mean everything tastes liek dinosaur and not chicken or human. How confusing.
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Hey Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?



I think so Brain... but even if we found the StayPuft Marshmallow Man, how will we ever get enough graham crackers?
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I wish I had a dollar for every time you've pressed F5
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dude.... are you still refreshing looking at comments ? Damn thinkgeek is addicting!!
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I like cow meat.
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*Rant*

I'm broke. I can't buy cool ThinkGeek Stuffs. I blame my stupid currency.

*Kicks Currency*

YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID CURRENCY!
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Raining diocese pumpkin scramble.


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I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)



Update: I'm not rewriting it to post to the site too, as that might encourage a lot of same-message spam. (in reply to someone's request)



Update to the Update: Now it has a cool setting to stop you after reading more than a specified amount of posts (defaults to 5000). It also has a feature which runs the quotes through your start bar at a speed you can specify...
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hmmmm, do I keep seeing the same fotunes because some dolt posted them a hundred times in order to see thier own fortunes, or does thinkgeek enjoy my screams of agony as I see the same ones, over and over over and over again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i think i'm in love
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;hate&gt;Project Managers&lt;/hate&gt;
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A blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so blinded by rage on the way home from work she purchases a gun and some ammo.  When she opens the door to her apartment, sure enough, she sees her husband in bed with a redhead.  The blonde screams in anger, takes the loaded gun out of her purse, aims it at her husband menacingly, but then pauses.  Overcome with sudden grief, she points the gun at her own head and starts to cry.



The husband shakes his head and stares at his wife in disbelief.  "No, sweetie, don't do it..."



The blonde chokes, "SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT."



- SwEeTiNsAnItY
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Story time.

This is taken from http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=837183 .



The Hunchback

-------------



by Alan Edward 





There was just one gas-lamp, on the street corner. It had been lit no more than an hour past, but already the snow was beginning to cover it, like a great night-cap, funnelling its yellow light to a dim puddle on the pavement. It was only six in the evening, and within a mile of St Paul's, but it was the darkest time of year, and as the homegoing cabs, carriages and hansoms from the City clattered past, the link-boys were all out, running ahead of the carriages, their torches streaming flame and smoke, their nimble bodies flitting through the traffic like dragonflies. There were a few lamps in the houses, but the firelight shone from between several shutters, because the night was bitter, and freezing fog was beginning to drift up from the river, making the passers-by muffle up heavily against the bitter cold, speeding them on their way homewards.



Amid the hubbub, very few could hear the singer who stood in a broad doorway near the lamp, half-dwarfed by its heavy lintels. He was barefoot, in rags -- a shredded jacket, tattered trousers -- and he was a degree thinner than any twelve-year-old boy should be, even an unwashed urchin like this. A cap was on the ground in front of him. Most people, already late because of the snow, pushed past unheeding, but not all. Some lingered, some raised their eyebrows in slight surprise, and some few -- but very few -- dropped a coin in the boy's cap.



Because the urchin's singing was strangely sweet and tuneful, even as heard through the rattle of the carts and the clangour, now, of the church bells. But those who lingered would soon pass on impatiently as the small body was racked with yet another coughing spell, as the boy stooped and clutched his narrow chest, as again the song broke up and died.



Then one passer-by paused for a little longer than the others. The boy had been concentrating on his songs but, in a moment or two, becoming gradually aware of his companion, he turned and looked at him curiously.



It was a lad only a little older than himself. One he hadn't seen in the street before, one with tumbled fair hair and strangely bright eyes. He wore a heavy cloak.



He smiled at the urchin. "Will you sing that one again?"



The smaller boy looked at him thoughtfully. The newcomer didn't look like he had any money -- but then friendliness was rare on the street.



"Awright, then!"



The youngster took a deep breath and began again...



Ave Maria, gratia plena...



Then, after a few lines, he once more started coughing, his thin body shaking, doubled up; he gasped for breath, croaked, whooped. This happened more often now.



"Sorry," he said weakly after a moment.



"Don't be," said the other boy. "That was... beautiful. What's your name?"



"My name's Sam, Master..."



Master no-one. I'm Michael. Mike."



Then Mike said, "Here -- sit down for a minute -- back a bit, it's more sheltered."



The snow was not yet lying between the massive door-pillars; the two boys sat on the step and Mike reached into the depths of his cloak. "It's not much but -- here."



Sam's eyes lit up. Cor!" Just bread and a wedge of cheese -- but the half-starved urchin's mouth watered even at the sight of it. He hesitated as the other boy held it out. "You sure?"



Yes -- take it all. I've had plenty." Then, after a moment or two, Mike asked curiously, "Where did you learn that song?"



There," said the urchin indistinctly, nodding towards the church on the corner. He swallowed, then said, "I always sits in the porch when the choir sings. They 'ave the stove on, and a bit of heat gets out. An' I hear the singing -- it's wizard."



He looked at Mike. "An' I see the boys in the choir sometimes, in their white robes an' all. Coo, I think, they must all be really rich, have big houses like palaces, beautiful mothers, lots of toys an' so on, jus' like a dream it must be."



Hmm -- maybe," said Mike doubtfully.



The youngster went on. "I asked once if I could sing with them, but the vicar said they din't want no ragged kids. Then the bloomin' sexton chased me after that every time I tried to sit in the warm. Eh, what's that?"



Mike had turned his head away and had muttered something, it seemed angrily, but now he said, "It doesn't matter."



Anyways," Sam went on, "I still listened, and they sing that song more'n any -- I learnt it by heart. Don't 'arf like it."



Mike said quietly, "Yes, so do I. It was written by a brilliant young man in a country called Austria, a very long way from here."



"I dunno about nothing like that," said the urchin, munching again. "Ain't never been to school, see."



But you like singing?"



"Not 'arf," said Sam again.



The bread and the cheese finished, Sam started to sing quietly again, but in a moment or two he started shivering, then coughing once more. Mike put his cloak round both of them and pulled the younger boy in against himself. "Better?"



"Yes, thanks, Mike."



In a few moments Sam stopped shivering.



"I'm awright now," he said, and Mike gently drew the cloak round himself again, then stood up. "You want to sing some more?"



The youngster coughed, half-retched. "Don't think I can, Mike."



"Oh yes, you can."



Sam, his attention caught by something new in Mike's tone, turned to look at him, then his mouth fell open in dismay. Now that his new friend was standing, he could see that under his cloak was a hump, an enormous hump that pushed his heavy robe back, and his body forward.



Then, as if realising that he was staring, he said, "Oh, sorry." Then with awkward sympathy, "Rough luck, Mike."



Mike laughed. "Oh, don't be sorry. Look."



Slowly, he began to remove his robe. The hump seemed to get bigger and bigger; it rose behind Mike's head, spread out on both sides.



The urchin had stood. There was light in his eyes, then on all of his face.



"Cor!!" he breathed at length. "Cor!!!" Then he started coughing again, doubling up, convulsing and whooping as if it would never stop.



But he did, and then the other boy put a hand on his shoulder. He asked quietly, "Will you come with me now?"



The urchin, his face still bathed in the pure light, looked up at him.



"Yes, Oh, yes," he whispered.



"Come on, then," said Mike quietly. "It's not as far as you think, though it's very dark. But take my hand, I know the way."



They walked together down the pavement and into a long alley beyond it, Mike's strong fingers entwined with Sam's. And at the end of the long alley the snow, the mist and the darkness took them.







Next morning, when two parish constables came on early patrol, one of them stumbled over what at first looked like a bundle of old clothes on the pavement. But it was the small singer, cold and lifeless.



"Oh, Gawd," groaned one of them. "Not another one. Well... call the cart, Harry."



The other looked down, shaking his head thoughtfully. "Yes, I remember 'im, bit of a card as I recall. But the cold was getting to 'im in the end, talking a lot of nonsense 'e was."



"Look," said his colleague, stooping and then standing up again. From beside the dead boy he had picked something up.



A feather.



A white feather -- larger, whiter and more beautiful than either of them had ever seen.



For a moment or two the constable who held it stared, was totally silent.



Then, quickly, he crushed it in his hand and threw it into the pile of rubbish in the doorway.



"Bloody brats," he muttered. "Come on, let's get this pavement tidied up."



---------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------

as I finish copying this and do a little tidying of my own, the sky lightens behind my blinds and another day beckons. Be thankful, and be thoughtful - You never know just what you might mean to someone.

 








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bob is the name of the monky that lives in my tree


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yizzup! you thinkgeek jive turkeys, always tinkin of the shnizital bam shnip-snahp stuff!  Being a long time patron of your site, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making this site worth my time every time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not a geek therefore I am not.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Table 6, your pizza is ready...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chirpchirp!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those who build the robots will be the first they kill.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I send you this file in order to have your advice.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Flavor = VMS

Language = DCL

ThinkGeek = demented
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much cheese does it take to incapacitate a full grown asian elephant?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two penguins walk into a bar.



The first says to the second, "Pass the soap"



The second says,  "I'M NOT A RADIO!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are just jealous that the voices dont speak to you....... Yes I will Kill on your command.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||


[  wut the hell i can write my www page abaout, again. ]



raspberries, cletus.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are we going, and what's with this damn 

handbasket?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chicken meat tastes better cooked.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The future is here. It's just not evenly distributed yet." - William Gibson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not the messiah, I'm a very naughty boy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fighting men of ancient Greece wore only one sandal, on the left foot, for kicking purposes.



Thus, the military evolved to start ceremonies on the combat foot.



It was also considered bad manners at a

friend's house to step on his threshold with your left foot.



...fyi.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
thinkgeek, i know we've only been seeing each other for a short while now (god, it feels like i've known you my whole life), but i want you to know i really think you're special.  i've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and, well, i want to spend the rest of my life with you.



will you marry me thinkgeek?  will you be my l337 b4bi for ever?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
//
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who wants to touch me!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;How do I get a date??? Please give me the source code!



How's pascal?



function GetDate() : TDateTime;

var ADate : TDateTime;

begin

    ADate := Now;

    Return(ADate);

end;



Compile and enjoy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello this is CompuBuddy tech support hello could you describe the problem no wait first let me describe mine nobody believes me they never believe me they haven't listened to a word I said since September when I imagined the bats in the conference room late at night because I accidently grabbed a can of condensed air instead of my 8th can of Bawls and burped myself into a hallucinogenic stupor during a particularly grueling shift during the one night when I worked at the coffee shop all day and tech support phones all night and hadn't slept for 64 hours just like tonight EXCEPT tonight is real I swear I was answering the phones and arguing with this woman who spilled Zima in her boyfriend's Counter-Strike server and I heard this thump and then there was SOMEONE GET THESE ANTS OFF OF ME! and I saw someone standing in our parking lot and he was waving a sword and complaining about his ping and prophesying the doom of the end of the armageddon or the world or something and I NEED SOME MORE BAWLS and I called up my boss on his cell phone and woke him up and he was mad and called me a Choad and said to lay off the caffeine and reminded me of the time I barricaded myself in the office supply closet and OH GOD MY EYES ARE MOVING INDEPENDENTLY OF ONE ANOTHER so I had another Bawls to calm down and then looked outside and saw he was in fact real and on the roof of our truck breaking windows and then he saw me and I ducked and I CAN NO LONGER FIND MY OTHER HAND smashing the glass and coming through into the building and the sword was over his head and I was running and all of my customers were on hold but how could I hope to explain and who could I turn to? MY HEART HAS CEASED BEATING WITH ANY DISCERNABLE RHYTHM and now he's tearing out the cables from the phone closet and quoting scripture I never heard of and there's no one here to help me but a phone full of angry callers and that woman we just hired in the server room who attacks anyone who comes near look at that I'VE GROWN AN EXTRA APPENDAGE CONTAINING A SINGLE ORIFICE THROUGH WHICH IT SPEAKS, HEARS, AND EATS if you are still there call the police the BUTTONS HAVE FLED THE PHONE and good God the man with the sword is heading toward the server room, AND NOW THE WOMAN IN THERE HAS GOT A DESK FAN WITH THE FINGER GUARD REMOVED SHE'S COMING RIGHT AT HIM Ohhh! Ohhh!!! 

[Transcript ends abruptly with thud of techie hitting the floor, following the the gratting rattle of metal on metal and distant screams.] 


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Somebody set up us the schweetness.  w00t!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Man puts nut on rock and cracks with stick"



 Confucius' say:



"Man puts stick in crack and rocks nut"



perv...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Me and my mother likes to drink tea together every sunday afternoon. Yes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You only need two tools in life:  WD40 and Duct Tape.

If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape.

If it shouldn't move but does, use WD40.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess I just wanted to thank you guys for selling sock monkeys, cause those lil things are what this country was founded on, back in the days of old, George Washington cried at night, just waiting for the next Brittish invasion, but his sock monkey kept him calm and collected, and single handedly he crossed that river and did that stuff to make us a FREE nation!  and later on, when Lincoln was fighting the civil war, his sock monkey was there to advise him on southern tactics, and we all know how THAT turned out!  when the Apollo 13 took off, that there sock monkey was the key ingredient to thier survival, without the monkey's arms and legs, they would NEVER would have gotten that square filter to fit into the round hole.  Then, when things were tough between the US and Russia, all it took was a sock monkey and Gorbachev went all soft and cudly.  and now, George Bush Jr. and his sock monkey have cheated thier way into the white house, just goes to prove, with a sock monkey, you can do ___anything___.



I love those things...



--Travis
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I never should have eaten that hot dog.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Day: 37



Please dear god HELP ME!!!!! I cant find my quotes!!! My fingers are bleeding and my F5 key has been worn bare!! &lt;Sob&gt; WHY WHY WHY do I do this; I havent shaved in a month. My wife is going to divorce me if I dont home from the office soon! She cant still think I am on a business trip, can she? Please somebody tell if you have seen my post!!!!

Here is a list:

1.The Gopher guts song

2.The alphabet song from the 3 stooges (B-A ba B-E be B-I Bicky Bi B-O Bo Bicky bi bo B-U Bu bicky bi bo bu)

3.and one that starts Day 5



Please help me!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your customer service is most excellant. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other human invention in history... ...with the possible exception of handguns and tequila"

-Mitch Ratcliffe
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[root@targa /root]# who is god?

targa.unreal!root     pts/1    Oct 12 15:42
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This site is definatly the F*ckin' cooles thing out there for us geeks. In my eyes, the line between a geek and a nerd is style, and thinkgeek.com has ALL the style!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love you guys will you all marry me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet!  It's Monkey Meat!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Naked "sales" personel. Preferably female. I 

think I could be enticed into a shirt by one 

of the
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship."



"Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bananas are like peaches...they both make great chocolate cake.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ohmygodimonfiresomebodyputmeoutforcryingoutloud
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you see that one about what chairs would look like if your knees bent the other way?



well, what about toilets?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am beginning to realise that the best minds in the world cannot help me if I remove them from their skulls.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get even, I get odder.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
......I wonder how the creator of this site lived through his school years....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is so bleeding cool.  I love it.  Some day I will con my family into buying me everything that you guys have.  :-D  Or maybe I'll use my mad programming skillz to make lots of money and buy it all myself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity...is like hitting F5 looking for your own post
||||||||||##########||||||||||
past the green hills, over the canyon, farther beyond the mountains, across the river, and thru the pacific.  thats how my thinkgeek reached me.  its bits and bytes populated my screen with so many colors and dreams.  toys of pure wonder these things are?  and ours they will be.  and behold!  a far superior thing this is.  a sock monkey so grand!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's a monkey and you know it, clap your hands!  If there's a monkey and you know it clap your hands!  If there's a monkey and you know it and you really want to show it, if there's a monkey and you know it clap your hands!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a little known fact that, contrary to what you may believe, computers actually operate via magic blue smoke.  How do I know this?  Because whenever one of my computers lets out all of it's magic smoke, it stops working.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Change NOTHING!



it's all TOO PERFECT NOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sweet, sweet place to shop.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do you know its a rabid wolverine?



Fur and teeth my friend, fur and teeth.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mse bites are very painful.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.}}}



WHOA!!



I finally found my quote!

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! Can I get an 'amen' to that, Brother Armand??? Miracles can happen!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When life gives you lemons, the ferret bites your tongue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been looking at these comments for an hour or so, and I've noticed the prevalent theme is monkeys and/or pie.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
anything i'd ever want to buy, is here. except for ashtrays. no ashtrays yet. s'ok.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A wise man once said: Peanut-butter is good, because peanuts are, and so is butter.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whilst thinking about larger issues, I tried to find the exact location of ThinkGeek. I soon arrived at the conclusion that it sits atop a giant tortoise. This led naturally to the ponderment of where that tortoise sits. Luckily, before such philosophy could turn dangerous, a bengal tiger came and ate the tortoise. The moral of the story? Uh ... green's my favourite colour?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HELP!!! My girlfriend is addicted to the fortune pages!! She always goes to the site and looks at the fortunes for hours! I need anti-fortune mojo. I've been thinking of bribing the monkeys with cheese to come help me, since my army of flying monkeys left to pursue the super llama. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On A Scale Of One To Five This Place Is A

Wang-Tastic Five!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
my ears are bleeding



is that bad?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
heheh...Im a progamer



umm...I'm a pogrammer



errr...I am a proggamer



umm, err...I'm ah proragmer



I WRITE CODE!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Random DinkGeek Customa' Quote 

(refresh fo' anoda')
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just because i have a short attention span doesn't mean that i...... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please can u remove fortune.shtml ? PLEASE!!!!!! OH GODD !! PLEASE.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS COMING FOR ME ...bye
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a squirrel
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)  

 

"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...  

 

while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...  

 

why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...  

 

cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...  

 

..."ive got a 6-pack of bawls here and i know how to use it!!!" the man had never heard of bawls and ordered the monkey once again to part with his strange attire, so the monkey opened all 6 of the bottles and drank them in one gulp, the bawls traveled through his system and directly into his brain stem. and then...  

 

he called forth a demon like no other. The demon was no standard demon, for the demonic features were not visible upon this demon. This demon was sporting large, undemonic dental fixtures that constantly rearranged themselves. The strange man wondered out loud, why is the demon wearing undemon dental fixtures, when demons don't need them? The demon answered I am the evil demon of dentistry that sucks the usage of quotations in sentences. The demon finished its sentence quickly, as the large and atroscious fixtures rearranged themselves in its left nostril. The demon laughed and told the stranger Say good bye to your nitrogen bases! and as the demon said this, the undemonic dental fixtures attracted a lightning bolt that was passing by. The demon died, the monkey sighed, the story was over, and everyone else got a pretty cat.  



... named mittens!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; &gt; Isn't this a stupid question? 

&gt; Isn't this a stupid answer? 

No, it was another stupid question. This is the stupid answer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
(Pi)r^(2)? No, Pie Are Round!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Great stuff! Guy hackers cling to me when I wear your stuff the way that sup4 l33t hax0rs cling to AOL
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek stomps my ass with lemon-fresh goodness.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
reality is a nice place to visit ... 

but i wouldn't want to live there.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys run a great shop, I've been ordering from you ever since your opening, and your shirts are always top notch geek style :D Good show. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
................where are the cheese muffins I was promised Bob?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Could it be that the air speed velocity of an unladen (European) swallow os 6.13(pi)?

Smeuth.



Think Greek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I didn't do it
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never trust a monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

-Groucho Marx
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The voices in my head play james bond music whenever i look at the gadgets page.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
sell weed on your site


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With the early Megaman games, you could be fairly certain that every time you died, it was because you sucked." - J. Parish
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bandwidth is the key to world peace.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Say "Silk" 5 times



Now spell "Silk"



What do cows drink?





























































Hahahaha!! NOOOOOOO! They drink water! You lose!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Kirk loves Quark


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I do not support

America Online, but

Only computers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So I can just type anything here?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't write Haiku.

Something about syllables.

I don't understand.



/TB
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is the best damn geek site out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
schweet schweet geeks of mine

give some some @#&!% caffeine and I'll be fine !

&lt;caps&gt;

WE WANT CAFFEINATED MONKEYS !!!!!!! &lt;/caps&gt;



I'm really typing something there ! isn't that amazing ??... no?... 

oh well...mmkay



*cough*



I need a girl



*cough*



shit.. aaaaahhhhhh !! the yellow bubble of plasma about 8 lightminutes away is emitting it's 3\/1|_ energy... right on my screen.. argl. can't see what I'm typing.. do I miss something ? HULLOH ?







maybe we need caffeinated pies, too ?



irc.planetradio.de #planet &lt;--- lamers, nerds, stupid people, geeks, me (Nikanoru), ... did I mention the tons of lamers ?   



I frag

I booze

I smoke

I live.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Things are happening.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Binary - for people who can't afford a full-sized abacus :D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I see," said the blind mand as he pissed into the wind, "It is all comming back to me."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ever notice how the word "packet" can easily be replaced with "poop"?



packet loss?

packet filtering?

packet dump?

packet sniffer?

dropped packets?



ever notice that the amount an NT freak hates Linux is inversly proportional to the amount they know about it?



ever notice those guys that don't wash their hands in the bathroom?  



I do...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As I sit here, broken Hearted

I just realize, someone farted.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody set up us the schweetness.  w00t!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The moon is poking me!!!! AAAAGGGHHHH!!! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys make me wish I had more money... ;&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a little known fact that, contrary to what you may believe, computers actually operate via magic blue smoke.  How do I know this?  Because whenever one of my computers lets out all of it's magic smoke, it stops working.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hmmmm, do I keep seeing the same fotunes because some dolt posted them a hundred times in order to see thier own fortunes, or does thinkgeek enjoy my screams of agony as I see the same ones, over and over over and over again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dwarves like to live in small wooden huts that look like muffins.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Teach a man to build a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1.  Get money.

2.  Buy ThinkGeek stuff!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All your base are belong to Thinkgeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thanks for commoditizing my subculture.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I hope to have a geek-girlfriend who would look stupendously cute in one of your ladies' geek shirts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my dog's name is nugget, now that is a bit more original than Mittens OR Meep. so *pokes tongue and makes farty noise like small child*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
love me.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this BUTTON DO? HEY! THE LIGHT WENT ON. WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE MY LETTERS THIS BIG? HMZ.. I DON'T LIKE THIS... MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BUTTEN I JUST PUSHED... WAIT A SEC, MAYBE THIS helps... wow.. thank goodness.. I need a break, a cup of tea and my daily soap..



- everyday adventures of a mother and her sons computer
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your kid is an honor student at Harvard? Whats so great about that? My kids an honor student at the Klingon Warrior Acadamy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK, based on my *exhaustive* research of your fortune database, it seems that you will make gigabucks if you'll start stocking cheese-flavored caffeinated livestock pies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
remove your hands from the keyboard

go to the bathroom (its really bad for your blatter to hold it that long)



Then go to sleep



this site will still be here when you wake up
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So 3 guys are packing for a fishing trip, when a 4th guy runs in. "Guys make sure to pack enought t.p for 4". ANother says "How did you convince the wife to let u go?" He answers "I didn't, i just got her pissed off enough to kick me out for a few days".]



James
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek gets cooler every day. Awesome. =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I once asked a punk with multi-colored hair if he was my cousin.  You see, my uncle once screwed a peacock.  Pissed him off.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sys Admin note.



On my firewall I have blocked access to the IP that Think Geek resides on due to the fortunes page. Not because of the bandwidth, but because I have replaces 25 keyboards so far where the F5 key has ceased to function.



(Except for my machine teehee)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. This is the most amazing site I ever seen :D



Damn .. I hope I soon will get some money so I can buy things here - YOU'RE THE GREATEST :D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moon.



Like a cow,

giant utter in the sky,

I want milk.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bill Gates doesn't like pie....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ahhhhhhhh no the monkeys, someone let them out. oh shit run they have knives ahhhhhhh little blue monkeys from the lab. ahhhhhhh noooooooo



seven_weep
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smells like pickles.



Dill pickles.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ok...... im only gonna press f5 one more time...... honest.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the chocolate please. :o)

My cat's name is Mittens, and I have another cat too, but I'm not going to tell you his name....BOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q:What's the sound of one hand clapping?



A:'cl'.  the other hand makes the 'ap'.







&lt;&lt;{S}&gt;&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I may be crazy... but at least it keeps me from going insane
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um...  Do you want me to SAVE your little game of MINESWEEPER before i fix your computer???  
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you had a million monkeys sitting at a million sewing machines, would they eventually make me a pair of pants that fit?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
tastes like chicken. mmmm chicken...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mr. Guercio gives hard tests. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Perect. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dude. i think the bootstrap loader has your leg. try not to move. ill get this POST over here and bit it to death. damn boot strap loaders
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a gift horse to water, but an early bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like squirrels.  They're fidgety and they have small hands.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i read in here that it's physically impossible to lick your own elbow. however, i tried, and succeeded. so it's either a false statement, or i can do impossible things.



please tell me it's a false statement, before i go and try jumping off a building or something thinking i am a superhero.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am beginning to realise that the best minds in the world cannot help me if I remove them from their skulls.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mama mia, that's a spicy meatball.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] "



Actually, it goes more like this:



IN A.D. 2101 



WAR WAS BEGINNING. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN ? 



MECHANIC: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB. 



OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT ! 



OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. 



CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU !! 



CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! 



CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. 



CATS: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT YOU SAY !! 



CATS: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. 



CATS: HA HA HA HA .... 



OPERATOR: CAPTAIN !! 



CAPTAIN: TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG'!! 



CAPTAIN: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. 



CAPTAIN: MOVE 'ZIG'. 



CAPTAIN: FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

----------------------------------



i saw one of my own comments!!! and at least 6 other comments more than 3x each. heh!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How many times have YOU refreshed?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I grow up, I wanna be the manager of a toxic waste plant, and then I'll get even with those muscle-bound twits who used to beat me up in PhysEd, and I'll bury their homes in stinking sludge and banananananananana (whew, almost couldn't stop there) peels and I'll, like, make toxic rain come down and burn the football field where Missy Werner made fun of me and beat me up, and _then_ I'll show 'em all, I'll, I'll, I'll, well I'll do something, just you wait!  And I would've done it sooner, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
country music sucks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||




beer and conputers DO mix!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"They have the internet on computers now?!"  -Homer J Simpson


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get the stuff about the monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is the Mutt's Nuts (safe version of a common phrase over here), especially after adding Megatokyo's l33t offerings
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be working
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doogie Howser Loves you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood 

screws, can make a child look like a deer." 



That's a Kurt Cobain quote! 



Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are. " 



You idiot, that was Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live. 



--

Why would Jack Handy post on here?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally finish this cobol code and graduate shool becuase of you!!!! thanks


||||||||||##########||||||||||
on my desk: 



two monitors, one lamp, 2 speakers, empty coke can, empty coffee can, cds lying without cases, empty cd cases, a telephone, scanner, 4-5 books, pens, my cell phone, pieces of paper with all kinds of stuff written on it -- none of which makes sense as I wrote it days ago -- cd rack.



Under my desk:



open cases, loads of wires, base woofer.



across my desk:



co-workers desk, very neat, he's gay.



looking out the room:

desk... monitor.... all I can see.



looking out the window:

...it's raining.. (make "whoa" sound like Neo).



Thank you for reading. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
j00 guys there, your the guys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it aint a temp directory if it don't have a core dump


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please Dad - do we have to hear the story of Snow White's OSI model and its seven layers again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on Fhqwhgads...

I see you jockin' me...

actin like...

U

KNOW

ME..



Everybody to the limit!
||||||||||##########||||||||||


&gt;If I was going to get married today I would do my gift registry right here! 



That's a sure cure for that "Weddin' fever" the little lady gets from time to time. 



Trust me. It works. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary...really!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need one of everything for myself... I mean, my fiance!  Yeah, my.... OK there is no fiance.  I need one of everything for me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please god let me finish my project on time and not get stiffed by my employer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dude, you guys are monkeysweet. Isn't english so much funner when you prefix random monkeywords with the word "monkey" ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I share my birthday with Ethernet. That makes Ethernet a Gemini -- gifted at communications.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than sitting on a water fountain in a shopping mall.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
killall -9 everyone and let root@localhost sort em out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like it when things happen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*mr burns accent* exxcellent.. *twidles fingers*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is it normal if your psychiatrist cries after every session?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those responsible for the sacking of those responsible for the titles have been sacked...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My mass remains static,  but my volume is increasing exponentially.  My boiling point is less than atmospheric pressure, and soon I will be nothing more than voluminous entity filling the void of a sys admin
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The first castle sank into the swamp.  The second castle sank into the swamp.  The third castle burned down, fell over, and THEN sank into the swamp.  And _that's_ what you're gonna get my boy...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat ate my wireless mouse.  Now I have to drag my cat across the pad to get my work done.  Poor cat.  It's name is stewmeat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the life... Sitting in the middle of my living room, eating moldy pizza, drinking warm beer, surrounded by tiny pieces of an old hard drive... The hard drive is in tiny pieces because I beat the shit out of it with a sledgehammer when it decided to stop working for the 4th time today. It was very therapeutic to watch all the little pieces fly around the room...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
At school. In programming class. Bored. Where's my beer milkshake? WHERE IS IT!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PI=3.



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4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273

7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436

7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094

3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548

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3889710770 8229310027 9766593583 8758


||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood would a woodchuck buy if a woodchouck would buy wood?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This has nothing to do with monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Food is yummy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

The Quenta Silmarillion



VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!

MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*

VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*

MELKOR: Hu hu hu.

VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!

YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?

MELKOR: Want shiny.

VALAR: Nope. 

MELKOR: Why not?

VALAR: Because you're a jerk.

ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!

MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.

ELVES: AUGH!

UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.

MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.

FEANOR: I've made more shiny!

VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?

FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!

VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.

MELKOR: Got the shinies!

UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!

MELKOR: You can't have 'em.

UNGOLIANT: Grar.

MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*

FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!

MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*

BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!

THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!

BEREN: Worth a shot.

LUTHIEN: La la la

MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*

BEREN: Got your shiny!

MORGOTH: you JERK! I stole those fair and square!

CARCHAROTH: Grar.

BEREN: Ow!

THINGOL: Got the shiny?

BEREN: 's in my hand.

THINGOL: And?

BEREN: Hand's not here.

THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.

CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!

BEREN: *dies*

LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.

MANDOS: ... oh all right.

LUTHIEN: *returns to life*

BEREN: *returns to life*

LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!

FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*

LUTHIEN: *dies again*

BEREN: *dies again*

DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!

FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!

DIOR: *dies*

ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*

FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.

EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!

VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*

EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!

MORGOTH: Eek!

VALAR: Got your shinies!

MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!

VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).

MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!

MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*

MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*

VALAR: Well... um... okay.



Coming coon... keep refreshing for the Akallabeth!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Me and my mother likes to drink tea together every sunday afternoon. Yes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't even butter my toast, I consider that cooking !




||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect."



Anonymous


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately 2 billion 

children (persons under 18) in the 

world. However, since Santa does not 

visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, 

Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist 

religions, this reduces the workload on 

Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 

378 million (according to the Population 

Reference Bureau). At an average 

(census) rate of 3.5 children per 

household, that comes to 108 million 

homes, presuming that there is at least 

one good child in each.



II. Santa has about 31 hours of 

Christmas to work with, thanks to the 

different time zones and rotation of 

the earth, assuming he travels east to 

west (which seems logical). This works 

out to 967.7 visits per second. This 

is to say that for each Christian 

household with at least one good child, 

Santa has around 1/1000th of a second 

to park the sleigh, jump out, go down 

the chimney, fill the stockings, 

distribute the remaining presents 

under the tree, eat whatever snacks have 

been left for him, get back up the 

chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move 

on to the next house. (That's why it's 

really pointless to stay up and wait 

for him....)



Assuming that each of these 108 million 

stops is evenly distributed around the 

earth (which, of course, we know to be 

false, but will accept for the purposes 

of our calculations), we are now talking 

about 0.78 miles per household; a total 

trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting 

bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's 

sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 

3000 times the speed of sound. For the 

purposes of comparison, the fastest 

man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space 

probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per 

second, and a conventional reindeer can 

run (at best) 15 miles per hour.



III. The payload of the sleigh adds 

another interesting element. Assuming 

that each child has nothing more than 

a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), 

the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand 

tons, not counting Santa himself. On 

land, a conventional reindeer can pull 

nothing more than 300 pounds. Even 

granted that "flying" reindeer could 

pull ten times the normal amount, the 

job can't be done with eight or nine 

of them; Santa would need 360,000 of 

them. This increases the payload, not 

counting the sleigh itself, another 

54,000 tons, or roughly seven times 

the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the 

ship, not the monarch).



IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles 

per second creates enormous air 

resistance; this would heat up the 

reindeer in the same fasion as a 

spacecraft re-entering the earth's 

atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer 

would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules 

of energy per second each. In short, 

they would burst into flames almost 

instantaneously, exposing the reindeer 

behind them and causing deafening 

sonic booms in their wake. The entire 

reindeer team would be vaporized within 

4.2 thousandths of a second, or right 

about the time Santa reaches the fifth 

house on his trip. Not that it matters, 

however, since Santa, as a result of 

accelerating from a dead stop to 650 

miles per second in .001 seconds, would 

be subjected to centrifugal forces of 

17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which 

seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned 

to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 

pound of force, instantly crushing his 

bones and organs and reducing him to a 

quivering blob of pink goo.



V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's 

dead now.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Better than having a flying monkey on your back
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An unstoppable force of excellence!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like gold fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Youth is wasted on the young.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity...is like hitting F5 looking for your own post
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you know where your towel is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't change a thing. As Largo from "MEGATOKYO" would say "I ph34r the l33tn355 of ThinkGeek"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never use WinDbg and attach to the WinLogon process in NT and click the exit button.  Bad things happen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would like to see a reference to a good cheese or two.  A nice gorgonzola maybe, or a havarti.  Other than that, I love this site.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If privacy is outlawed, only outlaws will have privates.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want my quote to be shown. Maybe I have to be witty. Wouldn't that be discrimination?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. 'You don't have to tell me,' I said. 'I'm off the team, aren't I?' 'Well,' said Coach, 'you were never really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.' It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something was brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everything I say is always correct...

Except for that statement.



Don't believe everything you read in a comment

Especially this one.



This comment is false:

   true -or- false?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I am schizophrenic.

and so am I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
NO KITTY THATS MY POT-PIE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There was salt on the glass big grains of salt...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I SAW MY POST!!!!now what do I do...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
CowboyNeal
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once bananas reach the point where they're too ripe to eat, they become perfect for banana bread.  I think it's the banana's way of extending its usefulness to society.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
are you sure it's not a cup holder?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eat Mangoes.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



"READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE! 





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT!"



-ewwww....someone's really in lala land 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I get a little money, I spend it at ThinkGeek.com. If there is any left over, I buy food and pay the rent.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
To make a long story short, don't tell it
||||||||||##########||||||||||
mmmm pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, uh, I think your filter's broken. Yeah, you should really read some of the stuff I Refresh to.  It's not very refreshing. . .
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. How about shipping some of the cooler stuff (IBM 6GB MP3 Player) over the pond to the UK. Granted we've just invented electricity and we still wash in rivers but we're entitled to portable mp3 :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There IS a spoon and I use to eat pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ekki ekki ekki ekki p-tang ZooOOOOooowong wbhfbhlrdwbhly...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know life is good when the only thing you have to worry about is whether or not you have pants on.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a pain in all the diodes down my left side.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. I love working at the plane_arium.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is pretty, like a pony.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So you see, Lone Star, Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site makes me want to dance like a monkey.  A happy monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a chick so bad...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek simply rocks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." 



-- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ONe time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class.  I would just sit there, my mind a complete blank as the monkey took notes.  At the end of the week, Teacher asked for a paper based on the notes we took in class. I wrote:



"Hi, my name is bingo.  I like to climb on things.  can I have a banana? eek keekk!



I got an F.  I told my Mom and she told me: "I told you to never trust a monkey!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, somee ef theise poeple cnat splell.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweetness. "Base 8 is just like base 10, if you're missing 2 fingers!" -Tom Lehrer
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who ever wrote this:

&gt;Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective 



Thanks for my Christmas Card :-&gt;






||||||||||##########||||||||||
MOMMY I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Matrix has you...





...But not me!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
deodorant... what a godsend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whats a Shrinter?  I want one, those things are great, shred the docs right out of the printer!  YESSSS!!!, and that Igrill!  MMMMMmmmmmmmmm   FOOD!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The inclusion of Malbolge (and Dis!) on the 'What language do you prefer?' list is why you get the '5 -- Kick Ass!'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's that I just don't care....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where is the pron?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa's got a mullet!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another)



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!"



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
what else do you burn? MORE WITCHES... and wood so how do you know if she is made out of wood ... umm build a bride out of her.  now now what floats in water? small pebbels ducks ... yes

there for if she weighs the same as a duck then... she's ... a witch BURN HER
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hacker God looking for his Hacker goddess.



Only serious strung-out hack sluts willing to hack the world all night need respond. Bondage, tight leather pants and piercings preferred but not necessary.  No smokers, Win, Mac or AOL users.  Must have pirated copy of the Matrix, off'd users at will and taken mind expansion aids.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other day, I was in the elevator with one other person, and I couldn't help but think that if one of us farted, we would both know who did it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."



That's a Kurt Cobain quote!



Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should sell guns. And explosives. Oh wait, the whole 'illegal' thing. The police would probably say "Hey, you guys" or something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should have a dating section, the chicks in your customer pics are nifty...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We need more *nix chicks!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i didn't sell my soul



i just lease it out on a monthly basis
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i would have wrote a comment but i don't know

how to use this thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The makings of "The Breakfast of Champions" (title formerly held by Wheaties(r))



1. 6 Pack of some sort of Caffinated/Carbonated drink (preferrably Jolt)



2. The biggest bag of Vinegar and Salt Potato Chips you can find...



3. Whatever you pull out of the candy dish on the desk of the hottie sitting at the reception desk...



enjoy :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely emptying my bank account into yours was a pleasure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like ponies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
                                    Green Beans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Isn't this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've seen everyone's post at least twice, but none of mine...cruel...cruel universe, oh how i loath, i say, what the...there is a baby on the page
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Get some powdered caffene. Allows you to put pure caffene in your pancake mix, cake mix, magic brownies mix, or to make a super saturated cup of water (altough you might have to desaturate it a bit to fill the rest of the ionic bonds with sugar,) spike some punch, or scarf down with a spoon. You need powered caffene, find some, make it, just get some.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a newbie Thinkgeeker...here I sit hitting

F5 over, and over, and...when I'm supposed to

be uploading photos and words to Ebay for my son's

auction! 

It's 12:25 A.M. and I haven't even eaten dinner

yet because of these anonymous, outrageous, stupid

(a great deal of which are copied onto my clipboard for further analysis) posts!

Well, when the boy asks where his auction is,

I'm sending him here!!!

Well, all this cheese talk made me hungry...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
4 is a very interesting number.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



As i endeavor to compile

to ThinkGeeks site i set my dial,

with rants and raves so truly schweet

i often know i cant compete.



Yet nonetheless i must consider 

a parting chance to deliver,

some limrick bade of lusty prOn

as my compile goes on and on.



And yet in jest and monkeys stride

i hasten my ditty to reside,

on thinkgeeks server to append

my damn compile has crashed again.....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Must have $700 MP3 player...no discernable reason...SigOther will kill if I do...draw too strong...Hey, while I'm here, should get a dozen shirts...can't resist...will too week.



Sigh. There goes my paycheck...



...Chris
||||||||||##########||||||||||
2 pengiuns are in a shower one says past the salt the other says what do i look like a toaster?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love the response i get from the things i buy.  People go, "you bought that?" and i say..."hellz yeah i did!, aint it l33t?!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Confucius say: Too many penguin mint give you big headache.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Barnacles are a Scandinavian delicacy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:



Chocolate Chip Cookies:



Ingredients:



532.35 cm3 gluten

4.9 cm3 NaHCO3

4.9 cm3 refined halite

236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11

177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11

4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao

236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)



To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.



Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Intercal in the "preferred languages" drop-down. Nice touch :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's this girl I really like.  I think I'll ask her to marry me.  It worked when I was 4.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two Muffins are in the oven



One muffin says to another "Is it getting hot in here?"



The other muffin says to the first "Ahhhh A Talking Muffin!!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Rimmer, you're a smeg-head!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a comment, you 

a) havent read before

b) have written yourselfe 

or c) wanted to enjoy just a little bit longer



but the moment you realized this, you had already 

clicked "refresh"?

And then clicked "back" to get back to it?



Thats how I got to this box. DOH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Far better to burn out then be hit from behind by a rocket launcher.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
fun stuff to do with /dev/urandom (on someone elses computer)

cat /dev/urandom &gt;/dev/mouse

cat /dev/urandom &gt;/dev/hda1

cat /dev/urandom &gt;/bzImage

Canibalistic cyborg croissants. Eat them, before they eat eachother.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like windows,

I have no cred.

But eventually it crashes

So I know I'll get to bed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
And one time, at Sys Admin camp...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a geek salsa dance while eating Doritoes? Neither have I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i feel stupid.. i finally saw my post after 3 hours.. and accidently refreshed F5 without even waking any up..



it's only 4.a.m
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ):
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The wheels on the bus go round and round.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  Well, I had this whole woodchuck lumber company planned out, and I'd captured a whole bunch of woodchucks, all in tiny little iron shackles, just ready to start cutting down trees and chucking all that wood into a truck, when PETA came and shut down my operation.  I guess we'll never know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is Unix so violent?

Pound, bang, slash, bash...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;I've been sitting her pressing F5 for over an hour looking for my own post when I realized &gt;that I forgot what I had posted. 



&gt;Please help me remember what I posted, I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!!!! 



&gt;^sigh^ 



Probably something about monkeys. It usually is.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I saw my post too!

It does happen!

I thought people seeing their posts was just a myth... i'm a believer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All I wann know is why this site is so damn cool!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your system is wiped.

This was your 'good idea',

I am not involved.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An AC wrote:

I wrote a big long letter here, but then it got boring and when I reread it I thought, this is crap. So instead I erased it and wrote this. I hope you don't mind, but it really was crap. 



I don't know how many damn times I've seen this.  Is there some kind of mod system going on that I don't know about?!?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two brains.  Wanna see?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whurd to your respective mothers!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"You know something? I AM a rocket man. 



Be Bop a Lo La."



The Red Elvises rule! However, since Avi left the band, I have found them lacking.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's me again. Moo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Okay I'm hooked on 'Bawls'.  Is there a 12-step program in can follow? :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eric, this is mom.  I know you've been refreshing that page for a few days now.  I know that you gave all your money to that ThinkGeek cult.  But, Eric, we still love you.  We still want you back at home.  Nevermind that you used your college tuition money to pay for shirts and binary clocks.  We still love you.  Your OC3 connection at the university is not nearly as nice as a home cooked meal.  Eric, come home.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
maybe my fax machine should not be making coffee.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a Mr Death or something, he's come about the reaping. I don't think we need any at the moment.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who are you and what have you done with my will to geek-speak?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should give free sod for each order over $50. There are some patches on my lawn that need to be taken care of.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. My pants are filled with fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
rotinom ruoy edisni deppart mi pleH
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights ... I like traffic lights ... I like traffic lights ... but not when they are red.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SO Don was like: "yu-gi-oh", and I was like: "If only I had my sword"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q.  How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  



A.  A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Damn you! Damn you and your ever-so-addictive merchandise!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smack my ass and call me sally
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Children's books that never made it:





1. You Are Different and That's Bad 

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book

6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's it, I'm Putting You up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry








||||||||||##########||||||||||
Code Red was not my fault.



Or was it?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know, just this morning (it was raining) I sat down to eat this scrumptious chicken chimmychanga I cooked in my electrolux oven - I got a great deal on it - and before I knew it, I was done.  So you know what I did?  I'll tell you what I did.  I made another one, and that one tasted just as good, if not better as the first one.  I'll tell ya, that rain sure makes a guy long for his chicken chimmychangas.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll:

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard?

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern!

_________________________________

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-)

---------------------------------------------- 

In Reply:

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =)

---------------------------------------------- 

Do you really think they'd let us be free? they'd rather watch us squirm in agony, laughing at our misfortune, those cruel cruel laughs... they're coming back to haunt me again... they won't stop, please make them stop, please? and bla bla *stuff* *more paronoied stuff* "MOO!"



Btw, i vote for 2.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My quote. I loved it. I clicked submit. it is gone. I press [F5], still, nothing but someone complaining about the cows in the front yard. [F5] again. Some guy who thought the latte was a drink and not a pc. Some guy who thought the comments page was customer service. :P

[F5] ad infinitum...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

  --Homer Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
when will you geeks start selling Viagra?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A Hacker, a Coder, and a Sys Admin walk into a bar.  The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some geeky joke?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the salt please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you deliver pizza's?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
where's the Tom Waits merchandise?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent so long hitting F5 that when my quote actually came up, I had forgotten I had written it until I was a few clicks past. This is known as irony. NO IT ISN'T *English teachers beats me with baseball bat*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so blinded by rage on the way home from work she purchases a gun and some ammo.  When she opens the door to her apartment, sure enough, she sees her husband in bed with a redhead.  The blonde screams in anger, takes the loaded gun out of her purse, aims it at her husband menacingly, but then pauses.  Overcome with sudden grief, she points the gun at her own head and starts to cry.



The husband shakes his head and stares at his wife in disbelief.  "No, sweetie, don't do it..."



The blonde chokes, "SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT."



- SwEeTiNsAnItY
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 



Cat PeOple ARE WeiRD! 



---



Ok. I had to add more to this 'cuz it's fun like that. My dog isn't named Mittens but I can give her an alternate personality and call it Mittens. Although, seriously I prefer gloves.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, has anyone seen a life? I lost mine in here....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I send you this file in order to have your advice.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm ashamed, ThinkGeek has gone 5 Minutes without the word Monkey being metioned!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Reeeeeeefreeeshhhhhh aaahaahhahhhhhhhh.

I cant stop yet. just gotta find my quote and i'll stop, promise.



there's monkeys here and sea monkeys and fish and cheese and someone that proposed and someone that accepted and lots of bad spelling and lots of refreshing.... and F5 is my favorite key now...



back too it then...here goes... f5
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lets see if I can make the fortune page.



Dont take life so seriously it is not permanent!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've figured it out, The guys at think geek are just sitting around Laughins as they watch people just continusly Refresh and never find their own quote.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am only here to amuse myself.  Anyone else is a bonus.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please, let me keep some of my money.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have visions of throwing my crappy HP off a cliff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a quote.

Then I saw the flying monkeys.

They saw me.

They attacked me.

The flying monkeys stole my quote.

Now all I have is this story.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys.  They throw feces.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
With the addition of the MegaTokyo store, it may take years for any other online retailer to equal your coolness.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do i get extra points for knowing when ethernet was invented anyway? ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello, my name is Enigo Montoya.. you killed my father. Prepare to die.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Avoid LANeuryisms, get lots of fiber


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Master I do want to become a Jedi, and I do respect tradition. Its just; can you please call me G-Dog when were in the presence of the princess.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because... Well, what is that thing?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everyone has a photographic memory, just most people don't have film.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Error 001: Out of cheese error, reinstall universe and reboot.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
HAPPINESS IS BLISS
||||||||||##########||||||||||
//
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok, so this grass hopper walks into a bar and sits down.  The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you."  The grass hopper looks at him and says "You've got a drink namd Bob?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a goat, his name is Sam.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
[Haiku, mine]



Writing a poem

   In seventeen syllables

    Is very diffi




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am, and have been, programming in PL/1 for 30 years  (with a little COBOL, and less Assembler and C, for variety). Given its power and 'user-friendliness', I hated having to check 'Other(obscure)'. Maybe, though we're a small minority, you might add it? And, true to my spirit of  involvement with 'niche superlatives, I'm still an Amiga Fanatic who groans every time my WindozeiNTel clunker loses its mind (luckily, it's my employer's, not mine!). 

I got a lot of smiles & chuckles out of the stuff on your site, especially from the accompanying text. Definitely reflects the workings of my own cranial cpu!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
  My office roof sprinklers should have coffe instead.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Porn or more thinkgeek?  Porn or more thinkgeek?

(flips coin)

Damn.  Mmkay, let's go 2 outta 3...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What I really wanted to say about ThinkGeek was that it is the Bee's Knees... but that wasn't a choice. Seriously, though, you guys are speaking to me on a soul-to-soul level. Keep up the good work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those who build the robots will be the first they kill.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no thoughts.  None whatsoever.  They don't pay me to think.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
blue monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bedevere: And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.



King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.



Bedevere: Oh, certainly, sir.in the system! 




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I never should have eaten that hot dog.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
needs more fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
BOO! Did I Scare Ya????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The future is here. It's just not evenly distributed yet." - William Gibson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think the hot sauce at taco bueno is better than the hot sauce at taco bell.

What is your opinion?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Windows calls your chip

A Pentium Two because

It knows no better.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I have a monkey, his name is george! I am a 2 foot midget with a learning disorder named skippy!"

You named your learning disorder skippy?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red Ninja?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They sure don't make time machines like they will!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AHHH! THE APES! THEY'RE ATTACKING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Non-conformists are actually conformists because they are conforming to the non-conforming.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monkeys should be purple



The voices told me so



and your stuff is cool



they said that too, and I agree
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Best online store ever!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'll only press F5 one more time...  i swear
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have my money, now give me back my infra-red remote puppy-monkey cheese.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll get you next time Gadget! NEXT TIME!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Damn you and your daily doubles trebek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Take off ya' hosers!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I drink coffee,

I do not write Haiku,

I hate Haiku.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you noticed that if you take Windows ME, NT, and CE, and arrange them in a certain order you get Windows CEMENT.......coincidence, i think not!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Three

Hamsters

Insisted

Nobody

Knew

Green

Easter

Eggs

Kill

...

Couldn't

Overcome

Malady.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I *WILL* rule the planet. If you oppose me, I'll destroy it and rule the space it used to occupy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...



No, I was wondering the same thing than I saw the little ads at the bottom of the page and felt good and as soon as i get some money i intend to buy something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm bored. Anyone got a computer problem I can help with? I'm really quite good at these things. Anyone? Anyone at all?



Oh, fine. I'll just watch Fox's Thursday night crap-a-thon and look at Internet pornography for the rest of the night....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
LOGIC "Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines." 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmy!!!

Timaaaahooohaaaa!

Timmm aaa!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that if you set this page to your start page then open your browser a bunch you get a bunch of whitty comments... I like rocks...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have gas.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like mittens....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know that comment "Hello Kitty has no mouth." ? I think I wrote that. But I don't remember .. So, like, if you wrote it, let me know. Until then, I claim it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If James Bond was a gamer would his 1337 nickname be 00T ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is helping me break out of the geek closet.  I'm here, I'm a dork, get used to it!

;)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like my Bawls..



my friends want to taste my Bawls...



the monkey won't let them



he doesnt like to share.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When i was 17, i drank some very good beer.  I drank some very good beer i purchased with a fake ID.  My name was Brian McGee; i stayed up listening to Queen... when i was 17.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one suspects the butterfly!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your merchandise is

Greatly enjoyed and admired

Customers are pleased.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
site | brain &gt; work


||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.}}}



WHOA!!



I finally found my quote!

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! Can I get an 'amen' to that, Brother Armand??? Miracles can happen!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're momma sews socks that smell.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmeh!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
....i just renamed my F5 key to "refresh fortune"...thank you!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
there's cheese in my sock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
there are two secrets to life.

1.  Done tell everything you know
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'd love you more, but you'd file charges.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*Rant*

I'm broke. I can't buy cool ThinkGeek Stuffs. I blame my stupid currency.

*Kicks Currency*

YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID CURRENCY!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Archimedes used powerful beams of light to fight the Romans." -Tee in Quest of the Delta Knights
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hurry up!  Climb into this bag before the yaks get here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ummm... can I have the phone numbers of all the customers who bought codegirl shirts...  unless the name on the credit card sounds like a big football-playing boyfriend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you are one screwed up little kid... mmmkay


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK

Sleep all night and work all day
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You allowed me to put 999999 42" plasma screens on my wishlist.  Schweet!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im at my job, and i dont kick ass.

!Wait a min.. I do kick ass!

I'll start kickin my own ass!!

Ouch.. aah.. uuuuww!!!. AAAAH!

...Damn there goes my prostate!

Ok I'll do it for the sake of the world.



Kill -9 The Stupid Guy Who Wrote This Lettr.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your stuff is so cool I'm being forced to turn to a life of crime to fund my T-shirt collection.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gah! I see the same quote five times in a minute, but does one of -mine- come up? No! I honestly do believe you have something that keeps people from seeing quotes that were submitted from their IPs...

.. and because this is a comment about it, it's going to show up and make me look stupid.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why do people insist that one hand can't clap?  Really, it's not that difficult.  You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm!  See, watch..   oh, wait you can't watch...  Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's...  maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping...  What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1?  Stupid school is costing me my paycheck.  Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer??  That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek.  Then I could say I know jen.  I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place".  that would make me a jen-a-holic.  Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if i had a million melons,

i'd make the melons milkshakes
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Thanks you guys for providing a website full of interesting gadgets and witty repartee for us to explore and amuse ourselves on the bosses time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is mahvalous dahling, simply mahvalous.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sometimes...in the morning...when I haven't slept...the computers talk to me, they say "good morning dave", so I say to myself, "That g**D**N Hal's awake!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 10:16 pm.  



Do you know where your comments are?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking in the park one day when a monkey came up to me and asked where I was going.  I told him that I was going for a stroll, and he asked if he could join me. I like monkies, so I told him that I would be delighted.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friend explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, we reached a bum in the alleyway, who took me aside and told me how good monkies tasted, and that he could have a burning barrel ready in a few minutes. I liked the way he thought, so we cooked the monkies, and I decided to live out the rest of my days as a bum cooking monkies for food.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time i ate a bug.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why didn't Superman's father make a 

rocket ship big enough for the whole 

family?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thoughtful answers require up to 57 seconds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My operat~1 system does unders~1 long file-n~1, does yours?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Snazzy.



Fruity.



Tasty.



Fizzy.



Fantabulous!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I cant believe I have such a low life that I have been sitting here reading these comments for the past 3 hours...oh well, might as well keep going...it cant get much worse than 3 hours.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cow meat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PURPLE!!! If i was a wombat could i have some cheese? KILL EM ALL! WOOHOO RANDOM QUOTES! I LIKE YOUR CAFFEINE PILLS! I THINK U NEED TO SELL BEER IN YOUR MUGS ;P I WANT A COOKIE! I DONT HAVE ANY COOKIES :-( COOKIES R COOL. COOKIE. COOKIE. I AM THE COOKIE MONSTER! THE MOTHER OF ALL COOKIES, THE ONE AND ONLY COOKIE! COOKIE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why does everybody say it's the quiet ones you need to look out for?  I'm worried about that very pissed and very loud man in the middle of the street with a chainsaw and a shotgun.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We are the nights who say...Ecka Ecka Ecka pikan zuwang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
So this is just jet another of those comments that I will never see again?



&lt;b&gt;Why cant I read my own comments?!  Do you hide them from me? Dont you like me? WHY, OH WHY?!&lt;/b&gt;



&lt;strong&gt;Not seeing my own comment leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering :-(&lt;/strong&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Wang.  At seeing the site of Bill Gates' wang the flock of monkey fled to a sewer which they used to escape the maniac.  But to the dismay of the monkeys the sewer was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who flung poo?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;shameless&gt;

Jon is my hero, his desk is the coolest

&lt;/shameless&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a cat his name is 5.

I want to get another little Kitty and name it script.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Help, I'm trapped inside an IT startup...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your customer service is most excellant. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who is the localhost?, and does he come bearing chocolate monkeys?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if life gives you gators, make gatorade!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
fun time is now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dog chow tastes like bad mud.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If it doesn't kill you, you'll learn from it.  If it does kill you, I'll learn from it"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!SAVE FARSCAPE!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bad spellers of the world untie!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
and bingo was his name-o
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no PS/2 keyboard connected to this computer.

Type F-1 to continue


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always think that I've bought a lot from you guys, and then I see the "action shots" and realize that some people have way more money and free time than I...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I demand this page be renamed "The ThinkGeek Page of Madness & Monty Python Quotes"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's yellow and goes through walls ?



- A magical banana
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Super, thanks for asking!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it aint broke ... give me a crack at it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Change NOTHING!



it's all TOO PERFECT NOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i may not look very bright, but at least i can pick up heavy things
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heh heh heh...I'm not fat...I'm festively plump!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver



Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow... MEOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Although 1 out of every 15 comments says that there are constant references to monkeys, pies, and cheese, i have yet to see one



wait, is this a reference to monkeys, pies and/or cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ALL YOUR FEEDBACK ARE BELONG TO US


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess I am not a Geek, I don't understand over  of this page!! Somebody help me, I know nothing about my computer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if it's not on fire, it's usually a software problem
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For the beans!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
In ThinkGeek we trust.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
James T. Kirk wipes his ass with the Prime  Directive in yet another episode...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever notice how in the early epoisodes of Scooby Doo, when the mystery Machine opened, smoke rolled out towards the top of the van?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where's the Fish?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haggis: It's not just for breakfast any more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My dog's name is Cassie!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
sonic death monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i am a mad cow.... quak quak
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bail and a half in a day and a half, then how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house"



Answer: None, because dog houses don't fly
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Are you my mother?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You people make me horny.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Kittens. I like kittens.



Puppies too.



If I had a cat, I would call it "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Cat" but I would spell cat with a k so it would read "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Kat". But it would be kinda stupid yelling "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Kat" all the time so I think I'll just call it "Fluffy".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital. The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed... 



The Bastard Operator from Hell and his PFY assistant walking down the lane, drinking of a strange alcoholic substance and armed with palm pilots. the primate knew he had no chance against such evil beings and he...



Suddenly realized he could totally 0wnz something like PalmOS, so full of holes yet sure of their obscurity.  He fired up his own Palm, which he had flashed linux onto earlier that day, and proceeded to...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where is the best place to get write-only media?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please let me know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heard UNIX have no balls!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One has to keep in mind that the world could be overrun by gerbils at any point in time.  In fact, I would go hide underground right now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Good Idea : Take a deep breath before jumping into a pool



Bad Idea: take a deep breath after jumping into a pool
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys make me feel like I belong somewhere. Thanks.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



OK, I feel I must give some more detail on my OS choice:



My favorite OS is FreeBSD.  It's free, and it's BSD.  What more do you want?  Seriously, when I was first learning this whole UNIX and Internet thing, I cut my teeth on a BSD system, and that's where I consider my roots to be.  Plus FreeBSD is a darn slick OS, VERY fast (still has the edge over Linux in LARGE server applications, imho), and you can rebuild EVERYTHING with just one command (source, and binaries).  Plus it has a really neat "ports" system.



I also love and use Linux.  My favorite Linux distro is Mandrake.  It just installs like that *snaps finger*.  Preconfigures itself nicely, and it is actually easy to use... I even set up my parents with it!!



And yes, I do use Windows.  I'm not really much of a MS basher... I subscribe to the more enlightened philosophy of "There is a place for all OS's in the universe, because someone will find it useful"  I admit that Windows does have its uses, one of them being game playing (ahh, I am addicted to quite a few games.. hehe).  I generally don't "advocate" this or "bash" that (i.e. I don't get into that "Mac vs. PC" nonsense either).



Your site is way cool!!  Keep the yummy delicious goodness coming!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's with the crazy sizes? S, M, and L would be more than enough. I'm confused. XXXL? Sounds pornographic.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages:



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote

(refresh for another)

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!



----



We had a cat named boots once. So THERE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
should i adlib or follow the script?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Meep.  Now, that's a little more unique than Mittens, eh?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Bukodo and then began to swing at the flying cheese ninjas who were throwing sharpined candy canes while yelling give us back the almighty pointy haired trool who was to lead us to the land of nerdvana where we could program all day without anyone yelling at us to go home because we have nothing else to do. then the monkey said...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The power of your 3l337n3$$ compels me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it's now 5 am--ive been pressing F5 for the past 3 hours--i keep randomly falling asle  bgreBU,h8i-gn...see what i mean, now my head hurts :(
||||||||||##########||||||||||
looks like someones got a case of the mondays
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I still think that "Mr. Microphone" is cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If swimming is so good for your figure, then how the hell do you explain whales?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are we going, and what's with this damn 

handbasket?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've got mail, YAY!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They said I was crazy when I built a beach house in western Nevada.



Give it a couple thousand years, I'll show them!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I found a lot of people at my workplace (the navy) are very eager to be able to play r/c laser tag while we're out to sea.  Thanks for providing a product that will keep at least a few people sane while we're out to sea!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!


||||||||||##########||||||||||




Do we, as the human race, truly need these?



http://www.spawn.com/toys/mckenziebrothers/mck enziepage1.html






||||||||||##########||||||||||
the turtle lies on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun. You're not helping. Why aren't you helping, Leon?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My name's billy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{This sentance is not.}}}



Would you mind explaining what a 'sentance' is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice.

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one.

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it....

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there...







Help me. Please?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 4m @ 1@m3r. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, where'd my ass go. Oh there it is.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In reply to----

"When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarves began to suspect Hungry. "



---

Yeah, espeacially after he changed his name to Full.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. i find this site rather exquisite, very high in defining the usage of the word ''geek''. excellent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch the ninjas!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Trains can't swim. Even if they think they can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The man who knows others is wise.

The man who knows himself is enlightened.
||||||||||##########||||||||||


A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck.  The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!"

--HaStA-}-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

Akallabeth



VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!

EDAIN: Cool!

VALAR: Don't come looking for us.

EDAIN: Okay.

ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!

NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!

GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.

NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?

GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!

NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3

NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?

ELVES: You're human?

NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?

VALAR: No.

NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.

ELVES: Fine.

ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.

NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.

ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?

ELVES: No.

TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?

GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.

AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.

TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!

AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!

SAURON: Okay.

AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.

SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.

AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .

ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!

SAURON: *makes chicken noises*

AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!

ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.

AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!

VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*

AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!

ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!

NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!

NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.

SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?

ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?

NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I thnk it is funny that I actually get paid for hitting f5 all day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please help me.

I've been stuck on this fortunes page for 4 days.

I can't help but reload, but I know that I must eat.

Get out while you still can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you ever see an egg,

Remember:

It's not a monkey egg,

Because monkies don't lay egss...



-Joe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like how Linux is the default selection in this survey. I like those cool, cool things you stock here. I think the strange, obscure electronics you stock best of all. Like the mini-desktop-rovers, the green pointers etc.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pie...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[System message]

You have reached the end of the quote database.



now go to sleep. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one will ever need more than 64K of knowledge.  Everything else is already somebody else's intellectual property.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you want cool stuff ? check out ThinkGeek ! i like those really kewl t-shirts, they are all 1337. some time in the future i will buy the 'you are dumb' code shirt. and i am sure my teacher will ask me (he is 1337, oh yes he is), and i will stand there smiling and honestly say 'you are dumb'. and there will be much fun and laughther. ... i like this guy ... anyone else ever seen a teacher who voluntaritly plays victim in a good Q3 fraggin' ? we saw him and we will worship him for his lifetime and longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not funny, my pants are on fire!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Help me

PLease help me

I read these fortunes Fortunesto long an i was sucked into them

Now that are a part of me

Please help me get out of here

please Help me

They are comming, they are comming!

quick Help me get out of here
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Picky people pick peter pan peanut butter it's the peanut butter picky people pick.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent too much time on the internet again, mainly this site. I will be late for work again.



Every time I go to work I'm late, so usually I pause, look at my watch, look at their clock on the wall, look at my watch again, frown, pretend to adjust the time on my watch, and then smile brightly at the person behind the desk.



Because of you, somebody at my office will get a bright smile today.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?"



First they coat the pan with Teflon, then they put it in an oven and let it bake. They usually do this a total of three times.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hammers hehehe hammers
||||||||||##########||||||||||
42.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
if humans do "the robot," do robots do "the human?"  hahahaha, GOD thats RICH




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know, because I crippled him myself to inspire you.



                                        - M. Burns
||||||||||##########||||||||||
eggsalad!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cisco for President, 2004
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek is great... FOR ME TO POOP ON!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bob is the name of the monky that lives in my tree


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every wonder why when you eat CORN or PEANUTS and you chew the heck out of those kernels/nuts and then take a dump the CORN and Peanuts are whole again?  I mean... does your stomach rebuild those things or something?



Oh... no... I think the co-worker in the cube next to me just farted.  Hang On... AHHH! He did...



*GASP*... Air.. I'm running out of Ai....



&lt;&lt; END TRANSMISSION &gt;&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
How come the stupid people are always in charge?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Today someone said to me, "What the fuck is on your shirt," to which I replied, "I know."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
one quarter mile away from sorak garden now that is schweet! eat your heart out hoser
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Good stuff!  Send energy mints soon.  Falling aslee


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Stormys, Come here, and bring your Pinata Bats! 

On the way over, Over!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; Am I pretty? Tell me I'm pretty. 



if (female) printf("You are pretty");

else printf("You are lonely");
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I plan to register here when I get married...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dostoyevsky pie
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eggs are Chicken Seeds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You found +2 Gloves of Haste!

Now hit that F5 two times faster!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Life Can Only Be Understood In Reverse, But Must Be Lived Forward... K.I.S.S. and RTFM! :)



Good work!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I hope this doesn't mean I'm really a geek now.  Oh wait . . . Shit.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like Monkeys

Yes I do

I like Monkeys

and so do you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DON'T!! ITS A TRAP!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you could delete the recycle bin, where would it go?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
BUY THE GREEN LASER POINTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



This is not and ad and I dont give a DAMN how much it costs, just buy it NOW!!!!



As I type this im firing a green laser out my window and on to a cloud, and I can see the green beam all the way up into the sky. It is the coolest thing Ive EVER seen.



BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ):
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Fat Ass.  My horse is named Useless and I had a dog named Joe.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Dum, Dum, wakka wakka wakka


||||||||||##########||||||||||
my hamster is biting my foot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; // This is a comment. 

&gt; /* This is a comment. */ 

&gt; &lt;!-- This is a comment --&gt; 

&gt; # This is a comment. 

&gt; 

&gt; Have I provided enough comments? 



Nope. You forgot: 

{ this is a comment } 

-- this is a comment 

and 

' this is a comment 



(Pascal, AppleScript, and BASIC [FutureBASIC, VisualBASIC, and OracleBASIC, at least] for those of you who don't grok them outright).



---



You forgot &lt;dtml-comment&gt;this is a comment&lt;/dtml-comment&gt; (Zope - more info at http://www.zope.org)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hurry up!  Climb into this bag before the yaks get here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
why is this typwriter glowing?



and where does the damned paper come out?





I may have to open it up to get at it....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like stuff. stuff is good. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a pet monkey, his name is Robert.  Beware of Bobby, for he flings poo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ive lost all sensation in my sleeve


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now if I could only remember which is the Self Destruct button... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen is a beautiful person.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I will code for sex.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From Actual Kung Fu Movie Subtitles, Part I:





"I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way."



"Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep."



"Gun wounds again?"



"Same old rules: no eyes, no groin."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Norton came to see me but there weren't any raisins.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Few people know a lot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why don't you stop....dressing me up like a mailman.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
my father alwase used to tell me "son now take the dead donkey out of your mouth before you talk to your mother"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On the 8th day, god went to Thinkgeek.com for a new t-shirt.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love the response i get from the things i buy.  People go, "you bought that?" and i say..."hellz yeah i did!, aint it l33t?!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Think for yourself, Question Authority" - Dr. Tim Leary
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This has nothing to do with monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
this is the most amazing website ever created....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wars Between the Most Unlikely Countries 



Sweeden vs. Argentina 



Canada vs. Mexico



France vs. Itself



Greenland vs. Iceland



Spain vs. India



Dominican Republic vs. Haiti



China vs. Texas



Russia vs. Easter Island



Chad vs. International Space Station



Belgium vs. Nova Scotia


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I used to think I hated everything. Now I realize, I just hate everything except this. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fish is, like, the best that ever got to me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Go internet, go!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's edu-funtastical!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
01100011 ThinkGeek gift-certificates on the wall, 0110011 ThinkGeek certificates. You take one down, pass it around (to me); 01100010 ThinkGeek gift-certificates!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'm a grate spelar
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Love the site.   Could wander in here for hours, but i have just burned my chili!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

I am a Gecko! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-) 

3. Yes...  we need a message board!  It would give us something to do while spending more money ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken, for example: maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like chicken,

i like liver,

meow mix, meow mix,

please deliver
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The three great virtues of a programmer: 

laziness,impatience, and hubris."

	--Larry Wall
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident'

'Strangers Have the Best Candy'

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched'

'Some Kittens Can Fly!'

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion'

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups'

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face'

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?'

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her'

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!'

'All Dogs Go to Hell'

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking'

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It'

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia'

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?'

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?'

'Bi-Curious George'

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver'

'You Are Different and That's Bad'

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SPOOOOOOOOON!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet - what is this? hm...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{ DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!! }}



---

Someone needs something better to do here..


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do not eat yellow snow.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My monkey is red.

Wax the red monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



EEEEEKKKK EEEEKK!!!  ::flings poo:: AHHHHHHHH EEEEKKKK ::again with the poo flinging::...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Although 1 out of every 15 comments says that there are constant references to monkeys, pies, and cheese, i have yet to see one



wait, is this a reference to monkeys, pies and/or cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Are you my mother?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know...I'd love to say something funny...but i just had my jaw broken, and had to pay some guy like 10k to do it....oh well.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Holy crap! It's 1:15. I was supposed to be in bed two hours ago. But you know... it was worth it. I learnt all about monkies and pies. I learnt about how if I ever got a cat, i should name it Mittens, or maybe just not name it at all. I learnt that if I find Serge's /dev/sanity I'll get some /dev/null in return. I learnt that the F5 key is my new best friend that I never know how I lived without. And finally, I learnt that the mouse according to the Windows 95 for Dummies resembles soap on a rope.



Ah, nuts. Now it's 1:30.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time a friend broke my Bawls bottle: I beat him up.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this button d-

Segmentation fault



# _


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am loved by all women
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, yes I do have some overpriced deli mustard. Let me just get it out of my glove compartment for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;DELETE FROM Fortunes WHERE Fortune LIKE '%mittens%'

Ahhhhhh.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank you for being the sole repository for all things holy to me and esoteric to lesser beings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 



Cat PeOple ARE WeiRD! 



---



Ok. I had to add more to this 'cuz it's fun like that. My dog isn't named Mittens but I can give her an alternate personality and call it Mittens. Although, seriously I prefer gloves.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said...



All right! I confess! I ripped of the dos source code from a confidential document I found while rummaging through AT&Ts dumpster trying to find a list of feedback-loop numbers to get free phone sex with farm animals! Ugh! Suddenly, someone pulled up and stepped out of a posh nissan ultima. His name was...



Stephen Hawking, immediately upon his departure from his nissan ultima, Bill forks up $100,000,000 dollars in an attempt to buy his intelligence however is muddled by Hawkings rambling of quantum mechanics and the anatomy of black holes while a flock of seaguls seize all of gates $100,000,000 and drop it in......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
While Billy boy was carving his licences into stone, Linus was busy creating the first jackhammer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a geek salsa dance while eating Doritoes? Neither have I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1.  Get money.

2.  Buy ThinkGeek stuff!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It only SEEMS kinky the first time... 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a quote.

Then I saw the flying monkeys.

They saw me.

They attacked me.

The flying monkeys stole my quote.

Now all I have is this story.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :  Copy and paste this and add on to this story :)  Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not a geek therefore I am not.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek continues to amaze me with cool product finds from everywhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mecha lecha hi mecha lecha hiney ho
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's geekriffic. I would even go so far as to say that it's geektacular.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who needs Pine or Mutt when I can just grep the mail spool instead?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
well, u r a bunch of great guys - and therefore i'll award you the cool webpage of the year 2001 award (snip it out below)



and please make a dr. evil t-shirt (u know the badass from austin powers).



that guy kicks ass (charming!)







***********************************

cool webpage of the year 2001 award

***********************************


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am sequestered in corporatedom. You helped me regain my faith in the spirit of geeks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
But there's nothing marked with an asterisk... oh, I see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
T-shirts &gt; *

you &gt; me


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't change a thing. As Largo from "MEGATOKYO" would say "I ph34r the l33tn355 of ThinkGeek"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Random DinkGeek Customa' Quote 

(refresh fo' anoda')
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I left the case off my computer.I went to work. My cat liked my warm computer.He pissed in it. Both are dead.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
MOOSE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very nice. Do you get many rants here anyway?



By the way, ever wonder what the difference between a fat chihuahua and a large hairless cat is?



If you ever have you are SICK!



Tell 'em Cold_Fu$!0n sent'cha...Wherever you go, just do that...then ignore the weird looks.  You get used to them after a while, trust me...



Hey cubicle boy, get back in your hooooole!



Is it baaaad if you spend half an hour on the random quotes pages?  My F5 key is wearing out...



Ever try to teach someone to use a mouse on through using an overhead projector?  "Now click here...Why are you holding your mouse in the air?  No, click on YOUR screen, not the wall!"



It's good to be the king...



Why does Dracula get all the bad rap?  Lawyers are revered for the same damn stuff...



If I ever work at a bank I'll put some beet juice in a jar on the table and tell everyone it's turnip blood...See how fast the get their loans back in...



Ever have a roommate ask why the little orange light on the monitor stays on all night?



Aarree yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ssnniiffff  tthhee  hhyyppeerr--ccaaffiieennaatteedd ccaannddyyyyyyyyyy????

Hhooww mmaannyy  aarree  yyoouu ssooppppuusseedd  ttoo  ttaakkee  aatt  aa ttiimmee???


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Yeah, yeah." -- The Hunt for Red October
||||||||||##########||||||||||
did you know that if you wink at your scrollbar, the chances of it winking back at you are very slim
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Items in cart: 1,999,999,981   Total: $849,979,976,113.64  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
if life gives you gators, make gatorade!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Help, I'm trapped inside an IT startup...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Wang.  At seeing the site of Bill Gates' wang the flock of monkey fled to a sewer which they used to escape the maniac.  But to the dismay of the monkeys the sewer was...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
  My office roof sprinklers should have coffe instead.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I believe u have my stapler.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My boyfriend didn't believe me about the fortunes.  



So I told him I put in a few for him.



I haven't seen him in a few months now...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I had a million dollars for every time I said "thinkgeek sucks", I would still be the poor dude I am today.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DARN IT.  

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes.



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?"

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage.  I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory.  I told him I'd look into 

it.  I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative.



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I said you had a beautiful body, ouch, stop hitting me
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I don't get even, I get odder.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How many times do I have to tell you!? MONKEYS are the ones who walk; CHEESE is yellow! *sigh*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Perect. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Trains can't swim. Even if they think they can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sure, hit F5 again. And just think, this is 15 seconds of your life that you will never get back again.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never before have I spent over two hours browsing an online store, just for the opportunity to go "whoa, that's spiffy!" every ten seconds.  You guys rock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The levitator isn't really magic... it's a giant government conspiracy cover-up. Little tiny aliens tried to attack earth, and now are being sentenced to endless nights being twirled in their own spaceships by some dumb, lifeless geek. In a few years, their alien technology will fail, the levitators will fall, and all of humanity will have to turn to something else to entertain themselves. I hope I never see that day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Little Timmy never got the liver he needed.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is it normal if your psychiatrist cries after every session?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well this one time...at band camp...we were making up fortunes for ThinkGeek...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your kid is an honor student at Harvard? Whats so great about that? My kids an honor student at the Klingon Warrior Acadamy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're such a happening fish

Flopping on a digital beach

Waves roll in on zeros and ones

Counting all the setting suns



You're such a visionary flounder

You're the "i'm the one that found her"

I'm dripping water on your gills



You're such a beautiful thing


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mesa jar jar binks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actual Sign in Acapulco Hotel:



"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE"






||||||||||##########||||||||||
The celery stalks at midnight.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This sentance is not.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A man bursts into his house and shouts to his wife, "I just one a million dollars! Pack your bags!"

She asks, "Cold weather or warm?"

He says, "I don't care, just be out of the house by noon."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I know what you're thinking, and you're absolutely correct.....you will NEVER see your own comment.......believe me, I know....I've been there...I AM there.....I WILL REMAIN there...FOREVER....I lost my mind so long ago, I couldn't even begin to retrace my steps to tell you where I last had it....If I EVER had it to begin with....I gotta post this, then go back to refreshing.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why must 95% of people embrace the abomination that is (*shudder*) Windows?  It is more crash-happy than my alcholic uncle driving home from the micro-brewery.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I finally figured it out... the fundemental question of life, the universe, and everything is...

Whoa! New toys at thinkgeek!... Uh, what was I thinking about? Damn it! I lost it.



But I'll take one of those, and two of those, and... why did my credit card company just call me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site is way gooder.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Simpsons quote&gt;

Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain...? 

&lt;/Simpsons quote&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My boss would be pissed if she knew this is all I do while  I'm at work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 





My cat's breath smells like cat food ... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"These things are going into fortune right?"



No. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*mr burns accent* exxcellent.. *twidles fingers*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For he who dies with the most frags wins =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As the lights changed from green to yellow to red and back to green, I thought to myself, "What if it really is all just a bunch of honking and screaming?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The wheels on the bus go round and round.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 11k3 70 p&373nd 1'm 4m 31337 44X0R, 3v3n 740u94 1 (4n'7 (0d3 w0&74 5417.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My wife has been ordering things for me from this site for a little over a year now.



You've really made my life simple.



Here's why:



Wife: [Your birthday, xmas, anniversay, etc] is coming up.  What do you want?

Me: Go to thinkgeek. Get something I don't have.



Easy.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like squirrels.  They're fidgety and they have small hands.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what is fun?  Doing your algebra homework at 4am while wired on caffeine and watching old Rocky and Bulwinkle cartoons.  Sure I screwed up the rotation matrices... Mmmmm, matrices, I feel like watching that movie.  I had a really scary incident the other day, I had this really intense feeling of Deja Vuu.  I mean everything I did for about 5 minutes seemed so familliar, like I'd done all of it before, in the same order.  That's it, Microsoft must be in on the Matrix if there are that many glitches in the software.  I've discovered their conspiracy, all because of Rocky and Bulwinkle and algebra homework.  I think that's frightening.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I could walk around in the rain and 

not get wet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody told me to get a life.



Can I buy that here?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Look, up in the ether...

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster,

more powerful than a cracker's underarms,

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound,

it's T H I N K G E E K !
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; You thinking what I'm thinking?



&gt; Yes, Brain, but where are we going to get pants that big?




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no life, I have seen my own quote...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ykcowrebbaJ



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT'

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT'

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA

(c/o Praeluceo)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
nothing's better on chopped steak than A1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bah, i hate the "Back" button, it always takes to me to places i have allready been.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot. 



this is weird because i had a cat called mittens that got killed, and because i was young and impressionable, ever since then i have kidnapp any cat i ever saw called mittens.



now i call all my cats "monkey tailed wak-wak hubba acid lover", now thats original
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not an ordinary rabbit...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Today someone said to me, "What the fuck is on your shirt," to which I replied, "I know."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, yes, Schweet.  However it worries me that people I didn't even know existed could quite probably fit into our little circle in Coventry (England, that is, I hope) without even disturbing all the empty pepsi cans piled up around the place... I'm confusing people now aren't I? Yes. Enough.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
where's the Tom Waits merchandise?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My rat knows binary.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; // This is a comment.

&gt; /* This is a comment. */

&gt; &lt;!-- This is a comment --&gt;

&gt; # This is a comment.

&gt; 

&gt; Have I provided enough comments?



Nope. You forgot:

{ this is a comment }

-- this is a comment

and

' this is a comment



(Pascal, AppleScript, and BASIC [FutureBASIC, VisualBASIC, and OracleBASIC, at least] for those of you who don't grok them outright).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did I leave my Pants?
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Hey Scott  whaddup how bout those Vienna Inn chili dawg farts eh???



BB.
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People are the #1 reason why I work with computers.
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Why, when I was your age...oh wait, I'm not your age yet.  Sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hackers dream, and a programmers paradise.



dim objSite as coolSite

set objSite = createobject("ThinkGeek.com")



objSite.Rock()


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Rimmer, you're a smeg-head!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On A Scale Of One To Five This Place Is A

Wang-Tastic Five!


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You run a badass operation.



Oh, and BeOS is cool too.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jesus God Monkey!


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before I let you have it you have to beg.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, has anyone seen a life? I lost mine in here....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. "

----

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years.  (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If pancakes were green what color would grass be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ddaammnn  llooccaall  eecchhoo
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I drankf thiarty fouir ciups of cofeefe to praewss F5 conatuinuaousyly for sevaeneteen ghiours strahght ina hopea ot seee mya ownnz poasting....
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You are totally my kind of guys, Computer Geek!! I wuv you. 

Happy Holidays from a totally sexy Texas babe.

~~Amanda~~~
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I really like mascarpone cheese...Like more than what might be considered "healthy." That is all.
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me!  &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer).  I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety).  At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my truck windshield is cracked.


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Ever notice how in the early epoisodes of Scooby Doo, when the mystery Machine opened, smoke rolled out towards the top of the van?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Willie, your mama obviously loves you, and teach her how to bookmark you lazy ass!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why has Thinkgeek forced me to join their fortune cult..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you know where your towel is?
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Sorry, I don't have time for this.  I've got bugs to write.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are people in the world that dance with their drinks, and there are people that don't.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Do you have the internet?"



"Yes, I have a hardcopy of it in my pocket."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have come to the conclusion that, yes, thinkgeek does indeed check over their messages, and yes, they are canadian. The aboot says it all....or is that just me...somebody who has slept in the past few days please judge this.

So, you wanna see what people say aboot us, eh? 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whats the difference between an orange?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With the early Megaman games, you could be fairly certain that every time you died, it was because you sucked." - J. Parish
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;&gt;If you are reading this, send an e-mail to d1gitalphoenix@aol.com. 



&gt;&gt;I really wanna get to know the kinda person who would sit in a chair all day and continuously hit F5. 





&gt;Does it count if i was sitting in bed (laptop), and hitting reload in opera? okay, i have too much time on my hands



I have logged a total of 20 hours the last two weeks hitting F5 :o )



Purple monkey dishwashers rule  

~Absolut Lush


||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 



Cat PeOple ARE WeiRD!


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Every time I talk god steals my pants, I think it's a conspiracy, mainly between God and my trousers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Poptarts are not toast as such.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like gravy.



And computers.



But not together... that's bad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My dog's name is Cassie!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Always remember: Pillage BEFORE you burn.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you had fourteen arms you'd have fourteen 

hands, and you'd be able to hold fourteen 

squirrels.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



By way of chance I have calculated the current size of the ThinkGeek random-generated comment database.Given that I have made a total of 10 quotes to ThinkGeek, and it takes me on average 42 refreshes to see at least oneof these quotes, the present size is approximately 10.5 GB. do i win a t-shirt?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You don't sell enough pants.  I'm worried that there's

too many people coding with their pants off.



http://www.linux.org.au/~conrad/scripts/pants. html



K.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smooth like blue velvet.

Sweet and sour,like a tangerine.

Fresh like a box,of crispy creams.


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/. is one of the very few who very likely is justified in Taunting Happy Fun Ball.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mse bites are very painful.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Pankakes


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If swimming is so good for your figure, then how the hell do you explain whales?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Put your hand inside the Puppet Head.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a labotomy.  Do they have Quickie-Labotomy stores?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmy!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Goosnargh.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who wants to touch me!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my comment.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why can't I have wings?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I have a monkey, his name is george! I am a 2 foot midget with a learning disorder named skippy!"

You named your learning disorder skippy?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Snazzy.



Fruity.



Tasty.



Fizzy.



Fantabulous!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one will ever need more than 64K of knowledge.  Everything else is already somebody else's intellectual property.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stop refreshing this page and get a life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever wonder what goes on at the sub-Planck level?  Don't.  You'll never know anyway.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
James T. Kirk wipes his ass with the Prime  Directive in yet another episode...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i love cheesie poffs, you love cheesie poffs, if we didn't eat chessie poffs we'd be lame


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your customer service is most excellant. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1000000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000000 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 111111 bottles of beer on the wall.



-Ich
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I've never made a mistake before;

once I thought I did,

but I was wrong.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Binary - for people who can't afford a full-sized abacus :D
||||||||||##########||||||||||


chix0r



sexy female hacker



it just doesn't get any better





I wish i could meet one...grr lol
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There was this young boy, and he was playing in the woods by himself.  As he was frolicking around, he found a little piece of paper.  He picked it up, and brought it with him to school.  As he was late, the teacher asked him why, and he told her that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  She asked to see it, and when she read what was on it, she got very upset and sent him to the principal.  



When the little boy got to the principal's office, the principal asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him here.  So the principal asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and sent him home.



When the little boy got home, his dad asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him here. So his dad asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the house.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister asked him why he was there.  He told him that as he was playing in the woods, he found a little piece of paper.  As he was late for school, he showed it to the teacher and she sent him to the principal.  And as he showed it to the principal, he sent him home. And as he showed it to his dad, his dad kicked him out.  So the Prime Minister asked to see the little piece of paper, and as he read what was on it, he got very upset and kicked him out of the country.



Then the little boy walked and walked and walked until he found a mountain.  He climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed some more until he got to the top.  It was very windy there, and as he stood there, a gust of wind caught the little piece of paper and sent it flying away.  



So no one ever knew what was written on that little piece of paper.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Zbiddleploorp
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I hate you.  I hate you with a passion since I found this site.  I'm a grad student, building my new gaming rig already put me in the hole and has me eating ramen for eternity, and now I found your site and I'm like "oooh, I could sOOO use that!"  Although I LOVE the girl t's.  It's hard to find cool geek shirts that are taylored for women.  I love walking around campus in my "01010001 01010100" shirt!!!!!  It's my favourite shirt now... when I see myself in the mirror I'm like, "Wow, I'D ask ME out!"  Alas, such is not how it works with girl geeks.  But you have certainly met some of the geek needs in my life, needs I strangely never knew I had (like the Eluminix keyboard).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need to get laid!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
last night i saw upon the stair

a little man who was not there

he was not there again today

my god i wish he'd go away
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Anything for you, Magical Fat Faced talking Pinata
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once I thought I was wrong about something, but I was mistaken.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
A moose once bit my sister.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

Akallabeth



VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!

EDAIN: Cool!

VALAR: Don't come looking for us.

EDAIN: Okay.

ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!

NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!

GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.

NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?

GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!

NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3

NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?

ELVES: You're human?

NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?

VALAR: No.

NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.

ELVES: Fine.

ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.

NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.

ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?

ELVES: No.

TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?

GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.

AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.

TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!

AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!

SAURON: Okay.

AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.

SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.

AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .

ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!

SAURON: *makes chicken noises*

AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!

ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.

AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!

VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*

AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!

ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!

NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!

NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.

SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?

ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?

NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
monkeys are funny


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Newsflash:



In an unprecedented law suit, filed today, not

unrivaled by Microsoft's last fiascal, Thinkgeek

is being challenged by companies everywhere.

The suit alleges that top companies everywhere are

losing money due to their most dependable computer

programmers, ITs, data entry experts, etc. are

being lured away from daily work by Thinkgeek's

"Customer Fortune" section, where apparently "thinkgeeks" are allowed to post just about anything that pops into their minds.



Says one top exec., who wanted to remain anonymous,

"Our daily work quota has fallen dramatically!

Thinkgeek is clogging up our output!"



This news agency has just learned that Network

Sys. Admins. across the nation are also joining in

on the suit, as they too, claim that precious bandwidth is being clogged up-bandwidth, in one

Sys. Admin.'s views is "too valuable for a bunch

of lonely, bored geeks to be hoarding to themselves!"



This reporter has verified the alleged Customer

Fortune paradox, and it is, obviously, a mecca for

what one might call "cheese, caffeine, pie, monkey

and cow loving geeks. A true conundrum indeed!" 

Now, where's F5 at..?



Reporting from the NEW home of the World Series

Champs,

Plumuniq






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where can I download a Pathetic compiler?  



No, NO.  I don't mean any of Microsoft's compilers!!  :-)  I mean a compiler for the Pathetic Language.  Sheesh.



You know, its the only language you can code in where EVERYBODY reads it over your shoulder and goes "That's Pathetic."



And it isn't even an insult.





PS: it IS scarier than Intercal.  Intercal has no "If-Maybe-Sometimes".


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hit F5 once more. I dare you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, so throw darts at me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's nothing like owning a Jeep. As a guy, everyone thinks I own one in order to compensate for certain ... we'll say deficiencies. That was until I put the "geek." and "fsck" stickers on my car. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My car is powered by pickle farts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Say hi to Cisco for me :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Confucius say: Too many penguin mint give you big headache.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Bawls taste good


||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than a barrel of monkeys?



Wait, have you ever smelled a barrel of monkeys?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My quote. I loved it. I clicked submit. it is gone. I press [F5], still, nothing but someone complaining about the cows in the front yard. [F5] again. Some guy who thought the latte was a drink and not a pc. Some guy who thought the comments page was customer service. :P

[F5] ad infinitum...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been looking at these comments for an hour or so, and I've noticed the prevalent theme is monkeys and/or pie.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The sun is a mass of incandescent gas.



James Endsor was a famous Belgian painter.



What's particle Man like? Nobody knows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
help me!  everytime i blink the world dissapears!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wang-a-Licious


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello. I'm seeking volunteers to join my crusade to get Java's NullPointerException renamed to SomebodySetUsUpTheNullException. Please, please help. Thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I strangely drawn back to this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you don't have enough cans/bottles/tins lying around to build and furnish a house, then you need more caffeine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never trust a monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one who now personally knows their UPS guy?  He stops by at least 1 time a week bearing gifts of Bawls, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week bringing me my geek clothing and toys.  His name is Roger, and he is now hooked on Bawls as well.  God bless ThinkGeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like toast.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Flavor = VMS

Language = DCL

ThinkGeek = demented
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Geeks will inhreit the earth, but they will only have read access
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The power of your 3l337n3$$ compels me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Within the time that it will take you to read this sentence, approximately 4,272 children will have died as a result of inoperable brain diseases caused by the Backstreet Boys. As chilling as statistics like these are, what is even more chilling (cold, even) is the fact that it continues as you read this. Just think, this sentence is even longer. Now the 4,272 children have died, and 4,272 more have followed them in their ghastly sugar-pop deaths. Carelessly, I typed a third (and fourth) sentence, even using parenthesis (()) to extend my linguistic menagerie into more ostentatious levels of grandeur and pomp. Those last few words alone probably killed a few hundred kids outright! And it keeps on... vapid maxi-singles, one after another until their are kids literally dying in the streets, clutching at their little pink headphones, crying as they scream: "Oh, I think Donny has the cutest ---AACKKKK!!", and then they fall over, dead as a doornail. The culprits? Blame "Teen Beat" and "Oprah". These despicable purveyors of sanitized sonic manipulation have taken their trashy two-step to new lows, sinking ever further into the PITS OF ETERNAL DAMNNATION AND STINK as they parade the nauseating flesh of NSYNC and 98 Degrees across the dial. Often, this is without regard for children watching the televison at that very moment, blissfully unaware that their brains have been snatched by the demons of pop and cast into the flamingly hedonistic pseudo-garden that is HELL! "Can they be stopped," you ask? "Probably not," I remark offhandedly. "Why the HELL not," you reply? A valid question, one deserving of a valid answer. Unfortunately, at this time, there is no valid answer. It is during times like these that we have to move away from validity and seek our answers in the realm of COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE. It is only by clutching at the proverbial straws of hope that we will realize our logical planning must come to an end, and that we will have to take up the art of desperate degrading action. It is only through these vehicles that we will become free of the aural garbage that has been foisted upon the delicate intellects of our precious offspring. Are you with me? 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my fortune. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My fortune                                                         is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master

my life. Without me my fortune is useless. Without my fortune, I am useless.                                                         I must type my fortune true. I must type straighter than my enemy who is    

trying to out submit me. I must give it to you before he gives it to you. I will.                                                    Before Tux I swear this creed. My fortune and myself are defenders of my humor. We  

are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it ...                                                           until there is no visual basic... but peace. Amen.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smells like pickles.



Dill pickles.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I bought the key catcher from this site, but it is full of f5's because I spend all my time on this stupid page.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think that ThinkGeek is perhaps one of the best sites around for all the weird crap that I could really use. It also saves me from wasting those precious calories and having to go to the mall to see all those cool devices, plus you don't have to deal with those annoying employees who would think that helping might cause them cancer, or to the same effect. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok, so this grass hopper walks into a bar and sits down.  The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you."  The grass hopper looks at him and says "You've got a drink namd Bob?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

2. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

3. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!



Also, why the heck can't I see my comments? Eh? 





axehat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give me Imortality or give me Death!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another)



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!"



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are just times in which you need to stop and TEAR THE ROSES OUT OF THE GROUND AND STOMP ON THEM AND CRUSH THEM AND BURN THE REMAINS and then go back to merrily walking down the path.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An image is worth a thousand strings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beer is like beer.

You need it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is helping me break out of the geek closet.  I'm here, I'm a dork, get used to it!

;)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
From a previous post:

   If pancakes were green what color would grass be?



Answer:  Green.  Pancake green!  ;-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As I look through these quotes, I keep comming across quotes for people saying that they can't see their own quotes.  I can't find my quotes either, but there seems to be no shortage for quotes for people who can't find quotes... if that makes sense.  Which it doesn't, so moving on...



I think it's an evil Think Geek ploy to log IP addresses and block people from seeing their own quotes.  Any comments on this?



*mental note*  Must check fortune page from home *mental note*




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Internet, eh?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
God, I love your Caffeine page, it has gotten me through my first year of Law School.



Thanks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy

No Caffeine and Punk Rock make Rob a 

Dull Boy


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a fly lost its wings, would it be a walk?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i;m trying to think of a way you can 

improve your site, or add to it, but i can't



good going !!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
asdf...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If goats had wings, what would monkeys look like?



or



What would a chair look like if our legs bent the other way?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates. The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend. The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie. To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said... 



If only the world could understand me! &lt;sob&gt; I only want to be loved (and richer). I only seek domination of the entire computer industry (and of the more kinky variety). At that moment, Billy boy sprang to his feet, charged the monkey and pulled out his... 



Bukodo and then began to swing at the flying cheese ninjas who were throwing sharpined candy canes while yelling give us back the almighty pointy haired trool who was to lead us to the land of nerdvana where we could program all day without anyone yelling at us to go home because we have nothing else to do. then the monkey said...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"At last, a site for people who can answer the query, "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" "



African or European?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love my users,

One and all,

And I am so happy,

Everytime they call.



"Windows don't work",

they scream and they yell,

"I can help you" I say

"Just listen and I'll tell"



"Right click your Hard Drive,

then select format C:,

I'll give you new software,

Use Linux! It's free."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Young lady!  In this house, we will obey the laws of thermodynamics!!!

     ---H. Simpson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it aint broke ... give me a crack at it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apricot chicken by drakmar@gweep.net:



Open bottle of Sauvignon Blanc to breathe.



Add Olive Oil to cover bottom of still cool saute' pan.



Add 1 to 1.5 cups Sauvignon Blanc and swirl about to get a good mixture with the oil.



Pour glass of wine for self.



Add 1 tsp fresh dill, 1 tsp fresh thyme, 1/4 tsp each of ground lemon and orange peel, and 4 to 6 diced cloves of garlic (not minced) to oil/wine mixture.



While drinking wine, let mixture sit for approx 15 minutes. 

Add approx 1 lb sliced chicken breast, and 1/2 cup diced apricots.



Drink some wine.



Cook until meat turns opaque and wine mixture starts to boil slightly.



Add 1/2 cup each sliced portabella mushrooms, sliced black olives, and diced scallions.



Add 2 tsp Basil leaves, scattered about the top of the dish.



Cover, and let simmer for about 5 minutes, while drinking some more wine.



Serve over pasta, ideally a wide flat pasta, like linguine or fettucine. Garnish with sliced apricots, fresh dill leaves, and a glass of wine.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you are nice people


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] "



Actually, it goes more like this:



IN A.D. 2101 



WAR WAS BEGINNING. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN ? 



MECHANIC: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB. 



OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT ! 



OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. 



CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU !! 



CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! 



CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. 



CATS: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT YOU SAY !! 



CATS: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. 



CATS: HA HA HA HA .... 



OPERATOR: CAPTAIN !! 



CAPTAIN: TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG'!! 



CAPTAIN: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. 



CAPTAIN: MOVE 'ZIG'. 



CAPTAIN: FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

----------------------------------



i saw one of my own comments!!! and at least 6 other comments more than 3x each. heh!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please help me.

I've been stuck on this fortunes page for 4 days.

I can't help but reload, but I know that I must eat.

Get out while you still can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
moo!

moo! moooooooo!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be working
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



As i endeavor to compile

to ThinkGeeks site i set my dial,

with rants and raves so truly schweet

i often know i cant compete.



Yet nonetheless i must consider 

a parting chance to deliver,

some limrick bade of lusty prOn

as my compile goes on and on.



And yet in jest and monkeys stride

i hasten my ditty to reside,

on thinkgeeks server to append

my damn compile has crashed again.....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coo coo cachoo, I am the Walrus.



and



I've got blisters on my fingers.



What's up with the monkey comments?  Stupid Humans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; I don't even butter my toast, I consider that cooking !



Technically, spreading butter on toast is not cooking. The act of turning bread slices into toast, however, is. Since you've already cooked, spread the fscking butter on the fscking toast already!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just know there is a duck somewhere..  

..watching me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights ... I like traffic lights ... I like traffic lights ... but not when they are red.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fantastic service - ordered Monday and took delivery on Wednesday morning at 9am. There are not many companies that can do that from the states to Europe!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thank you for your note.

Unfortunately lacking,

Void of any text.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't forget that pizza boxes are an excellent source of cheese
||||||||||##########||||||||||
That's a bloody good job you fellows are doing here :D


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody set up us the schweetness.  w00t!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?




































































































































||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very good page. The items are spectacular. I never thought one could get all this stuff in one single place. It's almost like being in Heaven, but with computer stuff there :P 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
random monkey slop orange peels and rotten ice


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was so desparate to see my own comment, I took a screenshot and doctored it to look like it was mine...   Then I remembered I was at work...  *sigh*


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Maybe just maybe I'll be able to find my quote this time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
^X^C

q

quit

:q

^C

end

x

exit

ZZ

^D

^Z

^K^B

?

help
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can do it in the morning,

you can do it at noon.

You can do it when it's raining,

But don't do it with a spoon.

(scroll down)









































































(I was referring to eating porkchops.)

-Mailmanboy
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chewbacca was over 7 feet tall and did not live on Endor with the E-woks.  But it's a funny thought.



~Dark Jedi 327
||||||||||##########||||||||||
mmmm pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Will you marry me?



please?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i dont do outside
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A short while ago, I saw the quote:

"DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Then I saw it three more times.... So I hope that by now whoever posted this has seen some of his quotes, because I know for sure that I have


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this BUTTON DO? HEY! THE LIGHT WENT ON. WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE MY LETTERS THIS BIG? HMZ.. I DON'T LIKE THIS... MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BUTTEN I JUST PUSHED... WAIT A SEC, MAYBE THIS helps... wow.. thank goodness.. I need a break, a cup of tea and my daily soap..



- everyday adventures of a mother and her sons computer
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have entered a dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;sigh&lt; OS/2 had a window of opportunity

for about two years around '94-'96 when

another 10% of effort on IBM's part would

have transformed it from interesting to 

compelling, but THOSE BOZOS couldn't market

eternal life if it came with a winning

lottery ticket.  &gt;sigh&lt;






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet like Schweet Potato Pie.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, if only there were a ThinkGeek University... then life would be perfect.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For modem updates

I am content to direct but,

Please, for which modem?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I saw my post too!

It does happen!

I thought people seeing their posts was just a myth... i'm a believer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All electrons used in this post are recycled.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If you ever find yourself on the side of the Majority, it's time to pause and reflect." -Mark Twain
||||||||||##########||||||||||
42.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
oh?  you're reading this?! thank god!  please, in the name of all that is good and holy leave now!  don't get sucked in, PLEASE!  I've been here for 6 HOURS, refreshing and refreshing, and I STILL haven't seen a SINGLE one of MY quotes!  AHH!  leave now while you still can!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hmmm...

It takes me around 6 seconds to reload the fortune page on my V90 modem.  That means If I live another 40 years, and have my girlfriend bring me caffeine, food, and a pot to piss in, I should be able to see

about 252288000 more fortunes before I die.

Oh, wait; I don't have a girlfriend.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Peachy...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey w00h00
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want you to help me test a theory of mine...



1. Stare at this for 30 seconds.

2. Laugh REALLY loud

3. Comment on how funny I am



That is all
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I filling this out?  Who are you?  Where am I?  Where are the pancakes?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm only happy when I'm sad
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now my geeky friends think I'm the coolest guy in our little corner of the high school.  The only problem about that corner is the fact that I make it smell bad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I were a monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
chewbacca was in love with C3-PO
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually.  I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!!  I am really serious about that.  Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lets see if I can make the fortune page.



Dont take life so seriously it is not permanent!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I work out something with you guys where I give you my soul and you give me free caffeine for life?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll:

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard?

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern!

I am a Gecko!

_________________________________

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 




||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a cow on my lawn... 

brb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gimme gimme shock treatment!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I will win the LOTTERY before I see my own message!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 2:00 AM... Do you know where Grampa is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't trust chipmunks. They're evil. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
the site reminds me of life many years 

ago, just after the year 0 (1970 for you?),

when everything was fresh and new, 

you were happy if you could share your

code with a friend, and 640 kB was a lot

(the CDC 7600, as i vaguely recall, had

that much). but the world accelerated by,

and i certainly missed the fun in later

years. now? all this silly stuff makes me

feel young and vibrant again, just like

listening to oldies stations. why does that

old music make you young? asks my son?

that's why!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch out for the sea monkeys.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I WOULD BUY THE MEATLOAF!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is the best damn geek site out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
icky icky poo ding zap
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This One World Communist who married his immediate cousin Eleanor Roosevelt like

his runted sickly pock-faced grandfather, propagandized as a hunter and a sportsman,

Teddy Roosevelt here from Oyster Bay Long Island, the Rosenfelt family another

Computer God top secret camouflage for gifted Ethiopians as a big-time kid gangster

politician Computer God even raised his age for historical purposes. Teddy Roosevelt

was paid off with the Vice President knew absolutely nothing farce position title.



So there!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately 2 billion 

children (persons under 18) in the 

world. However, since Santa does not 

visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, 

Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist 

religions, this reduces the workload on 

Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 

378 million (according to the Population 

Reference Bureau). At an average 

(census) rate of 3.5 children per 

household, that comes to 108 million 

homes, presuming that there is at least 

one good child in each.



II. Santa has about 31 hours of 

Christmas to work with, thanks to the 

different time zones and rotation of 

the earth, assuming he travels east to 

west (which seems logical). This works 

out to 967.7 visits per second. This 

is to say that for each Christian 

household with at least one good child, 

Santa has around 1/1000th of a second 

to park the sleigh, jump out, go down 

the chimney, fill the stockings, 

distribute the remaining presents 

under the tree, eat whatever snacks have 

been left for him, get back up the 

chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move 

on to the next house. (That's why it's 

really pointless to stay up and wait 

for him....)



Assuming that each of these 108 million 

stops is evenly distributed around the 

earth (which, of course, we know to be 

false, but will accept for the purposes 

of our calculations), we are now talking 

about 0.78 miles per household; a total 

trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting 

bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's 

sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 

3000 times the speed of sound. For the 

purposes of comparison, the fastest 

man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space 

probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per 

second, and a conventional reindeer can 

run (at best) 15 miles per hour.



III. The payload of the sleigh adds 

another interesting element. Assuming 

that each child has nothing more than 

a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), 

the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand 

tons, not counting Santa himself. On 

land, a conventional reindeer can pull 

nothing more than 300 pounds. Even 

granted that "flying" reindeer could 

pull ten times the normal amount, the 

job can't be done with eight or nine 

of them; Santa would need 360,000 of 

them. This increases the payload, not 

counting the sleigh itself, another 

54,000 tons, or roughly seven times 

the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the 

ship, not the monarch).



IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles 

per second creates enormous air 

resistance; this would heat up the 

reindeer in the same fasion as a 

spacecraft re-entering the earth's 

atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer 

would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules 

of energy per second each. In short, 

they would burst into flames almost 

instantaneously, exposing the reindeer 

behind them and causing deafening 

sonic booms in their wake. The entire 

reindeer team would be vaporized within 

4.2 thousandths of a second, or right 

about the time Santa reaches the fifth 

house on his trip. Not that it matters, 

however, since Santa, as a result of 

accelerating from a dead stop to 650 

miles per second in .001 seconds, would 

be subjected to centrifugal forces of 

17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which 

seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned 

to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 

pound of force, instantly crushing his 

bones and organs and reducing him to a 

quivering blob of pink goo.



V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's 

dead now.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So there I was.  Naked.  In a refrigerator.  Smoking a cigarette.  With a potroast on my knees.  That's when it got REALLY weird.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have too much money and I don't know what to do with it.  Thanks for giving me an outlet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stephen Hawking turns me on. Is that normal?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yoda loves 7 of 9
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your insight will make you very successful.



(reverse side)

1 - 22 - 33 - 35 - 44 - 46
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I filling out a form?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
......I wonder how the creator of this site lived through his school years....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You show me a problem that can't be fixed with more sauce... and I'll show you a problem that dosen't need fixing.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no PS/2 keyboard connected to this computer.

Type F-1 to continue


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i don't have a cat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In response to all the people looking for their own comments:

Is it possible that the good people at thinkgeek check out these comments before allowing them to be posted?  Otherwise, what would stop me from offending every gender and color out there, and then posting a link to my own site?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
unlike other counter strike players, its not the lag that makes me suck, its my lack of depth perception.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I was Yasunori Mitsuda or Nobuo Uematsu, I would keep a sampler with me at all times and play music when I see fit. Say if the toaster wasn't working, I would start playing boss music. And when I fixed it, and I devoured the tasty bagel that I so desired, I would play victory music.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



&lt;UnknownPoster&gt; 



"DONT YOU JUST HATE PANTS" 





---well yes now that you mention it I do hate pants and i think we should all boycott wearing pants to work tomorrow.thank you unknown poster. 



?did anyone do this besides me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
// This is a comment.

/* This is a comment. */

&lt;!-- This is a comment --&gt;

# This is a comment.



Have I provided enough comments?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dear Tim,



Never stop what you are doing.  Even if it isn't really working out.  Never stop.



Too many people succumb to the temptation to take, without giving back.



You show us all how it should be done.



A.C. Hacker


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have YOU refreshed today?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
C code. C code run. Run, code, run ... PLEASE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
First Post!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much cheese does it take to incapacitate a full grown asian elephant?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jon, a guy who appreciates Korean food and doesn't get gas.  That's a keeper.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Linux -- because rebooting is for adding new hardware!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Raining diocese pumpkin scramble.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you go the poles this year, do a write-in for Castro as president and see what happens.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Salvador Dali drew bent clocks. 

Think Geek sells T-shirts. 

Notice the similarity?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They're coming right for us!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remember: until you open the box and look inside, Cartman's kitty is both alive and dead.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I was payed with ThinkGeek.com gif certificates!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my 417th message and counting.... when will I see one of these!!!!!!???????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beans, beans good for your heart

the more you eat, the more your fart

the more you fart, the better you feel

so eat your beans at every meal!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ...



colon and sang an ode to dispensable underwear.  Then, out of nowhere, this otherwise typical day was interrupted by Senator Tom Daschle in a mini-skirt, leading the rest of the Democratic National Convention in hoe down clogathon.  Shirtless and unsightly, Bill Clinton. . . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK - i still can't see any of my fortune messages, i reckon you guys block all fortune posts from my proxy! i reall want to see some of my work up there!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My monkey requests that he be addressed as Mr. Furry Pants. I highly advise everyone to adhere to his request. Otherwise he'll become very angry and start throwing things.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? 

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. 

How about achieving 103%? 

Mathematical proof... 

What Makes 100%? 

Here's a little maths that might prove helpful. 

What makes life 100% ? 

If: 

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. 

Then: 

H A R D W O R K 

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% 

K N O W L E D G E 

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% 

But.....

A T T I T U D E 

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100% 

And.....

B U L L S H I T 

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103% 

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullsh*t will put you over the top. 

And look how far ass kissing will take you. 

A S S K I S S I N G 

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118% 

Never thought about it like that before, huh! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm smarter than the average monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a comment, you 

a) havent read before

b) have written yourselfe 

or c) wanted to enjoy just a little bit longer



but the moment you realized this, you had already 

clicked "refresh"?

And then clicked "back" to get back to it?



Thats how I got to this box. DOH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if you're dusting a room to remove dust, what do you call it when you try to add dust?  Isn't that dusting???
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ohmygodimonfiresomebodyputmeoutforcryingoutloud
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like putting Bawls in my mouth.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
thank you...thank you so very much...without you, my life would have no meaning.  i love you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If it doesn't kill you, you'll learn from it.  If it does kill you, I'll learn from it"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



that the masked man was cute!  He jumped up, slapped him on the forehead and ran off into the morning darkness.... just to find himself staring directly into the window of..........


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once bananas reach the point where they're too ripe to eat, they become perfect for banana bread.  I think it's the banana's way of extending its usefulness to society.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am Porky Pig of Borg. You will be assim... assim... assim... absorbed.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect."



Anonymous


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some rube wrote:



"Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured 

programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- 

trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise 

clear desks."



I hate neckties and my desk looks like a friggin' bomb hit it, yet I

love structured programming because it cuts my development time and

results in easily maintained code. Monolithic programming is for

immature dullards with a Freudian view of self-discipline.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Youth is wasted on the young.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So this guy runs into a bar and says, "Quick! How tall's a penguin?!?" ... er, nevermind .. stoopid joke :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
omg!!!  i found another aqua teen hunger force fan!!!  you get the t-shirt yet?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
""Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour. "



Yeah, what the hell is up with that?! Is there some thing that makes it so we can't see our own? Is ThinkGeek trying to drive us NUTS?! WHERE ARE MINE?!?! ARGH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it ain't broke fix it till it is...then add duct tape.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red Ninja?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I give up. I can't find my quote.

If anyone finds it, please let me know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now... how do i contact the Geek_God that placed his personal ad on here for his Geek Godess? ( yes, I qualify as the Godess he seeks... ) &lt;grinz&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gamera's really neat,

Gamera's filled with turtle meat,

We all love you Gamera!



Sandy Frank tried to kill me with a fork lift you know.



Good night,

TV's Frank
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who ever wrote this:

&gt;Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective 



Thanks for my Christmas Card :-&gt;






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok, so I have this fish name Mr. Fish. Now I thought this was the most creative name in the world. So then one day at school my teacher gets a little aquarium and two fish for it. I didn't think anything of it until she put up a little sign with their names: Bubbles and Mr. Fish. Now I'm thinking that something's going on here. I mean, what kind of wierd person could come up with a name like that?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Day: 37



Please dear god HELP ME!!!!! I cant find my quotes!!! My fingers are bleeding and my F5 key has been worn bare!! &lt;Sob&gt; WHY WHY WHY do I do this; I havent shaved in a month. My wife is going to divorce me if I dont home from the office soon! She cant still think I am on a business trip, can she? Please somebody tell if you have seen my post!!!!

Here is a list:

1.The Gopher guts song

2.The alphabet song from the 3 stooges (B-A ba B-E be B-I Bicky Bi B-O Bo Bicky bi bo B-U Bu bicky bi bo bu)

3.and one that starts Day 5



Please help me!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. 



-----------------------------------

Tried that.  Doesn't work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,

A Being darkly wise, and rudely great:

With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,

With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,

He hangs between; in doubt to act, or rest,

In doubt to deem himself a God, or Beast,

In doubt his mind or body to prefer;

Born but to die, and reasoning but to err.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i LIKE to EAT ded FISH iN the RAIN.  mY mOm sAYs HER boy IS speCIAL.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is pretty, like a pony.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bob, you know BOB. It all started when he looked at himself in the mirror one day and said "You know what Bob, Im not going to take any more of you crap". This lead him to stop all his high and mighty slacking and start out on a mysterious voyage that... 



led to many depraved sexual escapades with a woman named Paula.  Sadly, she ended up being his cousin, which is what eventually drove him to begin his life of crime.  Paula, however, is now vacationing with BOB's first victim, the code monkey in...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Do not tap on glass."



Tap goes on keg. Beer goes in glass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where is the best place to get write-only media?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If think geek were a monkey, it would be a very clean and intelligent one. Not those smelly ones that rarely bath and show little if any intelligence, rather, it would be clean, cordial, and rarely--if ever--throw its own feces.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If Clark Kent accidentally took of his galsses while at work would every be all surprised and be like, "Look it's Superman!" and, "Where'd Clark go?" 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a monkey, his name is george! I am a 2 foot midget with a learning disorder named skippy!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you are reading this, send an e-mail to d1gitalphoenix@aol.com.



I really wanna get to know the kinda person who would sit in a chair all day and continuously hit F5.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The man who knows others is wise.

The man who knows himself is enlightened.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For every geek that is rich, there are 5,000 

stupid people that helped him become it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What is this box? Ah yes, the box... the box 

simply labelled 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

... Does this require me to input my effort 

into writing a 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

? Am I to do one of each, or must I do all? 

What if I want to do some of them? But, 

this box... I type... I am typing, this is cool. I 

can type, very cool... I like to type... I can 

type fast... My hand is getting tired... *click*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One has to keep in mind that the world could be overrun by gerbils at any point in time.  In fact, I would go hide underground right now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Its 5 am, i have a calculus test in less than 8 hours.

WTF am i sitting here rubbing table syrup allover my body and looking at thinkgeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not worthy to visit this site....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
MOMMY I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe.  In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels.  He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day.  This caused him to further contemplate...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My parking lot is bigger than your parking lot. So there.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ALL YOUR FEEDBACK ARE BELONG TO US


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fnord!!!!!



FNORD!!!!







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the

  Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.



    Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.

    Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.

    Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.

    Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.



           Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.

    Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.

                          Fnord is where the buses hide at night.

                 Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.



    Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.

      Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.

        Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.

          Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps.             Fnord is why ducks eat trees.

Fnord is toast without bread.     Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat

        the lint in the navel of the mites that eat

        the lint in Fnord's navel.



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.



                      Fnord is the echo of silence.

                    Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.

                  Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.

                Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.



                Fnord is the donut hole.

                  Fnord is the whole donut.



  Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.

  Fnord is the color only blind people can see.



Fnord is the serial number on a box of

            cereal.



                           Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.

                          Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.

                                           Fnord is the yin without yang.

                        Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.



                          Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.

                                                      Fnord never sleeps.

                                      Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.



                 Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.



  Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.

 Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.



                Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.



     Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".

       Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.

     Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor.

       Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.

     Fnord invented the green hubcap.

       Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.







I cannot escape them

No matter how I try

They wait for me everywhere

I cannot pass them by.



Driving down the street

I see "Jesus Is Lord"

And then immediately after

I hear the word "FNORD!"



Innocuous sayings and parables

And on the evening news

I hear the word "FNORD!"

And suddenly I'm confused



I sit alone in my room

And I'm feeling rather bored

I turn on the tube and guess what

I hear the word "FNORD!"



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you"

That's what I've heard the wisemen say

But I can't get away from those beasties

There's just no fucking way.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your merchandise is

Greatly enjoyed and admired

Customers are pleased.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The multiple voices inside my head are having a conversation, unfortunatly, I wasn't invited...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dare you (yes, YOU) to refresh this page.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Titanic monkey sniffings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Anything worth doing is worth over doing.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other day, I was in the elevator with one other person, and I couldn't help but think that if one of us farted, we would both know who did it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
These things are going into fortune right?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Any sufficiently technologically advanced music is indistinguishable from line noise.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that 7/5 of all people don't understand fractions?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Frog Blast the Vent Core!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
chicken's are made from eggs, eggs are made from chickens.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally finish this cobol code and graduate shool becuase of you!!!! thanks


||||||||||##########||||||||||
To me, boxing is like a ballet. ...except there's no choreography, and the dancers try to hit eachother.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
urrm... hello? Is this thing on?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coffee talk. Rhode Island. Its neither a road, or an island. Discuss.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys own simply put



I bow before you for you are root
||||||||||##########||||||||||
eggsalad!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ooooh!!! Magic Monkeys!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lemurs are sexy. You should pimp out lemurs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"My cat's name is Meep. Now, that's a little more unique than Mittens, eh?"



my friend has a lot of cats... one named meep, too... and i think beep, and i can't remember the other cats' names.



now why in the world am i still hitting f5?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; &gt; Isn't this a stupid question? 

&gt; Isn't this a stupid answer? 

No, it was another stupid question. This is the stupid answer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------

i ve got an idea. somebody copy my message and post it and i'll copy yours and post it ;) 

---------------------------------------------- --------------------------there you go..... ^_^ 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have done it!!! i have provided for your viewing pleasure all of the posts that are any good that ive come across so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





"Un-shrink you?!?! Well that would require some sort of a REbigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and snort, mmmm-hay. Ahhhh, but not at you oh holiest of g-ds, with the wrathfulness and the vengence and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey it hurts" - Professor Frink 



men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it. 

Fnord!!!!! 



FNORD!!!! 







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs. 



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the 

Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee. 



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming. 

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain. 

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten. 



Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted. 

Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry. 

Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots. 

Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm. 



Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients. 

Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on. 

Fnord is where the buses hide at night. 

Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book. 



Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason. 

Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam. 

Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe. 

Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages. 





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees. 

Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats. 





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in Fnord's navel. 



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs. 

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica. 

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders. 

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer. 



Fnord is the echo of silence. 

Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life. 

Fnord is the sales tax on happiness. 

Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence. 



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long. 

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent. 



Fnord is the donut hole. 

Fnord is the whole donut. 



Fnord is an annoying series of email messages. 

Fnord is the color only blind people can see. 



Fnord is the serial number on a box of 

cereal. 



Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy. 

Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428. 

Fnord is the yin without yang. 

Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk. 



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses. 

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf. 



Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline. 

Fnord never sleeps. 

Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale. 



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave. 



Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen. 



Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads. 

Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly. 

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella. 



Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner. 



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero. 

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point. 





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back. 

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games. 

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska. 



Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father". 

Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe. 

Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor. 

Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket. 

Fnord invented the green hubcap. 

Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough. 



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars. 

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once. 







I cannot escape them 

No matter how I try 

They wait for me everywhere 

I cannot pass them by. 



Driving down the street 

I see "Jesus Is Lord" 

And then immediately after 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



Innocuous sayings and parables 

And on the evening news 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 

And suddenly I'm confused 



I sit alone in my room 

And I'm feeling rather bored 

I turn on the tube and guess what 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you" 

That's what I've heard the wisemen say 

But I can't get away from those beasties 

There's just no #^(%ing way. 



"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 



 Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear  

Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect. 

sometimes they let me out of the coldroom at work..... I like the pretty lights..... 

My livelihood depend on the stupidity of others. Talk about job security... 

Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry." 

Look, up in the ether... 

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster, 

more powerful than a cracker's underarms, 

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound, 

it's T H I N K G E E K ! 

"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..." 



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC) 

An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce all the works of shakespeare instantly. They will also produce everything by John Steinbeck, Arthur Miller, and Henry Michener. And if they're modern typewriters, they will also produce the code for Windows98. In addition, subsets of those monkeys containing an infinite number will spontaneously combust, contract Ebola, and create a black hole. 



-E2 infinite monkeys node 

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes... 

Users are like bacteria - each one causes a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies. 

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 

I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge! 

I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 

If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house? 

DARN IT. 

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes. 



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?" 

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage. I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory. I told him I'd look into 

it. I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative. 



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go. 

You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck. The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!" 

--HaStA-}- 

It has been theorized that an infinite number of monkeys banging on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the written works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this is not true." ~Kurt Vonnegut 

Why do people insist that one hand can't clap? Really, it's not that difficult. You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm! See, watch.. oh, wait you can't watch... Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's... maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping... What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1? Stupid school is costing me my paycheck. Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer?? That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek. Then I could say I know jen. I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place". that would make me a jen-a-holic. Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune. 



"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead 



You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over? 

I think modern science should graft 

functional wings on a pig, simply so no 

one can ever use that stupid saying 

again. 

Your page makes me scream BLICK-A-BLAOW!!!!! My co-workers are looking at me funny ...Where's my stapler...? 

Richard hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and peered upward into the surrounding gloom. Too many little agonies to remember of that fateful night so long ago. To the boyscout he had been, and the man he now was, only preparation mattered. A defibrulator in one hand and a live chicken in the other he put one foot on the bottom stair and made his way up. Now they would all pay! 

&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI. &gt;&gt;&gt; 







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene. bettsy being my cactus.... 



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!! 

%0 



We are Gates of Borg... Prepare to be assimilated... Resistance is futile... No Linux... I said resistance is futile... No Linux NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 



"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect." 



Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart 

threw a sword at you



Hi. I'm the guy who made the post about how everyone posts about pies. I've got more information, people tend to talk a lot of cheese and monkeys too...what is it with pies, cheese, and monkeys? Is it some sort of conspiracy? Are the monkeys gonna take over the world with cheese pies? I'm scared....I need to stop drinking so much Jolt. You know what else I found? I can't stop thinking when I drink a lot of caffeine. It's like a runaway train full of donkeys and nuclear waste. When it crashes there's gonna be one big !^(%ing mutated donkey. Hey, wow, the sun is coming up... 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them. 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB 

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT 

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB 

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT 



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH 

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL 

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS 

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA 



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA 

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT 

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC 

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA 



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO 

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT 

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH 

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH 



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA 

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC 

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O 

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 

(c/o Praeluceo) 



Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? 

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. 

Try to take over the world! 



Brain: Here we are, Pinky--at the dawn of time! 

Pinky: Narf, Brain. Wake me at the noon of time. 

-- When Mice Ruled the Earth 



Pinky: Narf! 

Pinky: Poit! 

Pinky: Zort! 

Pinky: Gat! 



Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob. 

Pinky: You have no idea. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Pinky: Hmmm... let me think... 

Brain: Don't hurt yourself, Pinky. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Brain: Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed. 

-- Jockey for Position 



Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. 

And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has 

brought us an even more powerful tool. Do 

you know what that is? 

Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band? 

-- Battle for the Planet 





Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured 

during this mission, remember you are Gunther 

Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to 

Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. 

Can you repeat that? 

Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can. 

-- Where Rodents Dare 



Pinky: Egad! You astound me, Brain! 

Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky. 

-- Win Big 



Brain: I am not devoid of humour. 

-- Win Big 



I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ? 



AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] 

No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice. 

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one. 

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart 

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it.... 

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there... 



Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident' 

'Strangers Have the Best Candy' 

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched' 

'Some Kittens Can Fly!' 

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion' 

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups' 

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face' 

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?' 

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her' 

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!' 

'All Dogs Go to Hell' 

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking' 

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It' 

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia' 

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?' 

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?' 

'Bi-Curious George' 

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry' 

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver' 

'You Are Different and That's Bad' 

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 



"Software exists to solve yuor problems. We exist to make the problems." 

-- Microsoft 



Brain: You thinking what I'm thinking? 



Pinky: Yes, Brain, but where are we going to get pants that big? 



Can you help me untangle my slinky? I want to watch it go down the stairs again. Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket. 



"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." 



-Albert Einstein- 



Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey see doo, monkey doo doo. Monkey see sea, monkey drown. Monkey see sea monkey, monkey chew on sea monkey. 



You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 

Heh, the monkey king hit me with his arrow. How amazing. Guess what? i've got a boat - and it FLOATS. I bet I could have a boat full of monkeys. Maybe a barrel of them on my boat that floats. So would my boat be as fun as a floating barrel of monkeys? 



i've had to much caffeene and no sleep... this damned monkey wont quit talking either. 



Bah, watch me and my windows machine. Look at me. Love me. Yes, i am finding a need to defend my choice of OS for some reason, i don''t mind microsoft. Microsoft makes me happy. 



bleh, shoot me. 



caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping. 



If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds.... 



Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with clubs. Pretty 

standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there... 



The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm. 



I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa's got a mullet!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?



Press F5 repeatedly and eventually, you'll find the answer, try it!.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your website invigorates me with consumer desire.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I AM THINKGEEK. ALL WILL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Avoid LANeuryisms, get lots of fiber


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I read one more 'Java=slow' comment on

Slashdot, I'm going to beat someone senseless

with my reusable PunishmentStick class.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
bob is the name of the monky that lives in my tree


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not the voices in my head that bother me.  It's the voices in YOUR head that bother me!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"LOGIC 'Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.

  Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines.'"



I now embark on a lifelong quest for a ham sandwich.



Send mustard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My quote will be next [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] definatley next [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] okay 1 more time [F5] nope [F5] this time for sure [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] i dont need to eat!! [F5] nope [F5] hahahaha [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] weirdo! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] wot did I write again [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] OMYGOD! BREATHE! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] MONKEY! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] I dont wanna go home boss! this refreshes quicker in the office [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] hmmmmm.... Men in whice coats [F5] nope [F5] MUST FIND MY QUOTE!! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] INFINITY!!!!!!!!! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have reached the end of ThinkGeek Fortunes, please proceed to regain your life. Wait, what would the fun in that be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep on being the best shop out there :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fruit flies like an apple
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somewhere, there is a very fat and very naked hairy man jumping up and down in the shower singing a country song.  Think about that the next time you ask to be omniscient.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
""Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour. " 



Yeah, what the hell is up with that?! Is there some thing that makes it so we can't see our own? Is ThinkGeek trying to drive us NUTS?! WHERE ARE MINE?!?! ARGH! 



Clearly the monkeys are to blame here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese Cheese the magical fruit the more you eat it......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*Rant*

I'm broke. I can't buy cool ThinkGeek Stuffs. I blame my stupid currency.

*Kicks Currency*

YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID CURRENCY!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i saw a computer once..they are really neato..you can write things with them and stuff
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 4m @ 1@m3r. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very well, where should I begin?  My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.  My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.  My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark.  Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy.  A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.  My childhood was typical.  Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.  In the spring we'd make meat helmets.  If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds.  Pretty

standard, really.  At the age of twelve I received my first scribe.  At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles.  There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum.  At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school.  From there...

          


||||||||||##########||||||||||
*glances left and right*

 

*doesn't see anyone else*

 

*motions for you to approach*

 

*whispers in your ear*

 

Guess what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw my own quote...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Users are like bacteria - each one causes a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it aint a temp directory if it don't have a core dump


||||||||||##########||||||||||
HELP!!! My girlfriend is addicted to the fortune pages!! She always goes to the site and looks at the fortunes for hours! I need anti-fortune mojo. I've been thinking of bribing the monkeys with cheese to come help me, since my army of flying monkeys left to pursue the super llama. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monster pig eats Jesus.

Details at 11.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
lizards rock all ass.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood would a woodchuck buy if a woodchouck would buy wood?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo.  As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T!  You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs".  Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption.  The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Wachowski brothers should have tried to get John Cusack to play Neo, instead of that moron Keanu. If Keanu wants to do a movie, I would DEFINITELY go see Bill and Ted 3.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-) 

----------------------------------------------  

In Reply: 

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =) 

----------------------------------------------  

Do you really think they'd let us be free? they'd rather watch us squirm in agony, laughing at our misfortune, those cruel cruel laughs... they're coming back to haunt me again... they won't stop, please make them stop, please? and bla bla *stuff* *more paronoied stuff* "MOO!" 



Btw, i vote for 2. 

---------------------------------------------- -



yeah, so true. but this loophole is quite funner than a regular forum, you know?
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a friend of mine suggested to me that perhaps we are all the npc's in somebody's rpg (like a Matrix type thingy). now i find myself on the lookout for heros with ridiculously huge swords and their magical sidekicks.
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I have a cat his name is 5.

I want to get another little Kitty and name it script.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
                                    Green Beans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fry me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one suspects the butterfly!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have refreshed from 9 to 5 - Two days running! I dont know why I even want to see my post! I just know I have to. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE and i'm going to cry now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dude! Do you really think we need two 1000' rolls of Cat5?



Your right, I better get another.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hey Dad, check this out."

"What?"

"Okay, now in this box, is the cat alive or dead?"

"There's no cat in there."

"How do you know that? Have you seen inside this box?"

"No, but I never got you a cat."

"Just because you never got me a cat doesn't mean there's no cat in the box. Now is the cat alive or dead?"

"I don't know."

"That's right, nobody knows whether the cat is alive or dead. So until anyone observes it, the cat is both alive and dead."

"For God's sake, just show me whether the cat's alive or dead!!!"

(opens box)

"Ha! There is no cat!"

"You little punk."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you ask a fortune database exactly this question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hi, we're korn..my names johnathon.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Workplace safety IS a laughing matter...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was a little odd.



There was a miget in a clown suit with a video camera.  This signified my contempt for the media.  He would dance and scurry about, while I was held in down by a dominatrix chimp in pleather.  I think this was left over from an orgasmic Tarzan vision.  All the while, Jill (Sweets) laid naked across my desk reading a home improvement manual. Occasionally touching herself when reading the word nail.  Chewbacca loomed in tha doorway.  Glaring and chanting Pilon's mantra ... or the theme from StarBlazers.... I'm not sure since I can't stop thinking...



I am convinced, however, that LSD has a very limited use when coding ad 3 a.m.



--HaStA-}-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I feel sorry for Oscar the Grouch.  He has to live in a garbage can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"more exciting than a chesse sandwedge"

work that one out, i sure as hell cant :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
    

                   _____                        _____

                 /            \                     /           \

                 |      o     |                    |     o     |

                  \            /                     \          /

     

                                       _____

                                     |           |

                                     |   o  o  |

                       



                        \_/                                \_/

                           \________________/ 

                                  
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I've gone nucking futz!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
magna! (icelandic for schweet)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Software exists to solve yuor problems.  We exist to make the problems."

  -- Microsoft
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bawls.

you got me started on bawls.



thank you.

damn you.

thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can deny that I'm the coolest, but you're only hurting yourself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet Mother Of Refried Beans, this site is so cool it makes me want to puke jelly beans! (Thats cool by the way!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Great site.  I have yet to order anything, but it's a really nice store...kind of reminds me of Sharper Image. Without the guys running around, going, "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm legally retarded.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello Kitty has no mouth.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a shit.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am an alien cow



blip - blip - blip
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page:



"From your fortune pages:



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote

(refresh for another)

My cat's name is mittens."



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime.



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot."



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too.

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.)



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek!



----



We had a cat named boots once. So THERE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every time you press F5, God kills a monkey.



Please, think of the monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I asked for a margarita and they brought me a pina colada. and i said NO SALT! NO SALT! and they put salt on it!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Friend help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
oops. my 46.6 seconds are up. sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If only i had telekinetic powers...then my finger wouldn't get so tired of pushing f5...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; beer and conputers DO mix!



I figured this out long ago.  You just need a blender big enough.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I sit at my desk

Writing haiku to ThinkGeek

My boss does not see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
give me an "A"!  give me a "S"!  give me a "T"!  give me an "H"!  give me a "M"!  give me an "A"!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because... Well, what is that thing?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



This is a great place for a girl to buy caffeine for her playmate. Btw, he loves shopping at your store. Perhaps you'll setup a christmas list or wish list section for registered users that allows family, friends and playmates to do a little shopping the easy way. Geeks get chics, too. At least the good ones. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thiss sentence has theee errors




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been sitting her pressing F5 for over an hour looking for my own post when I realized that I forgot what I had posted. 



Please help me remember what I posted, I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!!!!



^sigh^




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dare you to hit refresh again!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys are awesome. Love the shirts, love the pc accessories. You guys just rock... enough said.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Moon is much smaller than the Earth;

then again, it is much, much farther away...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bandwidth is your friend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
can i have one of eveything to go?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apollo Domain/OS was the first fielded and viable workstation operating system.  DCE was originally NCS, which came from this OS.  Apollo's Carnival 12 minute short shown at Siggraph in 87 was the first time anyone used a large network of computers, they used 900+ computers (including secretaries machines) to render this short.



Given the contributions of this OS, I request it get added to the list of OSes people can select in the next survey.



It only died when HP a) bought Apollo and b) sold a workstation that would run HP/UX or Apollo Domain/OS  c) 85% of sales continued to be Domain/OS.  So, HP Brilliantly killed it to keep it from outselling their own native product.



A lot of major applications, including this nations Air Traffic Management System, were built and ran on this system.



Oh yea, in 1985 I watched three machines next to each other, and a ball bouncing across their monitors like it was one machine.  The networking in OS has yet to be matched.  Every device on every machine was available to every other machine as if it was local.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why look within yourself for the TRUTH when you're the one who's confused to begin with?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
congrats, you guys are the reason I still have a job... and want a better paying one!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok so i found a way to stop refreshing this page!  step 1: order something.  Step 2:  Get a tracking number and plug it in to UPS tracker.  Step 3: Refresh their page
||||||||||##########||||||||||
on my desk: 



two monitors, one lamp, 2 speakers, empty coke can, empty coffee can, cds lying without cases, empty cd cases, a telephone, scanner, 4-5 books, pens, my cell phone, pieces of paper with all kinds of stuff written on it -- none of which makes sense as I wrote it days ago -- cd rack.



Under my desk:



open cases, loads of wires, base woofer.



across my desk:



co-workers desk, very neat, he's gay.



looking out the room:

desk... monitor.... all I can see.



looking out the window:

...it's raining.. (make "whoa" sound like Neo).



Thank you for reading. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Tomorrow, I get to poop again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What is the sound of one cheek farting?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
To make a long story short, don't tell it
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you guys rule. you rule consistently, you rule reliably, and you rule with high availability. i would give you seven nines worth of ruling.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everyone has a photographic memory, just most people don't have film.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
panda are nice animals


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I luv seals!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Muahahaha! ThinkGeek owns my soul. Where do I send my firstborn?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The problem with America is stupidity.  I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for it or anything, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, for years my nickname has been Kowgod. Now, I know there are lots of Kowgod's out there, but man, I mean, I AM the Kowgod. And so anyway, I have existed peacefully as the Kowgod living separately from these other so-called Kowgod's, but now our realms of existence are colliding. And what's worse, the term "kowgod" seems to have something to do with hard-core pot smoking.



Man, why can't I just be the Kowgod? The Goatking and I are gonna have to wage war...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yesterday, upon the stair,

I saw a man who wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today,

I think he's from the CIA.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bill Gates doesn't like pie....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Morning.





































































































































Don't you have anything better to do than scroll down? Go buy something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
green monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
killall -9 everyone and let root@localhost sort em out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
the fact that I can come up with nothing to say here sorta bothers me.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am so cold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your hard disk platter

Makes noise because it is fast,

And quite expensive.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always felt sorry for Oscar the Grouch, he had to live in a trashcan.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i didn't sell my soul



i just lease it out on a monthly basis
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





I like cheese
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In all my life, I have eaten and tried many 

things. And none of it that wasn't chicken 

tasted like chicken. Calimari does not 

taste like chicken. Buffalo does not taste 

like chicken. Armadillo does not taste like 

chicken. Rattlesnake does not taste like 

chicken. 

They all have unique tastes. They do not  

taste like anything else. 

Stop describing things differently than 

they really are.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"They have the internet on computers now?!"  -Homer J Simpson


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.I am thinking of buying the zero-point generator but does it really work? Does this work like the Joe cell that i have read about that harnesses a force called Orgone to make it run? Can you explain how you "activate it", if it really works i'll buy 5 to start but I need more proof.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Panda Express(tm) Orange Chicken

(Hint - use WaterJoe in place of inferior 

"natural" water)



Sauce

1 1/2 cups water

2 tablespoons orange juice

1 cup packed dark brown sugar

1/3 cup rice vinegar

2 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce

1/4 cup plus 1 teaspoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon minced water chestnuts

1/2 teaspoon minced fresh ginger

1/4 teaspoon minced garlic

1 rounded teaspoon chopped green 

onion

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

5 teaspoons corn starch

2 teaspoons arrowroot



Chicken

4 chicken breast fillets

1 cup ice water

1 egg

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups unsifted cake flour



2-4 cups vegetable oil



1. Combine all of the sauce ingredients -- 

except the corn starch and arrowroot -- in 

a small saucepan over high heat. Stir 

often while bringing mixture to a boil. 

When sauce reaches a boil, remove it 

from heat and allow it to cool a bit, 

uncovered.

2. Slice chicken breasts into bite-size 

chunks. Remove exactly 1 cup of the 

marinade from the pan and pour it over 

the chicken in a large resealable plastic 

bag or other container which allows the 

chicken to be completely covered with the 

marinade. The chicken should marinate 

for at least a couple hours. Cover the 

remaining sauce and leave it to cool until 

the chicken is ready.

3. When chicken has marinated, preheat 

2-inches of vegetable oil in a wok or 

skillet to 350 degrees.

4. Combine corn starch with arrowroot in 

a small bowl, then add 3 tablespoons of 

water. Stir until corn starch and arrowroot 

have dissolved. Pour this mixture into the 

sauce and set the pan over high heat. 

When sauce begins to bubble and 

thicken cover and remove it from heat.

5. Beat together the ice water and egg in 

a medium bowl. Add baking soda and 

salt.

6. Add 3/4 cup of the flour and stir with a 

fork just until the flour in blended into the 

mixture. The batter should still be lumpy.

7. Sprinkle another 1/4 cup of flour on top 

of the batter and mix with only one or two 

strokes. Most of the new flour will still 

floating on top of the mixture. Put the 

remaining flour (1/2 cup) into a separate 

medium bowl.

8. Dip each piece of chicken first into the 

flour, then into the batter. Let some of the 

batter drip off and then slide the chicken 

into the oil. Fry up to 1/2 of the chicken 

pieces at a time for 3-4 minutes, or until 

golden brown. Flip the chicken over 

halfway through the cooking time. 

Remove the chicken to a rack or paper 

towels to drain.

9. As the chicken cooks, reheat the sauce 

left covered on the stove. Stir 

occasionally.

10. When all of the chicken is done, pour 

it into a large bowl, and cover with the 

thickened sauce. Stir gently until all of the 

pieces are well coated. 

Serves four.



(from http://www.topsecretrecipes.com)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's too much blood in my caffeine stream!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a tree falls in a forest, and it lands on Bill Gates, who wouldn't celebrate?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your site makes me want to dance like a monkey.  A happy monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely emptying my bank account into yours was a pleasure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a newbie Thinkgeeker...here I sit hitting

F5 over, and over, and...when I'm supposed to

be uploading photos and words to Ebay for my son's

auction! 

It's 12:25 A.M. and I haven't even eaten dinner

yet because of these anonymous, outrageous, stupid

(a great deal of which are copied onto my clipboard for further analysis) posts!

Well, when the boy asks where his auction is,

I'm sending him here!!!

Well, all this cheese talk made me hungry...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doogie Howser Loves you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ... 



...medulla oblongata. This caused his toes to twitch, in turn pressing the button marked "launch". Suddenly, half way around the world, an albatross dressed as Martha Stewart looked to the sky to see...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really hate Visual Basic.

Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Code Red was not my fault.



Or was it?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mmmmmmmm..unprocessed fish sticks.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some extremely distressing news. We've just run out of wine. What are you going to do about it?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
GREEN BEANS!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hoverboards.  Sell hoverboards.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You people make me horny.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwheet? That's the default comment? That's just ludicrous!!! I think it should read more along the lines of -"ThinkGeek kicks ass, and thanks to scheduled caffeine deliverys,and telecommunication to 'work' I no longer have to deal with real people. And when I do, I can just take out the railgun and blow them up.



Ok, mabye I had just a weee too much caffeine. Is that possible? *shrugs*



Now, were where we? Oh yes, the rail gun...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





The amount of cafine in your wearhouse, will proboly create some form of super cafine mutant, that will kill all coffee drinkers.



Have a nice day

Forrest
||||||||||##########||||||||||
after 5 pots of coffee, i have noticed a pattern in the posts after hitting refresh.  Thats right a pattern.  Once i figure it out i will be able to write a script to refresh me to my own posts, then i will post the script...yes...then...must....caffine...think...co ffe...slurp glug glug...then, everyone will get it and use it, and the fortune page will no longer have the power it does!!!!  TAKE THAT thinkgeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Children's books that never made it:





1. You Are Different and That's Bad 

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book

6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's it, I'm Putting You up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry








||||||||||##########||||||||||
My parents wouldn't cosine for me so I threw a temper-tangent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The blue monkeyfish lives in the portal near Greenwold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When i was 17, i drank some very good beer.  I drank some very good beer i purchased with a fake ID.  My name was Brian McGee; i stayed up listening to Queen... when i was 17.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Homer, stop eating yourself!"

"Aww, but Marge, I'm so fluffy and tasty!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it's now 5 am--ive been pressing F5 for the past 3 hours--i keep randomly falling asle  bgreBU,h8i-gn...see what i mean, now my head hurts :(
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[root@targa /root]# who is god?

targa.unreal!root     pts/1    Oct 12 15:42
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
t

h

i

s



i

s



m

y



a

t

t

e

m

p



t

o



m

a

k

e



t

h

e



m

o

s

t



a

n

n

o

y

i

n

g



p

o

s

t



o

n



t

h

i

s



f

o

r

t

u

n

e



p

a

g

e

.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My pizza isn't here yet :(


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm moving so fast that I'm starting to slow down. Thank you SkyRocket.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was at the supermarket yesterday and I 

noticed Hebrew National sold kosher 

pickles. I know for a fact that pickles are 

very pork-free.

How then, can you have a non-kosher 

pickle?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dispair: a proxy that has cached /fortune.shtml
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

What does this mean?  Did he pick up the saw as in tool?  Or did he pick up his hammer and suddenly can see?  It is all so confusing.  I wish a monkey could help me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Without thinkgeek, I'm nothing.  You own me


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do not sit here forever looking for your own post, young Grasshopper.  You wrote it.  You know what it says!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In the valley of the jolly ho ho ho green giants!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When life gives you lemons, the ferret bites your tongue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ugh... my hands smell like smart mass (damn customers... yes I work at an ISP tech support)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just because i have a short attention span doesn't mean that i...... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My private technician just downloaded the internut on to my new computer. Its an ease machine, with some powerful mhz..right now im listening to a compact disk and watching a video cassette tape on my video player. I feel real tekno savee


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother was a Hampster and your father smells of Elderberries.  The Black Knight ALWAYS truimphs.  Supreme executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





I love Jen. ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
After reading these things for so long, I can tell you exactly about most of them...



50% - Something to do with CHEESE

25% - "Timmy" or something related

10% - Science Fiction related

10% - Other

05% - Comments relating to "Bawls."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I could make love to this site, I would.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet!! I need powdered caffiene for my Purple Monkey Dishwasher.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I code therefore i am!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I understand that

You are angry with me, but

Warranties have bounds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I Like food
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please help untangle my slinky.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You found +2 Gloves of Haste!

Now hit that F5 two times faster!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need one of everything for myself... I mean, my fiance!  Yeah, my.... OK there is no fiance.  I need one of everything for me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek kicks so much ass, it's immeasurable!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

I remember when I was a little kid, and my mother would get all liquored up... and try to make pancakes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{This sentance is not.}}}



Would you mind explaining what a 'sentance' is?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 10:16 pm.  



Do you know where your comments are?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A simple formula for you!



Caffeine = A 

-Caffeine = B



Where A is good and B is bad!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please call me the MINUTE you start selling Anti-Grav boots. This is VERY important as I need to be able to levitate as soon as possible. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time I came here with the expectation that I would be ostracized for my geekdom.  Now I am just in awe from being in presence of UberGeeks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sobriety is the vice of life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Improve the exchange rate of the Australian dollar please. And then after lunch you could cure cancer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm offended by your attempts to not offend me


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
THE COW GOES MOOOOOOOOO
||||||||||##########||||||||||
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!  I just saw my own comment!  SCREW ALL OF YOU!  I'm OUTTA here!  [drives away yelling "woop woop woop"]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Very funny Scotty, now beem down my clothes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this thing on... hello... hello... I guess I aint' in aol anymore


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The best acceleration you can get on a mac is 9.8 m/s^2
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Damn you! Damn you and your ever-so-addictive merchandise!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
any idiot

can write haiku you just stop

at seventeenth syl
||||||||||##########||||||||||
.. and then SHE said..
||||||||||##########||||||||||
are you sure it's not a cup holder?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What part of /sbin/ifconfig eth0|grep 'inet'|awk -F' ' '{print $2}'|sed -e s/add

r:// dont you understand?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like traffic lights, but only when they're

green.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's with the crazy sizes? S, M, and L would be more than enough. I'm confused. XXXL? Sounds pornographic.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All I want is 44 inches of snow overnight!  Is that TOO MUCH to ask for?????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys make me feel like I belong somewhere. Thanks.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hear this...

My school blocked thinkgeek.com because of "Electrical Commerce"

So i bitched out my principal and now i havta have a confrence with her later this week.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you believe in magic cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can you help me build a teleportation device?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cow meat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I had a nice quote I would put it here ---&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other human invention in history... ...with the possible exception of handguns and tequila"

-Mitch Ratcliffe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's all this about cats named Mittens?  I have a sensible name for my cat...it's Dog.  and my dog...yup, you guessed it..is named Cat. 



It works out so well.  Except people get confused easily, especially me after I've had too many BAWLS and its 3 a.m., and the light from my monitor makes the shadows in the room look like daemons about to come for what's left of my soul....and then i remember, i sold my soul for a tin of penguin mints.  it seems kind of silly, now that i think about it.  i should have held out for 2 or 3 tins, and maybe some BAWLS as well.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I finally found my live long and ASCII post... after days and serval comments, i found one... YES!.  problem is it's doesn't look right, i goofed in my choice of characters... life happens: ARCADE.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love mangoes. I'll happily eat mangoes daily if forced. mmm...mangoes
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have socks on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I asked for a quantity discount. ThinkGeek gave it to me. Cool. Thanks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



..."ive got a 6-pack of bawls here and i know how to use it!!!" the man had never heard of bawls and ordered the monkey once again to part with his strange attire, so the monkey opened all 6 of the bottles and drank them in one gulp, the bawls traveled through his system and directly into his brain stem. and then...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, somee ef theise poeple cnat splell.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYE CAPPIE
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like ice cream.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;UnknownPoster&gt;



"DONT YOU JUST HATE PANTS"





---well yes now that you mention it I do hate pants and i think we should all boycott wearing pants to work tomorrow.thank you unknown poster.



---

I've proposed an annual "burn the pants day" where everyone goes pantsless and burns their pants to celebrate our hatred for pants, but, most unfortunatly, no one saw the good in my idea...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
when will you geeks start selling Viagra?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q:What's the sound of one hand clapping?



A:'cl'.  the other hand makes the 'ap'.







&lt;&lt;{S}&gt;&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Finally, I found my own quote.

Thank you! I am that happy. 

*tears slowly running down my cheeks*



I'd like to thank my mom. And Linus

and Alan. And Brian Kernighan and 

Dennis Ritchie and Larry Wall and 

Douglas Adams, of course. Also special 

thanks to the whole community and to 

the cool guys from OSDN in general 

and Thinkgeek in special. Thank you! 

I love you all! THANK YOU!!!





LLtP! 

Five Tons Of Flachs!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
all my base are belong to you ;&gt; 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a gift horse to water, but an early bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Non-conformists are actually conformists because they are conforming to the non-conforming.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No sir, left click.  That was a right click.  You need to click the button on the left.....Yes, the mouse is on the right, but the button you need to push is the one on the left side of the mouse.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you consider the position of our solar system within the galaxy, and the galaxy's position in the universe, on a scale of 1 to 10, monkeys really do make the best cheese.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've solved the mistery of why the chicken crossed the road.  He saw his own quote on thinkgeek and was so shocked that he ran out into the road.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They sure don't make time machines like they will!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 





My cat's breath smells like cat food ... 



Amazing... what will they think of next?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
horray for BeOS!!! Can you still hear me please...speak to me Be...NOOOOOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep pressing F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 keep it up F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5.  Ahhhh. caffeine induced mind control.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"You know something? I AM a rocket man. 



Be Bop a Lo La."



The Red Elvises rule! However, since Avi left the band, I have found them lacking.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beer


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haggis: It's not just for breakfast any more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking in the park one day when a monkey came up to me and asked where I was going.  I told him that I was going for a stroll, and he asked if he could join me. I like monkies, so I told him that I would be delighted.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friend explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll.  A few minutes later, another monkey sauntered up to us and asked what we were doing. My monkey friends explained that we were going for a stroll in the park. The new monkey then asked if  he could join us, and since we all agreed he joined us for our stroll. A few minutes later, we reached a bum in the alleyway, who took me aside and told me how good monkies tasted, and that he could have a burning barrel ready in a few minutes. I liked the way he thought, so we cooked the monkies, and I decided to live out the rest of my days as a bum cooking monkies for food.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-)

---------------------------------------------- 

In Reply:

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I visited your office the other week...Cisco attacked me.  I have seen the holy land...and all that it has to offer.  (Too bad it sucks my cash like a bunch of semi-drunk desperados with a raging lust for justice).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
monkey meet, monkey greet, monkey meat.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
How come the stupid people are always in charge?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The thing is Bob, it's not that I am lazy, it's that I just don't care.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So this is just jet another of those comments that I will never see again?



&lt;b&gt;Why cant I read my own comments?!  Do you hide them from me? Dont you like me? WHY, OH WHY?!&lt;/b&gt;



&lt;strong&gt;Not seeing my own comment leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering :-(&lt;/strong&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We geeks are an important natural resource.
||||||||||##########||||||||||


A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck.  The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!"

--HaStA-}-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies

So beautifully.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  The new look is totally kick ass!  I love the idea of Geek Points as well!



You need to sell some sort of mind control device so I can convice my wife that I need more geek toys!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have to go.  We've got cows.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jesus Saves....He Passes to Mosses.....Mosses shoots...HE SCORES!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chown.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I want my quote to be shown. Maybe I have to be witty. Wouldn't that be discrimination?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
READY ALL AUTRIAN STAR EMPIRE BATTLE SPOONS TO TAKE OUT TEXAS! FIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!





LONG LIVE MASSACHUSETTS! GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT GO MIT! GO MIT MIT! MIT! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Properly pronounced,

the word 'haiku' consists

of three syllables.



Please keep this in mind

when composing haiku

that use 'haiku'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's that Lassy? Timmy's fallen down the well?!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the Vikings were alive today...I think they'd be amazed by how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how much we take it for granted.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. How about shipping some of the cooler stuff (IBM 6GB MP3 Player) over the pond to the UK. Granted we've just invented electricity and we still wash in rivers but we're entitled to portable mp3 :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarves began to suspect Hungry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As long I can make people do my work I'm happy - Dilbert's way of life I guess :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Broke my hand on a pineapple.  Didn't even care.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeekrosoft. Where do YOU want to monkey today?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a thought, but I lost it somewhere...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Any man who says he can see through women is missing alot."



"How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them"



"The secret to life is honesty and fair dealing, if you can fake that you've got it made"



"With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now"



"He may talk like an idiot, look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot."



"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I dunno."

                                         - Groucho Marx


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mud is just wet dirt!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
im as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 Butterflies taste with their feet.

 A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

 In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

 On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

 On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

 Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived

immigrants.

 Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are

already married.

 Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

 Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

 It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.

 Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

 It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

 The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year

because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the

weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

 A snail can sleep for three years.

 No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

 Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

 Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears

never stop growing. SCARY!!!

 The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

 All polar bears are left handed.

 In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,

including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

 An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

 TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters

only on one row of the keyboard.

 "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

 If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.  She

would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

 A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

 The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

 Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

 Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

         You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?!!!!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those who disagree should righfully be beaten 

unmercifully about the face and neck by 14 

brazillian midgets wielding ears of cor
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish that all the women I know who have 500-yard restraining orders against me would all just move to one place, far away. Then I wouldn't have to zig-zag all over the place just to get to work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We need more *nix chicks!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Consider the set of all sets wich are not sub-sets of themselves. Is this set a sub-set of itself?????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You got bawls.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  You guys have the coolest 'ish.  Not to be a braggin'-biotch, but I get some of the ladies.  When I do have the girls follow me, I rock out your thinkgeek gear showing my original roots of binary.  Thanks for innovating the fashion scene.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Charles: "You know that hole, the one you put pie in?"

Gabe:    "You mean my pie-hole. Yeah."

Charles: "Shut it!"



http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=200 0-06-23&res=l
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...

 

Took the Garter Belt and High heels from the monkey and put them on a cross dressing transexual man whom then had wild crazy monkey...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwizzle to the tizzle my nizzlez



thinkgeek r0x
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"After reading these things for so long, I can tell you exactly about most of them... 



50% - Something to do with CHEESE 

25% - "Timmy" or something related 

10% - Science Fiction related 

10% - Other 

05% - Comments relating to "Bawls." "



*coughyouforgotmonkeyscough*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bail and a half in a day and a half, then how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house"



Answer: None, because dog houses don't fly
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my ears are bleeding



is that bad?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site makes John Romero your bitch.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
THINKGEEK FOR PRESIDENT!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;I this site about that Linx thing? I've heard its for satanic devil worshipors that don't have a life and sit infront of

&gt;their computers all day. ;-) 



No. It is actually for people who have the cerebral fitness needed to spell correctly. Minimum requirement.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ah ha! Yes! This is nearly as exciting as that time I lit the bald man's hair on fire!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
hmmmm, do I keep seeing the same fotunes because some dolt posted them a hundred times in order to see thier own fortunes, or does thinkgeek enjoy my screams of agony as I see the same ones, over and over over and over again?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you ever see an egg,

Remember:

It's not a monkey egg,

Because monkies don't lay egss...



-Joe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Iceberg lettuce is a poor substitute for a Ferrari
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if i had a goat would i be cool?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following: 

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter], 

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates]. 

Sincerely,

[your name] 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ahhhhhhhh no the monkeys, someone let them out. oh shit run they have knives ahhhhhhh little blue monkeys from the lab. ahhhhhhh noooooooo



seven_weep
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ummm... can I have the phone numbers of all the customers who bought codegirl shirts...  unless the name on the credit card sounds like a big football-playing boyfriend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Any day spent above ground is a good day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In Space nobody cares if you want waffels ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."

		-- Donald Knuth


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Painting a Chair, huh?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess what I am saying is that assless chaps, no shirt, flip flops, and a Reagan mask isn't really what I would call "business casual".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a man speaks in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Happiness is like peeing your pants...



Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
why must there be a comment?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep this way.

Don't change a Byte, Ops, a bit!

hehehe
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database


||||||||||##########||||||||||
...hhmmm i dont quite get this reandomnizaton...oh wait...thats the point...right...i mean...i dont no wut i mean...im bored


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dude,  my mom says if I want to be a 

lesbian, I gotta lick a lot of carpet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fighting men of ancient Greece wore only one sandal, on the left foot, for kicking purposes.



Thus, the military evolved to start ceremonies on the combat foot.



It was also considered bad manners at a

friend's house to step on his threshold with your left foot.



...fyi.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like rocks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Woo-hoo!



I found my quote after only about 6 hours!!

(not counting the 2.5-3 hour break where I actually did some work :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have concluded that no matter how many comments you post, none of them will ever be seen by u again. i have posted about 15 over the period of a year and have yet to see one of them again. however i have seen other peoples comments about 80K times
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys need more pr0n.  Yeah... definately more pr0n.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Porn or more thinkgeek?  Porn or more thinkgeek?

(flips coin)

Damn.  Mmkay, let's go 2 outta 3...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
sell weed on your site


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you know that five fourths of the world don't know fractions?

I "- || * ( E |)" my floppy drive.

Ducttape can cure warts. (See footnote kind of below)

Ni!

Ecky ecky ecky pikang zoop boing and zowy...

Only slightly higher to get the two level effect with a little path running down the middle.

Did you know that if you post here and quickly reload yours comes up?



:Footnote kind of space starts here.

To cure warts:

1)Put small piece of ducttape on the wart.

2)At the end of the week, take off ducttape, clean wart, and repeat steps 1 & 2 until it goes away

3)Anything posted here may or may not be true.

4) ("Sentence_5" && "Sentence_6") == 0, 1 || 0?

5) 1 = 1

5) 5 = 5

6) 9 = 6

19) How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen? True or false??!??!?!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fact that this site exists scares me.



The fact that I visit it and have ordered things from it scares me far more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Perhaps the first warning sign was that they were talking. That's not normal for pants. At least, not my pants. For some reason, this did not strike me as odd at the time, and I continued the pants-wearing procedure. It was only later that I discovered that they were my talking dog, Ralph.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other people

Who are writing haiku here

Are very skillful.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quote: "Will you marry me?"



Whoever posted this, YES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are two things i hate...



Those intolerant of other peoples cultures

and

The Dutch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I share my birthday with Ethernet. That makes Ethernet a Gemini -- gifted at communications.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pimp the phatty chicken ice, monkies throw shit.



the end of my story


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Optimus Prime, do you want Chicken McNuggets tonight?

"Booyah!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Silmarillion - in 1,00 words! cont.

Valaquenta



MANWE: I'm in charge! 

VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!

NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.

VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things. 

IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.

ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.

YAVANNA: I make things grow.

NIENNA: I'm sad.

ULMO: I live in the ocean.

AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.

NESSA: I dance.

OROME: I hunt!

VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.

TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.

MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-

TULKAS: Grar.

MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for the Quenta Silmarillion!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Towels may be harmful when swallowed in large quantities
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I, the mad swimming fiddler of gorgeous bandwidth, always squish repulsive network controllers then sync the enormously unstable kludge drive after logout.





--Playing with my Fridge Code.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are all about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block. They pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. She claims she can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free too.



They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Oh, wait a minute, I see your problem..."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everytime I see your fortune page, I cant 

resist refreshing. The REAL problem is: Your 

fortune page is my homepage. Therefore my life 

shortened extremely.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I LIKE WAFFLES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken I like liver 

Meow mix Meow Mix

Please Deliver
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like mittens....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND MY QUOTE!! I AM FREE... I AM FREEEEE....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would the world be like without ThinkGeek.... I shudder at the thought.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
speaking in haiku

is so bloody difficult

i gave up at lunch


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; cheese is good



yes...yes it is


||||||||||##########||||||||||
this is a conspiricy...bill gates must run this web site...i swear you never see your own post.i bet you guys made all the posts already in there and the ones we make just get dumped, just so you can laugh at us, as we cycle through. then again not many of us people have that less of a life, HELL NO we don't have a life, you knew we were gonna cycle through again and again looking for our own YOU KNEW! YOU STILL KNOW! you and the monkies...or maybe...you didn't know..or you want us to think you don't know but you really do.......monkeys....psssh...ahhh weres my caffine
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I ever see this message, I swear I'm taking a screenshot of it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the best place to get everything geeky!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My Sock Monkey fell behind the bed and I can't reach him, could you please come get him for me, I haven't slept since he fell. Why Sockey WHYYYYYYYYYYY????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need to start working. Though the thought of caffeinated soap bothers me. So deeply, in fact, that I cannot sleep.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why would I pay $20 to go to a strip club when I can be ignored by real women at any coffee shop for a mere $3 to $5 depending on whether I get a muffin. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. Soooo nice to smell that teen spirit once again. In the early '90's was pursuing a graduate degree in archaeology (!) at Urbana-Champaign when my comp-sci roommates introduced me to some fun stuff happening on north campus: elm, talk, gopher, NCSA Mosaic, and the CAVE. Wound up spending all my time in the NeXT labs and watching my academic career mummify. Hocked a pickup and borrowed money from the folks to by a NeXT Turbo Cube with a NeXTdimension color/video card, and pulled an Eric Clapton -- I locked myself in my apt for several months and taught myself some UNIX, networking, RenderMan, and graphic design. Joined with some guys who ran the "Onion" franchise in Champaign and helped launch "MELVIN", one of the first Web 'zines, back in '94. It's been a long strange trip since then (several smoking craters, too many moves, a marriage that died, etc.), so for the last couple of years I've been on hiatus working as an eco-tour guide, swimming-pool designer and Deliverator of radioactive drugs. Can't wait to get me a new dual-processor PowerMac running Jaguar, some new 3D software and head off into the blue again.  Soon, soon...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My **FAVORITE** online store~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've got mail, YAY!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I don't get to see my own comment soon, I'll make my own Geek-comment page, with black-jack and prostitutes. Ok, without black-jack, but with prostitutes!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
While searching "THE DATABASE" for my own quote, i came across one with wars between unlikely countries.. however i noticed a flaw... "France vs. Itself" the problem with this is that France probably WOULD start a war with itself, This way it could be sure that it didn't loose....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent too much time on the internet again, mainly this site. I will be late for work again.



Every time I go to work I'm late, so usually I pause, look at my watch, look at their clock on the wall, look at my watch again, frown, pretend to adjust the time on my watch, and then smile brightly at the person behind the desk.



Because of you, somebody at my office will get a bright smile today.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Has anyon* *v*r black*d out from too much b**r and wok* up to find the "*" k*y missing?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
At home I have a brick wall in my living room. I covered it with wall paper with pictures of bricks on it, just so I would be the only one that knew. I tell visitors to touch it, it feels real.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Enbiggens is a perfectly cromulant word.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Don't kid yourself Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about."

 -Troy McClure
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's that I just don't care....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you ever take swings at the open air just in case there's someone invisible there watching?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;&gt;&gt; Isn't this a stupid question? 

&gt;&gt;Isn't this a stupid answer? 

&gt;Do us always answer a question with another question?

Isn't it obvious?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"My wife's a geek. What are you stuck with?"



A restraining order.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your website is awesome and really makes my day go better.  I am a female geek and feel that it is about time that we get credit for all of our contributions to the techie world.  Thanks for all the fun gear, keep up the good work!!



~~Andrea



Schweet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am watching you with your own camera, so there!



How clever am I?



I think we all know the answer is "very"!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In reply to----

"When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarves began to suspect Hungry. "



---

Yeah, espeacially after he changed his name to Full.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So when is the "mail order bride" feature going to be implemented?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally smell the Java!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You've heard of the go back in time and kill your Grandfather paridox?

Here's something to think about: Why do you want to kill your Grandfather in the first place?



  - AnyoneEB
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My livelihood depend on the stupidity of others. Talk about job security...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i saw my quote after just pushing f5 3 times



this of course does not count the hours i put into this yesterday
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver



Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow... MEOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Take that, subspace!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AHHH! THE APES! THEY'RE ATTACKING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time i ate a bug.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, I've just finished killing the last hour of my 

work day hitting F5.  So far I've learned that:



1) Jen sounds hot

2) Someone lost their virginity because of ThinkGeek

3) Fireworks are pretty

4) Jen IS hot.

5) Fat people sing country songs in the shower

6) Ummm...  hmmm...  that I can kill an hour 

hitting F5 and still have enough time left to write 

this before I get to go home and watch a couple pr0n 

MPGs before heading out to Redmond in hopes of 

being able to pie Bill Gates as he's leaving work.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
in this hallucination i get there is a long empty hallway with a little midget at the end of it, smiling back at me and blatantly yelling "Gandalf!".  I call him Mr. Piccolini.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The future is here. It's just not evenly distributed yet." - William Gibson
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moon.



Like a cow,

giant utter in the sky,

I want milk.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hammers hehehe hammers
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity is a lot like this ... only longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
You sass those hoopies at ThinkGeek?  Those are froods who REALLY know where their towels be!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i ve got an idea. somebody copy my message and post it and i'll copy yours and post it ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch out for the squirls:  they'll make you work in their nut mines!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like it when things happen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have found my purpose in life. I am to domesticate zebras.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actually I like fridgeOS its pritty straight forward... door open = light on... 

Html is my lag of choice but that ain't there! =] every thing else though!

I like to DOODLE... and not in that way!

Yeah, your site totaly owns.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK, based on my *exhaustive* research of your fortune database, it seems that you will make gigabucks if you'll start stocking cheese-flavored caffeinated livestock pies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, after the monkeys escaped from the lab... all we had to do was wait till nightfall, then follow their glow in the dark radioactive poo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are we going, and what's with this damn 

handbasket?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would Brian Boitano do?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SO Don was like: "yu-gi-oh", and I was like: "If only I had my sword"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's green and not very heavy, what is it?



Light-green
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent so long hitting F5 that when my quote actually came up, I had forgotten I had written it until I was a few clicks past. This is known as irony. NO IT ISN'T *English teachers beats me with baseball bat*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I ever won the lottery, I'd back a truck up to your building
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking down the street and the wheel fell of my canoe, so I got back on my bike and walked home where I found an elaphant, I asked the lion how many elaphants a banana could eat and the elaphant told me lions dont each marshmello's. Got A-C-I-D?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cisco, he he he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it wasn't me.  i swear.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:



Chocolate Chip Cookies:



Ingredients:



532.35 cm3 gluten

4.9 cm3 NaHCO3

4.9 cm3 refined halite

236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11

177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11

4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao

236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)



To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.



Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYB For the Flash Impaired

--------------------------

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining



*explosion*



What happen??



Someone set us up the bomb!



We get signal!



What!!



Main screen turn on!



It's you!!



How are you gentlemen



All your base are belong to us



What you say!!



You have no chance to survive make your time



Ha ha ha...



[insert slideshow of pictures here]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not worthy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I *DEPEND* ON THINKGEEK! I AM *DEFINED* BY

THINKGEEK!



YOU.... ARE... MY...PEOPLE....!



Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;&gt; I don't even butter my toast, I consider that cooking ! 



&gt;Technically, spreading butter on toast is not

&gt;cooking. The act of turning bread slices into

&gt;toast, however, is. Since you've already cooked,

&gt;spread the fscking butter on the fscking toast

&gt;already! 



laughing aloud
||||||||||##########||||||||||
yea... so the internet is on computers now.



so they have that going for them,

and thats cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whats a Shrinter?  I want one, those things are great, shred the docs right out of the printer!  YESSSS!!!, and that Igrill!  MMMMMmmmmmmmmm   FOOD!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
...i did nothing, Michael, and it was everything i dreamed it could be!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I NEED CAFFEINE.  I KNOW YOU CAN'T SEE THIS GUN OF MINE, SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.  KAPESH?  NOW HAND OVER THE ALKALOID AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dog chow tastes like bad mud.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like the products, very original ideas. :-D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bull $h!t there is no spoon! I used it to eat my cereal this morning!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Creators of this temple should be knighted!  Working in the IT field really takes its toll (ha) on you...when I visited this site I felt at home and could relate to many of item on the site.  KEEP up the GOOD work!  



Glo_B
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im not a good person.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are not a beautiful and uniqe snowflake,

you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am only here to amuse myself.  Anyone else is a bonus.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
whered i put my pants this time

oh well i wont need them for at least a 

couple days


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you seen my socks?







Never mind, I found them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
And this one time, at LAN camp, we took this really long Voodoo5 6000...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
String comes in many yummy and exciting flavors, like cheese...... and string.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I get a little money, I spend it at ThinkGeek.com. If there is any left over, I buy food and pay the rent.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So a newspaper is having a pun contest. A guy sends in 10 puns in hope that atleast 1 whould get printed, but no-pun-in-ten-did.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My blongana has a first name its T&gt;H&gt;I&gt;N&gt;K my blongana has a second name it G&gt;E&gt;E&gt;E&gt;K



WTF??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm twice as strong as a man half my size!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
CowboyNeal
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love Bologna.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
remove your hands from the keyboard

go to the bathroom (its really bad for your blatter to hold it that long)



Then go to sleep



this site will still be here when you wake up
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So Dr. Heisenberg is driving along when he's stopped by a policeman.



"Do you know how fast you were going?"



"No, but I know where I am!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jen Rules!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
NOoobody expects the spanish inquisition!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
               __________

              /          \

             /            \

            /  &lt;o&gt;    &lt;o&gt;  \

           /                \

          /    &lt;=======&gt;     \

          \                  /

           \                /

            \              /

             \            /

              |           |

              |           |

             /             \

           //    _______    \\

          //    /        \   \\

         //    /          \   \\

        //    /            \   \\

       //    /              \   \\

==========================================

Yes... and yes...

(for those interested, the questions are:

1. That's supposed to be an ASCII drawing

of Tux, right?

2. You know it sux, right?

)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um...am I supposed to be able to run straight up walls after drinking a case of bawls?  Something seems awfully right here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a Sheep and you're a Ewe

Doo-doo doo, doo-doo doo

You're a Ewe and I'm a Sheep

Dee-dee dee-dee dee



Sheeps and Ewes, don't go "moo"

Moo-moo moo, moo-moo moo

Sheeps and Ewes go "baa-baa"

Baa

  Baa

    Baa



;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
my dog's name is nugget, now that is a bit more original than Mittens OR Meep. so *pokes tongue and makes farty noise like small child*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A very good assimilation of quality goods.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Memory error in your favor.  Collect 512MB.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
d00d, when I saw that caffinated soap, I couldn't stop saying w00t for 5 minutes. :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship."



"Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
we all played with fire when we were children.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.  Also, perhaps give an order number once something is purchased.  Then a UPS tracking number so we don't have to call you, rather the people at UPS who loose our products : - )


||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do I get a date??? Please give me the source code! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When live gives you urine make urinade.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK, I am feeling very excluded here. What's the deal with the monkeys? Am I missing something? I feel as if I've been shunned from some obviously extremely powerful and elite society.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's anything more important than my ego around I want it caught and shot now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Let's invade France.  It won't take more than an afternoon.  And then we can drink good wine and make out with hairy french women!



Well, at least we can drink good wine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love cheese.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
my meatball's name is 1-2-3
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My mom couldn't design a better site!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like Monkeys

Yes I do

I like Monkeys

and so do you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wow! I cant belive it. If your reading this, it must be posted. I'm soo happy. (oh, and nice website)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wrote a big long letter here, but then it got boring and when I reread it I thought, this is crap. So instead I erased it and wrote this.  I hope you don't mind, but it really was crap.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im at my job, and i dont kick ass.

!Wait a min.. I do kick ass!

I'll start kickin my own ass!!

Ouch.. aah.. uuuuww!!!. AAAAH!

...Damn there goes my prostate!

Ok I'll do it for the sake of the world.



Kill -9 The Stupid Guy Who Wrote This Lettr.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dr. Schambaugh,of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. 



His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist: 



1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 



2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true... Thus, hell is exothermic. 



[The student, Tim Graham, got the only A] 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thanks for commoditizing my subculture.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...



The great Tali-baba. The code monkey, upon realising this, pulled out his nine, and capped the menace to society. He then went on his merry way and went back to searching out the reason that all traffic was stopped. He no sooner rounded the corner than...



he and his fuzzy compatriots noticed the foulest of stenches. It assailed their oversensitive noses, compelling each of them, in turn, to make a vomitus sacrifice to Ralph the God of Foul Smells and Overintoxication. Overcoming their temporary malady, the code monkey and his sidekicks Foo and Bar trudged on, the garter belts and high heels proving to be no problem for the heroes. The sweat drenched their fur, matting it in places no fur should ever be matted. Code monkey halted their advance momentarily so he could do a quick GPS location check. It could't be far, now. The enemy only holds so many factories in Trenton, he remembered. Re-establishing his bearings, code monkey and foo and bar relaunched their expedition. Approaching the warehouse doors, they ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fortune is like a potato chip...  you can't have just one.



*reload*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I dropped my computer on my foot ! That Megahurtz !
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please let me know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would never drink coffee unless I was alone or with someone


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a story (and a question):



My little brother (who is in High school) had a "motivational" speaker the other day.  He said she talked very fast, and about time efficiency.  She had everyone write down something that wasted their time...of course school was there.  My brother opted to put "motivational speakers" (which I thought was humorous).  I'd however have to put "Refreshing thinkgeek.com's fortune page."  I've done it for an excess of 30 hours now...On my break between classes, I come do this.



Anyway, the motivational speaker said this:



"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."



...Now, if you plan to fail, and succeed...which do you do?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just farted.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's me again. Moo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always come up with a witticism for this box and none ever get posted.  Therefore I shall refrain from making such a comment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the whole world was as unserious as you crazy goons it would be a much nicer place to live!



By the way, it took me 47.9 seconds to answer this survey, not 46.4 as you promised!  I think the error might be attributable to me not being able to remember when I was born.  You should definitely fix this mistake.  Send beer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of

emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork

involved when your house lands on a witch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I look all around my work here and all I can see are those people who come in and out everyday like they have something special to do. Me? I just work here. I move my mouse around and click at things on the screen. If I do it a lot and have odd looks on my face then they think I am working hard. Little do they know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
RATS CANT BURP
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I concur.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;(refresh for another)

&lt;&lt;Three words: 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys, 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys, 

&lt;&lt;and Monkeys! 

 

Thats 4


||||||||||##########||||||||||
bill hendrickson is my hero.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should limit my visits to this site... I need all my money to feed myself for the rest of the semester. Using it on cool stuff would be fun until my current food supply runs out.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't write Haiku.

Something about syllables.

I don't understand.



/TB
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those responsible for the sacking of those responsible for the titles have been sacked...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Roast Lamb Shank with Balsamic Vinagrette dressing:



4-6 lb Lamb Shank with bone in ( stop giggling ) 

1 Whole Garlic

1/2 Stick butter ( optional- but, what the hell.. ) 

1 Lemon / Lemon concentrate

Salt & Pepper

Balsamic vinegar

Virgin ( ha! ) Olive oil

*******************************

Use paring knife and poke many holes in lamb shank to the bone.  slice cloves of garlic into wedges,  push into holes.( use at least 1 whole garlic clove )  



coat shank with 1/2 stick butter,  squeeze juice of one lemon ( or use concentrate )  liberally over shank, salt & pepper shank with style.( not flair,_ style_ ) 



Roast in preheated oven @ 325 deg. for 35 minutes per lb.. Check with meat thermometer, center should be medium / medium- rare. ( hint- touching the bone with the thermometer will result in skewed readings &lt;- Bad Thing tm  ) 



Remove lamb from oven and allow to set 10 minutes before carving. ( really. 10 minutes ) 



Drizzle lamb slices with balsamic vinagrette dressing ( 1/3  balsamic vinegar 2/3  Olive oil ) 



Serves one. ( okay. Four if you share... ) 



Alternate ending :  Remove roast 1/2 way done, finish as per above on BBQ grill over mesquite coals... watch for flames, lamb is very rich (  it's got a LOTTA fat in it) and you want to put  a drip pan under the shank, surround pan by coals,  do NOT put shank directly over coals. Otherwise you get a blackened, charred lump of inedible lamb roast and no dinner....great pyrotechnics though... if you aren't a BBQ  god- don't try this.



Alternate alternate ending- same as above but substitute dried grape vines for mesquite charcaol . Or use regular charcoal and add dried grape vine clippings soaked in water.



 let me know how you liked it.



cmauricio@arrk.com






||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a little teapot, but I am not short nor am I a spout.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Just testing a new X terminal, actually.

(Web browsers tend to be piggish enough

to make a good test.) Mmmm, fillin' out

forms... Gotta love it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a cucumber

I'm a cucumber

I cant remember the rest of the song

...



Dance Break
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would like to see a reference to a good cheese or two.  A nice gorgonzola maybe, or a havarti.  Other than that, I love this site.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hmmm~



need more tildes



and mabey some sort of space traveling monkey powered blimp





~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two computers in my dorm room. I run the most advanced, most free, most cuddly-mascot-touting operating system in the world.  Why, then, are not the girls flocking to me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Damn you and your daily doubles trebek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat named Dog, a dog named Cat, and a monkey named George...

i need some bawls, caffeine deficiency.... the twitch will stop after a little while.... really, it will...... 







must









have













caffeine


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, where'd my ass go. Oh there it is.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
a pie flew in my eye o no im gonna die all becouse of that evil pie...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Pillows are soft.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl -w



use strict;

use Your::Mastercard;



if ($me eq "poor") { &you_buy_from_wishlist; }



sub you_buy_from_wishlist {



	my $your_bank_account;

	my $my_loot;

	my $thinkgeek_funds;

	

	$your_bank_account -= priceof($my_loot);

	$thinkgeek_funds += priceof($my_loot) - costof($my_loot);



	&make_my_day;



}



sub make_my_day {



	$ME = 'happy';

	return "smile";



}


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is so bleeding cool.  I love it.  Some day I will con my family into buying me everything that you guys have.  :-D  Or maybe I'll use my mad programming skillz to make lots of money and buy it all myself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
someday me hopes two makeing the mesiges with the worstest spellings and gramer ever...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In ThinkGeek we trust.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It does not make sense.

Chewbacca was a 6 foot tall wookie, and he lived on Endor with a bunch of 2 foot ewoks. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sanity is entirely overrated.

:wq!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Down with whitey!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So 3 guys are packing for a fishing trip, when a 4th guy runs in. "Guys make sure to pack enought t.p for 4". ANother says "How did you convince the wife to let u go?" He answers "I didn't, i just got her pissed off enough to kick me out for a few days".]



James
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I send you this file in order to have your advice.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Take me out of the ballgame

Lets all leave in a crowd

Owners and players are greedy hacks

I don't care if they ever get back

Cause it's like root canal when they're whining

The way they act is a shame

Cause it's ONE, TWO, THREE million bucks

Just to play a game!!!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I kill you in the face.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pie...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Is it still a carburetor if you put it in a truck?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Late one night in the middle of the day

Two dead men came out to play

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

If you dont believe this lie is true

Ask the blind man, He saw it too
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Tastes like chicken
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;If you are reading this, send an e-mail to d1gitalphoenix@aol.com.



&gt;I really wanna get to know the kinda person who would sit in a chair all day and continuously hit F5.





Does it count if i was sitting in bed (laptop), and hitting reload in opera? okay, i have too much time on my hands
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmy!!!

Timaaaahooohaaaa!

Timmm aaa!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
First you get the code then you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what? Neither do I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
LOGIC "Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines." 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did that damn lab monkey go....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thanks to all your stupid postings, during 

the few times I sleep 

I keep having dreams of Monkeys taking 

over the world with cheese pies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if it's not on fire, it's usually a software problem
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My VISA is going to be very happy but my bank account is not... ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff for smart masses

ThinkGeek is so sweet it kicks

Serious asses



&lt;it's a haiku&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mary and Dave had never met. They were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
HE IS NOT!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.}}}



WHOA!!



I finally found my quote!

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! Can I get an 'amen' to that, Brother Armand??? Miracles can happen!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All Your Caffeine Are Belong To Us

(Someone Set Us Up The Bawls!)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What if there were no rhetorical questions?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why yes, I am wearing fancy pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. 

  -- Robert Firth 

  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh shit, tha Brady Bunch is on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the chocolate please. :o)

My cat's name is Mittens, and I have another cat too, but I'm not going to tell you his name....BOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
And the Anteater dressed as a policeman.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see a lot about cats named mittens on here.  Let me explain.  See, it's a Ralph Wiggum quote.  I posted it about two years ago here, and it has spawned into something of a subculture within a subculture.  Go Banana!



Iron you,

   Poppin' Fresh's son







From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've found the perfect way to read these all day.  Just pull up anything important and put it in the background then when someone walks by just close the browser (I know it's hard to do...) then look frustrated till they leave then open something else important (try to make it something different) and go back to reading these... repeat as necessary...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I refresh, therefore i am.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It starts at "1" and keeps doubling.





~1

~2

~4

~8

~16

~32

~64

~128

~256

~512

~1,024

~2,048

~4,096

~8,192

~16,384

~32,768

~65,536

~131,072

~262,144

~524,288

~1,048,576

~2,097,152

~4,194,304

~8,388,608

~16,777,216

~33,554,432

~67,108,864

~134,217,728

~268,435,456

~536,870,912

~1,073,741,824

~2,147,483,648

~4,294,967,296

~8,589,934,592

~17,179,869,184

~34,359,738,368

~68,719,476,736

~137,438,953,472

~274,877,906,944

~549,755,813,888

~1,099,511,627,776

~2,199,023,255,552

~4,398,046,511,104

~8,796,093,022,208

~17,592,186,044,416

~35,184,372,088,832

~70,368,744,177,664

~140,737,488,355,328

~281,474,976,710,656

~562,949,953,421,312

~1,125,899,906,842,624

~2,251,799,813,685,248

~4,503,599,627,370,496

~9,007,199,254,740,992

~18,014,398,509,481,984

~36,028,797,018,963,968

~72,057,594,037,927,936

~144,115,188,075,855,872

~288,230,376,151,711,744

~576,460,752,303,423,488

~1,152,921,504,606,846,976

~2,305,843,009,213,693,952

~4,611,686,018,427,387,904

~9,223,372,036,854,775,808

~18,446,744,073,709,551,616

~36,893,488,147,419,103,232

~73,786,976,294,838,206,464

~147,573,952,589,676,412,928

~295,147,905,179,352,825,856

~590,295,810,358,705,651,712

~1,180,591,620,717,411,303,424

~2,361,183,241,434,822,606,848

~4,722,366,482,869,645,213,696

~9,444,732,965,739,290,427,392

~18,889,465,931,478,580,854,784

~37,778,931,862,957,161,709,568

~75,557,863,725,914,323,419,136

~151,115,727,451,828,646,838,272

~302,231,454,903,657,293,676,544

~604,462,909,807,314,587,353,088

~1,208,925,819,614,629,174,706,176

~2,417,851,639,229,258,349,412,352

~4,835,703,278,458,516,698,824,704

~9,671,406,556,917,033,397,649,408

~19,342,813,113,834,066,795,298,816

~38,685,626,227,668,133,590,597,632

~77,371,252,455,336,267,181,195,264

~154,742,504,910,672,534,362,390,528

~309,485,009,821,345,068,724,781,056

~618,970,019,642,690,137,449,562,112

~1,237,940,039,285,380,274,899,124,224

~2,475,880,078,570,760,549,798,248,448

~4,951,760,157,141,521,099,596,496,896

~9,903,520,314,283,042,199,192,993,792

~19,807,040,628,566,084,398,385,987,584

~39,614,081,257,132,168,796,771,975,168

~79,228,162,514,264,337,593,543,950,336

~158,456,325,028,528,675,187,087,900,672

~316,912,650,057,057,350,374,175,801,344

~633,825,300,114,114,700,748,351,602,688

~1,267,650,600,228,229,401,496,703,205,376

~2,535,301,200,456,458,802,993,406,410,752

~5,070,602,400,912,917,605,986,812,821,504

~10,141,204,801,825,835,211,973,625,643,008

~20,282,409,603,651,670,423,947,251,286,016

~40,564,819,207,303,340,847,894,502,572,032

~81,129,638,414,606,681,695,789,005,144,064

~162,259,276,829,213,363,391,578,010,288,128

~224,518,553,658,426,726,783,156,020,576,256

~449,037,107,316,853,453,566,312,041,152,512

~898,074,214,633,706,906,132,624,082,305,024

~1,796,148,429,267,413,812,265,248,164,610,048 

~3,592,296,858,534,827,624,530,496,329,220,096 

~7,184,593,717,069,655,249,060,992,658,440,192 

~14,379,187,434,139,310,598,121,985,316,880,38 4

~28,758,374,868,278,621,196,143,970,633,760,76 8

~56,516,749,736,557,242,392,287,941,266,520,53 6

~112,033,499,473,114,484,784,575,882,533,040,0 72

~224,066,998,946,228,969,569,151,765,066,080,1 44

~448,123,996,892,457,939,138,303,530,132,160,2 88

~896,247,993,784,915,878,276,607,060,264,220,5 76

~1,782,495,986,568,831,756,553,214,120,528,441 ,152

~3,564,991,973,137,663,513,106,428,241,056,882 ,304

~7,129,982,946,274,327,026,212,856,482,113,764 ,608

~14,258,965,892,548,654,042,425,712,964,226,52 9,216

~28,517,931,785,096,308,084,851,425,928,452,05 8,432

~57,035,863,570,192,616,168,702,841,856,904,11 6,864

~114,071,727,140,385,232,337,405,683,713,808,2 33,728

~228,143,454,280,770,464,674,811,367,427,616,4 67,456

~456,286,908,561,540,929,349,622,734,855,232,9 34,912

~902,573,817,122,081,858,699,245,469,710,465,8 69,924

~1,805,147,634,244,162,717,398,490,939,420,931 ,739,848

~3,610,595,268,488,325,434,796,981,878,841,863 ,479,696

~7,221,190,536,976,650,868,593,963,757,683,726 ,959,392

~14,442,381,063,953,301,737,187,927,515,367,45 3,918,784

~28,884,762,127,906,603,474,375,745,030,735,90 7,837,568

~57,769,524,255,813,206,948,751,490,061,471,81 4,675,136

~115,539,048,511,626,413,897,502,980,122,943,6 29,350,272

~231,078,097,023,252,827,795,005,960,245,887,2 58,700,544

~462,156,194,046,505,655,590,011,920,491,774,5 17,401,088

~924,312,388,092,011,311,180,023,840,983,549,0 34,802,176

~1,848,624,776,184,022,622,360,047,681,967,098 ,069,604,352

~3,697,249,552,364,045,244,720,095,363,934,196 ,139,208,704

~7,394,499,102,728,090,489,440,190,727,868,392 ,278,417,408

~14,788,998,205,456,180,978,880,381,455,736,78 4,556,834,816

~29,577,996,410,912,361,957,760,762,911,473,56 9,113,669,632

~59,155,992,821,824,723,915,521,525,822,947,13 8,227,339,264

~118,311,985,643,649,447,831,043,051,645,894,2 76,454,678,528

~236,623,971,287,298,895,662,086,103,291,788,5 52,909,356,056

~473,247,942,574,597,791,324,172,206,583,577,1 05,818,712,112

~946,495,884,149,195,582,648,344,413,167,154,2 11,637,424,224

~1,892,991,768,298,391,165,396,688,826,334,308 ,422,274,848,448

~3,785,983,536,596,782,330,793,377,652,668,616 ,844,549,696,896

~7,571,967,073,193,564,661,586,755,305,337,233 ,688,099,393,792

~15,143,934,146,387,129,323,173,510,610,674,46 7,376,198,787,584

~30,827,868,292,774,258,646,347,021,221,348,93 4,752,397,575,168

~61,655,736,584,548,517,292,694,042,442,697,86 9,504,795,150,336

~123,311,473,169,096,034,585,388,084,885,395,7 39,009,590,300,672

~246,622,946,338,192,069,171,676,169,770,791,4 78,019,180,601,344

~493,245,892,676,384,138,343,352,339,541,582,9 56,038,361,202,688

~986,491,785,352,768,276,686,704,679,083,165,9 12,076,722,405,376

~1,972,983,570,705,536,553,372,408,358,166,331 ,824,153,444,810,752

~3,945,967,141,411,073,106,744,816,716,332,663 ,648,306,889,621,504

~7,891,934,282,822,146,213,489,633,432,665,326 ,296,613,779,243,008

~15,783,868,565,644,292,426,979,266,865,330,65 2,593,227,558,486,016

~31,567,737,131,288,584,853,958,533,730,661,30 5,186,455,116,972,032

~63,135,474,262,577,169,707,917,067,461,322,61 0,372,910,233,944,064

~126,270,948,525,154,339,415,834,134,922,645,2 20,745,820,467,888,128

~252,541,897,050,308,678,831,668,269,845,290,4 41,491,640,935,776,256

~504,083,794,100,617,357,663,336,539,690,580,8 82,983,281,871,552,512

~1,008,167,588,201,234,715,326,673,079,381,161 ,765,966,563,743,105,024

~2,016,335,176,402,469,430,653,346,158,762,323 ,531,933,127,486,210,048

~4,032,670,352,804,938,861,306,692,317,522,647 ,063,866,254,972,420,096

~8,065,340,705,609,877,722,613,382,635,045,294 ,127,732,509,944,840,192

~16,130,681,411,219,755,445,226,765,270,190,58 8,255,465,019,889,680,384

~32,261,362,822,438,510,890,453,530,540,381,17 6,510,930,139,779,360,768

~64,522,725,644,877,021,780,907,061,080,762,35 3,020,860,279,558,721,536

~129,045,451,289,754,043,561,814,122,161,524,7 06,041,720,559,117,443.072

~258,090,902,579,508,087,123,628,244,323,049,4 12,083,441,118,234,886,144

~516,181,805,159,016,174,247,256,488,646,098,8 24,166,882,236,469,772,288

~1,032,363,610,318,032,348,494,512,977,292,197 ,648,333,764,472,939,544,576

~2,064,727,220,636,064,696,989,025,954,584,395 ,296,667,528,945,879,089,152

~4,129,754,441,272,129,393,978,051,909,168,780 ,593,335,057,891,758,178,304

~8,259,508,882,544,258,787,956,103,818,337,561 ,186,670,115,783,516,356,608

~16,519,017,765,088,517,575,912,207,636,675,12 2,373,340,231,567,032,713,216

~33,038,035,530,176,035,151,824,415,273,350,24 4,746,680,463,134,065,426,432

~66,076,071,060,352,070,303,648,830,546,700,48 9,493,360,926,268,130,852,864

~132,152,142,120,704,140,607,297,661,093,400,9 78,986,721,852,536,261,705,728

~264,304,284,241,408,281,214,595,322,186,801,9 57,973,443,705,072,523,411,456

~528,608,568,482,816,562,429,190,644,373,603,9 15,946,887,410,145,046,822,912

~1,057,217,136,965,633,124,858,381,288,747,207 ,831,893,774,820,290,093,645,824

~2,114,434,273,931,266,249,716,762,577,494,415 ,663,787,549,640,580,187,291,648

~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK

Sleep all night and work all day
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My name is boodah, i enjoy pork products and long walks on the beach with pork products.



know where i can find a ham radio?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't fix that, its a load bearing problem.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clearly you guys kick all the ass, yes, that's right, alllllllllllllll the ass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#usr/local/bin/perl



# by Jeff, lord_fraser@hotmail.com



$schweet = "thinkgeek.com" ;



print "So, what do you think about $schweet?\n 

5 - Kick Ass!\n .

4 - Very Cool.\n .

3 - I like it OK.\n . 

2 - Nothing Special. Decent.\n .

1 - Hopeless.\n

Choose: " ;



$opinion = (&lt;STDIN&gt;);



#avoid error checking, cause this is a

#stinkin comment! =]



if ($opinion == 5)

     { print "You are obviously an intelligent person! \n Thank you for visiting our site and sharing your thoughts." }

elsif ( $opinion == 4 )



     { print "Thanks, but you should go listen to classical music;\n your brain isn't fully developed yet." }

elsif ($opinion &lt;= 3)



     { $opinion = 5 ;

print "Oh! You think $schweet is worth a $opinion!  Thank you so much!" }



#thanks for making such a cool site,

#and being a provider of ber caffeine #products!




















||||||||||##########||||||||||
more pudding....where did i leave my keys....have i got enough milk for tomorrow.....oh god i forgot to call my sister......where's that number...is that the time....phew ive missed thetraffic..wonder if ill get my expenses
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Industrial Grade Dissolvative!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Captain, the LAN is sinking and there aren't 

enough hubs!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not a geek, but I play one on TV.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."



That's a Kurt Cobain quote!



Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
From one of TheSpark.com's tests:



   Does Canada suck or what?

   a) Yes     b) Yeah




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Isn't this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Elvis is everywhere, man.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Okay I'm hooked on 'Bawls'.  Is there a 12-step program in can follow? :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Testicle fleas should never be forgotten when searching for alternative food sources.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ph33r my lack of b33r!  Oh wait.  There it is...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thw owls are not what they seem.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ever notice how the word "packet" can easily be replaced with "poop"?



packet loss?

packet filtering?

packet dump?

packet sniffer?

dropped packets?



ever notice that the amount an NT freak hates Linux is inversly proportional to the amount they know about it?



ever notice those guys that don't wash their hands in the bathroom?  



I do...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you want cool stuff ? check out ThinkGeek ! i like those really kewl t-shirts, they are all 1337. some time in the future i will buy the 'you are dumb' code shirt. and i am sure my teacher will ask me (he is 1337, oh yes he is), and i will stand there smiling and honestly say 'you are dumb'. and there will be much fun and laughther. ... i like this guy ... anyone else ever seen a teacher who voluntaritly plays victim in a good Q3 fraggin' ? we saw him and we will worship him for his lifetime and longer.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There appears to be a free bond on the carbon atom at the rightmost vertex of the representation of everyone's favorite alkaloid on a certain shirt and mug.

I just thought I'd like to point that out.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What I really wanted to say about ThinkGeek was that it is the Bee's Knees... but that wasn't a choice. Seriously, though, you guys are speaking to me on a soul-to-soul level. Keep up the good work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If it jams force it, If it breaks it needed replacement anyway.......


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm gonna sing the doom song now!  doom doom doom, doom doom......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lost: /dev/sanity

Reward if found: /dev/null



-Serge




||||||||||##########||||||||||
if humans do "the robot," do robots do "the human?"  hahahaha, GOD thats RICH




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Haggis: It's not just for breakfast any more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I hate you.  I hate you with a passion since I found this site.  I'm a grad student, building my new gaming rig already put me in the hole and has me eating ramen for eternity, and now I found your site and I'm like "oooh, I could sOOO use that!"  Although I LOVE the girl t's.  It's hard to find cool geek shirts that are taylored for women.  I love walking around campus in my "01010001 01010100" shirt!!!!!  It's my favourite shirt now... when I see myself in the mirror I'm like, "Wow, I'D ask ME out!"  Alas, such is not how it works with girl geeks.  But you have certainly met some of the geek needs in my life, needs I strangely never knew I had (like the Eluminix keyboard).
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The inclusion of Malbolge (and Dis!) on the 'What language do you prefer?' list is why you get the '5 -- Kick Ass!'.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Towels may be harmful when swallowed in large quantities
||||||||||##########||||||||||
""Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 



DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!!" 



Yeah, well I've seen your's like 8 times in the last half hour. " 



Yeah, what the hell is up with that?! Is there some thing that makes it so we can't see our own? Is ThinkGeek trying to drive us NUTS?! WHERE ARE MINE?!?! ARGH! 



Clearly the monkeys are to blame here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
a friend of mine suggested to me that perhaps we are all the npc's in somebody's rpg (like a Matrix type thingy). now i find myself on the lookout for heros with ridiculously huge swords and their magical sidekicks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where are we going, and what's with this damn 

handbasket?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sour cream, cheese, and Drain-O do not belong on ramen noodles. Nuh-uh.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Maybe just maybe I'll be able to find my quote this time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
past the green hills, over the canyon, farther beyond the mountains, across the river, and thru the pacific.  thats how my thinkgeek reached me.  its bits and bytes populated my screen with so many colors and dreams.  toys of pure wonder these things are?  and ours they will be.  and behold!  a far superior thing this is.  a sock monkey so grand!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Murpetudinously effragant, don't you think?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
green monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
it wasn't me.  i swear.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
watch out for the burrito aliens.  their magical nacho salsa spaceships are on the loose.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ummm... can I have the phone numbers of all the customers who bought codegirl shirts...  unless the name on the credit card sounds like a big football-playing boyfriend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy  :
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am at a LAN party, i have been here for 3 days, i have drung 57 cans of coca-cola, 22 cups of coffee and more penguin mints than stephen hawking could count, i also seem to have lost all feeling in my skin.

Did i mention that the guy next to me now has sunburn from his monitor.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now the monkeys cannot bite me......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's all fun and games until a rampaging robot destrys half of your city. . . yeah Josh and Krystyn!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A poem:



Finding a quarter under the couch is good.

Finding a scorpion under the couch isn't.



Thankyou.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
OK, now press the clear button on the microwave. No, that's the window. Press the button that says "clear".
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give me a C!

Give me an A!

Give me an F!

Give me another F!

Give me an E!

Give me am I!

Give me an N!

Give me an E!



What does it spell?



THINKGEEK!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moo.  Moo, moo moo moo moooooooo.



Moo moo moo mooooo moo moo moo moooo moo moo moooo moo, mooo moo mooo moo moo moo mooooo moo moo moooo moo moo moooo.  Mooooo, moo, moooo moo moo; moo moooo moo moo moo.



Moo, moooo, moo moo moo moo.



Moo!



Moo moo moo.  Moo Moo Moo!  Mooooooooo...



Moo moo moooo mooo moo mooo... moooooooooo-oo.



oom.



-Moo
||||||||||##########||||||||||
one quarter mile away from sorak garden now that is schweet! eat your heart out hoser
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your merchandise is

Greatly enjoyed and admired

Customers are pleased.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Workplace safety IS a laughing matter...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is so bleeding cool.  I love it.  Some day I will con my family into buying me everything that you guys have.  :-D  Or maybe I'll use my mad programming skillz to make lots of money and buy it all myself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
blue monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Trains can't swim. Even if they think they can.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{ DAMNIT!!!!!! 

No matter how many of these stupid Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants I type and reload, I just can't seem to see MINE??? 

Has anyone else ever seen their own message? 

I've been typing these god damn things for over three hours, and then reloaded for another two hours and haven't seen one yet!!!! 

AAARRRRRRGGHGHGGGGHGGHGHGHGGG!!!!!!!!!! }}



---

Someone needs something better to do here..


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Beer is like beer.

You need it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Those responsible for the sacking of those responsible for the titles have been sacked...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The monkeys.... the monkeys....





The cream pies... the chocolate 

cream pies...





The M&M's.... mmmmmmmm..... 





The monkey's eating chocolate cream pies 

with M&M's on top?! WTF???





That damned monkey's eating my chocolate

cream pie! 



Damn you! Damn you and your monkeys!!!






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lack of Canadian flags on your front page tells me you don't like Canadians and I resent that.  Also, why is the Account icon (i) when it could be a Canadian flag?  See the bias I'm talking about?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek.com



......My new Walmart......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How many times have YOU refreshed?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You thinking what i'm thinking pinky?



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I LIKE WAFFLES!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Completely emptying my bank account into yours was a pleasure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.' You've got to understand the nature of the regime we're dealing with."

 

              -President George W. Bush, the LEADER OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD
||||||||||##########||||||||||
chicken's are made from eggs, eggs are made from chickens.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Teach a man to build a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So there I was.  Naked.  In a refrigerator.  Smoking a cigarette.  With a potroast on my knees.  That's when it got REALLY weird.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database


||||||||||##########||||||||||
dispair: a proxy that has cached /fortune.shtml
||||||||||##########||||||||||
im as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ninja.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heard UNIX have no balls!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My name's billy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;I've been sitting her pressing F5 for over an hour looking for my own post when I realized &gt;that I forgot what I had posted. 



&gt;Please help me remember what I posted, I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!!!! 



&gt;^sigh^ 



Probably something about monkeys. It usually is.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the Vikings were alive today...I think they'd be amazed by how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how much we take it for granted.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY 

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY

MILK AND COOKIES MAKE JOHNNY A HAPPY BOY


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"No, I'm sorry, the answer is one."



"What?"



"If I have 6 oranges, and I take away 5, how many do I have left?"



"One"



"Oh, you think time flows that way."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Memory error in your favor.  Collect 512MB.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I find it offensive that I was not given the option to finish my sentence with "Natalie Portman".



Thank you.



:)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wisdom is easy:



1) Think of something truly stupid.



2) Say the opposite.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so blinded by rage on the way home from work she purchases a gun and some ammo.  When she opens the door to her apartment, sure enough, she sees her husband in bed with a redhead.  The blonde screams in anger, takes the loaded gun out of her purse, aims it at her husband menacingly, but then pauses.  Overcome with sudden grief, she points the gun at her own head and starts to cry.



The husband shakes his head and stares at his wife in disbelief.  "No, sweetie, don't do it..."



The blonde chokes, "SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT."



- SwEeTiNsAnItY
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I asked for a quantity discount. ThinkGeek gave it to me. Cool. Thanks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's not the voices in my head that bother me.  It's the voices in YOUR head that bother me!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
omg!!!  i found another aqua teen hunger force fan!!!  you get the t-shirt yet?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's too bad whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
    

                   _____                        _____

                 /            \                     /           \

                 |      o     |                    |     o     |

                  \            /                     \          /

     

                                       _____

                                     |           |

                                     |   o  o  |

                       



                        \_/                                \_/

                           \________________/ 

                                  
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My quote will be next [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] definatley next [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] okay 1 more time [F5] nope [F5] this time for sure [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] i dont need to eat!! [F5] nope [F5] hahahaha [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] weirdo! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] wot did I write again [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] OMYGOD! BREATHE! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] MONKEY! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] I dont wanna go home boss! this refreshes quicker in the office [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] hmmmmm.... Men in whice coats [F5] nope [F5] MUST FIND MY QUOTE!! [F5] nope [F5] nope [F5] INFINITY!!!!!!!!! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Main Screen Turn On
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll never see my quote, will I?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
'If it jams force it, if it breaks it needed fixing anyway.'
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you noticed that if you take Windows ME, NT, and CE, and arrange them in a certain order you get Windows CEMENT.......coincidence, i think not!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Things are happening.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I finally figured it out... the fundemental question of life, the universe, and everything is...

Whoa! New toys at thinkgeek!... Uh, what was I thinking about? Damn it! I lost it.



But I'll take one of those, and two of those, and... why did my credit card company just call me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love Bologna.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Please god let me finish my project on time and not get stiffed by my employer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An AC wrote:

I wrote a big long letter here, but then it got boring and when I reread it I thought, this is crap. So instead I erased it and wrote this. I hope you don't mind, but it really was crap. 



I don't know how many damn times I've seen this.  Is there some kind of mod system going on that I don't know about?!?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fiery ninja doom.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Yeah, yeah." -- The Hunt for Red October
||||||||||##########||||||||||
needs more fish.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Small problem? Small hammer.

Big problem? Big hammer.



The world aint' all that complicated...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I could eat two sugars at once, would that make me ambidextrose?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some many BAWLS on my desk, people make fun of my blue BAWLS. Schweet!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Help, I'm trapped inside an IT startup...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
puppies are cute. they like to wiggle and lick you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello Kitty has no mouth.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Charles: "You know that hole, the one you put pie in?"

Gabe:    "You mean my pie-hole. Yeah."

Charles: "Shut it!"



http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=200 0-06-23&res=l
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your upbeat honesty and humor is refreshing in this otherwise dry, ass-kissing merchant world.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
...and so I said, thats what I named MY glow worm.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-) 

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In Reply: 

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =) 

----------------------------------------------  

Do you really think they'd let us be free? they'd rather watch us squirm in agony, laughing at our misfortune, those cruel cruel laughs... they're coming back to haunt me again... they won't stop, please make them stop, please? and bla bla *stuff* *more paronoied stuff* "MOO!" 



Btw, i vote for 2. 

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yeah, so true. but this loophole is quite funner than a regular forum, you know?
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One day I was born.  Sometime later, I filled out this profile...
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You guys are dangerous.
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love me.


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Im suing ThinkGeek for refresh-carpel-tunnel syndrome. My lawyer says I have a good chance with the bruising on my wrists and little things like my lost sanity. Expect a call from my lawyers ThinkGeek... McDonalds has nothing on me.



~ Carnage / Intellitank
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I have finally cracked the matrix of the Fortune Pages.  After this, I will be able to keep this posted for every fortuen page.  Here is how I did it: Pi, just take the number of Pi, and calculate that by the possibility of the algorithms that monkeys will throws fecal, and divide that with the number of potential number of Fortune entries, and...Presto.

So N x S / T = Owe shit, what the hell was that number again?
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Um...am I supposed to be able to run straight up walls after drinking a case of bawls?  Something seems awfully right here.
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If I Have 2 cows and they both die, am I 

TOATALY screwed?
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"Before you criticize a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That 

 way, you are a mile away from him. And you've got his shoes."
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Why look within yourself for the TRUTH when you're the one who's confused to begin with?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can you help me build a teleportation device?
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Your mother was a Hampster and your father smells of Elderberries.  The Black Knight ALWAYS truimphs.  Supreme executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


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Why am I filling this out?  Who are you?  Where am I?  Where are the pancakes?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one suspects the butterfly!!!!
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Particle man just does the things a particle can.  What's he like? It's not important.
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So far, I haven't seen a single comment praising this site. They're all inane posts about cheese and cows..hmmm..
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Damn you i've wasted an hour of my life hitting F5 waiting for my comment to come up
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Whoa...she's got a nice set of unary operators!
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I have no thoughts.  None whatsoever.  They don't pay me to think.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
give us some skin baby!



flash, that is.




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Coffee talk. Rhode Island. Its neither a road, or an island. Discuss.
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Thank you for your note.

Unfortunately lacking,

Void of any text.
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ive lost all sensation in my sleeve


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Smooth like blue velvet.

Sweet and sour,like a tangerine.

Fresh like a box,of crispy creams.


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If it jams force it, If it breaks it needed replacement anyway.......


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the motivational posters here in corporate hell have been modified, HR is pissed...



...mission accomplished





thanks guys
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I've solved the mistery of why the chicken crossed the road.  He saw his own quote on thinkgeek and was so shocked that he ran out into the road.
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While Billy boy was carving his licences into stone, Linus was busy creating the first jackhammer.
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AHHH! THE APES! THEY'RE ATTACKING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I spent three hours waiting for my quote.

When I found it, I realised I had misspelled something.
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I wish I had a dollar for every time you've pressed F5
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I love your fortune site , its funny


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Did you see that one about what chairs would look like if your knees bent the other way?



well, what about toilets?
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it aint a temp directory if it don't have a core dump


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Today someone said to me, "What the fuck is on your shirt," to which I replied, "I know."
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If think geek were a monkey, it would be a very clean and intelligent one. Not those smelly ones that rarely bath and show little if any intelligence, rather, it would be clean, cordial, and rarely--if ever--throw its own feces.
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I love you thinkgeek
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you are one screwed up little kid... mmmkay


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No sir, left click.  That was a right click.  You need to click the button on the left.....Yes, the mouse is on the right, but the button you need to push is the one on the left side of the mouse.
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Kittens. I like kittens.



Puppies too.



If I had a cat, I would call it "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Cat" but I would spell cat with a k so it would read "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Kat". But it would be kinda stupid yelling "Stealth Ninja RX-47 Cybernetic Warrior Kat" all the time so I think I'll just call it "Fluffy".
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I always come up with a witticism for this box and none ever get posted.  Therefore I shall refrain from making such a comment.
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you guys rock.  i love you humor and everything about you.
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The Silmarillion - in 1,000 words!

Akallabeth



VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!

EDAIN: Cool!

VALAR: Don't come looking for us.

EDAIN: Okay.

ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!

NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!

GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.

NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?

GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!

NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3

NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?

ELVES: You're human?

NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?

VALAR: No.

NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.

ELVES: Fine.

ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.

NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.

MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.

ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?

ELVES: No.

TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?

GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.

AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.

TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!

AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!

SAURON: Okay.

AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.

SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.

AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .

ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!

SAURON: *makes chicken noises*

AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!

ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.

AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!

VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*

AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!

ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!

NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!

NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.

SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?

ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?

NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.



Coming soon... keep refreshing for Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age!
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I may be crazy... but at least it keeps me from going insane
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I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... I once saw a UFO, wait a minute no i didnt that was... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity is a lot like this ... only longer.


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the turtle lies on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun. You're not helping. Why aren't you helping, Leon?
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Your stuff is so cool I'm being forced to turn to a life of crime to fund my T-shirt collection.
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"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. " 

---- 

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years. (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year) 

----

At todays(2004-07-02 iso) rate at 14.99 per t-shirt(generic only, about 95, scientifically 100 as one tend to use only the nearest decade,) increasing the number of bawls to 16 a day, which suggest 1 for each standard issue waking hour. One could buy the t-shirts (1499 approx) and 35673.49 cases of bawls(at 27.99). That is 856163.77 bottles of bawls. At the mentioned rate it would last for 53510.24 days, or 146.51 years. That should keep 2,093 friends nice and jittery for 70 years. A year here is calculated to be 365.2425 days not counting leap seconds, and the slowing rotation of the planet tellus.



Someone may want to check my math.
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Can I frag that, mom?
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Stuff is good.
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I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)
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Look, up in the ether...

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster,

more powerful than a cracker's underarms,

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound,

it's T H I N K G E E K !
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;Schweet. 

&gt;

&gt;  &lt;Poster wrote&gt; 

&gt;

&gt;  "So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing

&gt;  yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be

&gt;  your quote, it would be mine." 

&gt;

&gt;  Hmmm, never thought of it that way.So the next time you see one of my quotes will you let me know? Just want to make sure they are

&gt;  making it. And I'll do the same for you when I see one of your quotes. not sure about the whole switching thing. this could actually be

&gt;  you responding to your own quote if we did that. 



Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

addresses...

But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I need a guy so bad... 

Does anyone know where I can get one???? "



Come down to Georgia Tech, where every single one of my friends are male except for my roommate.  



Remember, down here the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
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I, the mad swimming fiddler of gorgeous bandwidth, always squish repulsive network controllers then sync the enormously unstable kludge drive after logout.





--Playing with my Fridge Code.
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Whats a Shrinter?  I want one, those things are great, shred the docs right out of the printer!  YESSSS!!!, and that Igrill!  MMMMMmmmmmmmmm   FOOD!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;sigh&lt; OS/2 had a window of opportunity

for about two years around '94-'96 when

another 10% of effort on IBM's part would

have transformed it from interesting to 

compelling, but THOSE BOZOS couldn't market

eternal life if it came with a winning

lottery ticket.  &gt;sigh&lt;






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This site is mahvalous dahling, simply mahvalous.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 

Sam sausage like sizzling squirrills.
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I'm a newbie Thinkgeeker...here I sit hitting

F5 over, and over, and...when I'm supposed to

be uploading photos and words to Ebay for my son's

auction! 

It's 12:25 A.M. and I haven't even eaten dinner

yet because of these anonymous, outrageous, stupid

(a great deal of which are copied onto my clipboard for further analysis) posts!

Well, when the boy asks where his auction is,

I'm sending him here!!!

Well, all this cheese talk made me hungry...


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This sentance is not.
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Somedays it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Put your hand inside the Puppet Head.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please let me know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much longer do I have to wait before I can defrag my brain???
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident'

'Strangers Have the Best Candy'

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched'

'Some Kittens Can Fly!'

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion'

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups'

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face'

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?'

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her'

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!'

'All Dogs Go to Hell'

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking'

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It'

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia'

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?'

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?'

'Bi-Curious George'

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver'

'You Are Different and That's Bad'

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 
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Schweet. How about shipping some of the cooler stuff (IBM 6GB MP3 Player) over the pond to the UK. Granted we've just invented electricity and we still wash in rivers but we're entitled to portable mp3 :)


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in this hallucination i get there is a long empty hallway with a little midget at the end of it, smiling back at me and blatantly yelling "Gandalf!".  I call him Mr. Piccolini.
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Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
im gonna put on a pirate costume...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You got bawls.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thiss sentence has theee errors




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General protection fault at 0347d2f. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et A Beer?

Error: hit ant user to contiune.

Smash head on keyboard to continue
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Captain, the LAN is sinking and there aren't 

enough hubs!
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We geeks are an important natural resource.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm looking through your new t-shirts and cracking up all over the place!

You guys almost made me swallow my gum!

You guys could make me sneeze a whole can of caffinated mints out my nose!



Rock on!!


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It scares me how much I like this site. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yizzup! you thinkgeek jive turkeys, always tinkin of the shnizital bam shnip-snahp stuff!  Being a long time patron of your site, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making this site worth my time every time.
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The world is going to hell, and I'm driving the bus.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Caffeine soap works better than viagra.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Simpsons quote&gt;

Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain...? 

&lt;/Simpsons quote&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There appears to be a free bond on the carbon atom at the rightmost vertex of the representation of everyone's favorite alkaloid on a certain shirt and mug.

I just thought I'd like to point that out.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PI=3.



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7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436

7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094

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9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798

6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132

0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872

1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235

4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960

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7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303

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2131449576 8572624334 4189303968 6426243410 7732269780

2807318915 4411010446 8232527162 0105265227 2111660396



6655730925 4711055785 3763466820 6531098965 2691862056

4769312570 5863566201 8558100729 3606598764 8611791045

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3845534372 9141446513 4749407848 8442377217 5154334260



3066988317 6833100113 3108690421 9390310801 4378433415

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0373572652 7922417373 6057511278 8721819084 4900617801

3889710770 8229310027 9766593583 8758


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This BETTER show up, or I'm gonna kick some you-know-what.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? 

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. 

How about achieving 103%? 

Mathematical proof... 

What Makes 100%? 

Here's a little maths that might prove helpful. 

What makes life 100% ? 

If: 

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. 

Then: 

H A R D W O R K 

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% 

K N O W L E D G E 

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% 

But.....

A T T I T U D E 

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100% 

And.....

B U L L S H I T 

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103% 

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullsh*t will put you over the top. 

And look how far ass kissing will take you. 

A S S K I S S I N G 

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118% 

Never thought about it like that before, huh! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;How do I get a date??? Please give me the source code!



How's pascal?



function GetDate() : TDateTime;

var ADate : TDateTime;

begin

    ADate := Now;

    Return(ADate);

end;



Compile and enjoy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he used to dress up like a girl bunny?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I luv seals!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you remember when Ethernet was invented, there's a good chance Time Life publishes a collection of songs you grew up with...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Space aliens stole my Gerald Ford doll!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are all about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block. They pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. She claims she can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free too.



They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Oh, wait a minute, I see your problem..."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
yibble yibble yibble
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.dear willie, i did this survey without understanding it..but i love to do it

anyway because its like being there with you.

hope you will drop a line.and i will try to find a way of bookmarking this thinkgeek.

lots of love mom


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Glad I found you!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *see* the blinking lights!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As the lights changed from green to yellow to red and back to green, I thought to myself, "What if it really is all just a bunch of honking and screaming?"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;shameless&gt;

Jon is my hero, his desk is the coolest

&lt;/shameless&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Apollo Domain/OS was the first fielded and viable workstation operating system.  DCE was originally NCS, which came from this OS.  Apollo's Carnival 12 minute short shown at Siggraph in 87 was the first time anyone used a large network of computers, they used 900+ computers (including secretaries machines) to render this short.



Given the contributions of this OS, I request it get added to the list of OSes people can select in the next survey.



It only died when HP a) bought Apollo and b) sold a workstation that would run HP/UX or Apollo Domain/OS  c) 85% of sales continued to be Domain/OS.  So, HP Brilliantly killed it to keep it from outselling their own native product.



A lot of major applications, including this nations Air Traffic Management System, were built and ran on this system.



Oh yea, in 1985 I watched three machines next to each other, and a ball bouncing across their monitors like it was one machine.  The networking in OS has yet to be matched.  Every device on every machine was available to every other machine as if it was local.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
if i had a million melons,

i'd make the melons milkshakes
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DON'T YOU HATE PANTS?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 





My cat's breath smells like cat food ... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman

A: autoexec.bat"



nah, that's /etc/mail/sendmail.cf.  damn rewrite rules.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So I can just type anything here?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
and bingo was his name-o
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I saw a shop. They were selling monkeys for 5cents. I brought 200 of them. I took them to my house. I had a car. It was cool. I let one of the monkeys drive it. His name was Rufus. He was a retard. They were all retarded. They just kept hitting themselves in the genitals.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bob is the name of the monky that lives in my tree


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your insight will make you very successful.



(reverse side)

1 - 22 - 33 - 35 - 44 - 46
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I no longer fear hell, for I have had a Micro$oft Audit.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What I really wanted to say about ThinkGeek was that it is the Bee's Knees... but that wasn't a choice. Seriously, though, you guys are speaking to me on a soul-to-soul level. Keep up the good work.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are just times in which you need to stop and TEAR THE ROSES OUT OF THE GROUND AND STOMP ON THEM AND CRUSH THEM AND BURN THE REMAINS and then go back to merrily walking down the path.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every time you press F5, God kills a monkey.



Please, think of the monkeys.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Um, yeah. I'm hoping the shirt I ordered will get me laid in the near future.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My mom couldn't design a better site!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once I thought I was a variable.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ducks have no thumbs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Doogie Howser Loves you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i feel stupid.. i finally saw my post after 3 hours.. and accidently refreshed F5 without even waking any up..



it's only 4.a.m
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I never knew there were people stranger than me until I saw your site. Thank you ThinkGeek.com. You made my day go by a little slower.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Frog Blast the Vent Core!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monkey ninja throwing pies... He really kick ass.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI.   &gt;&gt;&gt;







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene.  bettsy being my cactus....



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!!


%0
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really wish They Might Be Giants would come to town 

and play a show with the Violent Femmes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All electrons used in this post are recycled.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So you see, Lone Star, Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a canoe rolls into your backyard and loses all four wheels, then how many pancakes does it take to fill up a cat house?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
anything i'd ever want to buy, is here. except for ashtrays. no ashtrays yet. s'ok.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eggs are Chicken Seeds.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The blue monkeyfish lives in the portal near Greenwold.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Smack my ass and call me sally
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's only one thing missing... computer humor. I have included a humorous yet logical equation below to get you started. It is entitled Proof That Girls Are Evil. Sorry that my keyboard does not include the square root symbol, but I have abbreviated where appropriate.



Girls cost time and money, therefore

GIRL = TIME x MONEY



Time costs money, so

TIME = MONEY

GIRL = MONEY x MONEY



Everyone knows that money is the root of all evil, therefore

MONEY = sq. root of EVIL

GIRL = sq. root of EVIL x 2 = EVIL

GIRL = EVIL
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like it when things happen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Number one in the hood 'G'
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



By way of chance I have calculated the current size of the ThinkGeek random-generated comment database.Given that I have made a total of 10 quotes to ThinkGeek, and it takes me on average 42 refreshes to see at least oneof these quotes, the present size is approximately 10.5 GB. do i win a t-shirt?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I still think that "Mr. Microphone" is cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The apocryphal acronym you thought you knew!

My Secret Damned Obtuse System?

Master's Serenity Demands Obsequious

	Servitude?

Malarky Sucks Dinero Outta' Society?

Malefactor Stiffs Dummies On Software?

Monopoly Survives Democracy's Obligatory

	Stupidity?

Macintosh is a system. Windows is a shell.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I finally found my live long and ASCII post... after days and serval comments, i found one... YES!.  problem is it's doesn't look right, i goofed in my choice of characters... life happens: ARCADE.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I had a thought, but I lost it somewhere...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
ALL YOUR FEEDBACK ARE BELONG TO US


||||||||||##########||||||||||
me -  knock knock

you - uh whos there?

me -  horsp

you - horsp who? 

me -  haha!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
asdf...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For the beans!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your website is awesome and really makes my day go better.  I am a female geek and feel that it is about time that we get credit for all of our contributions to the techie world.  Thanks for all the fun gear, keep up the good work!!



~~Andrea



Schweet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I am schizophrenic.

and so am I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok, so I have this fish name Mr. Fish. Now I thought this was the most creative name in the world. So then one day at school my teacher gets a little aquarium and two fish for it. I didn't think anything of it until she put up a little sign with their names: Bubbles and Mr. Fish. Now I'm thinking that something's going on here. I mean, what kind of wierd person could come up with a name like that?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!  You have now reached the end of the Fortunes list.  Please stand up.  Go take your first bathroom break in 15 days, get more caffine, and hit 'F5' to start all over again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Every time I talk god steals my pants, I think it's a conspiracy, mainly between God and my trousers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek kicks utter assage.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if i had a goat would i be cool?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Welcome to ThinkGeek.com, join the world's largest Quest For Your Own Post!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gamera's really neat,

Gamera's filled with turtle meat,

We all love you Gamera!



Sandy Frank tried to kill me with a fork lift you know.



Good night,

TV's Frank
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Bloodless Bob to Monkey One...the lemmings are in position.  Drop 

    your payload!" 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately 2 billion 

children (persons under 18) in the 

world. However, since Santa does not 

visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, 

Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist 

religions, this reduces the workload on 

Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 

378 million (according to the Population 

Reference Bureau). At an average 

(census) rate of 3.5 children per 

household, that comes to 108 million 

homes, presuming that there is at least 

one good child in each.



II. Santa has about 31 hours of 

Christmas to work with, thanks to the 

different time zones and rotation of 

the earth, assuming he travels east to 

west (which seems logical). This works 

out to 967.7 visits per second. This 

is to say that for each Christian 

household with at least one good child, 

Santa has around 1/1000th of a second 

to park the sleigh, jump out, go down 

the chimney, fill the stockings, 

distribute the remaining presents 

under the tree, eat whatever snacks have 

been left for him, get back up the 

chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move 

on to the next house. (That's why it's 

really pointless to stay up and wait 

for him....)



Assuming that each of these 108 million 

stops is evenly distributed around the 

earth (which, of course, we know to be 

false, but will accept for the purposes 

of our calculations), we are now talking 

about 0.78 miles per household; a total 

trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting 

bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's 

sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 

3000 times the speed of sound. For the 

purposes of comparison, the fastest 

man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space 

probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per 

second, and a conventional reindeer can 

run (at best) 15 miles per hour.



III. The payload of the sleigh adds 

another interesting element. Assuming 

that each child has nothing more than 

a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), 

the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand 

tons, not counting Santa himself. On 

land, a conventional reindeer can pull 

nothing more than 300 pounds. Even 

granted that "flying" reindeer could 

pull ten times the normal amount, the 

job can't be done with eight or nine 

of them; Santa would need 360,000 of 

them. This increases the payload, not 

counting the sleigh itself, another 

54,000 tons, or roughly seven times 

the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the 

ship, not the monarch).



IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles 

per second creates enormous air 

resistance; this would heat up the 

reindeer in the same fasion as a 

spacecraft re-entering the earth's 

atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer 

would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules 

of energy per second each. In short, 

they would burst into flames almost 

instantaneously, exposing the reindeer 

behind them and causing deafening 

sonic booms in their wake. The entire 

reindeer team would be vaporized within 

4.2 thousandths of a second, or right 

about the time Santa reaches the fifth 

house on his trip. Not that it matters, 

however, since Santa, as a result of 

accelerating from a dead stop to 650 

miles per second in .001 seconds, would 

be subjected to centrifugal forces of 

17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which 

seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned 

to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 

pound of force, instantly crushing his 

bones and organs and reducing him to a 

quivering blob of pink goo.



V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's 

dead now.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heh heh heh...I'm not fat...I'm festively plump!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ok so i found a way to stop refreshing this page!  step 1: order something.  Step 2:  Get a tracking number and plug it in to UPS tracker.  Step 3: Refresh their page
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like squirrels.  They're fidgety and they have small hands.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Moo-cow, moo-cow, silly as he is:

Styling and shrieking and throwing a tiz:

Must've been the guv-ner who threw him a 

bone:

But...

:little do we know where that bone came 

from.

Do we?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I, 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have YOU refreshed today?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who wants to touch me!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are all truly and completely mad!  I love you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
{{{"I see," said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.}}}



WHOA!!



I finally found my quote!

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! Can I get an 'amen' to that, Brother Armand??? Miracles can happen!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cheese.



Somebody on the random thoughts put this: It does not make sense. 

Chewbacca was a 6 foot tall wookie, and he lived on Endor with a bunch of 2 foot ewoks. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit. 



YOU IDIOT! Chewbacca never lived on Endor..when will you people learn?!



BTW-My friends and I are making a computer that will be nothing but cheese! Cheese monitor, cheese motherboard....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I heart you ThinkGeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Leave now while you still have money!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals? 



If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, 

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, 

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, 

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! 



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, 

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, 

And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, 

Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! 



You can't say this? What a shame sir! 

We'll find you another game sir. 



If the label on the cable on the table at your house, 

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, 

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, 

That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss 

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, 

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 

'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! 



When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, 

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, 

Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ah ha! Yes! This is nearly as exciting as that time I lit the bald man's hair on fire!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
All fingers swolen... text on f5 key faded. am licking refresh button using mouse. first with feet, now with tounge. it hurts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are totally my kind of guys, Computer Geek!! I wuv you. 

Happy Holidays from a totally sexy Texas babe.

~~Amanda~~~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bob, you know BOB. It all started when he looked at himself in the mirror one day and said "You know what Bob, Im not going to take any more of you crap". This lead him to stop all his high and mighty slacking and start out on a mysterious voyage that...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



As i endeavor to compile

to ThinkGeeks site i set my dial,

with rants and raves so truly schweet

i often know i cant compete.



Yet nonetheless i must consider 

a parting chance to deliver,

some limrick bade of lusty prOn

as my compile goes on and on.



And yet in jest and monkeys stride

i hasten my ditty to reside,

on thinkgeeks server to append

my damn compile has crashed again.....




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a chick so bad...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have two brains.  Wanna see?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dog chow tastes like bad mud.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who shot who in the what now?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
heheh...Im a progamer



umm...I'm a pogrammer



errr...I am a proggamer



umm, err...I'm ah proragmer



I WRITE CODE!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've been sitting her pressing F5 for over an hour looking for my own post when I realized that I forgot what I had posted. 



Please help me remember what I posted, I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!!!!



^sigh^




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweetness. "Base 8 is just like base 10, if you're missing 2 fingers!" -Tom Lehrer
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The moon is poking me!!!! AAAAGGGHHHH!!! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the chocolate please. :o)

My cat's name is Mittens, and I have another cat too, but I'm not going to tell you his name....BOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your customer service is most excellant. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this BUTTON DO? HEY! THE LIGHT WENT ON. WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE MY LETTERS THIS BIG? HMZ.. I DON'T LIKE THIS... MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BUTTEN I JUST PUSHED... WAIT A SEC, MAYBE THIS helps... wow.. thank goodness.. I need a break, a cup of tea and my daily soap..



- everyday adventures of a mother and her sons computer
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Best online store ever!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
panda are nice animals


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't ya jsut hate it when your about to fall asleep and you wonder to yourself...Did I set the alarm?  No....you know if you check to make sure it is set you will find that it is, and of course.  have a hell of a time trying to get back to sleep...On the other than, if you et lazy and do not check.  The alarm will not be set, and you will sleep in for that very important first day of work the next day.  I HATE THAT!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Give a man Code and fix him for the day, teach a man Code and then be prepared to fix him for a lifetime.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If privacy is outlawed, only outlaws will have privates.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two days ago, I was with a gorgeous female friend of mine.  We both had

our laptops up and running and I was showing her digital photos of a

party we had both been at.  She wanted to have copies of some of the

photos, but we didn't have any interconnection between the two laptops.

So I said, hey, look at this, and pulled my key chain that holds by Targus Go-Anywhere USB Drive out of my pocket, pulled off the cover, and said

"128 megabytes of non-volatile storage".  She immediately gave me a big smile,

said "Oh, you're so wonderful!", threw herself into my arms, and kissed

me.  I swear that this is a true story.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As I sit here, broken Hearted

I just realize, someone farted.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates.  The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend.  The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie.  To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was like that when I got here!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...




||||||||||##########||||||||||
unlike other counter strike players, its not the lag that makes me suck, its my lack of depth perception.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's 10:16 pm.  



Do you know where your comments are?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what? Neither do I.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bah, i hate the "Back" button, it always takes to me to places i have allready been.






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet!! I need powdered caffiene for my Purple Monkey Dishwasher.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
//
||||||||||##########||||||||||
your site makes me feel dirty inside... and i like it
||||||||||##########||||||||||
brains.  brains are so hot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwheet? That's the default comment? That's just ludicrous!!! I think it should read more along the lines of -"ThinkGeek kicks ass, and thanks to scheduled caffeine deliverys,and telecommunication to 'work' I no longer have to deal with real people. And when I do, I can just take out the railgun and blow them up.



Ok, mabye I had just a weee too much caffeine. Is that possible? *shrugs*



Now, were where we? Oh yes, the rail gun...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Turn off the lights, they're burning my hair...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What if there were no such thing as a hypothetical question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
42.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever notice how in the early epoisodes of Scooby Doo, when the mystery Machine opened, smoke rolled out towards the top of the van?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think modern science should graft 

functional wings on a pig, simply so no 

one can ever use that stupid saying 

again.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Many misguided mangy male monkeys mainly making malformed muskets.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot. 



this is weird because i had a cat called mittens that got killed, and because i was young and impressionable, ever since then i have kidnapp any cat i ever saw called mittens.



now i call all my cats "monkey tailed wak-wak hubba acid lover", now thats original
||||||||||##########||||||||||
. . . One day I will insert a live wire in the cd-rom tray of this here server . . . wonder if the sparks will look like fireworks . . . fireworks are pretty ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
As I sit here, after hours on end 

searching for my own post, it dawns 

on me: I don't need to see it, I WROTE

the damn thing.



Funny how that doesn't stop me from 

searching...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... oh wait, he does.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
(from an actual instant messenger log)



SCOTT: I probably won't have much else to do.

SCOTT: Consider this:

SCOTT: I've got a PlayStation with about seven games.

SCOTT: A SNES with 15-20.

SCOTT: Quake III, and an SNES emulator on my computer.

SCOTT: So what am I doing?

SCOTT: Playing solitaire.



PHIL: I have a playstation (only 2 games, but both well worth it), an SNES with about 10-15 games, an N64 with a couple of games, a Game Boy with about 10-15 games, countless abbandonware games on my computer, a game boy emulator, an SNES emulator, a genesis emulator, and a GI Joe over there 



 ------&gt;



And I'm watching public television because the girl playing the piano has neat shoes.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that no matter how many quotes i submit, none of them ever get posted.  i just want to see my quote.  hey, wait, this one got posted! YES!  this is so cool, i got my quote posted.  you are reading my quote!  that means that it got posted! YES!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK, I GOT POSTED ON THINKGEEK.COM!!!!! IVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE!!!! wait a sec, they never post my quotes, that means that you arent reading this right now because it wasn't posted... ... ... CRAP!!! i knew it wouldnt get posted, but i submitted it anyways.  DO'H!!! IM SO STUPID, I SUBMITTED A QUOTE EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW IT WOULDN'T GET POSTED!!!!   *slams head visciously on desk multiple times* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *(goes unconcious and falls on floor)* *thud*



time passes...



some more time passes...



even more time passes...



geez, wake up already...



even more time passes...



*wakes up*



"I hate you think geek.  even though i am madly in love with your fortune page, i hate you.



-deadsaxy1
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

I am a Gecko! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-) 

3. Yes...  we need a message board!  It would give us something to do while spending more money ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's nothing like owning a Jeep. As a guy, everyone thinks I own one in order to compensate for certain ... we'll say deficiencies. That was until I put the "geek." and "fsck" stickers on my car. Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Aleph0 bottles of beer on the wall, aleph0 bottles of beer!  Take one down, pass it around, alepho0 bottles of beer on the wall!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Intercal in the "preferred languages" drop-down. Nice touch :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can't sleep, clown will eat me... Can't 

sleep, clown will eat me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood would a woodchuck buy if a woodchouck would buy wood?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
NO, NOT MY ARMS!!!  That's where my hands live.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder how many times I would have to reload to see my own comment
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Would you like to buy a monkey?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know that comment "Hello Kitty has no mouth." ? I think I wrote that. But I don't remember .. So, like, if you wrote it, let me know. Until then, I claim it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Any sufficiently technologically advanced music is indistinguishable from line noise.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
whered i put my pants this time

oh well i wont need them for at least a 

couple days


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; Am I pretty? Tell me I'm pretty. 



if (female) printf("You are pretty");

else printf("You are lonely");
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i didn't sell my soul



i just lease it out on a monthly basis
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Iceberg lettuce is a poor substitute for a Ferrari
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep on being the best shop out there :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You run a badass operation.



Oh, and BeOS is cool too.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stuff for smart masses

ThinkGeek is so sweet it kicks

Serious asses



&lt;it's a haiku&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Isn't this a stupid question?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know your sad when the funniest you see are on the ThinkGeek fortune page.  Like this:



"Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman 

A: autoexec.bat"



Thanks to whoever posted it, it made my day(s).


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Think for yourself, Question Authority" - Dr. Tim Leary
||||||||||##########||||||||||
more pudding....where did i leave my keys....have i got enough milk for tomorrow.....oh god i forgot to call my sister......where's that number...is that the time....phew ive missed thetraffic..wonder if ill get my expenses
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One time i ate a bug.  


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What is this box? Ah yes, the box... the box 

simply labelled 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

... Does this require me to input my effort 

into writing a 

Suggestions/Comments/Thoughts/Rants

? Am I to do one of each, or must I do all? 

What if I want to do some of them? But, 

this box... I type... I am typing, this is cool. I 

can type, very cool... I like to type... I can 

type fast... My hand is getting tired... *click*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Most people are like slinkies. Worthless, but fun to push down stairs. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
tachyon emissions
||||||||||##########||||||||||
%&gt;what_girls_say.mp3 &gt; /dev/null


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your mother is a shrew, and your father smells of elderberries.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not the messiah, I'm a very naughty boy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stop the squirrels.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be working
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bawls.

you got me started on bawls.



thank you.

damn you.

thank you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
this is my comment. it sits here, waiting for someone to read it. oh, wait, you're reading it? gasp! golly! gee-willikers! well, that's enough of that then.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."



   Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some day I will drink milk, and be bigger than you...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can tell a lot about a person... by going through their wallet


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why, when I was your age...oh wait, I'm not your age yet.  Sorry.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Porn or more thinkgeek?  Porn or more thinkgeek?

(flips coin)

Damn.  Mmkay, let's go 2 outta 3...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like windows,

I have no cred.

But eventually it crashes

So I know I'll get to bed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really hate Visual Basic.

Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Windows 95 for Dummies describes the mouse as 'a smooth little plastic thing that looks like Soap on a Rope'



Does anyone else find that amusing?!  HUH?!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what's frightening? I *do* work for bandwidth. There is no way I would work even part-time (as I am currently) for the sad hourly wages I currently receive. But I'm enjoying the stark contrast between the T3 I have access to at work and my sad, hum-filled-phone-line-induced 14.4k connection at home.



So in other words, throw in a tin of penguin mints and my boss has a deal.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a tree falls in a forest, and it lands on Bill Gates, who wouldn't celebrate?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

  (refresh for another) 

  My cat's name is mittens." 



  That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious

  as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Titanic monkey sniffings.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?"



First they coat the pan with Teflon, then they put it in an oven and let it bake. They usually do this a total of three times.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have a cat his name is 5.

I want to get another little Kitty and name it script.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My entire Christmas list next year will be stuff from this site. Very cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;DELETE FROM Fortunes WHERE Fortune LIKE '%mittens%'

Ahhhhhh.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The fact that this site exists scares me.



The fact that I visit it and have ordered things from it scares me far more.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ph33r my lack of b33r!  Oh wait.  There it is...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Without thinkgeek, I'm nothing.  You own me


||||||||||##########||||||||||
oh o!  my '' key does't work!  oh the humaity!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Quoth the raven "Well, maybe a couple more times..."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"The two major things to come out of Berkeley are BSD and LSD.  We don't believe this is a coincidence."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Need some sort of connection to my ERP system to know when I need to reorder the Linux Fish when some "script kiddie" steals it of my 1972 Dodge Dart.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If there's anything more important than my ego around I want it caught and shot now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am sequestered in corporatedom. You helped me regain my faith in the spirit of geeks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hello world
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You show me a problem that can't be fixed with more sauce... and I'll show you a problem that dosen't need fixing.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think this is like the most awesome way to like read other pbls thoughts.. you can sit here for hrs and read others thoughts on stuff, even if it's like ridiculously stupid.  It's just waaaay more awesome than a normal message brd. : D


||||||||||##########||||||||||
applesauce!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day I hope to have a geek-girlfriend who would look stupendously cute in one of your ladies' geek shirts.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
reality is a nice place to visit ... 

but i wouldn't want to live there.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not worthy to visit this site....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
if I had a dog, I'd name him Jesus.  That way when religious people came to my door and asked me if I had Jesus in my heart I could reply, "No, I've got him chained to the back fence."



B-Side
||||||||||##########||||||||||
LOGIC "Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines." 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Don't kid yourself Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about."

 -Troy McClure
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Colleen is hot.  Why did the Tagi Alliance vote her off?  WHY?  ANSWER ME!!!!



Oh, nice site you've got here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's with the crazy sizes? S, M, and L would be more than enough. I'm confused. XXXL? Sounds pornographic.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Go go gadget web site!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's too much blood in my caffeine stream!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
after 5 pots of coffee, i have noticed a pattern in the posts after hitting refresh.  Thats right a pattern.  Once i figure it out i will be able to write a script to refresh me to my own posts, then i will post the script...yes...then...must....caffine...think...co ffe...slurp glug glug...then, everyone will get it and use it, and the fortune page will no longer have the power it does!!!!  TAKE THAT thinkgeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
After reading these things for so long, I can tell you exactly about most of them...



50% - Something to do with CHEESE

25% - "Timmy" or something related

10% - Science Fiction related

10% - Other

05% - Comments relating to "Bawls."


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The power of your 3l337n3$$ compels me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SPOOOOOOOOON!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
speaking in haiku

is so bloody difficult

i gave up at lunch


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'm wearing pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach it the lotus position.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
               __________

              /          \

             /            \

            /  &lt;o&gt;    &lt;o&gt;  \

           /                \

          /    &lt;=======&gt;     \

          \                  /

           \                /

            \              /

             \            /

              |           |

              |           |

             /             \

           //    _______    \\

          //    /        \   \\

         //    /          \   \\

        //    /            \   \\

       //    /              \   \\

==========================================

Yes... and yes...

(for those interested, the questions are:

1. That's supposed to be an ASCII drawing

of Tux, right?

2. You know it sux, right?

)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Since the draft release of the Human Genome, we're all Open Source!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why must 95% of people embrace the abomination that is (*shudder*) Windows?  It is more crash-happy than my alcholic uncle driving home from the micro-brewery.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't change a thing. As Largo from "MEGATOKYO" would say "I ph34r the l33tn355 of ThinkGeek"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wallace and Gromit say the moon is made out of cheese...I sure hope so...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Goats!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
HE IS NOT!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...





Hello mosquito,



Thanks for the stuff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
No one will ever need more than 64K of knowledge.  Everything else is already somebody else's intellectual property.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
SO Don was like: "yu-gi-oh", and I was like: "If only I had my sword"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On A Scale Of One To Five This Place Is A

Wang-Tastic Five!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't get Jolt at a decent price in Germany, which sucks a donkey's ass.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Gibnut is a smallish rodent that lives in the jungle, roughly equivalent to a rat.  A very large rat.  And it's a delicacy in central america.  Don't order gibnut even if it's the special. It's rat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cisco, he he he...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much cheese does it take to incapacitate a full grown asian elephant?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clearly you guys kick all the ass, yes, that's right, alllllllllllllll the ass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ok...... im only gonna press f5 one more time...... honest.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Woo-hoo!



I found my quote after only about 6 hours!!

(not counting the 2.5-3 hour break where I actually did some work :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:



Chocolate Chip Cookies:



Ingredients:



532.35 cm3 gluten

4.9 cm3 NaHCO3

4.9 cm3 refined halite

236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11

177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11

4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao

236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)



To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.



Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess I just wanted to thank you guys for selling sock monkeys, cause those lil things are what this country was founded on, back in the days of old, George Washington cried at night, just waiting for the next Brittish invasion, but his sock monkey kept him calm and collected, and single handedly he crossed that river and did that stuff to make us a FREE nation!  and later on, when Lincoln was fighting the civil war, his sock monkey was there to advise him on southern tactics, and we all know how THAT turned out!  when the Apollo 13 took off, that there sock monkey was the key ingredient to thier survival, without the monkey's arms and legs, they would NEVER would have gotten that square filter to fit into the round hole.  Then, when things were tough between the US and Russia, all it took was a sock monkey and Gorbachev went all soft and cudly.  and now, George Bush Jr. and his sock monkey have cheated thier way into the white house, just goes to prove, with a sock monkey, you can do ___anything___.



I love those things...



--Travis
||||||||||##########||||||||||
At home I have a brick wall in my living room. I covered it with wall paper with pictures of bricks on it, just so I would be the only one that knew. I tell visitors to touch it, it feels real.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For he who dies with the most frags wins =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh shit, tha Brady Bunch is on!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thanks to all your stupid postings, during 

the few times I sleep 

I keep having dreams of Monkeys taking 

over the world with cheese pies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
In a world of pie...  I think I'd be orange.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Whatever you do, dont make this page your Home page.

It will suck your time every time you open a new window...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why don't you stop....dressing me up like a mailman.....


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-)

---------------------------------------------- 

In Reply:

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hmmm.... how often do i have to refresh until i get my own comment?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Become a religion...=)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have this monkey for you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'll have your spam.  I love it.

I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam

baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can't write Haiku.

Something about syllables.

I don't understand.



/TB
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A fortune is like a potato chip...  you can't have just one.



*reload*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
with all the monkey comments Jane Goodall would love this place
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When I grow up, I wanna be the manager of a toxic waste plant, and then I'll get even with those muscle-bound twits who used to beat me up in PhysEd, and I'll bury their homes in stinking sludge and banananananananana (whew, almost couldn't stop there) peels and I'll, like, make toxic rain come down and burn the football field where Missy Werner made fun of me and beat me up, and _then_ I'll show 'em all, I'll, I'll, I'll, well I'll do something, just you wait!  And I would've done it sooner, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Monkeys should be purple



The voices told me so



and your stuff is cool



they said that too, and I agree
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I would never drink coffee unless I was alone or with someone


||||||||||##########||||||||||
What's the deal with grapenuts?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can only stare in awe of the ammount of caffeine you stock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that if you set this page to your start page then open your browser a bunch you get a bunch of whitty comments... I like rocks...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ALL YOUR COMMENTS ARE BELONG TO US!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

2. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!

3. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!!



Also, why the heck can't I see my comments? Eh? 





axehat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, I've just finished killing the last hour of my 

work day hitting F5.  So far I've learned that:



1) Jen sounds hot

2) Someone lost their virginity because of ThinkGeek

3) Fireworks are pretty

4) Jen IS hot.

5) Fat people sing country songs in the shower

6) Ummm...  hmmm...  that I can kill an hour 

hitting F5 and still have enough time left to write 

this before I get to go home and watch a couple pr0n 

MPGs before heading out to Redmond in hopes of 

being able to pie Bill Gates as he's leaving work.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Want to know something completely irrelevent?  I'm in school and now I have to go to the library to type a report.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never trust a man who can count to 1023 on his fingers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do I get a date??? Please give me the source code! 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
umm....yes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate......

He realized that he could not have put on the garter belt and panty hose himself,because they were black...very unfashionable to where black at this time of year,and he was all about fashion.At this point he was questioning if he were even awake at that moment-"Perhaps this is all a dream, and I never got out of bed wrote any Japanese poetry,pondered the universe,or put on a pair of overalls and a straw hat......
||||||||||##########||||||||||
not bad for americans.... :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;From my calculations on a sample of 1000 posts, here are the statistics I have found: 

&lt;&lt;

&lt;&lt;Post Contains Total Percentage 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys 78 7.8 

&lt;&lt;Cheese/Pie 132 13.2 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie 242 24.2 

&lt;&lt;"Bumper sticker" Comments 206 20.6 

&lt;&lt;"Where is my post?" 342 34.2 



If 24.2% of fortunes contain both Monkeys AND cheese/pie, wouldn't at least that many contain monkeys (he stated 7.8%), or at least that many contain Cheese/pie (where he stated only 13.2%) this must be some weird sample of posts where 11.0% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Cheese/Pie) (which is a contradiction [you know the opposite of a tautology]) and 15.4% contain (Monkeys AND Cheese/Pie) AND NOT (Monkeys) (also a contradiction).



Just being the logic police like I always am.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Favourite Comment:



Programming is an art form that fights back.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am a frog. 

A frog of war. 



Bing!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a labotomy.  Do they have Quickie-Labotomy stores?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You should sell goats.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi, my name's Ed and im a thinkgeekaholic.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;&gt;If you are reading this, send an e-mail to d1gitalphoenix@aol.com. 



&gt;&gt;I really wanna get to know the kinda person who would sit in a chair all day and continuously hit F5. 





&gt;Does it count if i was sitting in bed (laptop), and hitting reload in opera? okay, i have too much time on my hands



I have logged a total of 20 hours the last two weeks hitting F5 :o )



Purple monkey dishwashers rule  

~Absolut Lush


||||||||||##########||||||||||
if it's not on fire, it's usually a software problem
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hackers dream, and a programmers paradise.



dim objSite as coolSite

set objSite = createobject("ThinkGeek.com")



objSite.Rock()


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Don't trust chipmunks. They're evil. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sometimes I worry about Particle Man.  What if he is in my glass of milk?  How would I know?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

I remember when I was a little kid, and my mother would get all liquored up... and try to make pancakes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Broke my hand on a pineapple.  Didn't even care.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red Ninja?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My co-workers are idiots.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When you go the poles this year, do a write-in for Castro as president and see what happens.
||||||||||##########||||||||||




23 hrs 28 min of F5. 



Whew!!  I finally saw one of submissions!!!



Im a published writer, yippppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!



Do you guys submit these to the Pulitzer committee???






||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actual Sign in Acapulco Hotel:



"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE"






||||||||||##########||||||||||
I hope this doesn't mean I'm really a geek now.  Oh wait . . . Shit.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Actually I like fridgeOS its pritty straight forward... door open = light on... 

Html is my lag of choice but that ain't there! =] every thing else though!

I like to DOODLE... and not in that way!

Yeah, your site totaly owns.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I agree wholeheartedly with the last post.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
errrr....

how long does this drink take to wear off....ive been whistling the tetris tune for 4 hours straight
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Poster wrote&gt;



"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.' You've got to understand the nature of the regime we're dealing with." 



-President George W. Bush, the LEADER OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD 



&lt;/&gt;





when that stray nuke goes off in your backyard, you just let us know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So two muffins were sitting in the oven.



The first muffin looks over and says. "Damn, its getting hot in here."



The other muffin looks over in surprise and yells "Hollyshit a talking muffin!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..."



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
never put cheddar cheese biscuits in your disk drive.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was lost and had only the steel I had to cut me forward.  I am a little boy speaking as a man and wearing a suit that squeezes on the parts that make me forget that I am a little boy and I am not moving as I would like to be.  I am standing still and the heavens are wheeling about me, and the moisture and the atmosphere polarize, so that the colors are always changing.  And my sense of time is so acute, that I can hear it: I will be free.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I give up. I can't find my quote.

If anyone finds it, please let me know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
my hamster is biting my foot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
you are nice people


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the whole world was as unserious as you crazy goons it would be a much nicer place to live!



By the way, it took me 47.9 seconds to answer this survey, not 46.4 as you promised!  I think the error might be attributable to me not being able to remember when I was born.  You should definitely fix this mistake.  Send beer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Never underestimate the bandwith of my volvo-stationcar full of tapes hulring down the freeway!" 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
hammers hehehe hammers
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Three

Hamsters

Insisted

Nobody

Knew

Green

Easter

Eggs

Kill

...

Couldn't

Overcome

Malady.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
THE CASE OF THE MISSING COMMENTS



   It was a dark, foreboding night. The kind you only see in the movies (or the internet). A figure emerges from the shadows, short and slightly overweight. It was Professor Uber Geek, the well known Uzbekistanian Detective. He lifted his hat from his head and began to speak.

   "Trust me, my friends. The comments cannot be too far. It has only been a few minutes. To solve this mystery, we must first examine the scene of the crime: ThinkGeek.com."

   Upon arriving at the local CyberCafe and spending nearly four hours at ThinkGeek.com (most of which was probably spent shopping), Professor Geek was determined that the culprits are a clever league of monkeys and cows.

   His logic was later mapped out in a well known poster, "The Case Of The Missing Comments: An Examination (Movie 1 of 12): The Clever Office Poster". 

   It looked something like this:



              THE CASE OF THE MISSING COMMENTS

                       AN EXAMINATION

                         THE MOVIE

                 

                    (picture of Uber Geek)



Clue 1: comments are submitted to ThinkGeek initially.



Clue 2: as far as I can tell, there are no third parties involved,

namely, Microsoft or RedHat or Intel or AMD.



Clue 3: as soon as a comment is submitted, it is never seen by it's    original creator, however:



Clue 4: everyone seems to be able to the quote.



Theory 1: A futuristic invisible-cookie system, so ThinkGeek.com will know who is accessing their Customer Fortune page and filter it appropriatly.



Theory 2: The ThinkGeek staff is holding all the comments hostage, while formulating their own comments, and laughing as they monitor the usage stats for \fortune.shtml.



Theory 3: Somehow, a league of cows and monkeys was involved in the kidnapping of the comments and brainwashing of the ThinkGeek staff. It is the comments of the clever monkeys and cows that we see.



              Personally, I'm electing theory 3.



            

              COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU

                   THINKGEEK PICTURES, LTD.













To be continued...

-PC                        
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm bored. Anyone got a computer problem I can help with? I'm really quite good at these things. Anyone? Anyone at all?



Oh, fine. I'll just watch Fox's Thursday night crap-a-thon and look at Internet pornography for the rest of the night....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Enbiggens is a perfectly cromulant word.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How many times do I have to tell you!? MONKEYS are the ones who walk; CHEESE is yellow! *sigh*
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've figured it out, The guys at think geek are just sitting around Laughins as they watch people just continusly Refresh and never find their own quote.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The Moon is much smaller than the Earth;

then again, it is much, much farther away...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Aren't you glad this isn't another AYB joke?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Um...am I supposed to be able to run straight up walls after drinking a case of bawls? Something seems awfully right here."



Nevermind running up walls, I've been doing triple-lutz backflips on the ceiling for the last few hours now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch the ninjas!
||||||||||##########||||||||||




Okay I'm hooked on 'Bawls'. Is there a 12-step program in can follow? :)



_____________________________



No but there is a 24 pack
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys own simply put



I bow before you for you are root
||||||||||##########||||||||||
DARN IT.  

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes.



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?"

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage.  I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory.  I told him I'd look into 

it.  I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative.



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can see the future.my future is that i will never ever again see this post.i will linger on the thoughts of this post to cherish it in memory.i will do page breaks as necessary so that this post goes on throughout the remainder of my life.ok now im bored.please,no right hand dont go near mouse to click the little button below....no.....NOOO!!|
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Chicken of the sea
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Willie, your mama obviously loves you, and teach her how to bookmark you lazy ass!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
[asdf]: i have a problem i cant ping anything besides 127.0.0.1 whats wrong?



---

this person should be shot with a nerf gun
||||||||||##########||||||||||
With the addition of the MegaTokyo store, it may take years for any other online retailer to equal your coolness.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fry me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If the SUN shines over the JAVA BEANS, I'm happy to have a PERL CAMEL with his APACHEE to find my COOKIES... aaaah... caffeine is beautiful... aaaah...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just farted.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have concluded that no matter how many comments you post, none of them will ever be seen by u again. i have posted about 15 over the period of a year and have yet to see one of them again. however i have seen other peoples comments about 80K times
||||||||||##########||||||||||
1 4m @ 1@m3r. :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who are you and what have you done with my will to geek-speak?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Binary - for people who can't afford a full-sized abacus :D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Jesus Saves....He Passes to Mosses.....Mosses shoots...HE SCORES!!!!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hamsters unite!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wish I were a monkey.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Food is yummy.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Nothing is better than sex.

Thinkgeek is better than nothing.

Therefore, Thinkgeek is better than sex.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know something?  I AM a rocket man.





Be Bop a Lo La.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
1000000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000000 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 111111 bottles of beer on the wall.



-Ich
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lemurs are sexy. You should pimp out lemurs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Software exists to solve yuor problems.  We exist to make the problems."

  -- Microsoft
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi, Josh



Yes, I know it's you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
2 pengiuns are in a shower one says past the salt the other says what do i look like a toaster?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
*glances left and right*

 

*doesn't see anyone else*

 

*motions for you to approach*

 

*whispers in your ear*

 

Guess what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw my own quote...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love the response i get from the things i buy.  People go, "you bought that?" and i say..."hellz yeah i did!, aint it l33t?!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The levitator isn't really magic... it's a giant government conspiracy cover-up. Little tiny aliens tried to attack earth, and now are being sentenced to endless nights being twirled in their own spaceships by some dumb, lifeless geek. In a few years, their alien technology will fail, the levitators will fall, and all of humanity will have to turn to something else to entertain themselves. I hope I never see that day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bandwidth is the key to world peace.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital.  The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
who stole bob doles peanut butter?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just shit my pants.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I've set my scroll button to F5.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this button d-

Segmentation fault



# _


||||||||||##########||||||||||
once upon a time i farted...it smelled.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Optimus Prime, do you want Chicken McNuggets tonight?

"Booyah!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
C code. C code run. Run, code, run ... PLEASE!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The other day, I was in the elevator with one other person, and I couldn't help but think that if one of us farted, we would both know who did it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Internet, eh?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A moose once bit my sister.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"It's edu-funtastical!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have reached the end of ThinkGeek Fortunes, please proceed to regain your life. Wait, what would the fun in that be?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is my comment.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your website invigorates me with consumer desire.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Red meat isnt bad for you, 



Fuzzy blue meat is bad for you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Code Red was not my fault.



Or was it?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You know what's really funny?  When someone actually makes a suggestion or comment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
um, like, you know.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can see the future.my future is that i will never ever again see this post.i will linger on the thoughts of this post to cherish it in memory.i will do page breaks as necessary so that this post goes on throughout the remainder of my life.ok now im bored.please,no right hand dont go near mouse to click the little button below....no.....NOOO!!| 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
uh....just pretend I said something really cool
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than sitting on a water fountain in a shopping mall.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hit F5 once more. I dare you.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, so throw darts at me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do you believe in magic cheese?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
mmmm pudding
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm scared.  There is a guy sitting down the row from me who has more hair than Robin Williams.  I'm shuddering here, actually shuddering!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Watch out for the sea monkeys.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
deodorant... what a godsend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;&lt;(refresh for another)

&lt;&lt;Three words: 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys, 

&lt;&lt;Monkeys, 

&lt;&lt;and Monkeys! 

 

Thats 4


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love my users,

One and all,

And I am so happy,

Everytime they call.



"Windows don't work",

they scream and they yell,

"I can help you" I say

"Just listen and I'll tell"



"Right click your Hard Drive,

then select format C:,

I'll give you new software,

Use Linux! It's free."
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i like ponies.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When i was 17, i drank some very good beer.  I drank some very good beer i purchased with a fake ID.  My name was Brian McGee; i stayed up listening to Queen... when i was 17.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Udderly Mooving
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl -w



use strict;

use Your::Mastercard;



if ($me eq "poor") { &you_buy_from_wishlist; }



sub you_buy_from_wishlist {



	my $your_bank_account;

	my $my_loot;

	my $thinkgeek_funds;

	

	$your_bank_account -= priceof($my_loot);

	$thinkgeek_funds += priceof($my_loot) - costof($my_loot);



	&make_my_day;



}



sub make_my_day {



	$ME = 'happy';

	return "smile";



}


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Go internet, go!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
THE COW GOES MOOOOOOOOO
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once upon a time there was a cow.  THe end.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can finally finish this cobol code and graduate shool becuase of you!!!! thanks


||||||||||##########||||||||||
BUY THE GREEN LASER POINTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



This is not and ad and I dont give a DAMN how much it costs, just buy it NOW!!!!



As I type this im firing a green laser out my window and on to a cloud, and I can see the green beam all the way up into the sky. It is the coolest thing Ive EVER seen.



BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



Thanks you guys for providing a website full of interesting gadgets and witty repartee for us to explore and amuse ourselves on the bosses time.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How did those 75 empty bawls bottles get to my desk over the night.....?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How come the stupid people are always in charge?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you ever seen a comment, you 

a) havent read before

b) have written yourselfe 

or c) wanted to enjoy just a little bit longer



but the moment you realized this, you had already 

clicked "refresh"?

And then clicked "back" to get back to it?



Thats how I got to this box. DOH!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "Form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form."' One should not think that these are two separate things . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll:

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard?

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern!

I am a Gecko!

_________________________________

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 




||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hit any user to continue.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was here...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. This is the most amazing site I ever seen :D



Damn .. I hope I soon will get some money so I can buy things here - YOU'RE THE GREATEST :D
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think the ThinkGeek Fortune Database has stopped taking new ones. 



After 3 days 11 hours of feverishly F5'ing i've read and can now predict the next fortune.



No I have not seen mine yet :(



See...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Disco!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I feel like a warrior when i drink prune juice. 




||||||||||##########||||||||||
You people make me horny.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eternity...is like hitting F5 looking for your own post
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I have two computers in my dorm room. I run the most advanced, most free, most cuddly-mascot-touting operating system in the world. Why, then, are not the girls flocking to me? "



Therein lies the problem. The college girls that would appreciate such a display of tech intelligence are probably hiding in their dorm rooms building their own computers. Two paths never cross. We are of a lonely breed....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All I wann know is why this site is so damn cool!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
On my UNIX, the superuser isn't "root" but "Cthulhu"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK

Sleep all night and work all day
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Great site. Keep it up. You've got some great things here that every geek should want. Why, I'm a grayhaired, grandma music teacher, and I sure want a bunch of stuff you sell!



Good luck!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver



Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow... MEOW!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm twice as strong as a man half my size!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe.  In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels.  He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day.  This caused him to further contemplate...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary...really!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Phear mai n33d phor b33r!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Some people are like slinkies.  Generally useless, but you still can't help but chuckle when you see one of them tumbling down the stairs."



-- Me after a particularly frustrating tech-support call.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It only SEEMS kinky the first time... 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
please help....my curser is at the right side of the screen but the mouse is at the far left of the mouse pat...i need tech support
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If you had a million monkeys sitting at a million sewing machines, would they eventually make me a pair of pants that fit?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cant.





And those who run ThinkGeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys touch me in a deep part of my soul useally only reserverd for code red
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i'd love you more, but you'd file charges.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are two things i hate...



Those intolerant of other peoples cultures

and

The Dutch
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Spammy!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Despite your claims concerning the virtual clock (that it has more faces than one might count with fingers) one can actually count all the way to 1,023 (starting with zero, of course) on two standard issue hands, each with only four fingers and a single thumb.



One must use binary, or course. Each manual digit is treated as a binary digit. (I don't expect much more detail to be needed on that.) If the thumbs are not used, each hand makes one convenient 'nibble' (the binary representation of a single hex-decimal digit) and the two of them together make an eight bit word.



In short, with the participation of the thumb invited, one can count from zero to thirty-one on a single hand.



Ta-da. Teach your children to count in binary and make their eventual work with computers a more easily understood experience for all.



(You could count even higher if you allow each finger to have more than two states, but the values become increasingly difficult to read, and only binary really has a useful application.)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
help me!  everytime i blink the world dissapears!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eric, this is mom.  I know you've been refreshing that page for a few days now.  I know that you gave all your money to that ThinkGeek cult.  But, Eric, we still love you.  We still want you back at home.  Nevermind that you used your college tuition money to pay for shirts and binary clocks.  We still love you.  Your OC3 connection at the university is not nearly as nice as a home cooked meal.  Eric, come home.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
That's a bloody good job you fellows are doing here :D


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I can bend minds with my spoon.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital. The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed... 



The Bastard Operator from Hell and his PFY assistant walking down the lane, drinking of a strange alcoholic substance and armed with palm pilots. the primate knew he had no chance against such evil beings and he...



Suddenly realized he could totally 0wnz something like PalmOS, so full of holes yet sure of their obscurity.  He fired up his own Palm, which he had flashed linux onto earlier that day, and proceeded to...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For modem updates

I am content to direct but,

Please, for which modem?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My co-workers are idiots. 



--

everyone's co-workers are idiots.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Happiness is ours,

You report your problem gone:

Resolution found.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, has anyone seen a life? I lost mine in here....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I SAW MY OWN QUOTE! IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS! I must document this in my logs... Now, about the flying monkeys...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Non-conformists are actually conformists because they are conforming to the non-conforming.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.



&lt;UnknownPoster&gt; 



"DONT YOU JUST HATE PANTS" 





---well yes now that you mention it I do hate pants and i think we should all boycott wearing pants to work tomorrow.thank you unknown poster. 



?did anyone do this besides me?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dwarves like to live in small wooden huts that look like muffins.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never use WinDbg and attach to the WinLogon process in NT and click the exit button.  Bad things happen.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh where, oh where is the pizza man? 

Oh where, oh where can he be?? 

I want pizza and i want pizza NOW!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Heyheyhey!  I have got an idea.  Write the exact same post that you always see, and when you can see it, you can say, you did that.  But I would steal your idea if you did that, Bob.  

I wanna own a strip club full of monkies on steroids.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You guys finally got me some Bawls!  Rock on dude!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have mercy guys, it took great restraint to stop filling my cart when I did :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With one million dollars and free shipping, you can buy one of each ThinkGeek t-shirt (unisex, size medium, to be specific) and 38424.678 cases of Bawls. That's 922192.283 bottles of Bawls, and if you drink 12 bottles a day, they would last for 76849.357 days, which is roughly 210.402 years, enough for you and 2.057 of your geeky friends to be fully caffeinated for 70 years. If you know anyone with a million dollars, it's a good idea to be nice to them. Unless you already have a million dollars, then you're all set. 



Anyone feel like checking my math for me? 

I should get back to work.. "

----

I come up w/ 37,007.587 cases which is 888182.094 bottles at 12 bottles a day would last for 74,015.174 days which is 202.642 years which is enough for you and 2.057 geeky friends for 66.28 years.  (3/28/03 - 2 such tshirts at 12.99 and 76 at 14.99, 365.25 days/year)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the salt please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
God, I love your Caffeine page, it has gotten me through my first year of Law School.



Thanks
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Where did AOL go?  WHERE DID AOL GO??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I *DEPEND* ON THINKGEEK! I AM *DEFINED* BY

THINKGEEK!



YOU.... ARE... MY...PEOPLE....!



Thank you.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I believe u have my stapler.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like cornflakes.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
just so you know.



today is the ending of my first month, yes, i'm NOT being sarcastic, my first month from having sat here pressing refresh everyday looking for one of my multiple posts (this being yet another) and haven't seen nothin.



ESCAPE WHILE YOU CAN!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll:

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard?

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern!

I am a Gecko!

_________________________________

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

__________________________________

2. Nah, a MessBoard would kill the fortune!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now my geeky friends think I'm the coolest guy in our little corner of the high school.  The only problem about that corner is the fact that I make it smell bad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I haven't lost my mind...it's backed up on disk somewhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fantastic service - ordered Monday and took delivery on Wednesday morning at 9am. There are not many companies that can do that from the states to Europe!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?



Press F5 repeatedly and eventually, you'll find the answer, try it!.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a guy so bad...

Does anyone know where I can get one????


||||||||||##########||||||||||
3 great virtues of a programmer;

laziness, impatience, hubris

		--Larry Wall
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see your quote but where is mine damnit!?!?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The most dangerous animal in the world is not a lion or a bear,

it's an elephant with a shark attached to its back,

trampeling and eating everything it sees.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They sure don't make time machines like they will!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one that wonders how much money we cost these people by constatly refreshing the Fortune page? bandwidth is expensive. oh well. wheres the f5 button...



No, I was wondering the same thing than I saw the little ads at the bottom of the page and felt good and as soon as i get some money i intend to buy something.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey you guys should sell :cuecats, oh wait, 

they're free and fun to play with.  Free 

bar-code scanners. All I need is a store, and 

products, and money, and friends, and a life, 

and a 4 gig processor, and wings, and magic 

monkey powers, and a girlfriend.  Like I said, 

you guys should sale girl friends, oh wait, I 

mean bar-code scanners.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
where's the Tom Waits merchandise?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other than...

the Bard, greatest of all writers! Distain rolled from his neck to his brow. "Script Kiddies" coders, hackers...I paved the trail... I wrote political parodies, I wrote some fine code...finer than...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sorry, I don't have time for this.  I've got bugs to write.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My monkey requests that he be addressed as Mr. Furry Pants. I highly advise everyone to adhere to his request. Otherwise he'll become very angry and start throwing things.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A watched page never loads.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Good Idea : Take a deep breath before jumping into a pool



Bad Idea: take a deep breath after jumping into a pool
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
killall -9 everyone and let root@localhost sort em out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bananas are like peaches...they both make great chocolate cake.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"&gt;Schweet. 

&gt; 

&gt; &lt;Poster wrote&gt; 

&gt; 

&gt; "So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing 

&gt; yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be 

&gt; your quote, it would be mine." 

&gt; 

&gt; Hmmm, never thought of it that way.So the next time you see one of my quotes will you let me know? Just want to make sure they are 

&gt; making it. And I'll do the same for you when I see one of your quotes. not sure about the whole switching thing. this could actually be 

&gt; you responding to your own quote if we did that. 



Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

addresses... 

But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-) "





I have seen your qoutes and responses - several times in fact.  But where the hell are my quotes? Maybe I should insert something so weird or offensive that I'm bound to get a response.  ya know, if i don't get a REAl job soon, I'm going to have to start producing computer porn (mmm...naked motherboards and processors) to make money so I can indulge in all the sexy geek wear.  damn you thinkgeek!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
/. is one of the very few who very likely is justified in Taunting Happy Fun Ball.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why am I strangely drawn back to this page?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i am color deaf......i cant hear the colors red or green....but blue still sounds the coolest


||||||||||##########||||||||||




beer and conputers DO mix!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Stormys, Come here, and bring your Pinata Bats! 

On the way over, Over!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Better than layoffs - Thinkgeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have some mittens named Cat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Mama mia, that's a spicy meatball.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a little known fact that, contrary to what you may believe, computers actually operate via magic blue smoke.  How do I know this?  Because whenever one of my computers lets out all of it's magic smoke, it stops working.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I always felt sorry for Oscar the Grouch, he had to live in a trashcan.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i am a mad cow.... quak quak
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have yet to figure out what this has to do with Morocco...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  Well, I had this whole woodchuck lumber company planned out, and I'd captured a whole bunch of woodchucks, all in tiny little iron shackles, just ready to start cutting down trees and chucking all that wood into a truck, when PETA came and shut down my operation.  I guess we'll never know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wait! I ordered a cheese burger.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Back in my day, we didn't have starships. We had to WALK from solar system to solar system. In 6 feet of snow! ): [uphill both ways!]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i ve got an idea. somebody copy my message and post it and i'll copy yours and post it ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwizzle to the tizzle my nizzlez



thinkgeek r0x
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have no cheese


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Can I hold you for a lifetime?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I guess I am not a Geek, I don't understand over  of this page!! Somebody help me, I know nothing about my computer!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl ROCKS!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My boyfriend didn't believe me about the fortunes.  



So I told him I put in a few for him.



I haven't seen him in a few months now...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

My wife's a geek, what are you stuck with?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I could make love to this site, I would.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
The cows, no one worries about the cows


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat ate my wireless mouse.  Now I have to drag my cat across the pad to get my work done.  Poor cat.  It's name is stewmeat.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
MOOSE!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
When it Rains, it Snows.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Sure, hit F5 again. And just think, this is 15 seconds of your life that you will never get back again."



I'm on a Full T-1.  It's only about 2...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :?Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



suddenly began to convulse after a television set in a nearby store aired the episode of pokemon that sent all those japanese children into the hospital. The lucky monkey, who had been born colorblind, simply walked away and pulled the garter belt out of his A55K@K (which it had begun to ride up) when he suddenly noticed... 



He was magicly transformed in to a unix admin. Having gained 300 pounds and now bearly able to move he took a long slow breath, he sighed and thought... 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I should be calling a doctor to find out why my eye is swollen to the size of a small monkey, but instead I am checking your site to see if you posted the March action shot winner...this is so sad.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They really shouldn't let us surf these sites at work.... I can shop all night =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's a mistake to think that any problem can be solved by a sack of unpeeled potatos. Now, a sack of potatos with a peeler inside has _possibilities_.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.





I love Jen. ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So 3 guys are packing for a fishing trip, when a 4th guy runs in. "Guys make sure to pack enought t.p for 4". ANother says "How did you convince the wife to let u go?" He answers "I didn't, i just got her pissed off enough to kick me out for a few days".]



James
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hamburger is just like a bun with meat!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why didn't Superman's father make a 

rocket ship big enough for the whole 

family?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
79.32% of all statistics are made up right on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have visions of throwing my crappy HP off a cliff.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I melted dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
icky icky poo ding zap
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Sure, hit F5 again. And just think, this is 15 seconds of your life that you will never get back again.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Who flung poo?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)  

 

"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...  

 

while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...  

 

why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...  

 

cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...  

 

..."ive got a 6-pack of bawls here and i know how to use it!!!" the man had never heard of bawls and ordered the monkey once again to part with his strange attire, so the monkey opened all 6 of the bottles and drank them in one gulp, the bawls traveled through his system and directly into his brain stem. and then...  

 

he called forth a demon like no other. The demon was no standard demon, for the demonic features were not visible upon this demon. This demon was sporting large, undemonic dental fixtures that constantly rearranged themselves. The strange man wondered out loud, why is the demon wearing undemon dental fixtures, when demons don't need them? The demon answered I am the evil demon of dentistry that sucks the usage of quotations in sentences. The demon finished its sentence quickly, as the large and atroscious fixtures rearranged themselves in its left nostril. The demon laughed and told the stranger Say good bye to your nitrogen bases! and as the demon said this, the undemonic dental fixtures attracted a lightning bolt that was passing by. The demon died, the monkey sighed, the story was over, and everyone else got a pretty cat.  



... named mittens!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day i was walking down the street and noticed a blue car.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Why is it that there are so many fabulous creatures on this earth, and not one of them is a PURPLE NINJA MUDGET named George?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dear ThinkGeek.com T-shirt,

  My friend is just using you, please come back to me. Remember those good times we had at the Lan party? Or how about the time a spilt my beer on you, that was funny wasn't it! I miss you so much.

              Love Always,

                  Jake
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My **FAVORITE** online store~
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fingerbang! Bang bang! 

Fingerbang bang! 

Bang bang bang! 

I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life, 

girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right 

cause I'm the king of fingerbang and let's not fight 

I'll just fingerbang bang you ever night 

and girl you know that your the only girl for me girl girl your the girl of my fantasties 

girl girl your my girl my girl 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang! 

fingerbang bang bang bang bang bang! 

(repeat)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Damn you! Damn you and your ever-so-addictive merchandise!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Suggestions / Comments / Thoughts / Rants" Poll: 

Should ThinkGeek get a messageboard? 

Instructions: Copy and paste this into a new survey and add to the bottom. Add a number, and put a one line comment expressing your opinion. Don't add more than your fair share! Lets make this thing honest! Follow my pattern! 

_________________________________ 

1. Yes, ThinkGeek should have messageboards!!! 

2. YES!! WE WILL BUY MORE IF WE GET MESSAGEBOARDS!! (back me up, here, people! :-) 

----------------------------------------------  

In Reply: 

I agree, we should have a MESSAGEBOARD or two. But then we'd be spending a lot more time at the thinkgeek website - not just reading fortunes, but posting to a forum! Oh dear... =) 

----------------------------------------------  

Do you really think they'd let us be free? they'd rather watch us squirm in agony, laughing at our misfortune, those cruel cruel laughs... they're coming back to haunt me again... they won't stop, please make them stop, please? and bla bla *stuff* *more paronoied stuff* "MOO!" 



Btw, i vote for 2
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's Thanksgiving... I'm full of turkey and pumpkin pie... pressing F5 over and over again... do I know how to have fun or what??
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...

 

Took the Garter Belt and High heels from the monkey and put them on a cross dressing transexual man whom then had wild crazy monkey...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
To me, boxing is like a ballet. ...except there's no choreography, and the dancers try to hit eachother.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Are you my mother?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
48.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i would be concerned that my boss would walk by and see me doing this... but i am the boss


||||||||||##########||||||||||
what else do you burn? MORE WITCHES... and wood so how do you know if she is made out of wood ... umm build a bride out of her.  now now what floats in water? small pebbels ducks ... yes

there for if she weighs the same as a duck then... she's ... a witch BURN HER
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey Scott  whaddup how bout those Vienna Inn chili dawg farts eh???



BB.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] "



Actually, it goes more like this:



IN A.D. 2101 



WAR WAS BEGINNING. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN ? 



MECHANIC: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB. 



OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT ! 



OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. 



CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU !! 



CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! 



CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. 



CATS: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. 



CAPTAIN: WHAT YOU SAY !! 



CATS: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. 



CATS: HA HA HA HA .... 



OPERATOR: CAPTAIN !! 



CAPTAIN: TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG'!! 



CAPTAIN: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. 



CAPTAIN: MOVE 'ZIG'. 



CAPTAIN: FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

----------------------------------



i saw one of my own comments!!! and at least 6 other comments more than 3x each. heh!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
AYB For the Flash Impaired

--------------------------

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining



*explosion*



What happen??



Someone set us up the bomb!



We get signal!



What!!



Main screen turn on!



It's you!!



How are you gentlemen



All your base are belong to us



What you say!!



You have no chance to survive make your time



Ha ha ha...



[insert slideshow of pictures here]
||||||||||##########||||||||||
From a previous post:

   If pancakes were green what color would grass be?



Answer:  Green.  Pancake green!  ;-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I had a nice quote I would put it here ---&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was walking down the street and the wheel fell of my canoe, so I got back on my bike and walked home where I found an elaphant, I asked the lion how many elaphants a banana could eat and the elaphant told me lions dont each marshmello's. Got A-C-I-D?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Two penguins walk into a bar.



The first says to the second, "Pass the soap"



The second says,  "I'M NOT A RADIO!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have refreshed from 9 to 5 - Two days running! I dont know why I even want to see my post! I just know I have to. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE and i'm going to cry now!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the best place to get everything geeky!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Now... how do i contact the Geek_God that placed his personal ad on here for his Geek Godess? ( yes, I qualify as the Godess he seeks... ) &lt;grinz&gt;


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hello, my name is Enigo Montoya.. you killed my father. Prepare to die.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like stuff. stuff is good. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It was a little odd.



There was a miget in a clown suit with a video camera.  This signified my contempt for the media.  He would dance and scurry about, while I was held in down by a dominatrix chimp in pleather.  I think this was left over from an orgasmic Tarzan vision.  All the while, Jill (Sweets) laid naked across my desk reading a home improvement manual. Occasionally touching herself when reading the word nail.  Chewbacca loomed in tha doorway.  Glaring and chanting Pilon's mantra ... or the theme from StarBlazers.... I'm not sure since I can't stop thinking...



I am convinced, however, that LSD has a very limited use when coding ad 3 a.m.



--HaStA-}-
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
This site is definatly the F*ckin' cooles thing out there for us geeks. In my eyes, the line between a geek and a nerd is style, and thinkgeek.com has ALL the style!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I look all around my work here and all I can see are those people who come in and out everyday like they have something special to do. Me? I just work here. I move my mouse around and click at things on the screen. If I do it a lot and have odd looks on my face then they think I am working hard. Little do they know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
More fun than a barrel of monkeys?



Wait, have you ever smelled a barrel of monkeys?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Ever farted and accidentally crapped yourself?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are not a beautiful and uniqe snowflake,

you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cheese is good.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :)



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls...



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his...



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared...



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he...



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then...



The great Tali-baba. The code monkey, upon realising this, pulled out his nine, and capped the menace to society. He then went on his merry way and went back to searching out the reason that all traffic was stopped. He no sooner rounded the corner than...



he and his fuzzy compatriots noticed the foulest of stenches. It assailed their oversensitive noses, compelling each of them, in turn, to make a vomitus sacrifice to Ralph the God of Foul Smells and Overintoxication. Overcoming their temporary malady, the code monkey and his sidekicks Foo and Bar trudged on, the garter belts and high heels proving to be no problem for the heroes. The sweat drenched their fur, matting it in places no fur should ever be matted. Code monkey halted their advance momentarily so he could do a quick GPS location check. It could't be far, now. The enemy only holds so many factories in Trenton, he remembered. Re-establishing his bearings, code monkey and foo and bar relaunched their expedition. Approaching the warehouse doors, they ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek is the best damn geek site out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Everything I say is always correct...

Except for that statement.



Don't believe everything you read in a comment

Especially this one.



This comment is false:

   true -or- false?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Somebody set me up the bomb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
GO BANANA ! Don't you hate pants ! DOH...ummm beer oppps wrong place. good stuff here 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Electrons flow from

My laptop to your server

My credit card groans.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
String comes in many yummy and exciting flavors, like cheese...... and string.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
lizards rock all ass.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do i get extra points for knowing when ethernet was invented anyway? ;)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user off, deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their REAL earnings to the IRS"



-BOFH
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hear this...

My school blocked thinkgeek.com because of "Electrical Commerce"

So i bitched out my principal and now i havta have a confrence with her later this week.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I was very upset when I discovered I couldn't actually order the Atari 2600. You've wounded me deeply in a way I may never fully recover from.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
My cat's name is Five
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My pizza isn't here yet :(


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have but one simple request, and that is to have SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS! Apparently my cyclopic colleague has informed me that this is not possible. What do I pay you people for, throw me a bone here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
For Sale:  Oceanfront beach property in Hazelton, North Dakota.  13 acres.  $200 or best offer.  Call for details.  
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All I want is 44 inches of snow overnight!  Is that TOO MUCH to ask for?????
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cake or Death?????



Cake Please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
4 is a very interesting number.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I am not a geek therefore I am not.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Um...am I supposed to be able to run straight up walls after drinking a case of bawls? Something seems awfully right here."



Nevermind running up walls, I've been doing triple-lutz backflips on the ceiling for the last few hours now.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Am I the only one who now personally knows their UPS guy?  He stops by at least 1 time a week bearing gifts of Bawls, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week bringing me my geek clothing and toys.  His name is Roger, and he is now hooked on Bawls as well.  God bless ThinkGeek.com
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please let me know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Man, for years my nickname has been Kowgod. Now, I know there are lots of Kowgod's out there, but man, I mean, I AM the Kowgod. And so anyway, I have existed peacefully as the Kowgod living separately from these other so-called Kowgod's, but now our realms of existence are colliding. And what's worse, the term "kowgod" seems to have something to do with hard-core pot smoking.



Man, why can't I just be the Kowgod? The Goatking and I are gonna have to wage war...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Uber-Schweet. In fact so unthinkably uber-schweet that it is almost incomprehensible  to the human mind. You may think the cube-goodies or watches or gadgets or the new speakers and t-shirts are uber-schweet, but this is not even half as uber-schweet as ThinkGeek on the whole is. Uber-schweet.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I believe u have my stapler.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Table 6, your pizza is ready...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Do not tap on glass.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can deny that I'm the coolest, but you're only hurting yourself.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah... I know.



And I feel sorry, too.



I understand how you feel when it's not yet your quote.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If only i had telekinetic powers...then my finger wouldn't get so tired of pushing f5...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
asdf...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A hackers dream, and a programmers paradise.



dim objSite as coolSite

set objSite = createobject("ThinkGeek.com")



objSite.Rock()


||||||||||##########||||||||||
They really shouldn't let us surf these sites at work.... I can shop all night =)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dog chow tastes like bad mud.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Aleph0 bottles of beer on the wall, aleph0 bottles of beer!  Take one down, pass it around, alepho0 bottles of beer on the wall!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A word of advice when traveling abroad: don't get a haircut when you don't speak the same language as the person with the scissors.  



Thank god I've got my Tux cap!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see a lot about cats named mittens on here.  Let me explain.  See, it's a Ralph Wiggum quote.  I posted it about two years ago here, and it has spawned into something of a subculture within a subculture.  Go Banana!



Iron you,

   Poppin' Fresh's son







From this page: 



"From your fortune pages: 



Random ThinkGeek Customer Quote 

(refresh for another) 

My cat's name is mittens." 



That is kind of crazy cause my late cat was named Mittens. But she got hit by a car. Mittens is a really unique name so I'm curious 

as to why he chose it. Maybe it was actually myself in a previous lifetime. 



This is weird - I too used to know a cat called Mittens, because it had 9 toes on each front foot." 



I've heard of a lot of cats being named Mittens, actually. I think there was a Mittens in some children's book or movie too. 

(This is really odd, we are using this fortune file like a message board.) 



That's it, ThinkGeek needs message boards!!! I am really serious about that. Sure I can go post stuff on /. all I want, but it's not my favorite site, Think Geek! 



Wow A message board built into a Suggestion/Comments/Thoughts/Rants: box. MY DOG WAS NAMED MITTENS. I Like Monkeys to. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q::If a canoe rolls into your backyard and all four of the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house??



A::Red, icecream is boneless.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
country music sucks.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
bandwidth is your friend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
smallchildren makexcellent firewood
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Wait! I ordered a cheese burger.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
So I just type the stuff in the thingy here?  Does it work?

Can you see me?  I can see me in my monitor, so you should be able to see me too, right?





Emery stinks.  Not just him, his files, too.  He's stinking up the entire network!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;hate&gt;Project Managers&lt;/hate&gt;
||||||||||##########||||||||||
holy tossweasels.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Well, after the monkeys escaped from the lab... all we had to do was wait till nightfall, then follow their glow in the dark radioactive poo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This is the life... Sitting in the middle of my living room, eating moldy pizza, drinking warm beer, surrounded by tiny pieces of an old hard drive... The hard drive is in tiny pieces because I beat the shit out of it with a sledgehammer when it decided to stop working for the 4th time today. It was very therapeutic to watch all the little pieces fly around the room...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
 

Sam sausage like sizzling squirrills.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"With the early Megaman games, you could be fairly certain that every time you died, it was because you sucked." - J. Parish
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Your word is ThinkGeek.



Could I have the origin of it?



The origin is Dweebish.



Could I hear it in a sentence?



ThinkGeek is the l33t3st .com out there.



ThinkGeek...T-H-I-N-K-G-E-E-K...ThinkGeek.



*ding*


||||||||||##########||||||||||
General protection fault at 0347d2f. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et A Beer?

Error: hit ant user to contiune.

Smash head on keyboard to continue
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ok...... im only gonna press f5 one more time...... honest.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;Yes, I agree. I have seen your quote. If you could confirm that you &gt;have seen my response to your quote I return to a normal way of live 

&gt;instead of wondering all day how Thinkgeek can block my own quotes &gt;from me, even if I use totally different computers with different IP 

&gt;addresses... 

&gt;But as this would mean, that I would have seen my own quote, the &gt;universe would probably vanish in a puff of logic ;-) 



seen it.. now go to bed




||||||||||##########||||||||||
And one time, at Sys Admin camp...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
My parking lot is bigger than your parking lot. So there.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hi mom! I'm appearing in thinkgeek.com's local fortune database


||||||||||##########||||||||||
[root@targa /root]# who is god?

targa.unreal!root     pts/1    Oct 12 15:42
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'd write more, but the battery on my laptop is running out...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I NEED CAFFEINE.  I KNOW YOU CAN'T SEE THIS GUN OF MINE, SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.  KAPESH?  NOW HAND OVER THE ALKALOID AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Im not a good person.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have I had my breakfast yet? They never bring me my breakfast you know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's me again. Moo.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Captain, the LAN is sinking and there aren't 

enough hubs!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It scares me how much I like this site. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You will crush many of my paychecks...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Stop the squirrels.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
#!/usr/bin/perl -w



use strict;

use Your::Mastercard;



if ($me eq "poor") { &you_buy_from_wishlist; }



sub you_buy_from_wishlist {



	my $your_bank_account;

	my $my_loot;

	my $thinkgeek_funds;

	

	$your_bank_account -= priceof($my_loot);

	$thinkgeek_funds += priceof($my_loot) - costof($my_loot);



	&make_my_day;



}



sub make_my_day {



	$ME = 'happy';

	return "smile";



}


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really need one of everything for myself... I mean, my fiance!  Yeah, my.... OK there is no fiance.  I need one of everything for me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." 



-- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt;One time I thought I was a variable.



But then I changed my mind.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. i find this site rather exquisite, very high in defining the usage of the word ''geek''. excellent.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



that the masked man was cute!  He jumped up, slapped him on the forehead and ran off into the morning darkness.... just to find himself staring directly into the window of..........


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Happiness is ours,

You report your problem gone:

Resolution found.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Have you seen my socks?







Never mind, I found them.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have this monkey for you
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You have entered a dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much code coudl a winDOSE acooder edi code if wa winfow coder coulb ao.... forget it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Any day spent above ground is a good day.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a monkey in the web pit.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What does this button d-

Segmentation fault



# _


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Some rube wrote:



"Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured 

programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- 

trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise 

clear desks."



I hate neckties and my desk looks like a friggin' bomb hit it, yet I

love structured programming because it cuts my development time and

results in easily maintained code. Monolithic programming is for

immature dullards with a Freudian view of self-discipline.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All your base are belong to Thinkgeek.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
People are the #1 reason why I work with computers.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet.

COFFEE,COFFEE,COFFEE,COFFEE,COFFEE,COFFEE,    Caffeine!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
#cat pay_check &gt; thinkgeek
||||||||||##########||||||||||
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways only because of their race, you become separatist, and being a separatist sucks ass.

                                                - Kyle Broslofski


||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a canoe rolls into your backyard and loses all four wheels, then how many pancakes does it take to fill up a cat house?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ...



colon and sang an ode to dispensable underwear.  Then, out of nowhere, this otherwise typical day was interrupted by Senator Tom Daschle in a mini-skirt, leading the rest of the Democratic National Convention in hoe down clogathon.  Shirtless and unsightly, Bill Clinton. . . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no spoon
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"These things are going into fortune right?"



No. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
huh, where is my hamster Fred?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Woo-hoo!



I found my quote after only about 6 hours!!

(not counting the 2.5-3 hour break where I actually did some work :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
One day i was walking down the street and noticed a blue car.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If I don't get to see my own comment soon, I'll make my own Geek-comment page, with black-jack and prostitutes. Ok, without black-jack, but with prostitutes!




||||||||||##########||||||||||
eggsalad!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love you guys will you all marry me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, can you help me? You see, I was trying to catch this large donkey when it got away from me, but listen, this is vitally important, this was a superdonkey, he's very, very intelligent. And last I saw him he was headed down I-90 in a brown motorhome, if he makes it to D.C. we're screwed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Want to know something completely irrelevent?  I'm in school and now I have to go to the library to type a report.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&gt; Isn't this a stupid question?

Isn't this a stupid answer?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have done it!!! i have provided for your viewing pleasure all of the posts that are any good that ive come across so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





"Un-shrink you?!?! Well that would require some sort of a REbigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and snort, mmmm-hay. Ahhhh, but not at you oh holiest of g-ds, with the wrathfulness and the vengence and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey it hurts" - Professor Frink 



men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it. 

Fnord!!!!! 



FNORD!!!! 







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs. 



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the 

Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee. 



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming. 

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain. 

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten. 



Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted. 

Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry. 

Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots. 

Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm. 



Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients. 

Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on. 

Fnord is where the buses hide at night. 

Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book. 



Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason. 

Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam. 

Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe. 

Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages. 





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees. 

Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats. 





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in Fnord's navel. 



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs. 

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica. 

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders. 

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer. 



Fnord is the echo of silence. 

Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life. 

Fnord is the sales tax on happiness. 

Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence. 



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long. 

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent. 



Fnord is the donut hole. 

Fnord is the whole donut. 



Fnord is an annoying series of email messages. 

Fnord is the color only blind people can see. 



Fnord is the serial number on a box of 

cereal. 



Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy. 

Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428. 

Fnord is the yin without yang. 

Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk. 



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses. 

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf. 



Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline. 

Fnord never sleeps. 

Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale. 



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave. 



Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen. 



Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads. 

Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly. 

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella. 



Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner. 



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero. 

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point. 





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back. 

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games. 

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska. 



Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father". 

Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe. 

Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor. 

Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket. 

Fnord invented the green hubcap. 

Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough. 



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars. 

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once. 







I cannot escape them 

No matter how I try 

They wait for me everywhere 

I cannot pass them by. 



Driving down the street 

I see "Jesus Is Lord" 

And then immediately after 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



Innocuous sayings and parables 

And on the evening news 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 

And suddenly I'm confused 



I sit alone in my room 

And I'm feeling rather bored 

I turn on the tube and guess what 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you" 

That's what I've heard the wisemen say 

But I can't get away from those beasties 

There's just no #^(%ing way. 



"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 



 Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear  

Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect. 

sometimes they let me out of the coldroom at work..... I like the pretty lights..... 

My livelihood depend on the stupidity of others. Talk about job security... 

Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry." 

Look, up in the ether... 

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster, 

more powerful than a cracker's underarms, 

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound, 

it's T H I N K G E E K ! 

"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..." 



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC) 

An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce all the works of shakespeare instantly. They will also produce everything by John Steinbeck, Arthur Miller, and Henry Michener. And if they're modern typewriters, they will also produce the code for Windows98. In addition, subsets of those monkeys containing an infinite number will spontaneously combust, contract Ebola, and create a black hole. 



-E2 infinite monkeys node 

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes... 

Users are like bacteria - each one causes a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies. 

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 

I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge! 

I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 

If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house? 

DARN IT. 

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes. 



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?" 

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage. I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory. I told him I'd look into 

it. I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative. 



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go. 

You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck. The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!" 

--HaStA-}- 

It has been theorized that an infinite number of monkeys banging on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the written works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this is not true." ~Kurt Vonnegut 

Why do people insist that one hand can't clap? Really, it's not that difficult. You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm! See, watch.. oh, wait you can't watch... Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's... maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping... What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1? Stupid school is costing me my paycheck. Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer?? That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek. Then I could say I know jen. I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place". that would make me a jen-a-holic. Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune. 



"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead 



You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over? 

I think modern science should graft 

functional wings on a pig, simply so no 

one can ever use that stupid saying 

again. 

Your page makes me scream BLICK-A-BLAOW!!!!! My co-workers are looking at me funny ...Where's my stapler...? 

Richard hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and peered upward into the surrounding gloom. Too many little agonies to remember of that fateful night so long ago. To the boyscout he had been, and the man he now was, only preparation mattered. A defibrulator in one hand and a live chicken in the other he put one foot on the bottom stair and made his way up. Now they would all pay! 

&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI. &gt;&gt;&gt; 







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene. bettsy being my cactus.... 



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!! 

%0 



We are Gates of Borg... Prepare to be assimilated... Resistance is futile... No Linux... I said resistance is futile... No Linux NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 



"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect." 



Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart 

threw a sword at you



Hi. I'm the guy who made the post about how everyone posts about pies. I've got more information, people tend to talk a lot of cheese and monkeys too...what is it with pies, cheese, and monkeys? Is it some sort of conspiracy? Are the monkeys gonna take over the world with cheese pies? I'm scared....I need to stop drinking so much Jolt. You know what else I found? I can't stop thinking when I drink a lot of caffeine. It's like a runaway train full of donkeys and nuclear waste. When it crashes there's gonna be one big !^(%ing mutated donkey. Hey, wow, the sun is coming up... 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them. 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB 

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT 

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB 

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT 



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH 

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL 

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS 

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA 



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA 

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT 

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC 

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA 



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO 

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT 

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH 

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH 



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA 

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC 

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O 

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 

(c/o Praeluceo) 



Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? 

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. 

Try to take over the world! 



Brain: Here we are, Pinky--at the dawn of time! 

Pinky: Narf, Brain. Wake me at the noon of time. 

-- When Mice Ruled the Earth 



Pinky: Narf! 

Pinky: Poit! 

Pinky: Zort! 

Pinky: Gat! 



Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob. 

Pinky: You have no idea. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Pinky: Hmmm... let me think... 

Brain: Don't hurt yourself, Pinky. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Brain: Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed. 

-- Jockey for Position 



Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. 

And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has 

brought us an even more powerful tool. Do 

you know what that is? 

Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band? 

-- Battle for the Planet 





Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured 

during this mission, remember you are Gunther 

Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to 

Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. 

Can you repeat that? 

Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can. 

-- Where Rodents Dare 



Pinky: Egad! You astound me, Brain! 

Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky. 

-- Win Big 



Brain: I am not devoid of humour. 

-- Win Big 



I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ? 



AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] 

No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice. 

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one. 

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart 

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it.... 

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there... 



Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident' 

'Strangers Have the Best Candy' 

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched' 

'Some Kittens Can Fly!' 

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion' 

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups' 

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face' 

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?' 

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her' 

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!' 

'All Dogs Go to Hell' 

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking' 

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It' 

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia' 

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?' 

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?' 

'Bi-Curious George' 

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry' 

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver' 

'You Are Different and That's Bad' 

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 



"Software exists to solve yuor problems. We exist to make the problems." 

-- Microsoft 



Brain: You thinking what I'm thinking? 



Pinky: Yes, Brain, but where are we going to get pants that big? 



Can you help me untangle my slinky? I want to watch it go down the stairs again. Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket. 



"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." 



-Albert Einstein- 



Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey see doo, monkey doo doo. Monkey see sea, monkey drown. Monkey see sea monkey, monkey chew on sea monkey. 



You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 

Heh, the monkey king hit me with his arrow. How amazing. Guess what? i've got a boat - and it FLOATS. I bet I could have a boat full of monkeys. Maybe a barrel of them on my boat that floats. So would my boat be as fun as a floating barrel of monkeys? 



i've had to much caffeene and no sleep... this damned monkey wont quit talking either. 



Bah, watch me and my windows machine. Look at me. Love me. Yes, i am finding a need to defend my choice of OS for some reason, i don''t mind microsoft. Microsoft makes me happy. 



bleh, shoot me. 



caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping. 



If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds.... 



Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with clubs. Pretty 

standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there... 



The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm. 



I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. 


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is no problem that cannot be sloved with the sutable application of high explosives.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Yeah, so throw darts at me.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Scwizzle to the tizzle my nizzlez



thinkgeek r0x
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I just know there is a duck somewhere..  

..watching me...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
pass the chocolate please. :o)

My cat's name is Mittens, and I have another cat too, but I'm not going to tell you his name....BOO!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
there's cheese in my sock.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
98 Degrees, N*Sync, and Backstreet Boys.  Reason enough for human cloning to be outlawed.
||||||||||##########||||||||||


[  wut the hell i can write my www page abaout, again. ]



raspberries, cletus.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweet. thank you for letting us feel cool about being dorky :)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
They said I was crazy when I built a beach house in western Nevada.



Give it a couple thousand years, I'll show them!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Most people are like slinkies. Worthless, but fun to push down stairs. 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Cake or Death?????



Cake Please.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ThinkGeek, IMO, is the best place to buy all kinds of cool shirts and toys. Many people ask me where I get some of the shirts that I am "sporting", I say "ThinkGeek!", they say "cool"... Then I have to buy more stuff due to them buying stuff. It is a never ending cycle. Good Job! :)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Only on Tuesdays

































































































































,
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
sometimes they let me out of the coldroom at work.....  I like the pretty lights.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hey! Who posted the comment that "Coral, when painted brown and attached to the head with common wood

  screws, can make a child look like a deer." 



  That's a Kurt Cobain quote! 



  Wow! I've discovered another geek Nirvana fan! I just don't know who they are. "



You idiot, that was Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"LOGIC 'Nothing is better than eternal happines. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.

  Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than eternal happines.'"



I now embark on a lifelong quest for a ham sandwich.



Send mustard.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
The man who knows others is wise.

The man who knows himself is enlightened.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Late at night when I think I've lost all hope in humanity, once again ThinkGeek comes through and totally restores it.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Eat more pasta. :-)


||||||||||##########||||||||||
bananas are like peaches...they both make great chocolate cake.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
How much wood could  a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck flan?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bandwidth is the key to world peace.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a rooster laid an egg on Jen and no one was around to hear it, what is the Matrix?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Did you know that 7/5 of all people don't understand fractions?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I'm not corrupt, I'm morally flexible
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Timmeh!!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Oh where, oh where is the pizza man? 

Oh where, oh where can he be?? 

I want pizza and i want pizza NOW!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Richard hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and peered upward into the surrounding gloom.  Too many little agonies to remember of that fateful night so long ago.  To the boyscout he had been, and the man he now was, only preparation mattered.  A defibrulator in one hand and a live chicken in the other he put one foot on the bottom stair and made his way up.  Now they would all pay!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Thinkgeek continues to amaze me with cool product finds from everywhere.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I plan to register here when I get married...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Lemurs are sexy. You should pimp out lemurs.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
An unstoppable force of excellence!
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I'm sad. I've written a program to continuously pull down and extract the posts here into a gigantic file which I can read at my leasure. I'm adding a feature now to sort out the repeated posts...  URL to follow... find it if you can! (Feindish Grin)



Update: I'm not rewriting it to post to the site too, as that might encourage a lot of same-message spam. (in reply to someone's request)



Update to the Update: Now it has a cool setting to stop you after reading more than a specified amount of posts (defaults to 5000). It also has a feature which runs the quotes through your start bar at a speed you can specify...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Little Timmy never got the liver he needed.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Memory error in your favor.  Collect 512MB.




||||||||||##########||||||||||
I never should have eaten that hot dog.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
oh o!  my '' key does't work!  oh the humaity!!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on Fhqwhgads...

I see you jockin' me...

actin like...

U

KNOW

ME..



Everybody to the limit!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Schweedish! Not only that you got the kung foo skillz - you also know EXACTLY, where your towel is!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I absolutely, positively and without exception refuse to write anything in this box.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Curse you and your horribly addicting merchandise.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ummm... can I have the phone numbers of all the customers who bought codegirl shirts...  unless the name on the credit card sounds like a big football-playing boyfriend
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use :!= Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



himself a coder god and inisisted that the masked man bow before him and assert his status as a "1337 h4x0r". Lauging, the masked man drew his pistol, and muttering something under his breath about the "damn script kiddies taking over" he... 



Was then blindsided by several peices of flung poo. As the mask man fell to his knees he heard the monkey say, "W00T! You should remember, when hunting monkeys two things, one we prefer to be called code monkeys and despise the term 'Script Kiddies' and two we travel in packs". Having heard that the masked man apologized for his assumption. The monkey then demanded that the masked man remove his guise, and discovered that he was none other then... 



Bill Gates.  The monkey picked up the pistol which had just seconds ago fallen to the floor and threw it at the coldhearted fiend.  The monkey then shrieked in savage warcries that Bill Gates must tell him who *really* invented miscrosoft and why he wanted the monkey's sexy lingerie.  To his surprise, Billy boy started weeping tears of misery and said...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"You know something? I AM a rocket man. 



Be Bop a Lo La."



The Red Elvises rule! However, since Avi left the band, I have found them lacking.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I agree wholeheartedly with the last post.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Charles: "You know that hole, the one you put pie in?"

Gabe:    "You mean my pie-hole. Yeah."

Charles: "Shut it!"



http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=200 0-06-23&res=l
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If privacy is outlawed, only outlaws will have privates.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
killall -9 everyone and let root@localhost sort em out
||||||||||##########||||||||||
someday me hopes two makeing the mesiges with the worstest spellings and gramer ever...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
past the green hills, over the canyon, farther beyond the mountains, across the river, and thru the pacific.  thats how my thinkgeek reached me.  its bits and bytes populated my screen with so many colors and dreams.  toys of pure wonder these things are?  and ours they will be.  and behold!  a far superior thing this is.  a sock monkey so grand!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You can lead a gift horse to water, but an early bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I still think that "Mr. Microphone" is cool.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I have but one simple request, and that is to have SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS! Apparently my cyclopic colleague has informed me that this is not possible. What do I pay you people for, throw me a bone here.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I need a chick so bad...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
This sentance is false.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Dude,  my mom says if I want to be a 

lesbian, I gotta lick a lot of carpet.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There are just times in which you need to stop and TEAR THE ROSES OUT OF THE GROUND AND STOMP ON THEM AND CRUSH THEM AND BURN THE REMAINS and then go back to merrily walking down the path.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
ugh... my hands smell like smart mass (damn customers... yes I work at an ISP tech support)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
All your base are belong to bob sagat.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Few people know a lot.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
A colleague and I were discussing at lunch whether or not saying "Ding!" when the elevator arrives would be more or less fun than our current job.  The consensus was, more fun.  Don't let your kids grow up to be database programmers ...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Peachy...


||||||||||##########||||||||||
There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
&lt;Poster wrote&gt;



"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.' You've got to understand the nature of the regime we're dealing with." 



-President George W. Bush, the LEADER OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD 



&lt;/&gt;





when that stray nuke goes off in your backyard, you just let us know.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Bull $h!t there is no spoon! I used it to eat my cereal this morning!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I really like the Thundercats. In my own little world, I imagine that Lion-O is a complete self righteous jerk, and that everyone hates Panthro.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like pennies
||||||||||##########||||||||||
"Hmmm... 

It takes me around 6 seconds to reload the fortune page on my V90 modem. That means If I live another 40 years, and have my girlfriend bring me caffeine, food, and a pot to piss in, I should be able to see 

about 252288000 more fortunes before I die. 

Oh, wait; I don't have a girlfriend. "

---

That's because you have a V90 modem.  We girls do have standards.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
...i did nothing, Michael, and it was everything i dreamed it could be!
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I see pale-faced people.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I love the response i get from the things i buy.  People go, "you bought that?" and i say..."hellz yeah i did!, aint it l33t?!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "Form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form."' One should not think that these are two separate things . 
||||||||||##########||||||||||
There is a cow on my lawn... 

brb.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?



Why I believe it would look like a U.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You are just jealous that the voices dont speak to you....... Yes I will Kill on your command.....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
i have a cat
||||||||||##########||||||||||
When i was 17, i drank some very good beer.  I drank some very good beer i purchased with a fake ID.  My name was Brian McGee; i stayed up listening to Queen... when i was 17.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
You people make me horny.


||||||||||##########||||||||||
I think I'll have a peanut.



Oh, you meant related thoughts...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Fruit flies like an apple
||||||||||##########||||||||||
If a man speaks in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Q.  How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  



A.  A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
So two muffins were sitting in the oven.



The first muffin looks over and says. "Damn, its getting hot in here."



The other muffin looks over in surprise and yells "Hollyshit a talking muffin!"
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Say hi to Cisco for me :-)
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Hey, has anyone seen a life? I lost mine in here....
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Come on people.. Lets at least put this to use : Copy and paste this and add on to this story :) Who knows how F'ed up it will get :) 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his ... 



...medulla oblongata. This caused his toes to twitch, in turn pressing the button marked "launch". Suddenly, half way around the world, an albatross dressed as Martha Stewart looked to the sky to see...
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Day: 37



Please dear god HELP ME!!!!! I cant find my quotes!!! My fingers are bleeding and my F5 key has been worn bare!! &lt;Sob&gt; WHY WHY WHY do I do this; I havent shaved in a month. My wife is going to divorce me if I dont home from the office soon! She cant still think I am on a business trip, can she? Please somebody tell if you have seen my post!!!!

Here is a list:

1.The Gopher guts song

2.The alphabet song from the 3 stooges (B-A ba B-E be B-I Bicky Bi B-O Bo Bicky bi bo B-U Bu bicky bi bo bu)

3.and one that starts Day 5



Please help me!


||||||||||##########||||||||||
sonic death monkey.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I sit at my desk

Writing haiku to ThinkGeek

My boss does not see.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
Murpetudinously effragant, don't you think?


||||||||||##########||||||||||
Once bananas reach the point where they're too ripe to eat, they become perfect for banana bread.  I think it's the banana's way of extending its usefulness to society.
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I didn't do it
||||||||||##########||||||||||
I like monkeys
||||||||||##########||||||||||
PI=3.



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3953669134 5222444708 0459239660 2817156551 5656661113

5982311225 0628905854 9145097157 5539002439 3153519090

2107119457 3002438801 7661503527 0862602537 8817975194

7806101371 5004489917 2100222013 3501310601 6391541589

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0594741234 1933984202 1874564925 6443462392 5319531351

0331147639 4911995072 8584306583 6193536932 9699289837

9149419394 0608572486 3968836903 2655643642 1664425760

7914710869 9843157337 4964883529 2769328220 7629472823



8153740996 1545598798 2598910937 1712621828 3025848112

3890119682 2142945766 7580718653 8065064870 2613389282

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1000162076 9363684677 6413017819 6593799715 5746854194

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6778113949 8616478747 1407932638 5873862473 2889645643

5987746676 3847946650 4074111825 6583788784 5485814896

2961273998 4134427260 8606187245 5452360643 1537101127

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5829486191 9667091895 8089833201 2103184303 4012849511

6203534280 1441276172 8583024355 9830032042 0245120728

7253558119 5840149180 9692533950 7577840006 7465526031

4461670508 2768277222 3534191102 6341631571 4740612385

0425845988 4199076112 8725805911 3935689601 4316682831

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7903688786 8789493054 6955703072 6190095020 7643349335

9106024545 0864536289 3545686295 8531315337 1838682656

1786227363 7169757741 8302398600 6591481616 4049449650

1173213138 9574706208 8474802365 3710311508 9842799275



4426853277 9743113951 4357417221 9759799359 6852522857

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4059909935 0500081337 5432454635 9675048442 3528487470

1443545419 5762584735 6421619813 4073468541 1176688311

8654489377 6979566517 2796623267 1481033864 3913751865

9467300244 3450054499 5399742372 3287124948 3470604406

3471606325 8306498297 9551010954 1836235030 3094530973

3583446283 9476304775 6450150085 0757894954 8931393944

8992161255 2559770143 6858943585 8775263796 2559708167

7643800125 4365023714 1278346792 6101995585 2247172201

7772370041 7808419423 9487254068 0155603599 8390548985

7235467456 4239058585 0216719031 3952629445 5439131663

1345308939 0620467843 8778505423 9390524731 3620129476

9187497519 1011472315 2893267725 3391814660 7300089027

7689631148 1090220972 4520759167 2970078505 8071718638

1054967973 1001678708 5069420709 2232908070 3832634534

5203802786 0990556900 1341371823 6837099194 9516489600

7550493412 6787643674 6384902063 9640197666 8559233565

4639138363 1857456981 4719621084 1080961884 6054560390

3845534372 9141446513 4749407848 8442377217 5154334260



3066988317 6833100113 3108690421 9390310801 4378433415

1370924353 0136776310 8491351615 6422698475 0743032971

6746964066 6531527035 3254671126 6752246055 1199581831

9637637076 1799191920 3579582007 5956053023 4626775794

3936307463 0569010801 1494271410 0939136913 8107258137

8135789400 5599500183 5425118417 2136055727 5221035268

0373572652 7922417373 6057511278 8721819084 4900617801

3889710770 8229310027 9766593583 8758


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Take off ya' hosers!
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&lt;hate&gt;Project Managers&lt;/hate&gt;
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The little men with green hats, why won't they leave me be?
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So it seems you are seeing all the quotes i posted while im looking for my own. why do you see them and i dont? meantime i am seing yours while you dont. maybe if i was you and u was me we would see our own quotes, but if we did that your quote would no longer be your quote, it would be mine.
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Table 6, your pizza is ready...
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Go go gadget web site!
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After letting the monkey pull htrough my hair with his little fingers for hours picking the bugs out and eating them I was thinking no way am I going to return this little guy to the zoo.  When he finshed, I returned the favor but just for a couple of minutes but he didn't seem to mind - I guess that they have a pretty short memory because he went back to picking at mine.
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Um...  Do you want me to SAVE your little game of MINESWEEPER before i fix your computer???  
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Late one night in the middle of the day

Two dead men came out to play

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

If you dont believe this lie is true

Ask the blind man, He saw it too
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i have done it!!! i have provided for your viewing pleasure all of the posts that are any good that ive come across so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





"Un-shrink you?!?! Well that would require some sort of a REbigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and snort, mmmm-hay. Ahhhh, but not at you oh holiest of g-ds, with the wrathfulness and the vengence and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey it hurts" - Professor Frink 



men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it. 

Fnord!!!!! 



FNORD!!!! 







Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs. 



Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the 

Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee. 



Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming. 

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain. 

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten. 



Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted. 

Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry. 

Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots. 

Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm. 



Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients. 

Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on. 

Fnord is where the buses hide at night. 

Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book. 



Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason. 

Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam. 

Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe. 

Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages. 





Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees. 

Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats. 





Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in the navel of the mites that eat 

the lint in Fnord's navel. 



Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs. 

Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica. 

Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders. 

Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer. 



Fnord is the echo of silence. 

Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life. 

Fnord is the sales tax on happiness. 

Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence. 



Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long. 

Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent. 



Fnord is the donut hole. 

Fnord is the whole donut. 



Fnord is an annoying series of email messages. 

Fnord is the color only blind people can see. 



Fnord is the serial number on a box of 

cereal. 



Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy. 

Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428. 

Fnord is the yin without yang. 

Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk. 



Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses. 

Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf. 



Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline. 

Fnord never sleeps. 

Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale. 



Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave. 



Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen. 



Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads. 

Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly. 

Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella. 



Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner. 



Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero. 

Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point. 





Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back. 

Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games. 

Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska. 



Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father". 

Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe. 

Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor. 

Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket. 

Fnord invented the green hubcap. 

Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough. 



Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars. 

Fnord uses two bathtubs at once. 







I cannot escape them 

No matter how I try 

They wait for me everywhere 

I cannot pass them by. 



Driving down the street 

I see "Jesus Is Lord" 

And then immediately after 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



Innocuous sayings and parables 

And on the evening news 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 

And suddenly I'm confused 



I sit alone in my room 

And I'm feeling rather bored 

I turn on the tube and guess what 

I hear the word "FNORD!" 



"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you" 

That's what I've heard the wisemen say 

But I can't get away from those beasties 

There's just no #^(%ing way. 



"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 



 Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear  

Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect. 

sometimes they let me out of the coldroom at work..... I like the pretty lights..... 

My livelihood depend on the stupidity of others. Talk about job security... 

Confucious say, 

"Man with one chopstick go hungry." 

Look, up in the ether... 

faster than a speeding Cray SuperCluster, 

more powerful than a cracker's underarms, 

able to jump 2^64 bits in a single bound, 

it's T H I N K G E E K ! 

"please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit: 4 super brushes to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals, yes I am over 18 but my IQ isn't..." 



(credit to GrantNaylor BBC) 

An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce all the works of shakespeare instantly. They will also produce everything by John Steinbeck, Arthur Miller, and Henry Michener. And if they're modern typewriters, they will also produce the code for Windows98. In addition, subsets of those monkeys containing an infinite number will spontaneously combust, contract Ebola, and create a black hole. 



-E2 infinite monkeys node 

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired and 

blind in the eyes... 

Users are like bacteria - each one causes a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies. 

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 

I like cows they don't like me though, they like to poke my belly to hear my girlish laugh. Stupid cows I'll have my revenge! 

I dig in dirt. I lay the fiber upon which you thrive. I occasionally break the fiber upon which you thrive. You must love me and hate me at once. Oh the glory of the construction worker as opposed to the sysadmin. I see daylight. You see pixels. Sad but true. 

If a cow and a half and a calf and a half can eat a bale and a half of hay in a day and a half, how many waffles does it take to shingle a dog house? 

DARN IT. 

I was supposed to be upgrading the kernal 

on our server but NoOoOoOo! I got 

distracted by thinkgeek's random quote page 

and kept hitting F5 over and over and over 

and over and over and over for 45 minutes. 



By phb came in and said "What are you 

doing?" 

I said "waiting for /dev/zero to be copied 

into /dev/storage (which is a symbolic link 

to /dev/null) so I can finish upgrading the 

kernal." He said I was doing a good job. I 

agreed. Anyway, I think I should go finish 

the kernal upgrade I started a week ago, I 

checked the logs and he was moving files 

into /dev/storage. I asked "WTF?" and he 

said he wanted his files protected during 

the upgrade too. I almost felt bad, then he 

asks how to get our reviews out of 

/dev/storage since he couldn't seem to read 

the directory. I told him I'd look into 

it. I must make up a clever scheme to 

cover for this funny blunder. Damn morons 

taking initiative. 



Hi Ho, Hi Ho - its off to drop the 

harddrive down the stairs I go. 

You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but you wear the pink tutu this time 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 

A Man walks into a bar with a pair of Jumper-cables around his neck. The battender says, "I'll serve you, buddy, but just don't start anything!" 

--HaStA-}- 

It has been theorized that an infinite number of monkeys banging on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the written works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this is not true." ~Kurt Vonnegut 

Why do people insist that one hand can't clap? Really, it's not that difficult. You move your had back and forth so fast that the fingers do the clapping to the palm! See, watch.. oh, wait you can't watch... Hmm, then I'll send in a video.. wait, you don't have a place for video's... maybe a picture then, yes, I'll buy an item and send in the "action picture" of one hand clapping... What does thinkgeek have on sale for $1? Stupid school is costing me my paycheck. Hey, is thinkgeek a co-op employer?? That'd be cool, work with thinkgeek. Then I could say I know jen. I could post fortunes that say "Hey, I know jen, she's hot, don't you wish you were in my place". that would make me a jen-a-holic. Oh great, she prolly thinks I'm stalking her now. great, do me a favor... don't let her see this fortune. 



"The art of progress consists of preserving order amid change and change amid order" -A.N. Whitehead 



You thinking what i'm thinking pinky? 



i think so brain, but if i chop of my leg, won't i fall over? 

I think modern science should graft 

functional wings on a pig, simply so no 

one can ever use that stupid saying 

again. 

Your page makes me scream BLICK-A-BLAOW!!!!! My co-workers are looking at me funny ...Where's my stapler...? 

Richard hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and peered upward into the surrounding gloom. Too many little agonies to remember of that fateful night so long ago. To the boyscout he had been, and the man he now was, only preparation mattered. A defibrulator in one hand and a live chicken in the other he put one foot on the bottom stair and made his way up. Now they would all pay! 

&lt;&lt;&lt;I love you, Thinkgeek. 



In fact, were I a man of less distinguished character, I would ask for you to run away with me, far away from the hustle and hub-bub of modern society. 



We could live on the freshly killed carcusses of script kiddies and A0Lers, we could bathe ourselves in the bitstreams, and live together forever. 



But alas, I am a mere low bandwidth luser, meant to forever wail in the seedy recesses of this great world wide city some call the Inter-Net, and you, an e-commerce web server surely serving up hundreds of millions of pages a day, probably never even knew I existed! 



Nor could you, unless you had some right wicked AI. &gt;&gt;&gt; 







if one more dumbass attempts some sort of hazy and perverted corperate '''''high tech''''' speakishness as this, and i mean just ONE more, me and bettsy will have to intervene. bettsy being my cactus.... 



oh yeah, its 'go' time... so ill be back after that and a good lather... ya filthy animal!!! 

%0 



We are Gates of Borg... Prepare to be assimilated... Resistance is futile... No Linux... I said resistance is futile... No Linux NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 



"The real threat is not that everyone won't be connected, but that everyone won't be able to disconnect." 



Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart 

threw a sword at you



Hi. I'm the guy who made the post about how everyone posts about pies. I've got more information, people tend to talk a lot of cheese and monkeys too...what is it with pies, cheese, and monkeys? Is it some sort of conspiracy? Are the monkeys gonna take over the world with cheese pies? I'm scared....I need to stop drinking so much Jolt. You know what else I found? I can't stop thinking when I drink a lot of caffeine. It's like a runaway train full of donkeys and nuclear waste. When it crashes there's gonna be one big !^(%ing mutated donkey. Hey, wow, the sun is coming up... 



"Once upon a time there was a monkey that loved to eat cheese and drink bawls... 



while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate... 



why the traffic outside all seemed to be frozen in time. Even the exhaust of the cars were suspended in air. The monkey scratched his... 



cranium in a perplexed gesture of helplessness peculiar to the primate family, and set off down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was in Trenton, New Jersey and it was 3AM, so before he got too far he was accosted by a masked man with a pistol, who demanded his high heels and garter belt from him. Undaunted, our fearless simian hero declared... 



dealing with problems is for people too weak to run away from them. 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 



!nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB 

!hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT 

nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB 

!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT 



:dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH 

thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL 

,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS 

.thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA 



,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa dnA 

,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT 

,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC 

!emac ti sa delbrub dnA 



hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt ,enO !owt ,enO 

!kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT 

daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH 

.kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH 



?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA 

!yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC 

!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O 

.yoj sih ni deltrohc eH 



sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' 

;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD 

,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA 

.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA 

(c/o Praeluceo) 



Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight? 

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. 

Try to take over the world! 



Brain: Here we are, Pinky--at the dawn of time! 

Pinky: Narf, Brain. Wake me at the noon of time. 

-- When Mice Ruled the Earth 



Pinky: Narf! 

Pinky: Poit! 

Pinky: Zort! 

Pinky: Gat! 



Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob. 

Pinky: You have no idea. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Pinky: Hmmm... let me think... 

Brain: Don't hurt yourself, Pinky. 

-- Bubba Bo Bob Brain 



Brain: Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed. 

-- Jockey for Position 



Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. 

And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has 

brought us an even more powerful tool. Do 

you know what that is? 

Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band? 

-- Battle for the Planet 





Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured 

during this mission, remember you are Gunther 

Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to 

Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. 

Can you repeat that? 

Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can. 

-- Where Rodents Dare 



Pinky: Egad! You astound me, Brain! 

Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky. 

-- Win Big 



Brain: I am not devoid of humour. 

-- Win Big 



I wonder what will happen when the network admin looks through the logs of what webpages were loaded the most and he finds over three thousand hits to http://www.thinkgeek.com/fortune.shtml ? 



AYB For the Flash Impaired 

-------------------------- 

In A.D. 2101 

War was begining 



*explosion* 



What happen?? 



Someone set us up the bomb! 



We get signal! 



What!! 



Main screen turn on! 



It's you!! 



How are you gentlemen 



All your base are belong to us 



What you say!! 



You have no chance to survive make your time 



Ha ha ha... 



[insert slideshow of pictures here] 

No no, when I said double click, I did not mean pick up the mouse and slam it against the table twice. 

No, dont click both buttons at once, only the left one. 

Good, now make the clicks less than 10 seconds apart 

Don't worry Mom, you're getting it.... 

No, this isn't the email part yet, we're getting there... 



Little Kid's Books We'd Like to See: 



'You Were An Accident' 

'Strangers Have the Best Candy' 

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched' 

'Some Kittens Can Fly!' 

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion' 

'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups' 

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face' 

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?' 

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her' 

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!' 

'All Dogs Go to Hell' 

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking' 

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It' 

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia' 

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?' 

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?' 

'Bi-Curious George' 

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry' 

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver' 

'You Are Different and That's Bad' 

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land' 



"Software exists to solve yuor problems. We exist to make the problems." 

-- Microsoft 



Brain: You thinking what I'm thinking? 



Pinky: Yes, Brain, but where are we going to get pants that big? 



Can you help me untangle my slinky? I want to watch it go down the stairs again. Slinky's are fun when you drink half a bottle of Skyrocket. 



"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." 



-Albert Einstein- 



Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey see doo, monkey doo doo. Monkey see sea, monkey drown. Monkey see sea monkey, monkey chew on sea monkey. 



You know, If your pants are on fire, you're probibally never going to have sex again. 

Heh, the monkey king hit me with his arrow. How amazing. Guess what? i've got a boat - and it FLOATS. I bet I could have a boat full of monkeys. Maybe a barrel of them on my boat that floats. So would my boat be as fun as a floating barrel of monkeys? 



i've had to much caffeene and no sleep... this damned monkey wont quit talking either. 



Bah, watch me and my windows machine. Look at me. Love me. Yes, i am finding a need to defend my choice of OS for some reason, i don''t mind microsoft. Microsoft makes me happy. 



bleh, shoot me. 



caffeinated chocolate? 



there go my plans to buy a new futon. after all, it's not like i'm going to be sleeping. 



If you look very closely at the underside of 

an Intellimouse Explorer, and look directly 

at the LED, you can see the fires of hell 

awaiting you for buying a MS product......or 

maybe I'm just seeing things......I 

dunno....damn meds.... 



Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with clubs. Pretty 

standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there... 



The drive-thru ATM at my bank has Braille on the keypad...hmm. 



I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. 


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Remeber CPM, My first machine was a dual boot pcdos/cpm machine made by DEC with two floppies (not compatable with anything)400k each, one amber monitor, 128 k ram and cost 3500.00 at half price (my girl worked for DEC).  Now my calculator is better than that.
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