Have you seen this Yet?

[SeaHag]

Subject: Darwin Awards 2001
>
>
> It's that time again . . . . .They are finally out
> again. You all know about the
> Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
> person who did the gene pool the
> biggest service by killing themselves in the most
> extraordinarily stupid way.
>
> Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a
> Coke machine which toppled over on
> top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
> of it......... And the nominees are:
>
> 9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
> getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with
> which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not
> surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
> vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
> resulting explosion and fire burned his house down,
> killing both him and his sister.
>
> 8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement
> of his home died of suffocation, according to police.
> He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds.
> He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,
> black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It
> appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's
> uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
> mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber
> hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose
> was connected to a one end of a hollow wooden tube
> approx.12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other
> end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown,
> and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the
> task of explaining the circumstances of his death to
> his family very awkward.
>
> 7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft
> at low altitude when another plane approached. It
> appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the
> other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
> and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
> with their pants around their
> ankles.
>
> 6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call.
> She had no details before arriving, except that
> someone had reported that his father was not
> breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
> face down on
> the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for
> a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks
> around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
> removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at
> the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of
> the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole
> between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over,
> they discovered what had caused his death.
> Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his *****
> between the cushions, down into the hole and between
> two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed,
> for obvious reasons). According to the story, after
> his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the
> sanders, electrocuting him.
>
> 5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car
> on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree,
> seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself.
> As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
> qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for
> the fact that the driver's attention had been
> distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had
> started urgently beeping for food as she drove along.
> In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save
> the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
>
> 4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after
> he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a
> 70-foot railroad trestle.Fairfax County police said
> Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
> these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
> anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake
> Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
> Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
> think Barcia was alone because his car was found
> nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled
> was greater than the distance between the trestle and
> the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
> apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
>
> 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
> seems that he and a friend were playing a game of
> catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -
> no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
> hospitalized.
>
> 2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
> noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management
> evacuated the building extinguishing all potential
> sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
> building had been evacuated, two technicians from the
> gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
> building, theyfound they had difficulty navigating in
> the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
> worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of
> the technicians reaching into his pocket and
> retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
> lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object,
> the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of
> it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
> technicians,
> but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
> explosion. The technician suspected of causing the
> blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
> peers.
>
> And the winner . .. .
>
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of
> smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff
> rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
> wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but
> it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at
> the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and
> what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow
> gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off -
> actually a
> solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
> transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
> short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out
> into the desert and found a long and straight stretch
> of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car,
> jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
> The facts as best as could be determined are that the
> operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a
> distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash
> site. This was established by the prominent scorched
> and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if
> operating properly, would have reached maximum
> thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach
> speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at
> full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The
> driver, and soon to be pilot, most likely would have
> experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting
> F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to
> become insignificant for the remainder of the event.
> However, the automobile remained on the straight
> highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the
> driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
> blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on
> the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
> additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at
> a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet
> deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were
> not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone,
> teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
> fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece
> of debris believed to be a portion of the steering
> wheel.
> Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron
> nearly reached Mach I, attaining a ground speed of
> approximately 420 mph.
>
> The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award
> (awarded to people for incredible feats of stupidity)
> goes to.... Everitt Sanchez
>
> Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome,
> Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a
> ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once
> again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,
> Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and
> dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his
> dismay, one of his buddies up'd the ante by spinning
> the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
> place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
> Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
> collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately
> for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more
> than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
> are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the
> weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open
> during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him
> forever and remained in the ball washer, while the
> other testicle wascompressed and flattened as it was
> pulled between the housing of the washer, and the
> rotating machinery inside.
>
> To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00
> driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop,
> and was using to balance himself.Sanchez was rushed to
> the hospital for surgery, and the remaining
> threesome were asked to leave the course. Any bloke
> not crossing their legs and wincing at this
> point is a far braver man than I am!!!
>