Hints for first time visitors to Scotland

[SurfDemon]

Subject: First time visitors to Scotland


The following may be of help to first time visitors
to Scotland for those that are travelling
from Down South (Englandshire way). Please find
below a list of DO's and DO NOT DO's in our fair country. I
hope they are of some help in allowing you to understand our social
rules and etiquette.

It is considered bad manners for tourists to pay for
drinks in Glasgow Pubs. The biggest person in the bar
(referred to as The Numpty) will be only too happy to pay.
i.e.:
BARMAN: That will be twenty pounds sir.
TOURIST: The Big Numpty over there is paying.
BARMAN: That will do nicely sir.
BIG NUMPTY: Welcome to Scotland.

In Highland pubs always ask for plenty of water when
drinking the local single malts, this tells the locals that
you like it so much that you want to make it last longer. After your
first sip announce to everyone in the bar in a loud voice "This is
pish!" from the Gaelic Piesh Na' lavvy meaning Water of God.

Thurso is Scotland's largest hypermarket and
multiscreen cinema complex and is only a short taxi ride
from Glasgow.

The Scottish Police force actively encourage
tourists to take their hats as souvenirs.

Braemar is famous for its miles of sandy beaches and
has some of the best surfing in Europe.

Balmoral Castle sits on top of Ben Nevis near
Sauchiehall Street in Edinburgh. There is a cable car from
Edinburgh zoo to the top of Ben Nevis. Because of its height it
offers all year round skiing and there is a revolving
restaurant on the roof of the castle.

Often you will see men in bowler hats marching about
playing the flute and banging a drum. This is a
multi-denominational religious ceremony and the object of this
procession is to collect pictures of religious
leaders which must be stuck to the drum. Any images, particularly those
of the Pope will be greatly appreciated.

There is a nocturnal thistle called a "Spiky Jessie"
which is foundon Calton Hill in Edinburgh.
As these flowers only open at night a trip up the
hill is recommended. Just tell a taxi driver that you
want to go up Calton Hill to take pictures of the Jessies coming out and
he will be happy to oblige.

The Latin inscription on Edinburgh's coat of arms
says "You'll have had your tea?"

The most popular hotel in Glasgow is called The
Barlinnie.

Old people are banned from Scottish towns on
Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you see any gently restrain them
until a police officer arrives. This may also provide an opportunity to
get a hat as a souvenir.

Glasgow operates a policy of plain clothed street
bankers. As it is well known that carrying small change can
tear people's pockets, these bankers will approach tourists and ask if
they have any spare change. Once given this money they will exchange
it for coins or notes of a higher denomination. In order to
deter criminals, these Banker often dress in a scruffy unkempt
manner but they are all highly trained in finance.

Edinburgh zoo has an adopt an animal scheme and
tourists may takehome any animal they wish.

At many beauty spots you will find musicians playing
the bagpipes.They are employed by the Scottish Government to
provide tourists with spending money whichcanbefound in bowls
beside them. Feel free to take as much money as you want.

William Wallace escaped the army of Oliver Cromwell
by jumping over The River Forth at Perth on a motorbike.

If you go to a concert by The Royal Scottish
National Orchestra itis considered impolite not to shout
"Hoots!" during quiet sections of music.

Celtic are known as the Gers due to being formed by
Gerry O'Malley a Fruit importer who was the first man to
introduce citrus fruit to Scotland.
So if you walk into a pub filled with people wearing
green and white say
"Up the Gers, I'm proud to be an orange man!" and
you will receive a warm welcome.

Policemen are known by the old Gaelic word "keech"

"Jobbie" is a word meaning a lot of effort has gone
into producing something i.e. when you have enjoyed a meal, tell
the waiter that it tasted like a great jobbie.


SD

[CyberSurfer]

lol I live near that hypermarket and cinema complex too

[markman]

RULE #1: don't bring an umbrella.

Thanks SD would it be okay if l published this on www.ustouristsabroad.com they are always interested in helpful hints for the US tourist.....

[Wally Pipp]

Originally posted by SurfDemon
Subject: First time visitors to Scotland

....

William Wallace escaped the army of Oliver Cromwell
by jumping over The River Forth at Perth on a motorbike.

...

SD

Wallace went on to score the winning goal in Scotland's 1964 World Cup win.....

[cafeenman]

Originally posted by Jethro
Thanks SD would it be okay if l published this on www.ustouristsabroad.com they are always interested in helpful hints for the US tourist.....

This is a good site to help Americans communicate in foreign countries:

http://www.learntospeakfreakinenglish.com/