Thanks both.
Stanav, I called the phone company again and we basically went through the steps you mentioned. They were stumped for a while, but eventually it started working. Of course it started working in a configuration we'd already tried. Anyway it's on for now until next time.

The orginal problem I had is still there. I can't get ports open reliably.
At canyouseeme.org it alternates between "connection was refused" and "connection timed out" with an occasional short-lived "success, your port is not blocked".
I currently have the firewall turned off, McAfee turned off, and the ports I want open in the router.
I've confirmed the IP address v4 192.168.1.5 (first time I've had a five, but it's connected, so...)
so the port forwarding is correct, uPNP is on. I don't know why the ports are not open.