Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 41 to 70 of 70

Thread: Clean Joke of the day

  1. #41
    Lively Member homer13j's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Where the dirt bikes and ATVs play
    Posts
    80

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by dday9 View Post
    It looks like I'm picking on Ohio St., but it's like that for all the Big 10 teams and it's been like that since I've been a little kid.
    As far as I'm concerned you're still a kid.

    What a lot of younger folks don't realize is for decades (up until the late-'90s or so) the Big 10 was the most formidable and fearsome conference in the college game, and its strength was the main reason Notre Dame remained independent despite the perfect fit it would have been in the conference. Northwestern as the only private school with the smallest enrollment and focus on academics was the only real doormat - except for a brief stretch in the mid-'90s, and Indiana has always been a basketball school.

    Not sure what happened. The rise of the SEC has only been a relatively recent development. Back when the Rose Bowl was strictly a PAC 10/Big 10 game it quite often determined the national champion. Even Minnesota got there twice - spanking UCLA 21-3 in '62.

    I believe the Big 10's past reputation has contributed to the current (over)rankings.
    "Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. Pain is temporary. Glory is forever." - Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel
    “Leave me alone, I know what I’m doing.” - Kimi Raikkonen

  2. #42
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    I've been going to LSU games since I was 2, so I remember in the 90s when the only good SEC team was Florida. But I always thought the Pac12 was better.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  3. #43
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Two friends were playing golf together on a hole where they could see the highway and a funeral procession drove by. The one golfer put his hat to his chest chest and bowed his head as it went by while his friend stared at him with an incredulous look on his face, When it had passed by the one friend said to the other "I didn't realize you have such respect for the dead". His friend replied "I ought to, I was married to the b__ch for twenty years".

    Jesus and Moses were playing golf together. Jesus teed off and the ball spliced right into some deep weeds. A rabbit ran out with the ball in its mouth towards the green. An eagle swooped down out of the sky, snatched up the rabbit with the ball still in its mouth and few over the hole. A bolt of lightening hit the eagle, it fell next to the hole, and the ball popped out of the rabbit's mouth rolling to the edge of the cup. A small earth tremor shook the ball right into the cup. Moses turned to Jesus and said "are you going to play golf or f__k around?"
    Last edited by TysonLPrice; Sep 8th, 2014 at 06:38 PM.
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  4. #44

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am
    this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am?
    Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

    ---

    I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88mph.
    Probably going back to the Fuhrer.

    ---

    A man walks in to the doctors and says,
    "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter".
    The doctor looks at him and says,
    "Sorry, I don't follow you"
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  5. #45
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Dum, dum, crash!
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  6. #46
    New Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    5

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    A dwarf is sitting in his car at a traffic light. All if a sudden he is rear ended. After regaining his senses, he gets out of his car and walks towards the guy driving the car that rear ended him. Angrily, the dwarf says "I'm not happy!" The other driver looks at him and then says "Okay. Which one are you?"

  7. #47

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

    The P is silent.
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  8. #48

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens
    like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space
    wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty.

    And as I looked at all this I thought...


    I must put a roof on this lavatory.

    ---

    If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  9. #49
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by coolridev View Post
    A dwarf is sitting in his car at a traffic light. All if a sudden he is rear ended. After regaining his senses, he gets out of his car and walks towards the guy driving the car that rear ended him. Angrily, the dwarf says "I'm not happy!" The other driver looks at him and then says "Okay. Which one are you?"
    Its 5:38 AM where I'm at right now...that took me a second to get
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  10. #50

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Myself as well. I had to read it twice.
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  11. #51
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    An elderly couple was speaking to their doctor about how they were both having trouble remembering things. The doctor mentioned that a simple solution would be to write down things they needed to remember. That night they were watching TV and the husband asked the wife if he could have a bowl of ice cream. She said “sure, would you like whipped cream on it” and he said “yes please”. She asked if he would also like some chocolate too and he said “yes but do you think you should write it down”? She said “no I'm fine, would you like a cherry on top”? He said “yes but I really think you should write it down”. Once again she said “no” and went to he kitchen. A few minutes later she came back with bacon and eggs. He said “see, I told you to write it down, you forgot the toast”.
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  12. #52
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Why did the Java programmer get glasses?

    Because he couldn't C#
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  13. #53
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    A guy playing a video game asked his friend who programmed the game for some pointers. The programmers response was "bffd8b3c, bffd8b3c, ..."
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  14. #54
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Algorithm(n):
    Used to describe a block of code that a programmer wrote, but does not completely understand it.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  15. #55
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Programmer(n):
    Organism that turns caffeine into code.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  16. #56
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Code:
    2b||!2b
    That is the question.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  17. #57

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One if he can remotely launch his app to start the light bulb screwing machine.

    ---

    What answers would you come up with for this joke?
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  18. #58
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Did you hear the one about the Indian that had to sleep in the hotel lobby because he didn't have a reservation? Or the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his daughter?
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  19. #59
    Sinecure devotee
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Southern Tier NY
    Posts
    6,582

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by Gruff View Post
    How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    ...
    What answers would you come up with for this joke?
    None, its a hardware problem.

  20. #60
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by dday9 View Post
    I have a funny joke that I made up and did not get from anywhere else

    Alright then...

    If you really want to understand recursion, then reread this post until you do.

    When that happens, you'll know that I do...
    OK? I did make that one up. But since I don't know how bright you really are I'll add this in just for you...it is from SQL Server 2005


    If you really want to understand recursion, then reread this post until you do.

    When that happens, you'll know that I do...

    OPTION (MAXRECURSION 200)
    Last edited by TysonLPrice; Sep 13th, 2014 at 05:46 AM.
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  21. #61

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

    It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

    Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

    What's another word for Thesaurus?

    I got some tartar-control toothpaste.
    I still have tartar on my teeth, but it's really under control.
    Last edited by Gruff; Sep 14th, 2014 at 10:49 PM.
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  22. #62
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
    There is a place called George's Under The Bridge in Baton Rouge that has a bumper sticker that says that.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  23. #63
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Boudreaux and his wife Clotile always went to LSU home games, for 30 years they didn't miss a game. Then for one homecoming Thibodeaux noticed that Boudreaux wasn't with his wife for this particular game. So Thibodeaux asked him "Mais, I'm surprised that your wife aint here, is she alright?" Boudreaux responded that his wife had died and that he was going to miss her dearly. Thibodeaux was still confused, so he asked Boudreaux "Why didn't you bring none of your children?" and Boudreaux responded "Mais they're all at her funeral."
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  24. #64
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by dday9 View Post
    Boudreaux and his wife Clotile always went to LSU home games, for 30 years they didn't miss a game. Then for one homecoming Thibodeaux noticed that Boudreaux wasn't with his wife for this particular game. So Thibodeaux asked him "Mais, I'm surprised that your wife aint here, is she alright?" Boudreaux responded that his wife had died and that he was going to miss her dearly. Thibodeaux was still confused, so he asked Boudreaux "Why didn't you bring none of your children?" and Boudreaux responded "Mais they're all at her funeral."
    Very much like post #43...couldn't come up with your own eh? Or maybe you just didn't understand it
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  25. #65
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by TysonLPrice View Post
    Very much like post #43...couldn't come up with your own eh? Or maybe you just didn't understand it
    Lol, that one reminded me of the one I posted because they're so similar.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  26. #66
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Quote Originally Posted by dday9 View Post
    Lol, that one reminded me of the one I posted because they're so similar.
    We must be in sync...Thing is I don't know where or why you are coming from...
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  27. #67

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member Gruff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Scappoose Oregon USA
    Posts
    1,293

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

    I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

    Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

    Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
    Burn the land and boil the sea
    You can't take the sky from me


    ~T

  28. #68
    Super Moderator dday9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    South Louisiana
    Posts
    11,715

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    You.
    You who?
    No thank you, I'm not thirsty.
    "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it is bad." - Cory House
    VbLessons | Code Tags | Sword of Fury - Jameram

  29. #69
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    What's green and red and goes 100 MPH?

    A frog in a blender...
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

  30. #70
    Wall Poster TysonLPrice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,834

    Re: Clean Joke of the day

    What do you call a guy with no arms or legs:

    Hanging on a wall - Art
    Laying in front of a door - Matt
    Underneath a car - Jack
    Floating in a pool - Bob

    What do you do with dog with no legs? Take it for a drag.
    Last edited by TysonLPrice; Sep 17th, 2014 at 03:01 PM.
    Please remember next time...elections matter!

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  



Click Here to Expand Forum to Full Width