Post Race!

[barrk]

please

[barrk]

HELP

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me?????????????????????????

[barrk]

Where

[barrk]

is

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Parksie?????

[barrk]

'TWAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
at the holiday parties, had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as only I can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Eve! ry last bit of food that I like must be banished "
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie-not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

[barrk]

Wherever you go...there you are!

[parksie]

I'm here...will think of something shortly

Katie --

Will you get a life?

[parksie]

Not while we're not up to 3000 posts...

...and neither will I!

[barrk]

ELETELEPHONY
once there was an elephant
who tried to be a telephant;
no no, I mean an elephone
who tried to be a telephone.
(Dear me I am not certain quite
that even now i've got it right)
how e'r it was he got his trunk
entangled in the telephunk
the more he tried to get it free,
the louder buzzed the telephee.
(i fear i'd better quit this song
of elehop and telephong.)

[barrk]

I do have a life....just no work this week. Besides, I'm on a mission!!!!!!!!!

[parksie]

Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

[parksie]

When a girl admits she's had a checkered career, it's your move.

[parksie]

mosquito, n.:
The state bird of New Jersey.

[parksie]

A Catholic and a Methodist were carpooling to work one morning, when a brick
fell out of the sky, which startled the driver and caused him to swerve off
the road and into a telephone pole, totaling the car.
The two stumbled out of the wreckage, both feeling quite fortunate
to be alive. The Catholic crossed himself. Then the Protestant crossed
himself in an accentuated manner.
"Hey," said the Catholic, "I why did you cross yourself, you're not
Catholic!"
"Just checking," replied his friend, crossing himself again,
"spectacles, testicles, wallet, pen."

[parksie]

Despising machines to a man,
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
And ride out by night
In a sheeting of white
To lynch all the robots they can.
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson

[parksie]

Snow White:
"Gee guys, I've always dreamed of getting ten inches...
but not an inch-and-a-half at a time!

[parksie]

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.
-- Steven Wright

[barrk]

I've only had one user logged on all week and yet I have to sit here!!!

Bored, I'm soooooo bored!!!!!!!

[barrk]

I liked the snow white one!

[parksie]

Which user? What logon?

[barrk]

I'm at work...don't ask me why....they say to support the users....but I'm the only here...who needs my support...my family sure could but instead I sit here and wait for someone to logon....as if anyone would have problems with our superior application anyway!! Stupid, just stupid!

[barrk]

Hey...another page down!! How many more to go??

[barrk]

BTW...what's Grolsh?

[barrk]

While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"

"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.


Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

[parksie]

Exactly 10 pages (minus about 4 posts!) to go.

Grolsch is a sort of lager beer...it's brewed longer, for a fuller taste

[barrk]

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software

[parksie]

Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

[barrk]

Originally posted by parksie
Grolsch is a sort of lager beer...it's brewed longer, for a fuller taste

I could use one of those about now!

[barrk]

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

[parksie]

The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will
eventually mature.

[barrk]

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

[barrk]

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer

[barrk]

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

[parksie]

Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who
forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."

[barrk]

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

[barrk]

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

[barrk]

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."