Is this real life?

[Arbiter]

Is this bollocks cause in reality YOU WEREN'T THERE MAAANN when my legs landed just beyond the baseline of the tennis court at Wimbledon where the wombles promptly came and cleaned them up and used them as masts on the rafts they had built to get great Uncle Bulgaria out of the country as the flying squad were on his case for peddling crack to the teletubby fanclub east ealing division.

I managed to get them back and now the furry little ****es are used as slippers to keep the feet warm of the American prisoners of war who are still trapped in that living hell known as Nebraska where men are men and the grizzly bears wear lipstick to hide the bruises forced upon them by mutant monkeys (knew they would be in there somewhere!!) who used to slap them around for nicking poicnic baskets and throwing them in the Grand Canyon in such great numbers that it is now a mountain range and not a massive gorge in the earth but rivalling Everest for the leading seller of double glazing in the UK.

Oh my god my computer is being over run by naughty little discs that are changing into something with big fangs and aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh there goes my
head, give it back you bastards - its torquay harbour madame what did you expect Sydney opera house perhaps, a herd of wilderbeast running gracefully across the plane wings of a grounded Concorde that had just dropped a hundred Germans off at there hotel so they could get their sunbeds early around the pool of Cantata along with the dredded sword of Miceheline and the shield of Strombatatalon used to rid Earth of deadly people such as David Mellor or even worse the curse that is Lionel Blair, well unfortunately to use a catchphrase THAT WIPES ME OUT MMM

pant pant pant

[filburt1]

Originally posted by Arbiter
pant pant pant

:eek: :eek:

[barrk]

Can I have some of what you've been drinking, Arbiter????

[Arbiter]

That was an eMail from a friend of mine (who's clearly insane).

You should have know it wasn't me - I have much better grammar... :D

I'm trying to dig out my reply, which was on a par for weirdness...

[beachbum]

Only came to this thread cos of title and thought we were gonna start dissing Freddie Mercury and Bohemian Rhapsody but what the hell? I dont think u can achieve that with drink Barkk some other form i would suggest. :p

[Arbiter]

Found another from him. I only asked him what he thought of the hotels in a web link I sent him...

I havent got a clue about them hotels, but I tell you what, I say we build up loads of tanks and artillery and beat the *****ers to the ground, not sure of a starting point yet but I think it coulb be a case of DANGER WILL ROBINSON, followed by a swift oh the pain the pain, the a case of get out of here you dagel bastards and ultimately welcome to the rock after we have been arrested by ashtons constabulary for nicking the crutch off a one legged bouncer and using it to propel the nearest towards mars!!

Cool as

SAUL

[Arbiter]

And another...

Saul, saul my head fell off but i found it in the mind of a squid. He asked me what i wanted, i repyled "my head, man. What else?" Understandably startled he stuttered" Your, your not here for , for the large kitten?" "By crivens!man, er squid, what nonsense do you ramble?".All of a sudden two large kittens turned up in a box of tissues."Believe you've got a large kitten ,squid bloke, we'd like him back. Mate you aint got a head" "I know" I sighed with a wistfull air of melancohly. The squid burst in "The large
kitten doesnt want to come back, hes playing "innocent man" on a dwarfs piano. But that is another tale.....



Why can't I have 'normal' friends...?

[barrk]

Originally posted by Arbiter
You should have know it wasn't me - I have much better grammar... :D


That's why I assumed you had been drinking!;) :p

[Arbiter]

Found my reply to his original message...



Don't tell me I wasn't there man!

You didn't run out of water on your tour of duty and have to drink napalm and eat your own feet using two small badgers as cutlery because Mary - Queen of Scots had stolen your fork to use as a hairpin for her wig made out the finest camel scrotum. You didn't have to nurse that camel through the long nights as it kept singing soprano to the theme of Lost in Space played by the east riding zimmerframe orchestra. DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! Someone's stolen the crutch the conductor was using as a baton and started running the 100 metres relay, but NO, there's a tiger on the circuit - it's got William Shatner in its jaws, quick, quick get Bones - aaarggh it's too late, his heads come off. And Bill's head's being used by the Olympic finalists to get Britain their 11th gold medal which the plan to smelt down to reduce national debt and get the petrol prices lower. OH MY GOD, that tribe of pygmies has hollowed out Bills head and are using it a drum, no, a vase and their putting in the famous flower on Cantata but it's just been dug up and eaten by a sloth which is sprinting down the long jump pit, onto - the bridge of the Enterprise. The sloth is under attach by some robot or other DESTROY SLOTH FAMILY, DESTROY ENTERPRISE, DESTROY, DESTROY. And wait, what's this, the robot is being challenge to a duel by Spiderman whilst in the background - yeesh what is Penny doing with that carrot? She's using it as a small drill to drill down into the lower decks, but oh no! she's seperated the saucer section and Picard is floating out into space. Ah, he's been rescued by Tom Jones who just happened to be passing (it's not unusual....) but the both of them have been hit by a large bowl of petunias hurled by William Wallace. But the petunias were a dud, the firing pin had been removed by Robert the Bruce. Betrayed again. Speaking of Bruce here's the boxing kangaroo who's proceeding to give Q a thorough whooping in all time frames you wish to consider.

Aaarrrghhhh, there's a bee in here - I'm off!