What's your favorite, here's mine...

Man: "Alice, Your Dog Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive."

Woman: "Well, what's wrong with the dog?"

Man: "Simple. He has been licking his a$shole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hours attention and I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good or there to stay. Wouldn't you agree?"