joke

[tumblingdown]

this from a guy at work.

A woodworm with no teeth walks into a bar and asks "where's the bar tender?"


class!

td.

[paulw]

Teehee...:D

Excellent,

Man walks into a bar... it hurt (ahem)

Cheers td,

Paul.

[Sam Finch]

2 Goldfish are in a tank, one says to the other.


"How do you drive this thing?"



Boom boom trdrdrd tsch

Originally posted by paulw
Teehee...:D

Excellent,

Man walks into a bar... it hurt (ahem)

Cheers td,

Paul.

hehehehehehe,
hopefully, this will open a whole new *____ walks into bar*
thread.....

there have been about 3 of them.... well maybe 2.....

those threads were very funny, and very crude.... john deleted the first one.... hehehehe :rolleyes:

[Gaffer]

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “Why the long face?”

[Gaffer]

Aw, they're Gross!

Has anyone seen the email shooting around about Bush's mis-quotaions over the last decade? A sampler...

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in
this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in
this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95

Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

etc etc etc

[barrk]

A dyslexic walked into a bra...

[tumblingdown]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!


td.

[JPRoy392]

Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar??

She heard drinks were on the house.

[HarryW]

7 dwarves in a bath and they're all feeling happy. Then happy got out so they all felt grumpy.

[Iain17]

Two Man U fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in
it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke" The second one picks it up and says
"Of course you do, you thick **** - its me!"

Q:What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with
Wormwood Scrubs?
A:They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q:How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb changing"
commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to
Torquay.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? A:
They had pictures of Man United players on them ... and people couldn't
figure out which side to spit on.

Q: If you see a Manchester United Fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a Manchester United Fan from
Manchester, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they
simultaneously spot a 10 note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Q: What do you have when 100 Manchester United Fans are buried up to their
neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
Manchester United Fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What do Manchester United Fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a
Manchester United Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the United Fan. Twice.

Q: What is the difference between a Manchester United Fan and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What do you call 5000 dead Manchester United Fans at the bottom of the
ocean?
A: A good start!

A Scouse van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester
United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their
ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a
loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the
driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would
do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you
going, Father?", "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2
miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a
lift"! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down
the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the
road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered
the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road,
narrowly missing the bastard. However even though he was certain he missed
the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding
where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit
that Manchester United fan," "That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the
****er with the door!"

[T0MMY]

got any more manc jokes? :D

[tumblingdown]

Digging up old threads, great stuff :-)



td.

[parksie]

Christ this is old! :D

[Jim Brown]

Bob and Jim (Two gay lovers) were sitting...

Nothing personal here, I hope? See other thread re my wife's armament.

[Behemoth]

*bump*

not got time to read em all, so Ill save em for later ;)

[InvisibleDuncan]

Were you spying on me?

[Behemoth]

pardon?

[run_GMoney]

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?

-Gimme a beer and a mop

What's brown and sticky?

-A brown stick

I love corny jokes.:D

[john tindell]

two birds sitting on a perch,
one says t the other, "Do you smell fish?"

[TonyAldi]

I don't get it !

[T0MMY]

wooo this thread gets brought back once a year

[mendhak]

That's the longest thread I've ever seen... and we don't know who posted it. :(

[wossname]

Originally posted by mendhak
That's the longest thread I've ever seen... and we don't know who posted it. :(

And you've seen a thread or two in your time eh?

Heh heh ;), jk

[FlashX]

ok..ok....listen to a real joke!


..why was the sand wet??


cos the seaweed!

:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

[mar_zim]

journey of little johnny.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking." :D

[mendhak]

Last sunday, two trucks full of thesauruses crashed into each other and there was a tremendous explosion. Both drivers died.

Witnesses were stunned, stupefied, shocked, aghast, taken aback, surprised...

[wossname]

Last sunday, two trucks full of thesauruses crashed into each other and there was a tremendous explosion. Both drivers died.

Witnesses were stunned, stupefied, shocked, aghast, taken aback, surprised...


:lol:

I like.

[FlashX]

here is one that always cracks me up:

Why was the sand wet? cos the seaweed!!

[visualAd]

this is my favorite joke.

Why is the sky blue?





























Because its not green :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[wossname]

*Silence*

[mar_zim]

this is my favorite joke.

Why is the sky blue?





























Because its not green :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



You made my sky green. :(

[cyber_alex]

You made my sky green. :(

:p One and a half year since the last post.. :bigyello:

[grilkip]

That's amazing.

[Shaggy Hiker]

I'd continue the journey of little johny, but I don't think I know any of those that are clean enough.

[timeshifter]

It wouldn't have mattered in the old CC...


A duck walks into a store to buy some chap stick. Clerk says, 'You want that on your credit card?" Duck says, "No, just put it on my bill!"

[eSPiYa]

Let's spam this thread w/ jokes. :lol:

[wossname]

A man gets run over by 2 green trucks.

:lol:

[kregg]

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers...

Incase he had a hole in one.

[Arty2000]

Found this thread while looking for some code, and I couldn't resist...

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?

A shopping trolley has a mind of it's own :)

[chocoloco]

George bush goes to Europe and goes ... 'Its a fine country' ....

[midnightmoon]

Just out of curiousity, have any of you ever had your hands tied together? My friend used this thick duck tape once and wrapped it around my wrists... I couldn't get out of it. lol

[mendhak]

Just out of curiousity, have any of you ever had your hands tied together? My friend used this thick duck tape once and wrapped it around my wrists... I couldn't get out of it. lol

I think you need to see a quack. :afrog:

[kregg]

i think this thread needs to be deleted

[grilkip]

gefreuten my gebleuten.

[BillGeek]

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When thier kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farners encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want thier children dating anymore. The boy's father asked, "Why not?"

The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow.



The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff."



The other farmer said, "You think I dont' know my own daughter's handwriting?"

[eSPiYa]

Is it really handwriting?
Maybe a s3x organwriting. :lol:

[midnightmoon]

I think you need to see a quack. :afrog:

Oh... my mistake. *DUCT* tape. :)

[oceanebelle]

I believe it is most appropriate to use DUCK in this instance. Use the Special PUN Spell Checker!

[timeshifter]

Duck, duct... it's the same thing, really...