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JPRoy392
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:01 PM
UW Chemistry Exam

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities.

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true,
and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.


The student got the only A.

SteveCRM
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:08 PM
But does a soul have mass?

parksie
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:12 PM
Depends if it's Catholic.

barrk
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:12 PM
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University,
English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing.
In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will
then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
"The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted."
-----------------------------------------------------------
STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of... ' A bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
---------------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared out the window, dreaming of her youth-when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million
other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We
can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the
sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
----------------------------------------------------------
*******.
----------------------------------------------------------
*****.

barrk
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:13 PM
Protons have mass and they aren't Catholic!

PJB
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:35 PM
Hell's quite cozy right now, thanks for your concern...

HarryW
Oct 31st, 2000, 04:38 PM
Hahaha =D *Rolls around laughing*

Oct 31st, 2000, 05:39 PM
At the risk of injecting seriousness into an admittedly
absurd situation, the question of the mass of souls is very
closely related to the question of how many angels can
dance on the head of a pin. It deals with the question of
the infinite power of God, however that power is defined.

If you can define, in ANY terms, that the soul has mass,
then it follows that there could be a theoretical limit to
the number of souls the created universe can hold. That
is, the sum total of mass in the universe.

In like thinking, if you can limit the number of angels
that can dance on the head of a pin, then you are limiting
the power of God over the infinite.

Therefore the question of "Do souls have mass" is the same
question as "Are there physical limits to the Power of God".

Good Luck on that one.

DerFarm

barrk
Oct 31st, 2000, 05:43 PM
Originally posted by DerFarm


If you can define, in ANY terms, that the soul has mass,
then it follows that there could be a theoretical limit to
the number of souls the created universe can hold. That
is, the sum total of mass in the universe.



I thought the universe was constantly expanding?

Oct 31st, 2000, 05:49 PM
I believe that is the difference between mass and volume.
Most physicists will answer that the universe is expanding
in volume (I think. There are some people on the forum
that are FAR more qualified to answer that one than I), but
that doesn't necessarily imply an increase in mass
(material???).

Consider a glass of water that freezes. The volume has
increased. The mass remains the same.

DerFarm

HarryW
Oct 31st, 2000, 07:22 PM
Is it just me that thought the idea of souls having mass was absurd in the first place?

In respose to the physics side of the matter - there is, according to the usual fairly standard view of the universe (there are other theories) a finite amount of energy in the universe, which cannot be created or destroyed. Really, mass is just a convenient way to think of energy. Energy and mass are more or less equivalent, and thus there must be a constant total mass of the universe. When you use relativistic equations, you generally don't consider mass, only energy. E=mcē and all that.

Oct 31st, 2000, 08:06 PM
Is Hell a physical place or a state of mind? I opt for the second, therefore whether you believe hell is hot or cold has no bearing on physical reality.

Do Dogs and trees have souls?

Does Bill Gates have a soul?

Next question grasshooper..


by the way the one question we had in the Philosophy 1.02 final was

"Will the Sun rise tommorrow?"

I answered "No"...(because l didn't bother studying and it was an urban myth)...and got a B on the exam. For 1.01 l wrote approx 10 pages on the Descartes statement "I think therefore l am" and got a C....the short answers must therefore be the best !!!!!!

Oct 31st, 2000, 08:15 PM
There is an Urban legend of a graduate Philosophy final
whose only question was WHY?

The grading scheme was
A=> Why Not?
B=> Because
C=> Anything other answer than Why Not? and Because

I've heard this story about every University I've
attended. I wonder if there ever was such an exam.

DerFarm

Juan Carlos Rey
Oct 31st, 2000, 09:19 PM
"Are there physical limits to the Power of God?"


Can God make a stone so heavy that He couldnīt lift?
Can God ask such a hard question that He didnīt know the answer?
Can God make a squared circle?

Nov 1st, 2000, 12:42 AM
Victoria University of Wellington, Pure Philosophy 1, as stated gave the answer because

a. Didn't bother studing

b. Was an urban myth at the time...therefore thought l had nothing to loss in giving a throw away answer.

c. The lads were going to the boozer....

CyberSurfer
Nov 1st, 2000, 04:32 AM
Will you lot stop arguing in funny posts!!

Pleeease???

PJB
Nov 1st, 2000, 07:50 AM
kinda odd how a joke can turn into a metaphysical debate, i wonder if jokes have mass?

Nov 1st, 2000, 02:56 PM
...well excuse me!

Nov 1st, 2000, 03:13 PM
you're sad....
*dennis points finger*
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha



now thats funny.....

*ba-boom-tisssssssssssssshhhhh*

parksie
Nov 2nd, 2000, 12:26 PM
Only my jokes have mass because they usually end up turning round and kicking me in the teeth.

seaweed
Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:10 PM
You want to know if souls have mass? Or if dogs have souls? Well, try this:

Find a person who is moments from death and determine their mass. Then measure their mass once more after they die. The difference will be the mass of their soul.

Do the same with a dog or a tree. If there's a difference, then they have a soul!

Now I ask you this: If a soul has mass, then what determines it's size?

a) They're all the same
b) The size of the body they inhabited
c) The "closeness to God" of the owner
d) Other...

Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:12 PM
Yeah,
one joke just wont stop.....
I wont tell you what it is.........


*parksie walks into bar and falls on his ass, but unfortunatly his ass is so big, it prevented the swan light from spilling*

parksie
Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:19 PM
I think it's time for this one:

Just when I think you said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:21 PM
that experiment was tested, and it was proven that souls do have a mass...

but I think a religous person in the group set the scale back a few notches....

I beleive in god, and that people have souls, but how can they don't have a mass, because I heard of another instance of that experiment where the person weighed the same before and after death....

that means (2) must be true, because hell's mass is stable, so, that means hell will freeze over..

JPRoy392
Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:30 PM
I never thought that telling a joke would cause such a stir. The funny thing about this joke that I told is that the student was in a chemistry class and not a philosophy class. I'm surprised that no one thought of the obvious: What if, right after he finished writing the essay, the student got lucky with Ms. Baynan? His entire theroy would be destroyed and Hell could then be considered cold.
I've seen the "typical" chemistry student and it is a miracle that they even know what sexual realtions is! :)



Me - "Where's my glasses and pocket-protector?"

Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:36 PM
Hmmmmmm...

Assume a soul HAS mass. Is there a difference between the
mass of Soul A and Soul B?

A similar question could be is there a difference between
the VALUE of Soul A and Soul B? Since, presumably, more
Soul is better than less Soul we can use econominc
analysis, on the theory that more of an item implies
greater or lessor Utiles. Most theologians would probably
affirm that the worth of a soul is incalculable.
Incalculable numeric quantities are infinite....possibly
infinitely small, but infinite, nonetheless.

Since there is no evidence to the contrary, we must assume
that each soul is made up of essentially the same
material. This material would be effectively as valued
(valuable) For Soul A as for Soul B. This strongly implies
that IF souls have mass THEN each soul has the SAME mass.

I will leave the question of the Volume of the soul as an excersize for the reader.

DerFarm







DerFarm

parksie
Nov 2nd, 2000, 02:37 PM
Me - "Where's my glasses and pocket-protector?"

I'd have left them at my GF's.

JPRoy392
Nov 2nd, 2000, 03:16 PM
Assume a soul HAS mass. Is there a difference between the
mass of Soul A and Soul B?


James Brown has more soul than me. He's the Godfather!!

Nov 2nd, 2000, 03:19 PM
No, JP, he CAN'T have MORE soul....just more volume....and
more money.

DerFarm

JPRoy392
Nov 2nd, 2000, 03:21 PM
What if my soul is already sold?

HarryW
Nov 2nd, 2000, 03:31 PM
It'll be the new weight-loss craze

Sam Finch
Nov 2nd, 2000, 04:37 PM
According to my local fishmonger the average sole is about 3lb.

PJB
Nov 2nd, 2000, 05:14 PM
wow a thread this long and no one has mentioned beer, has to be a new record, excepting of course i just did therefore screwing the whole thing up

Nov 2nd, 2000, 05:30 PM
If hell freezes over, we can use it as a kick-ass cooler for lots of beer.

PJB
Nov 2nd, 2000, 06:00 PM
Cool idea dennis, if Clydesdale horses have souls we'll have a pretty good Budweiser commercial too

Iain17
Nov 2nd, 2000, 07:03 PM
At the risk of injecting seriousness into an admittedly
absurd situation, the question of the mass of souls is very
closely related to the question of how many angels can
dance on the head of a pin


Angels dont dance, there are a number of reasons for this, but the main one is that all decent musicians end up in hell.

Anyway if they did dance, the answer would be 4.