The leisure centre I work for have just invested in new computers. I was greeted at work today with a memo stating the following:

To All Receptionists,

The reception computers have now been replaced, they will still use the Scuba system, so no additional training will be required. Due to past unscrupilous activities by certain members of staff, the computers must only be used for Scuba. Receptionists are not permitted to close Scuba, shut down or start the computers or use the computer for anything other than its intended use.

Part receptionists are no longer permitted to use the card printer. A full time, fully trained member of staff whose responsibility it is to print membership cards will be on the premisies at all times. In the event that this is not the case - you must inform customers that their card cannot be printed.

Any member of staff found to be in breach of these rules will be dicaplined and may lose their reception a hours.
A complete joke - It was only a few weeks back that I saved the duty managers ass by removing a FREE Porn Dialer from his computer. I already got a bullocking from todays duty manager becuase I moved the keyboard six inches to the left of its originaly poistion, due to the fact it was hurting my arms while typing.