Dumbest IT question

[r0ach]

Hey,

I work in IT Support and I saw this competition on the web where you can win a BMW Z3. All you had to do was submit the dumbest IT question that someone ever asked you.

I've heard many, but the dumbest question so far was:

How do I switch my computer off? It's got an "ON" switch, but there's no "OFF" switch.

Today, someone asked me to please bring back the network drive we took yesterday, 'cos she needs some of the documents on it.

Am I the only person working with complete Computer Illiterates??

I've listened to this situation on the radio.

Someone called the computer assistance person and said to them, "My computer keeps saying 'cannot find printer'. I even turned the screen so it faced the printer and nothing happened."

Once got a support call from a user who couldn't switch their PC on...they didn't think to check if the switch on the wall outlet was also on.:)

[FishGuy]

Somethings never change..

[wossname]

"hOw to dig up 6 year-expired thraed please, yes?"

[penagate]

dear,
got cod?

[fahad k]

I was once asked the difference between Bit and Byte.
Have they stopped teaching that in school?

[fahad k]

"What is a turnip?"

[Phill64]

love the 5th element signature r0ach

[Valleysboy1978]

Think of this...if the users were not so pathetically stupid most of us would be without jobs

[zaza]

I was once asked the difference between Bit and Byte

Time.

[NoteMe]

I was once asked the difference between Bit and Byte.



Money?

[penagate]

Spelling?

[fahad k]

Spelling.

[fahad k]

Oh Damn.

[penagate]

Hahaha... :D

[FishGuy]

I was once asked the difference between Bit and Byte.
Have they stopped teaching that in school?
Bits barks worse than Bits Byte :p

[mendhak]

What about the f****r smartest IT question?

- ØØ -

[fahad k]

"Is it worksafe?"

[grilkip]

coworker: So that would be like www.bbc.uk right?
grilkip: .co.uk, or just google it.
coworker: yeah, but I don't use Google, it gives me viruses.
grilkip: Google doesn't give you viruses.
coworker: well I got some viruses when I used it, also kazaa as well.
grilkip: :nods:

[sevenhalo]

:lol:

[space_monkey]

LOL dang that's bad

[si_the_geek]

Here's one I overheard:
User: can I have some more memory for my computer, there isn't enough room for all my music files?
Support: I see... what you actually mean is that you need a bigger hard drive - thats where the files are kept. I've got one spare, I can install it for you later.
User: No, I need more memory - my friend told me.
Support: o..k... well I disagree, but we can do that if you really want. As we havent got any spare, you'll have to buy some, and it will take a few days to arrive.
User: I don't care what you say, just do what I asked you to.
I'll let you guess what happened a few days later..

[mar_zim]

The support send a bomb to the user.

[tommygrayson]

The dumbest IT question that I have encoutered so far is that my boss asked me if I am hacking my own programs.

And you know what happens next....

He is requesting me to restrict myself from accessing my own programs.

And you know what I answered ....

Yeah, I could do that..... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mother F****king boss!!!

Quit that job after 3 months.

[Mark Gambo]

User: I have a message on my screen that says "Press ANY Key to continue". But I can't find the ANY Key . . .

[Datacide]

Here's a great one:

User: Hello, my computer is on fire! What do I do?
Support: So turn it off!
User: How?
Support: Just press the button or pull the plug out.
User: No, there's a command for it. What's the command?
Support: There's no command, just yank the cord.
User: No, my friend said there's a command for it.

[Wally Pipp]

User: Hello, can I have a new spindle of CD-ROM's please.
Support: We gave you one last week. You do know we do regular back-ups, don't you?
User: Yeah I know, it's for my music collection.
Support: You're joking...
User: No really, I have already quite a bit downloaded but I'm through my CD's
Support: And that is under the work hours? Over the company network? Probably with P2P software and breaking the copyright policy also?
User: err...
Support: You do know that it is a job-terminating violation of company property...
User: Is it? Ah, forget the CD's then...
Support: No, let's not. In fact, let's have a look at your collection. And then decide on your future in this company.

[Valleysboy1978]

:lol:

[Valleysboy1978]

User: I have a message on my screen that says "Press ANY Key to continue". But I can't find the ANY Key . . .Actually that is form an episode of the Simpsons where Homer puts on so much weight he can work from home

[mendhak]

It was floating around on the Internet before that. I'm sorry, they're not as original as I would have you believe.

[I_Love_My_Vans]

Not really a question, a gentlemen came into work not long ago ranting about our crappy support.

The blokes on/off button was stuck in pressed in, he phoned technical services, where the "expert" on the other end explained he would send a surge down the line, to push the button out :lol:!!!!!

Also

User: Will floopy disks work in a floopy disk drive?
Me: Sure, why not?

ILMV

[wossname]

Subcontractor: "I just had a crash on my computer and now I can't make it happen again, what do I do? I haven't lost any work or anything but it was weird."

Wossy: "Basically you are ring me up to tell me that you don't have an IT problem?"

Subcontractor: "Uhh yeah, sorry. [click]"

[I_Love_My_Vans]

Subcontractor: "I just had a crash on my computer and now I can't make it happen again, what do I do? I haven't lost any work or anything but it was weird."

Wossy: "Basically you are ring me up to tell me that you don't have an IT problem?"

Subcontractor: "Uhh yeah, sorry. [click]"

I was told this phone call would be confidential, well thats the last time i use the Linux tech support.

[Static]

a friend told me this one.. An old lady with her first computer...

......(explanation that it her first computer.. etc)....

User: well... I turned it on, but I dont see anything. whats supposed to happen?
Support: well, did you make sure the computer monitor was turned on?
User: What?
Support: The monitor, is it turned on?
User: what monitor?
Support: The "TV" looking thing.. is that turned on?
User: No.. why would I have the TV on if I want to use the computer?
Support: The computer TV that came with your computer... its square, black, thin. looks like a TV.
User: I needed that?
Support: Yes
User: oh dear.
<click>

he never found out what happened to it....;)

[vbcode1980]

User: Hello, can I have a new spindle of CD-ROM's please.
Support: We gave you one last week. You do know we do regular back-ups, don't you?
User: Yeah I know, it's for my music collection.
Support: You're joking...
User: No really, I have already quite a bit downloaded but I'm through my CD's
Support: And that is under the work hours? Over the company network? Probably with P2P software and breaking the copyright policy also?
User: err...
Support: You do know that it is a job-terminating violation of company property...
User: Is it? Ah, forget the CD's then...
Support: No, let's not. In fact, let's have a look at your collection. And then decide on your future in this company.

Sounds like the ******* Operator From Hell :lol:

[sevenhalo]

This just happened to me:

*Ring*
Me: This is Derrick.
User: Hey Derrick, can you bring me a mousepad? I don't have one up here.
Me: Sure, give me a second.
User: Thanks.
*click*

*I go and grab a mousepad from the closet and take it up to them*
User: ...This isn't the right one.
Me: What do you mean? Mousepads aren't specific to your mouse, any of them will work.
User: Yeah... But I wanted the one with the phone numbers on it for each location. I can't remember them.
Me: So why didn't you ask for a list of the numbers? Or look them up on the intranet?

[grilkip]

They are the same people that hold or press repeatetly the button at the bicycle or pedestrian traffic light.

[Static]

They are the same people that hold or press repeatetly the button at the bicycle or pedestrian traffic light.


what?? that doesnt help it go faster????


:eek:

[DKenny]

In my last job I got a call from a user on Friday afternoon, right around beer thirty. The user was bored with no work to do, so decided to play around with the colours in her display options. She set the colour of even object, widnows, menues, desktop, the works, to BLACK.
It took forever to walk through resetting it, keystroke by keystroke....

[sevenhalo]

The trick is to push the button once and then start walking while the "Do Not Cross" sign is still red. All cross walks have a safety sensor built into them. That way, if someone starts walking early; it will switch the lights faster.

Try it sometime.

[I_Love_My_Vans]

Dpes that work in england, we dont have DO Not Walk (illeterate we are) we have a simple Red Man symbol.

ILMV

[sevenhalo]

Yeah, it's universal. Trust me, just start walking, the light will change ;)

[Static]

god no!! dont try it with the Red Man symbol.. tried that once and nearly got crushed by a truck!
It ONLY works if it has then words "Do Not Walk"

its like a crosswalk easter egg! http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/images/banana.gif

[SeanK]

Yeah, it's universal. Trust me, just start walking, the light will change ;)Or you will get hit by a woman putting on her makeup while talking on a cell phone and eating a McDonalds Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese.

[sevenhalo]

Before someone becomes the latest victim of Darwinism; there is no such safety feature built into them.

[Hack]

Before someone becomes the latest victim of Darwinism; there is no such safety feature built into them.Nonsense.

Whenever I have a double quarter pounder with cheese I have the built in safety feature of a napkin. Would want ketsup or mustard on the trousers you know.

[Static]

I actually passed a guy on the thruway who was..

Going 80mph
Reading the paper
Shaving
Talking on Cell
and driving with his knee
http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/images/dagnabbit.gif

[Hack]

I actually passed a guy on the thruway who was..

Going 80mph
Reading the paper
Shaving
Talking on Cell
and driving with his knee
http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/images/dagnabbit.gifI travel on three different expressways each day to and from work, and this is not an unusual site (although, it is mostly women that I see "multi-tasking." :D *ducks* )

[sevenhalo]

Ohh, I get it. They're half Pices! :)

[Hack]

Ohh, I get it. They're half Pices! :)Exactly.

And their favorite shopping times are a Half Pices Sales.

[wossname]

Sounds like the ******* Operator From Hell :lol:
*gasp* do not mention the Lord's name in vain. :D

[wossname]

Re: automated crossings

I used to work in the engineers department at the council and I know for a fact that the electronics do not give a rats ass if you jump into the road early :D

[Static]

http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/smiles/lol.gif http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/smiles/lol_above.gif

sure they do...http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/smiles/banana.gif

[sevenhalo]

If it doesn't kick in by the time you make it half way across the street; you're supposed to turn around and try it again. It'll work eventually. ;)

[wossname]

Yeah thats what the guys said, I was nearly hit by a cement truck on my first day on-site.

[penagate]

I don't think I've paid attention to crossings for years :) ... Here, we jog (or if it's peak hour, stroll whilst reading the paper and talking on the phone) through the gaps in traffic.

[sevenhalo]

I was trying to help someone set up their printer over the phone and asked them to make sure it was turned on. I explained that there should be a red or green light on it. And they told me:

"I'm not computer illiterate, I have the internet at home."

:sick:

[big blue alien]

"I'm not computer illiterate, I have the internet at home."
Thats the point that you answer "very well i'm sure you can sort out this small problem yourself" and hang up

[sevenhalo]

Thats the point that you answer "very well i'm sure you can sort out this small problem yourself" and hang up
I wanted to say "Really? Mind if I borrow it sometime?" But... Judgement got the better of me, so I bit my tongue.

[mendhak]

I had a friend who would click on the progress bar in IE and Firefox when a page was loading. He said it'd make the page load faster. Coincidentally, each time he did it, the page did load faster. There was no way I could convince him.

[Shaggy Hiker]

I don't think I've paid attention to crossings for years :) ... Here, we jog (or if it's peak hour, stroll whilst reading the paper and talking on the phone) through the gaps in traffic.

Yeah, here too, keeps us ahead of the muggers....oh wait, I'm not in Washington anymore. :thumb:

[wossname]

I had a friend who would click on the progress bar in IE and Firefox when a page was loading. He said it'd make the page load faster. Coincidentally, each time he did it, the page did load faster. There was no way I could convince him.
If you watch the processes tab in task manager while you click it then you'll see a new thread starting that allocates extra IO resources to IE's download process. It does actually make the page load faster.

Oh my yes.

[ididntdoit]

I dunno if anyone's heard this, but I thought of it right away when I saw this thread, I put it in quote box only 'cause it's easier to read. BE SURE TO READ IT OUT LOUD! IT REALLY IS MUCH BETTER THAT WAY!

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes
your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is
corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network
is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to
tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer
down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your
icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot
and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna
hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the
macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to
flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off
the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?
Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives.

By Dr. Suese

I'm not sure everything really would make logical sense, like RAMing your ROM, but oh well :p ;)

[TheBigB]

*teaching my grandmother how to work with a computer*
me: ok, now put the mouse on the upper left corner.
granny: *lifts mouse and put it on the monitor*
:ehh:

also tried to teach my grandfather to work with computers, but he was afraid the mouse would move from itself or bite him :p

[grilkip]

(sharing some of my home made pizza)

she:It tastes very good.
me:can you taste the Danish Blue cheese?
she:Oh, I like everything.

[-TPM-]

I was talking to a guy in the office one day and explaining how you can assign a static IP in DHCP because it uses the MAC address to identify the machine. At which point he get's a very puzzled look and asks how the Mac's help pointing to the G4 in marketing.

The guy was my boss, the IT Manager... :sick:

[-TPM-]

I actually passed a guy on the thruway who was..

Going 80mph
Reading the paper
Shaving
Talking on Cell
and driving with his knee
http://home.rochester.rr.com/lgsstatic/images/dagnabbit.gif

I once saw a woman using a curling iron while driving...

[ididntdoit]

One guy was in our local paper for being pulled over by a cop and it turns out, he was cooking a chicken or somethign in a crock pot!